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Inner Landscape

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I have posted in my photo album a self portrait that I took recently on the theme of Inner Landscape, it does make me look pretty grim, but I was trying to make the point that on the outside I look fine, but on the inside I struggle daily with the limitations imposed by my health and that just because somebody looks ok on the outside, doesn't mean that they are, which I think is a common problem among those of us who have had a brain injury.

It is now four years since I had an SAH and I feel that I have come a long way since then. I no longer think about it every day, I can sleep at least six hours a night now :) and although I still sometimes get very tired, I can definitely do more. My mid term and short term memory are still pretty bad, but I have learned to live with it and laugh about it. I still have times when my head aches, but know that they are usually my body telling me to rest, which I now do instead of fighting it.

I also have dystonia, which is progressive, so you can see in the photo that my neck is twisting, but I am considering getting the botox treatment for this, which might help.

I took this photo for a competition that my local camera club is running, but have been unable to submit it because it is too personal, but thought I could manage to post it here :)

I have also realised that I am able to express myself visually more than verbally


Edited by Vivien
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Viv - I love the self portrait!!! It's brilliant - well done!!!

Thank you for sharing it here. I'm sure most of us can relate to what you're saying through the portrait. I know I do - look normal on the outside, but still struggling with issues not so obvious to others. It can be challenging at times! Sounds that you are doing well having accepted where you are in life and have made huge improvements in the last 4 years. Gives me hope and assurance that things will and do get better.

At times I feel I've accepted my limitations, then have a set back and find I've not fully accepted things! Guess that, too, is part of the process in our recoveries.

I hope you're able to get some relief with the botox, if you choose to do it.

Hugs to you Vivien ((( )))


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Its brilliant Vivien I see you've used the Headway card, I scanned mine and printed it out on a card and have it at the door, I was finding I needed it more with 'cold callers' than in shops...

Shame in didnt enter it, I think its fab tells 'your' story....

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Thank you Vivian for sharing your photo with us, what you portrayed is exactly the way I feel, it's a struggle and we do look ok to people on the outside but we are not, we have internal scars both physically and emotionally. Wishing you well and your photography is great! :-D

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Hi Vivien.

Beautiful photograph(s), very well lit and so full of expression.

A picture tells a thousand words and the self portrait captures much of what is said on this site.

Well done!

Bill B x

I agree with Bill and others....Well Done Viv....want any of my wrinkles lol ???????



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Hi Vivien

Your photo is lovely, and most of the comments you make strike home with me. I had my SAH last September and find even writing this and making sense takes a lot of effort.I agree we are different on the outside to what is going on inside. I get so frustrated that my life is very different now, that I have to stop because of tiredness, it stops me, I try and fight it but I can't defeat it. I have just had a good week, full time at work, looked after my little granddaughter for a while on Thursday after work, and have actually done some housework today, although I hate that anyway, so the easiest one not to do.Next week could be the absolute opposite and I will cry myself through the week feeling worthless.One day to the next is a mystery till it happens.My short term memory is dreadful too, luckily my 'automatic' brain works well, as my job relies on it, although in speech I lose words all over the place. It is great to hear that 4 years on you do have lots of things which have improved, gives us all hope. Anyway I sincerely hope the botox works, and thanks for your words.

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After posting the rather grim self portrait, I have done a more humerous photo of three green cardigans, to show my memory problems :-D I keep going out thinking that I need a new green cardigan and I now have three nearly exactly the same! I also have 10 boxes of red kidney beans and a large selection of tubes of toothpaste!

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