Karen Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Well, it’s been just over 3 years since my SAH..........I started to write something on my 3 yr SAH anni, but never got around to finishing ... but here goes ..... My first year post SAH seemed to be dominated completely by the SAH, the effect of the drugs that I was taking for seizures, coming off them and probably some post traumatic stress and coming to terms with what had happened to me and the feeling that life would never be the same again. Those first 12 months were definitely the worse, frustrating and very scary. Not much support from anybody and I was wandering around for info and wondering whether life would ever be the same again ..... I would have loved to have had the support that I now see on BTG and I feel that it would have made a huge difference, to know that I was “normal” in the sense of recovering from a SAH. I’m not sure what initiated the beginning of this website, apart from the Salford/Soton message board being shut down and perhaps I was slightly “nutty” at the time, but kind of trusted my gut instinct, that I couldn’t be the only person to feel like this, so I had nothing to lose by starting it and needed the contact with other SAH'ers. Just over one year later, I ended up back in hospital with another scare .... August 25th 2006 ....I was also in hospital on my birthday Aug 26th. I hated every minute of this hospital experience and that probably didn’t help with the depression that was lingering in the background.....it all just seemed never ending. My 2nd year of recovery went much more quickly and even though progress was slow, it was happening ..... it just took me a bit of time to acknowledge the small changes and they were damned small, so I barely noticed a difference. I also tackled depression, got to the lowest point and somehow managed to get through it. I also found that I didn’t like the person that I had become. If there is a God up there, then at times, I did say a prayer..... I’m not religious, but at my lowest ebb, before I went to sleep, then there were times where I felt that I had nothing to lose ..... I also thanked God that I had a family and it helped to drive me on. This was also the year that I discovered that my aneurysm still had a neck left on it and that fact didn’t sit comfortably with me at all. The possibility of having another SAH, filled me with dread. I’d already had a sentinel (warning) bleed at 38 years, that was basically mis-diagnosed and then the full blown thing at 42 years ..... I couldn’t deal with the fact that I could have another and knowing that I could die or have to go through this again with an even worse outcome ..... It took perhaps another six months from having this news, to start to come to terms with that one! In my 2nd year, I started up the website meets and it took a lot for me to organise the first one ... not work wise, but wondering if I could do a long journey in the car and whether I would feel “okay” , not have a dizzy spell, feel tired or whether I could hold a conversation for long enough ...... I didn’t know what to expect really, but would say that it was the best thing that I could have done ..... even though I had met Keith and Scott at a Basingstoke meet, this was kind of in my hands and I just hoped that it would all go well and I could cut the mustard as such. It was another turning point for me and again, I was glad to have relied on my gut instinct, as everything went well. Meeting other people in the same predicament as yourself, is something that I would recommend to all SAH’ers and their partners. I have never come across any SAH’er that isn’t welcoming .... In my third year of recovery..... well, that has gone quickly. Is life back to normal? To be honest, no, it isn’t back to pre-SAH days, but I’ve beaten the depression and I’m learning to live with the person that I am now and have come to terms with the fact that my aneurysm isn’t totally occluded. I’ve spent far too much precious time over what could happen and so far it hasn’t and I’m not willing to waste any more time. I can make allowances for the SAH and know that I’m able to achieve more than I could, this time last year. I’ve managed to do a bbq for BTG this year, keep the website running and recently, have been able to return to work for the odd day or two. This week, I’ve also been blessed that I’ve been able to see my daughter Lauren, celebrate her 18th birthday and my son Chris, celebrate his 21st earlier this year. Life is so much better than it was and I’m still experiencing recovery. I still like to push the boundaries on occasions..... Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.... but for me, if I don’t push myself, then I don’t know what I’m capable of achieving. Without the odd push, I don’t think that I would move forward, but I do know my limits and if I fail, then I don’t beat myself up over it, as I know that tomorrow is another day. One word of advice to all of you that read this is..... Please don’t spend too long in front of a computer screen..... Make sure that you strike the right balance of doing the day-to-day things that will help you regain some control of your life..... Try to get out of the house and do as much as the “normal” stuff that you can do. Keep in contact with friends that haven’t had a SAH, as that will help. Take a walk and a break from the house if you can. Listen to others that have been through the same and there is hope and please remember that everybody on this message board is in recovery, even those that are many years down the line ..... as much as we can all offer support, we can’t work miracles and don’t have the magic answer to every question..... none of us knows what the future may or may not hold .... we're all learning to adjust to the way our lives are now and trying to come to terms with what has happened to us .... for some, the journey may be a long one, but hopefully you can see that constant recovery is attainable, but you do have to work at it and the outcome at the end of the day, is well worth all of the effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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