a couple of things

[Shawcar]

Hi. I had a NA SAH July 8. The doctors are thrilled at my recovery. I've stayed away from these boards for a few days because I thought maybe I didn't need to connect or because I thought I 'm not as ill as others. I don't really know. I do know that I am now an emotional basketcase....crying almost all the time, arguing with my husband and especially my daughter who has been a God-send thru this ordeal. Sometimes I think I'm lying to myself and everyone else about how well I'm doing. I'm scheduled to start back to work next Wednesday with 2 hours a day to start (I'm a nurse) and progress my time up from there back to full-time 11 hr shifts. I don't sleep well at night at all and wonder if this adds to how emotional I am. The headaches are better but the crying is definitely a trigger. I'm not sure what I'm asking here...maybe I just want reassurance that it will get better.

Thanks for letting me vent,

Shellie

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Shellie,

You are not an emotional basket case. You have just gone through & survived a SAH! It is traumatic for you and your family & it can take time to come to terms with everything that has happened even in the early days when a lot of us aren't always aware of what on earth just happened.

I know in the UK the 'standard' time off for recovery is 3 months, so it is quite quick for you to be going back to work. If you are having a hard time emotionally could you ask for more time off before you return to your job? For some people it can take a lot longer than this but others go back to work & do really well.

As it's been just over a month for you I'm pretty sure everyone on here will agree that, yes, things WILL get better. It just takes a bit of time.

Michelle

[Sandi K]

Hi Shellie, being emotional and crying seems to be part of the healing process. Most of us go through that phase and it can come and go. It hit me at about the 3 or 4 month mark and I cried at everything. It does fade but I find that since my NASAH I'm much easier to tear up over things like weddings and such.

I returned to work on a gradual phase in at the 6 or 8 week point and although the neuro's said I was fine I definitely was not. Instead of following my own hunches I focused on what the experts said. I made myself exhausted and the neurological symptoms kept getting worse. Things like dizziness, headaches, dropping stuff, uncoordination, blurry vision, and so on. I even fell down from a standing still position! This doesn't happen to everyone, some NASAH's heal quickly and do return to work just fine. I just want you to be aware of what to watch for.

I suggest you read 'letter from your brain' and follow your own pace. If you aren't feeling well then slow down. You know how you feel.

Sandi K. Xoxoxo

[MaryB]

Hi Shellie,

I am glad you spoke up about this as this is a place you can VENT & get wanted or unwanted advice! I think this place is the only place that made any real sense to me. Returning to work a little early maybe??? I did not understand the magnitude of what happen to me for 6-7 months although I was sure I was fine and doing great. I was off 3 months per neurosurgeon but never really understood it all until much later. I kept thinking I was good enough to start my normal life but I was not- although I was doing great, ended up being 5 months with a gradual fade in with mid day naps. Now at almost a year I am doing a gradual fade back as I am fatigued beyond belief. I just had a neuro phych evaluation and was so happy I did. Not only was it so wonderful to be open and honest about my feelings, fears etc. it validated where I was at in my recovery. I have such respect for brains now! I did not cry like a lot of people do but I had/have a more muted, unemotional responds. I just don’t talk if I do not feel like it, as in exhausted. I just don’t care enough about much to carry on a conversation. It is such the opposite of most people. I do not waste my energy on small stuff anymore.

Hopefully you are drinking a lot of water and getting a lot of rest when needed. I work for a small animal veterinarian, so I knew I would be going back to a very loud, fast paced, think on your feet environment. I am surrounded by support at work and home which is so wonderful and a blessing. I am thankful everyday for my friends, co workers and family. Everyone has a different pace of healing and everyone has something different going on in their brains healing process. You can only be the judge of where you are at but it sounds like it is too soon maybe? I wish I had spoken with the neuro phych earlier and maybe I would not expected so much and beat myself up for not recovering faster.

Good luck, maryb

[Gill C]

Hi Shellie & no you're not a basket case. As a nurse you know that if you break a leg it takes 6 weeks for the bone to heal whilst resting the leg as much as possible. How much longer then does it take for the brain to heal as it is never resting even when you are asleep. You will find things settle but in your own time, everyone is so different. I am 2 years post op & didn't have a rupture but am struggling with fatigue although I do want to work again. My emotions have settled although it was my anger that was strongest, I still shout but it takes me a lot more to get to that stage. i don't have the energy for very extreme emotions. I do still tear up easily too but it does get better

Never feel silly or alone with what you are feeling, chances are one or more of us feel or felt this way too xxx

[kempse]

Hi Shellie,

You've every right to post on these boards - you've had a serious episode and the fact that you may feel you're not as ill as others is irrelevant - you need to recover just like anyone else does and it often helps talking to others who have been in a smiliar situation. Tears, mood swings etc are a common occurence following a bleed and perhaps letting your daughter know this might help her understand that it is not intentional or aimed at her specifically, it's just an after effect of a sah. Not sleeping properly will be a factor, but sleep patterns can also be affected by a bleed, but the good news is that all these should gradually improve over time. Certainly consider taking as long as possible with your phased return to work as working will possibly make you more tired than before especially when you do get back to 11 hour shifts and that could slow down improvements in other areas. You are also in the very early stages of recovery and being a nurse indicates that you must be a patient person and I'm sure one of more difficult things we all have to learn following a sah is patience.

Wishing you all the best,

Sarah

[MaryB]

Shellie, I would think your Doctors would want to know about crying and not sleeping. Sleep heals. DId you telll them this was going on? Just wondering?

mb

[Shawcar]

Thank you all for your support. This bleed has been the most world flipping thing that's ever happened to me. I've always been very stoic and handle things on my own. It's almost as if not only is it difficult for me to ask for help, I don't even know when I need help. I hear "listen to your body"...its been so long since I've done that, I don't even recognize its language anymore!

Mary B...I haven't spoken with my doctors yet about the insomnia and depression, but I have an appointment with my GP next week and plan to do so then.

Thanks again everyone,

Shellie

[Winb143]

Shellie,

I have always been a teary person and get mood swings ie humpy...my words, so try not be down, things really do get better.

We have all been through a lot and our famiiies. It is our turn to let it all out and BTG is a great place for it. I often come away from here happy.

Be Well and Good Luck at work Shellie

WinB143 xx

[paul99]

hi shawcar

oooh i could smack your bottom for you your not a basket case you are a person who has dealt with allsorts during your job and been able to compartmentalize everything you have dealt with job wise and as a medical person for over thirty five years and dealt with some horrible stuff when i came to my lin i held it together for 10 mins untill help arrived then fell apart because of your brain injury you need to recover you are so early in your recovery you are still trying to get your head around what has happened the crying is part of the healing process ive done buckets and i have never done or been a sentimental person but now i am so stop knocking yourself please

i would take your restart at work very slowly because your not sleeping well i would talk to your hr dept and get support from them including your occupatonal health staff who should be monitering you so you dont overdo it

i read this site every day but i dont post every day each person reacts differently and everyone needs are different as well just remember we are here for you as and when you need us if you want to fly off the handle so be it just remember you are not alone and the fact that many have gone before you and survived to help others like yourself who is just taking baby steps in recovery so chin up and give us a smile lol

[Louise]

Hi Shellie

Welcome glad you found us.

No your most definatly not a basket case, something trawmatic has happened to you honey.

And I always think that docs & nurses do make the worst patients but your like us human and I do think that your maybe going back to work a wee bit too soon, your kind of saying that anyhow yourself, but like Paul says (one wise man there) take it very slow & if its too much tell them.

wishing you well

[kpaggett]

Thank you all for your support. This bleed has been the most world flipping thing that's ever happened to me. I've always been very stoic and handle things on my own. It's almost as if not only is it difficult for me to ask for help, I don't even know when I need help. I hear "listen to your body"...its been so long since I've done that, I don't even recognize its language anymore!

Mary B...I haven't spoken with my doctors yet about the insomnia and depression, but I have an appointment with my GP next week and plan to do so then.

Thanks again everyone,

Shellie

Shellie,

You sound very much like me. I was very stoic before my NA-SAH. Now I cry all the time and have identified it as a REAL thing called Pseudobulbar affect (PBA). I don't know if this is what you're experiencing, but I often find myself crying for strange reasons or laughing REALLY hard when the joke wasn't that funny. I also developed a slight case of PTSD which made me stress out all the time. Sometimes I'd say to my husband, "Is this real?" because I couldn't necessarily trust my emotional response to be reasonable.

Also, I still have trouble sleeping, but have decided not to stress about it. I can do this because I'm NOT working. If I had to get up and go to work every day, I think I'd be a basket case.

Please consult your doctor and remember that just because you're crying doesn't mean you're "Depressed" even though that might just seem logical. How is your overall mood? Is it the same or different from your outbursts?

Most importantly, you did go through something really really life changing and sometimes it takes a while for it to sink in. Posting here really helps and don't think that strategies that always worked in the past will work the same way now. If you're lucky, they will but remain open for trying other things that just feel better for some unknown reason.

Hope you find some peace.

~Kris