Advice - not sure what to do

[charty]

Perhap you can help -

I am a manager for a Behaviour Support Service in a Local Education Authority. I was keen to return to work 6 months after my SAH and couldnt wait to see people again and to have some sort of normality back in my life but after going back for a couple of half days a week, I'm not so sure it is what I want to do or if I want to be there, I really couldnt give a monkies about what is happening and look forward to coming home again, I have always worked and given it my all, working long hours and having sleepless nights about it! My husband thinks I should push for ill health retirement and then do something completely different. I still get tired. What do you think?

Thanks

Caroline

[Guest Beth1957]

That sounds like a very challenging job, and one you really need to feel fully committed to, and to enjoy, to get any job satisfaction out of (if you see what I mean!). And you certainly don't sound like the sort of person who will be happy giving less than your all to a job...

I think medical retirement is well worth looking into. I took it a few years ago from the Civil Service and found that by the time I took my traveling expenses, lunch etc into account I was very little worse off financially.

Have you any definite idea of what you would like to do instead, though? Like you, I'd always worked, and suddenly not working (once the novelty wears off ) can be very isolating.

[Karen]

Caroline, I know that I tend to go with my gut feeling now, as it normally turns out to be the right one ...... if you were happy doing your job, then you wouldn't be questioning it and yes, after a SAH, your priorities do change ..... Do what makes you feel happy in your heart Caroline and your husband is obviously supportive, which is great.

If you need to move on, then do it ...... just see it as a new chapter in your life .... when one door closes, another door opens....

Good luck Caroline!

[paul99]

hi caroline

im sorry to read your post but in all honesty sweetheart if you now feel that you dont want to do it anymore and your heart isnt in it and thats the main thing please dont stay it will make you misrable and depressed get out take stock either medical retirement which will allow you to take stock and gather your strenght and take a new look from outside the box 2009 is a new year a new start take your time relax and look around you never know what is ahead you might find something you never expected and be over the moon and your heart will guide you i really wish you well and hope you find that crock of gold your heart will fall in love with giveing you a boost and a new meaning of being happy in what you do good luck and god speed into 2009 luv from lin and me xxxxxxxx

[MUTTI]

HI CAROLINE

GO AHEAD MAKE THE CHANGE, YOUR HAPPINESS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, I AGREE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND PAUL FOLLOW YOUR HEART.

LOVE AND HUGS EVELYN

[Ann]

Hi CAroline

Like everyone else says, you would not be questioning it if you were still enjoying it. I too worked in education but after a major illness (not my SAH, another serious one!!!) 5 years ago I also went back to work with great expectations and then found that my heart was no longer in it and just spent most days wishing they were over and I could go home to bed, I lasted about 4 months and resigned, best thing I ever did.

Since my SAH almost a year ago I have often wondered how I would have coped with the thought of returning to a stressful (but enjoyable) job in education and I know that I definitely would still not be able to cope with a return to teaching of any kind right now.

Go with your instincts like Karen says, I was stupid, I returned to work far too early last time and really should have gone for ill health retirement as I was seriously unwell but silly me just resigned as I wanted it all to be over and done with and to get out of there.

As to what else you can do, I became involved as a volunteer with a charity, this eventually led to part time paid employment on a temping basis at the charity, which I adored, but have not been well enough to return to yet except as a volunteer.

Good luck with your decision.

Ann

[Tina]

Hi Caroline

Happy New Year to you xx I agree with the others.....if you feel your heart is not in it and you are getting really tired, maybe now is the time for change......as Karen and Ann have said...go with your instincts, might be the best thing you have ever done.

Good luck...hope whatever you decide works out for you.

Take care

Love Tina xx

[Skippy]

Hi Caroline

Totally agree with what everyone else has said. If we could sell the agency and still be fine financially then we would - I can't deal with all the stress that goes with running your own business anymore but don't really have a choice.

You only get one shot at life - it's not a dress rehearsal for your final performance - do what your head and heart tell you to do - if you're not feeling the same way as you did before then you need to something and if the retirement path is going to be best then go for it hun.

Take care

Sami xxx

[tennissmithy]

Hi Caroline,

If you are not enjoying it anymore then make the change. Is it the job that you are unhappy with or travelling to and being in Coventry No seriously Caroline you spend a lot of your life at work and after SAH it is time to be happy in our jobs. As you know I had to come out of teaching but am still working in education. I am hoping to do something I want to do at some point. I would lovw to return to teaching but don't think I would cope full time at the minute but would like to do something different. Have you any idea what you fancy doing?

Take care

Laura

[Nurianna]

Hi Charty!

I can relate to your issue with work. I was also glad to get back to it but after a while, I realized it just didn´t mean the same as pre-SAH, didn´t feel the same and I wasn´t the same. I put up a pretense for about 2 months and it was hellish!

At that time I had 3 different part time jobs and gave up one of them with no regret at all. Regarding the other remaining two jobs, I scrutinized them because there were things about them that weren´t making me happy. I made some alterations in the timetables to suit myself better and allow me time to rest between them and so far it´s working much better. I would leave one of them too if I could, but I can´t at the moment. I can only try to get it to suit me the best I can for the time being.

I wholeheartedly agree with the messages of having to be happy with ourselves and what we do as far as we can. At least for me, it´s essential for my recovery and progress. Having been a busy-bee most of my life, I´ve had to do some soul-searching to rediscover the things I really enjoy doing and it has proven a great way to get to know myself better. I think I used to "identify" too much with my job, but what I "do" isn´t "me". The SAH has taught me that.

Wishing you the best for whatever path you choose,

Lots of love,

Nurianna

[Anne Fleming]

Hi Caroline

It is a tricky one. Your current lack of enthusiasm for your job could be down to fatigue and you may get your stamina back in time and then feel differently. You could think about giving it a few months to see how it goes though I'm probably an overcautious person! When I get tired post-SAH, nothing much interests me but I have to remind myself that it's temporary and will pass.

Hope it works out whatever you decide to do.

Best wishes

Anne x

[Louise]

Hi there

I think going back so early maybe isnt the right thing although we all want some sort of normallity back, for me things changed so much what was once a must do dosnt seem so now your eather wanting a change or just not ready yet.......

I havent worked for the last oh 9years now & NO I dont miss it at all & NO I'm not board either.

that will probably not make sense I havent been making all that much of that lately sense that is if you want to ask me anything PM me.

Take care

Louise.x