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Unwanted Family guests


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Hello,

Didn't want to hijack the other similar thread. My problem is similar but not. I have a sister in law who drives me nuts. Bear with me. She comes over every Sunday and wants to hang out at my house. It is my wife's sister. We have never gotten along well but I have always been polite and cordial with her.

She is 51 and never been married. She has no friends. She is a negative miserable person. She has not dated in 30 years but wants to give us marraige advice. She wants to come over every Saturday or Sunday and "hang out" in my house. I work 36 hours a week and spend the weekends in bed or resting until I recover from this SAH. She brings her dog over. I like dogs. But he doesnt do anything. And he gets in to the garbage and has no manners. Not to mention he passes gas and it smells up the whole house.

My wife feels sorry for her because she is alone. But my wife doesn't really want her there either. Now this is the sister in law who my wife asked to look in after me 3 weeks after my SAH while my wife was at work. The sister in law said "he's not my family" and didnt want to bother with traffic. Ironically I ended up going back to the hopsital that day with blood pressure at 180/120. Funny my brother invites her to Xmas every year because she is a part of our "family".

Yesterday I put my foot down and said I needed to rest and didnt want her there. She still came over but my wife and her went out to the dog park. I have let her stay over many times but I'm so sick of it. Any of us SAH'ers imagine an unwanted guest at your house for 6 hours on a Sunday. My wife is afraid to say anything to her and makes me feel guilty about it.

I suppose I'm just venting and not much I can do. Sometimes I leave but should I have to leave my own house just to get away. Not my idea of fun. Any thoughts anyone?

David

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Hi David

My word, she sounds like a complete nightmare!! You just have to be straight with her and make sure she understands. Just tell her - you're still recovering and working 36 hours a week (which is fantastic by the way) and the weekends are the only times that you get to rest and have peace and quiet - therefore, as you're she'll understand :wink:, you'd prefer it if she didn't come over every weekend for a while. Tell her you appreciate everything (ahem) she did while you were recoverig but you're still not well enough to have visitors (and their pets) dropping in and staying over at weekends when working is still wiping you out.

Fingers crossed she'll get the message - you can't really by any fairer or kinder than that. Good luck xx

Edited by Skippy
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Hi David you need to tell her that whilst you are recovering you can live without her marriage guidance and negativity in your life.Good luck hope you get rid of her soon. Jess.xxx

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Well let me think David ermmm...as I told someone my Sis...(she is always telling me her troubles) Well I said surgeon said I must only have peace and happiness in life to get really better....it's a white lie and not hurt her feelings ..in fact she is killing me with kindness now !!...

She even said " If you didn't get better Win I would have looked after Alan" ...I said" "Oh no you wouldn't Sis"..lol

Perhaps you can mention headache or whatever when she comes round.....Good Luck David....lol

Or put earplugs on or tell a white lie ???

Be Happy David

WinB143 xx

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Hello:

You all are so kind. And smart :)

Jess- Thanks for the reply, I have no time in my life for negative people and I know you don't either

Louise- Yes you have to put your foot down sometimes. On Easter Sunday, they were on the computer which is in my bedroom shopping for shoes with the dog chewing a big bone on my floor. With noises being loud to me it felt like the dog was CHEWING MY BRAIN. So I nicely asked them to leave. Of course she got mad. Oh well

Win- I usually retreat to the bedroom and rest but then she gets mad and thinks I'm being a rude host. I didnt invite her, she invited herself!

Sami- You are eloquent as always. You should be in politics. I have always been nice to her and she is just an evil person. This is only the half of it of course.

Thanks all,

David

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David, ask her for her keys and go to her house while she's at yours. :lol:

You can have peace and quiet, it will drive her bananas, and it won't take long for your wife to want you home more often instead of negative sister. :wink:

Sandi K. Xoxoxo

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Good one Sandi!! It would drive me crazy. I cannot imagine anything like that. I would have to really have a heart to heart with my spouse on what are "we" going to do about this. I cannot imagine 6 hours of my precious Sunday spent this way- my husband would be worse about it than anyone. I am afraid having to be blunt may be the last resort and may be the only one that works. You cannot insult an idiot and I have been EVEN more BLUNT since my SAH. I give energy sucking clients who really want a magic pill for their pets or crazy people on the phone 2 choices? DO you want to make an appt or do what I told you to do? I hung up on a crazy lady on Friday that called at 4:45 to see if we close at 5:00 which she knew we did and she needed pick up her cat bla bla bla. I said I could not wait past 5:00 for her (again).She kept talking and I said you better hurry up and get here. It was like "I don;t care !! Hang up the phone and get into your car you only live 7 minutes away!!!!!" Finally I said "You bettter hurry up, bye and hung up". She was looking for me when she came. She is rude and cannot be insulted as far as I am concerned. People like that just don't even think about others being put out. I don't think I could stand it. We do not like it when our sons come home and sleep on OUR sofa on the weekends either! If I need to lay down I want to lay on the sofa with quiet. I woudl wlak around holding my hands on my ears like that Vincent Van GOgh painting the SCREAM. I do that at work with one of the loud ( no life except work) Dr.'s. while i say "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

Sorry no help there!

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Hi all:

Thats a good idea in theory Sandi. Except her house is dirty, her toilet is black and she lives in a bad neighborhood. Thats why she comes to our house! Wish she'd move to China.

Mary-Good points also. We've had "the talk" several times. My wife supports me and doesnt like it either. In fact, the day my sister in law was supposed to check in on me after my SAH as I said I ended up going back to the hospital. My wife was so mad and said she'd never speak to her sister again. She didnt call her for 3 months. But then the doctors told my wife she had ovarian cancer (which she didnt) so my wife felt the need to tell her. She didnt help with my wife's surgery either. I had to rescue my wife from the market in pain on the day her sister took the day off to get her hair done.

Some people just don't "get it". Unfortunately I'm stuck with it. But she'll screw up again. And that might be it.

Enough of the negativity, how is everyone's work week going? Good day today but Mondays are usually good.

4 day weekend in end of May. Can't wait.

Thanks,

David

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Hiya David,

I've been reading this thread with interest. Isn't it funny how no matter how ill we are, we still go out of our way to make sure we don't upset the most rude, ignorant people in our lives. It must be seriously drummed into us because we are happy to be ill and uncomfortable despite a narrow miss with death so as to not hurt someone elses feelings. How odd. I hope you get this sorted out soon, I know it's not easy to speak out, even more so when it falls on deaf ears.

Dawn x

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