sandie Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Hi, My name's Sandie and I had my SAH on Christmas Eve, coiled 4 days later and thought I was recovering quite well and feel as though I've taken 15 steps back just recently! The headaches aren't as frequent or severe and I'm coming to terms with the tiredness but am really struggling with the emotional side of things! I think it's just hitting home how lucky I've been and am going through one minute happy about it....the next feeling guilty! I feel guilty for what my family went through as I can't remember a thing-and know they're still holding things back from me so as not to upset me any more than I already am! It has helped me finding this site and reading all your stories-I guess it's good to know that what you're going through is a normal part of recovery-you kind of feel as if you must be the only one in the world feeling like that! I'm just trying not to push myself too hard but am beating myself up whenever I forget words mid sentence-then feel like beating other people up when they talk to me like I'm 3 yrs old telling me to "take my time, it'll come to me in the end" haha!! That's another thing I've noticed post SAH-my temper!!! I've always been so (some say TOO!) patient but find myself yelling at the slightest thing-usually at my poor mum who's been an angel-thankfully she says she understands I remember being told in hospital that it would be a long recovery but me thinking I'm invincible didn't really believe them-now I do and am sure things will get easier with time! Wish you all well. Sandie xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perrycornish Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Hello and Welcome, Sandie So pleased that you have found us, it helps a lot once you fully realise that a) You are not alone and a whole lot of us are just as forgetful,emotional,headachey, tired etc etc. as you are, it's much easier to be one of many rather than alone The other really good thing is no-one will patronise you and truly understands all the ups and down. Just take your time, the advice you were given was right it is a long recovery and almost a miracle that you were told that believe me! If you wonder, then ask, someone will know the answer. Look forward to 'chatting' again sometime soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Hi Sandie A very warm welcome to you. Thank you for sharing your story with us it certainly brings back a lot of the memories and feelings of the first year of my own recovery. It does get better with time but oh so frustrating actually going through it. Be kind to yourself and as hard as it is try listening to your body and rest as much as possible and no I didn't always listen either its just so tempting on good days to overdo things. Look forward to hearing more from you soon. Janet x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myratas Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Hi Sandie Welcome to BTG, thank you for sharing your story with us. It is hard at times for all of us and we all understand the emotions that you are feeling and will go through at times, we all have our good and bad days but with this site we can all share how we feel. I hope to hear from you some more. Take care Myra xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandie Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 Thanks guys, You're right,it is nice to know you're not alone. I think a big part of it is the speed everything happens-I was driving home from work the next thing I knew I woke up in Arrowe Park hosp to be told I'd had a bleed-then was whizzed over to the Walton Centre....I even had a police escort through the Mersey tunnel (which they'd closed off-I dread to think how many people were cursing me, trying to get home for Christmas!!) Then the next thing I remember is after the op. I'd had a hellish 6 months, had seperated from my husband in June, and had spent the whole of Dec saying that I was dreading my 1st Xmas on my own and I wished I could just go to sleep xmas eve and wake up when it was all over....be careful what you wish for eh?! It's great to be able to talk to people who know exactly what you're going through-I feel guilty talking to my family and friends as they went through so much while I was in hospital and I don't want to upset them more! I've had real trouble dealing with all sorts since I came home-didn't pay a bill for 6 months as I couldn't handle the words and numbers on the letters-then as time went on I knew there wouldn't be any good news in them so just left them on the side! Luckily have got that sorted now-but my credit score must have gone through the floor haha! Have read so many of your inspiring stories here-onwards and upwards!! Sandie xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 hi sandie welcome to btg sounds like you really went through the mill like many on here and dont worry about being rushed through the mersey tunnel and i dont think anyone would have complained lol you are now on the road to recovery and thats the best bit show the family this site because they will have questions them selfs and it will inform them that there are many like you and will help them understand how your feeling and the ups and downs you will go though please to realise that you have found us and all your questions will be answered and everyone here will have gone through what you are going through now welcome and good luck in your recovery hugs and cuddles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Hi Sandie A very warm welcome to you....so glad you have found us...as the others have already said.....here we understand what you are going through.....it turns your whole life upside down.....but you will get there...good days, bad days.....we are here for you....take care and look forward to hearing more from you. Love Tina xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vivien Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Hi Sandie and Welcome I was told, like you that it would be a long recovery and like you I didn't believe them as I thought that I was fine:) I think it took about 6 months just for it to sink in! Vivien x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna79 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Hello Sandie Welcome to BTG X X I really struggle with my emotions and more so at the beginning of my recovery that I need councilingand was diagnosed with post traumatic stress x x I no longer see a councillor but still have down days but my 3 year old boy Jack is my life saver I have to get upm in morning for him then I am motivated for the day (well usually ) I look forward to hearing from you in the future x x welcome again love donna xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandie Posted August 1, 2009 Author Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hi all, Thanks for all your kind words-Janet I got your PM earlier but can't reply for some reason, I'm only in Wallasey so just down the road from you! I'll get my internet sorted and get back to you soon as! Well it's now gone 2am and I still can't sleep My sleep pattern has gone completely since my SAH and this is the worst time for me-sitting in the flat on my own, noone to talk to so my brain seems to go into overdrive. This is when the feelings change the most I swing from happy/sad/lucky/guilty/suicidal at times-then guilty again for thinking like that as I've been so lucky to be given a 2nd chance....so confusing!! Finding everday a challenge at the moment-even a conversation is exhausting as I'm trying to think ahead of what I want to say so i don't forget the words and look daft!! Called into work today-I've got a barbers shop-and did 2 haircuts as they were busy-got totally fed up with people telling me how well I look! I'm sure a lot of you have had that too-if it was a spot on the end of my nose people would see I'm not ok, but because I do my hair and throw a bit of slap on my face I'm left feeling like a fraud who's milking it!.....probably just my interpretation but you can't help what you think!! I'm actually thinking of printing info off and putting it up in the shop to stop the questions-it's all like "oh well, you've had your op and a few months off so you must be better now!"-if only they knew exactly what 'recovery' entails! I'm off to count sheep-take care, night all! Sandie xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hi Sandie welcome to BTG look forward to chatting sometime. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hi Sandie and welcome. Oh how familiar your words are!! One step forward and two back, losing temper, poor sleep patterns, struggling for words mid sentence, getting very tired just having to hold conversations, feeling like a fraud because we look OK, thinking you can buck the trend and get better quicker than anyone says, dreadful fatigue etc etc, the list goes on. You have said oh so eloquently what I used to try to say a year ago when I was at the same stage as you. As others have said we are all different but there are also so many similarities too. On a more positive note, it gets better, honestly. I am now 18 months post SAH and the past 3 months have been so very different than the previous 15. Hope you feel the same in 12 months time even though that may seem like a lifetime away at the moment. None of us are patient enough I suppose, we want to run before we can walk. Hope to hear more from you Ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hi Sandie Welcome to BTG- sorry I haven't said hello earlier but things have been pretty hectic. This site is a fab place to make new friends and air opinions in the confidence that people understand. There are lots of us on here that have said the same, sometimes you just want to put a bandage round your head to show people that there is still a problem! Stick with us hun, we are a great bunch xx Love and hugs Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adam Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Hi Sandie Welcome to BTG, I hope you find it as ..ok now it's my turn I can't remember the word I want..... What you're feeling mirrors me to such an extent it's almost scary. You are about 2 weeks ahead of me, I had mine on the 9th January..my 3rd day back at work after the Christmas break. Like you, I thought I had made quite a quick physical recovery..to an extent, still have a few issues to contend with. What I'm struggling with now is the emotional stuff. I feel like I have caused my family enough worry and I really should stop whingeing about it. Whenever I am asked how I am, my default answer is "a lot better thanks" we all know that isn't true, I just don't feel like I can tell them how I really feel. Sorry, must stop whineing I'm supposed to be welcoming you. PS dont feel bad about being bad tempered, I am so much more irritable nowadays and probably a bit more emotionally needy, If my wife goes out to work without giving me a kiss It feels like she's fallen out with me...reidiculous I know, but that's how I feel. Hope it helps, you're not alone Best wishes Adam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandie Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 Well have finally plucked up the courage today to go to the doctors and ask for help.....what a waste of time!! Tried to explain how I've been feeling emotionally, how frustrated I am, exhausted from trying to 2nd guess conversations so I know what I'm going to say without looking daft forgetting words, and basically how down I am with everything-just to be told that I have "survivors guilt"!! What's that all about?!? I actually went with a stiff neck and headache which I've had for 5 days now and understandably the first worry with that is 'what if it's another bleed?' She moved my head round and said I've pulled the muscles in my neck, gave me a piece of paper with a couple of exercises and told me to go back if I've any other worries!! Confirmed to me exactly what I was worrying about by going to the doctors-that I was actually wasting their time! Said to think back to how I was 3 months ago and how far I've come now-told her I was worse now than I was 3 months ago....so she told me to see how far I come in another 3 months???? Now more frustrated than ever-has anyone been in touch with Headway? If so how did you find it? Did they offer any help? May get in touch with them as it's obvious I'm not going to get any support from my GP. Sorry for rambling-I'm just SO annoyed! Thanks again for all your support, it's good to know I'm not on my own! Hope you're all having a better day than me lol!! Take care Sandie xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 (edited) Hi Sandie Walton has a support group there is info on the SAH forum but if you need it I have the contact number for one of the women who help to run it. Some Doctors can be so unhelpful if you're really worried there is a SAH support nurse at Walton who you can contact her name is Catherine Stoneley. catherine.stoneley@thewaltoncentre.nhs.uk The above link to Neurovascular Nurse can only be used by Walton Centre patients. Hope this is of help to you. Janet x Edited August 3, 2009 by Janet left out information Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 hi sandi sorry to hear your being mucked around may i suggest you change your dr if you can there is nothing like being ignored when you need help ring headway they are brillient and will help you no end give me a call anytime you have done the hardest bit and i promise it WILL get better in time so chin up and hold your head high your doing well hugs and cuddles rant as much as you need to sweetheart take care xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Hi Sandie I am a carer for my mum who had her SAH 15 months ago and some days are equally as hard now. Mum has many a day like you when she feels every emotion under the sun. Her lack of memory is really getting her down at the moment - like you and others she picks up the phone only to have forrgotten what she wanted to say! She finds it very frustrating and I do my best to be very patient. Some days she craves the life she had before and gets very down about the whole thing. I try to see it from her side of the coin but I can't help thinking about how lucky she was and how well she has done to get this far but some days it is no consolation for her It has been a life changing event for everyone who knows her and I expect your friends and family find the same but until you have gone through it either as a "sufferer" if I may use that phrase or a carer people have no idea. I lost the mum I knew but I still have a mum who I love even more now so for me her problems are just accepted and it feels much longer that life has been different for us both. For me I am just grateful I still have my mum but I do appreciate how you and others alike feel. My warmest wishes to you. Elaine & Maggie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.