Helenm Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi all, I haven't been on here in a while but I would appreciate some support from friends on here that are maybe a bit further down the recovery road than me. As you are all familiar with, we get good days and bad ones, right? OK, I'm used to that and Tuesday this week was a 'bad day' - I was very tired and did very little all day in the hope that I would feel better by the following day. When my husband came home from work that evening he happened to say a couple of things that I took the wrong way (definitely me being over sensitive - my hubby has been a tower of strength and support) and that started me off crying - the trouble was I couldn't stop; really couldn't stop - complete meltdown. I cried for the best part of 4 hours and I was so so ANGRY!!!! I ranted and raved about how unfair it all was etc etc. The thing that frightened me the most was that I am not given to outbursts of self-pity and I hate that kind of negative emotion. I know anger is not right, I should be grateful - I am grateful & thank God every day for the life I have been given back - so where had all this anger come from? It came completely out of the blue. It left me completely emotionally drained, a bit embarassed and totally freaked out. I don't behave like this. It felt like I had been invaded by another person - one that I didn't know and didn't recognise. I am hoping that someone on here will recognise this as 'normal' and reassure me that I am not going mad.................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perrycornish Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) You are not going mad! Never fear. What does seem to happen to some folk is a sort of meltdown and it is often triggered by something very insignificant or indeed by nothing at all. For you to do now is accept that you are as normal as the rest of us and take time and some mollycoddling so that you can recover from the trauma, for trauma it is especially when the outburst ( whatever form it takes is out of character) Remember this always, Your brain was injured, it takes time to get itself sorted. We are all rooting for you:-D Edited November 19, 2009 by perrycornish Typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 helen you are normal you are coming to terms with what has happened to you and the way its mucked up your old life so to speak . you are still in the very early days of recovery let the tears and frustration flow its the only way you can come to terms and move on in your recovery its a way of your body letting you know that its not totally healed or has got over the injury its suffered it will take time although my lins the one who suffered i still get caught out and my tears flow ive given up trying to stop them .you are not wallowing in self pity or feeling sorry for yourself either its a part of the healing process i think hubby understands as well i think he has times which he could cry as well but being a man he would proberly try and hide it like us all but now and agian it catchs him just as much as yourself you will have days that you will just sleep and relax because thats what your body wants to do because it needs the rest just because you may have wanted to do something else during the day and you didnt get round to it because of the tiredness so what it can be done another day as you say youve been given a second chance helen ONE DAY AT A TIME sweetheart it does get better in time promise just dont try to run just yet it will come sorry if ive gone on to much but we have all got the t shirt and know how you feel thats why were here for each other MASSIVE HUGS AND CUDDLES HELEN you will have other bouts like this give a shout and we will be here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Helen, no I don't think that you're going nuts! .... I used to do the same, especially in the first year of recovery. I would often take myself off into the bedroom and have a damned good bawl and a howl! I'm not sure what the trigger is, probably tiredness/fatigue and just needing to release the pent up emotions and worry.... which perhaps a lot of us unknowingly bottle up and then the cork has to pop at some point. Mind you, I always felt very much better after blowing my top and letting go .... drained, but lighter.... Thankfully, my family were always understanding... Do you feel better now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi Helen Definately not nuts and pretty normal really. I think in the first few months you're just so happy to be alive that the enormity of whats happened hasn't sunk in properly. Then a few months down the line we realise we're not able to do what we could before and thats when the emotions go into overdrive. We end up feeling angry and extra sensitive to situations that before would not have affected us. As Karen has already said the triggers are tiredness/fatigue. Hope you feel better for letting out some of those pent up emotions and we're always here if you need us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hi Helen No you are not nuts as the others have said.......like you i am not one for outbursts or self pity etc....but i too have on a couple of occasions, just burst into tears and ranted.......i think it is something you need to do. I dont know about you, but i keep alot inside, so when it does all come out, i think it is your body saying...right! enough....and then you stop....and can start again!....dont know if that makes any sense. Take care....we are here for you..love Tina xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninja Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hi Helen You are not going nuts. I am nearly 4 years post coiling and still have outbursts of temper and frustration. I've got to accept it now. I'm a 17 stone ex police officer and have been pretty hard all my life but YES I do get emotional and sometimes cry, hey whats wrong with that, you are the same as the rest of us. Cheers John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hi Helen Think we all recognise it as Totally normal, as others have said not much more I can add really. I don't think the winter helps though either, I know that it doesn't help me but we're All aloud to be like that, after all that's happened to you, its kind of like a bereavement You react more or less the same way to that sometimes.... take care hope you feel brighter soon, hugs.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celia Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hi Helen, Ditto to all that has been said. I had my SAH the day after yours, and I'm definately experiencing similar emotions to yours. I think that Janet has hit the nail on the head; this is what I've been going through lately. All I can add is a reminder to be good to yourself - your loved ones will understand. All the best, C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Fleming Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hi Helen I'm now 2 years post SAH. The first few weeks after I came out of hospital I was on a complete high and so glad to be alive. It was only when I started attending rehab day hospital that I realised there was quite a lot wrong with me. I then went through a mourning stage over what I had lost and then I went through a phase of feeling glad to be alive in spite of my losses. I think now at 2 years I have evened out a bit and the SAH is beginning to feel like something that happened quite a while ago. I think an outburst and a good long cry is very good for you. It could also indicate that you might find it helpful to speak to someone outwith your family and friends about what has happened and how you are feeling. I saw a neuropsychologist and OT for 6 months and chatting it all through with them helped enormously. I think it prevented my emotions from becoming too overwhelming and out of control. But rest assured, you are doing well and how you are feeling is pretty normal. Warm wishes Anne x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vivien Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Hello Helen I can only echo what the others have said, tis a bit of a rollercoaster ride, and whatever you are feeling is normal Vivien x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helenm Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 Thank you all so much for your support and lovely words of encouragement. It is really scary when you behave in a way you don't recognise as 'you' - but it is good to know that you have all experienced similar outbursts and to know that if ( or more likely when) it happens again I just need to go with the flow and not get too worried about it. Love to you all Helen xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hi Helen yes I too have felt like it on occasions your not mad. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hey Helen Can totally and utterly understand where you're coming from. It must have been about three or four weeks after my SAH and I totally melted down. I woke up one Saturday morning (whicih co-incided with stopping taking the nimopodine!!) and felt so out of sorts. I cried, I screamed, I cried some more and I couldn't stop at all - all day. My hubby ended up ringing my best frien to come over and even took me to the emergency doctor who tried to get me an appointment with the Crisis Team - being a saturday evening by this time they were more interested in going home and then out, so I ended up seeing no one at all. I was diagnosed with PTS (Post Traumatic Stress) and began to see a Counsellor - was the best move I made. It helped talking through it all with some one who wasn't linked to me in any way. It's the shock of going through what we did, living and then coming back down to earth with an almighty bang - the enourmity of what happened sinks in after a while, and we go into shock. That's when I found this site and realised that whatand how I was feeling was completely normal. It's tough at first, but it does get easier and remember, we're all here to support you hun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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