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Can I talk about sex and SAHs here?


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Guest patacake

Hi Andyp,

First of all let me say that Brian is not a bit embarrassed for anyone to know how he had his SAH's.

He was 46 in 1983 when he had the first, 56 in 1993 with the second and 65 in 2001 for the third. Each one was either during or after sex, also many little bleeds over the years for the same reason.

Please don't get the impression that we are at it like rabbits, maybe twice a month now but enjoy lots of cuddles everyday. We say 'I love you' everday and mean it.

It is a fundamental fact of life to want sex and in our cases we may need to make adjustments and overcome any hurdles there may be to enjoy a basic need.

In 1991 we were invited to appear on the Kilroy show, the subject being ' in the marriage vows does loving in sickness and health really apply'.

Robert Kilroy-Silk spoke firsly to Diana Moran (the green goddess), then to Frank Williams wife (Formula 1 Racing cars) and then came up to me with Brian sitting next to me. I was't going to say exactly how it happened but in that split second it just came out. I said "We were making love and Brian had a brain haemhorrage". He said "What were you doing to him?" and I replied "I'm not telling you that". That was a great show with lots of laughter and tears and even Kilroy cried that day.

So we have already told the nation and a few more people won't make a lot of difference.

I have asked Brian if he ever thinks he is going to have another SAH especially when making love and he says that he never thinks about it and if he does happen to have another then c'est la vie.

Have you read our story on this website? Living with SAH for 24 years.

Take care of each other.

Pat

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Hi Pat,

I used to watch Kilroy, so might have seen you! ..... it brings back memories, especially when you mentioned the Green Goddess! :lol:

I've only recently added "Relationships after a SAH/Stroke" to the forum, as a lot of folk were quite shy about saying how their SAH occured.

It's good that people are willing to be open and honest about it, as I'm sure that it will help others, just knowing that they're not alone.

Hope that Brian is keeping well.....

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Guest patacake

Hi Karen,

Thanks for the comments.

Brian is in great health ...it is just his brain that is amiss. Heart great, no sign of diabetes, blood pressure perfect, eyesight a bit iffy but generally in great shape.

Keep well.

Pat

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Pat-As I have a vested interest in this one-it had me thinking.

Does Brian smoke?

I was told after one SAH during Sex that it was less likely to occur to me again than your average Joe on the street.

Given Brian's experience of 3 SAH's I had to think harder about why!

Is he doing anything that can bring about continuing ongoing weaknesses?

What did his neurospecialist say???

I am intrigued.

All the best

Andy P

x

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Guest patacake

HI Andyp,

Brian did smoke cigars pre-SAH but hasn't smoked since 1983.

The neurospecialists said in 2001 and again recently that they cannot do anything for him now. An operation, is and always has been, out of the question because of the location of the mass of abnormal blood vessels. Interventional radiology is again a no-go and radiotherapy can't be used because the area is too big.

When they told Brian to go home and have a good life, that is just what he set his mind upon.

There is nothing specific that sets the weaknesses going. He only has good days and bad days. Now today , for instance, he has been talking rubbish (but then again he is a man and they usually do that anyway!!!) and conversations have been difficult. He will probably talk a bit easier tomorrow.

We have been out this evening and he has enjoyed 3 pints of lager and a Glenfiddich malt whisky...he will sleep now for a good 12 hours. He says he is going to do a bit of ironing for me tomorrow. (I told him it is good therapy!)

Enjoy every moment and don't forget you might not be here for a long time but you are here for a good time.

Take care

Pat

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Pat,

I agree with every word that you've said ..... you survive to live .... that's one thing that I've learned ... I haven't lived just to survive and I think that we need to learn to enjoy life ... nobody knows what's around the corner and a local lad has just lost his life at the age of 19 (motorbike accident and literally, down the road).... I think that I would rather live a shorter, happy life and enjoy it as much to the full as possible, then keep worrying about having a cigar, a drink or a bag of chips, now and again ..... yes, I did have the odd cigar at xmas, pre SAH....

Hope that Brian is keeping well and not talking rubbish......you did make me laugh! :lol:

Take care......

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Guest patacake

Hi Andyp,

I suppose he did have an arteriovenus malformation. He was originally diagnosed as having a mass of abnormal blood vessels, something he was born with.

Take care,

Pat

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Hi everyone. I'm new to the site and have already posted in a thread re this very issue.

My partner thought I was having an almighty orgasm..but know I was suffering a brain haemmorhage during sex! LOL..I told everyone at the hospital .. when they asked me .. although I was slightly embarrassed at the beginning. We then all laughed about it and said "oh well at least I would have died happy"!

I was "out of it" for 24 hours after it happened (long story) but thankfully I came too (well not in that way lol) and managed to get to a phone, where I seemingly sounded very drunk, due having suffered palsy down my left side.

Rossigirl.. my friend had given me some magazines a while back to read. .is "love it" the morrisions magazine?!?! I know I read an article in that magazine about this issue..I am wondering if that was you! It's not a mag I buy (I buy OK magazine lol)..but I read that article with such interest due it being something that had happened to me.

This is fantastic to be able to talk about this so openly on here with others who understand what we've went through.

I have had sex since..however I am scared of orgasming. I have taken valium also prior to sex.. but I have felt that this decreases my sensitivty. I don't know if I'll ever "allow" myself to reach orgasm again.. as a woman..I'll just have to think about football or something lol!!!

Will I be able to reach an orgasm again without worrying about what will happen? As far as I've been told my brain is just like any other "normal" (unhurt) brain out there..but the scars will always remain .. ie the fright of what happened the last time I was close to orgasm!

L x

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Hey hun

Yes it was me in Love It!! - Oh fame at last :P

I remember being in the hospital after my SAH and reading an article in a magazine titled "Mindblowing Sex" I laughed so hard I nearly dislodged my catheter - Paul (hubby) didn't see the funny side though cos he felt responsible, bless.

You will orgasm again - it took me three months and the OK from the neurosurgeon to even contemplate sex again. But the raise in blood pressure from orgasm is different (apparently) to the dangerous high blood pressure. It was very difficult for me the first time after and after I laid there for a while not daring to move in case my head went again.

I know it's easier said than doen, but relax and try to enjoy the one thing that produces happy chemicals to take away headaches :wink::roll:

Sami xxx

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Yes it was me in Love It!! - Oh fame at last

LOL .. pmpl!!! I should be asking for your autograph lol!!!

Thanks for your reply Sami. So I should stop taking my medication (which is alot less now than it was) for headaches and just have sex lol!!

DR Sami..your advice is good lol!! Only problem is I'm single and the Doctor ... sadly hasn't prescribed me a man on the NHS to cure my headaches!!! :twisted:

Anyone know of any nice man near Glasgow hee hee!! (ps if you do.. don't tell him I had my SAH during sex..don't want to put him off his stride)!!!

Oh I'm so happy I found this forum :D:D

Sami .. how are your headaches now? You may not be getting any because you have your lovely supportive husband.. but seriously..how are you doing now?

L x

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Hi Linzi

Nice to meet you - now onto the sex... ;)

Perhaps you'd feel more relaxed having your first post-SAH orgasm alone? I understand you might feel more anxious with no one with you, but I felt more comfortable that way first time, as I was more able to think about it and "check my head" rather than someone else "doing the driving" and me getting completely carried away.

Good luck

Blondie

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  • 3 weeks later...

Linzi. Once you pass the first orgasm hurdle, you won't even remember the anxiety you felt all those months.

I had my first organsm about 4 months post SAH and I was scared. (It was with my hubby.) And I remember thinking," If I am going to go, there is no better way to go than during and orgasm." And I just let go. Since then I am no longer afraid to have sex. It has allowed me to completly trust my body again.

I was more terrifeid to masterbate so I didn't. I thought that it would be too embarassing to be found in that position. I of course assumed, wrongly, that I would have another SAH but no one would be around to help me.

Life is good post SAH. As they say, you want to get back on that horse when you get bucked off.

So dare I say Ride Linzi Ride!! (Sorry, feeling gitty. Must need a nap.)

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So dare I say Ride Linzi Ride!!

LOL Rampmama!!!!

Thankyou for your post and your re-assurance that everything should be okay. I think once I get over it "once" (well if I can get under someone again lol" then all will be fine!

I'm glad to hear you are doing well and you have managed to get back on the saddle, so to speak.

Take care,

L xx :lol:

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  • 11 months later...
Guest Dimple259

Hi everyone,

My name is Claire, and I write uplifiting human interest stories for national newspapers and women's magazines.

I'm posting this message because I'm always looking for stories which provide hope and inspiration, during a time when doom and gloom seems to monopolise our media.

I wondered if anyone might be interested in talking about their experiences in the hope of raising awareness of brain injuries and how they impact, both positive and negative, on people's lives.

If anyone would like further informaton with no obligation, please e-mail me - (email address deleted until permission is obtained from the Administrators at behindthegray)

best wishes.

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Hi Claire,

Thank you for your interest in the website ....but it's the "done thing" to contact the website admin for permission, before you post, if the post is for commercial reasons. Please email me more specific details of who you write for (what type of publications), what articles you've written etc and what's expected and what fee a person can expect for their article. As a website, we have a "duty of care" to protect our members.

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I was the same as you Jess.....didn't even realise that you could bring on a SAH during or after sex .... not until my GP told me and then that did put me off! .... couldn't quite understand why he kept asking me what my sex life was like, as in frequency and he asked me if I was worried? then I asked why he kept asking me and then he told me and said "whoops!......you didn't know?" Know I didn't know that at the time..... sometimes ignorance is bliss....

Donna, you don't need to be embarrassed ..... :) I was mainly too tired in the early months to be honest .... At the end of the day, if you're aneurysm is so weak that it's going to burst, even straining on the loo is a risk .... If your SAH was brought on after sex, then that's a different kettle of fish, as it's not going to bring back good memories ..... there's a few guys on this website that have had that happen to them and I can only imagine that it's quite a hurdle for them to overcome.

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Oh where do I start? It is me who has had the stroke but it is my husband who cannt make love to me.I had my bleed April 06 and then I losted a friend in the August to a stroke aged 40---with young children.I felt guilty that I survived and was stressed is a understatement.Since Xmas 06 my husband has not made love to me---said I changed ,we have been to relate and he says he still loves me but has no desire--this causes me some much anxiety.We were on a long waiting list for sex therapy via relate when I had this infact this year--end of may.I donnt think we are ever going to make love again---he doesnt come to near,yes he kisses me at night and in the morning but god I want more---and that is where I row with him and then the atmosphere and home comes tense.We had a loving 25 year plus marriage before this.I think it makes me ill and is not helping my recovery.Friends say he is a bully and is controlling our marriage.He is a workaholic and I can say he has never had time or could handle illness.I want a normal loving marriage and I suppose Im waiting for it to return but somedays I think the only answer to get rid of my anxiety is to leave him---but I love him and why lose what Ive got for sex.Im so muddled

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Carol - We are like twins but its me whos scared x x x x x x

Karen - god when i first went to the loo i did think it would pop the coils off but there still there i dont have another aneurysm there apart from my coils i am hoping i am all fixed x x

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  • 2 months later...
Guest Dans-wife

Hi! This discussion will be important to me in the future, as I have already begun to wonder. My husband, Dan, suffered a SAH during sex on 10/10/2008. He went completely unresponsive and I am not sure if he remembers any of the event. He is still in the ICU and has suffered multiple complications. We are looking at transfering to a rehab next week. I am personally anxious about sex because I lived through it the first time and never want to repeat the experience. What I am wondering is when to tell him about it, if he doesn't remember on his own. I wonder if I should wait till after so we aren't both as nervous. We are along ways off from even worrying about this. I was wondering if there was anyone out there with a similar situation and how they handled it.

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