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Assertiveness (or lack!)


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Has anyone else noticed a complete lack of assertiveness since sah? I absolutely cannot assert myself any more. I wonder if it's related to the inability to make decisions, as in order to be assertive you need to know what it is that you want.

I was wondering if it's just me or if it's a general sah thing?

Dawn x

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I wasn't particularly assertive pre op & I'm even less so now. None of us want to make a decision so that makes me cross but I still don't want to make a decision either.

I think I object more to things I'm not happy with but hubby might say I'm just an arsey moo anyway lol!

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I am thinking I was assertive priot to SAH- than I just did not care enough about anything to speak up than I took ritalin and it gave me energy and I was over assertive. Now I am back to just do not care enough to waste my energy. I confronted people including my boss etc but I have always had to THINK before i opened my mouth.....

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I have always spoke my mind, but silly things like Where shall we go shopping cause a major row lol

I am a cheapskate and like a bargain, my Sarah likes to go expensive shops arghhhhhhh then we go both and spend

double lol.

Assertive WinB143 Not xxxx maybe though ?

Edited by Winb143
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Hard to say Dawn.

I used to be able to stand my ground, say my piece assertively and reasonably with a firm argument on my side & get the results I wanted. Now, I either cry & hide in my shell, feeling hurt and lost or lose it and have a sweary mouthed psychotic rant. Assertive? Nope, not any more or at least not in a productive way!

Michelle x

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Hi Dawn

I used to be quite assertive, knew what I wanted and went for it and spoke my mind when needed.

After SAH that has all changed, I live in my own world. I get confused at situations then all all goes downhill for me after that so I now avoid talking to people as I know I am going to mess up and my mind just goes blank. I also think that people don't take me serious anymore apart from my son's.

I am trying to stay positive and maybe one day I will get back to the person who I once was but trying to get out of the little world I am living in now...

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Hello,

Interesting question. I am much MORE assertive now since SAH. Before I was laid back and kind of go with the flow. That was when I was healthy. I had my health to fall back on. Now, that I don't have my health, I'm a raging ball of fire. In a good way. Most of the time, I can speak my case diplomatically but occasionally I get ticked off.

But I feel if I'm going to struggle thru my life working, unhealthy, and busting my butt, then I will stick up for my rights and needs. This comes rather in handy with doctors and also at work. So perhaps a positive thing from the SAH? Not sure.

David

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Hi there

I think everyone has emotional and psychological reactions to their SAH - not just physical ones. What happened to us all is huge and it brings up lots of "stuff" that has to come out somewhere. Mine has manifested in panic attacks and higher anxiety - but it could equally be more or less assertiveness. I think it's good that you are aware of it - that is the first step to tackling it bit by bit. One day at a time an all...

x

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I wonder how much is tied up with reduced confidence. That takes a beating doesn't it; things we can't do any longer, loss of our normal, tasks and actions we are maybe are fearful to do because we're not sure of the effect.

The upshot for me is I've definatly lost some confidence so my assertiveness definatly is not what it was Dawn. It's interesting how it manifests though, I am still able to articulate what I want but emotion is much closer to the surface than previously.

I had a scenario in hospital post shunt op where I had to be assertive about what needed to happen and whilst I made my point I also burst into tears straight afterward. I've repeatedly done this since in other situations, I've had to disappear and hide when I've stood firm with kids and then knew i was going to cry.

Not sure where I'm going with this:lol: to sum up I'm just more of a cry baby now Dawn :wink:

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Dawn,

For me it has been that I am not able to be assertive in the moment. Upon reflection, then I can speak up for myself. I just let people know after the fact that 'No, I'm sorry I said I'd do it, but in reality...I can't take that on yet' or something like that once I figure it out. I also find that I tend to take on the concerns of others way more easily now. If people are taking about working, then I want to go back to work. Then I think about it later and know that I don't. I think I'm just SLOWER to be assertive or be my own person than I used to be. I still get to the same place, but it takes me longer to get there.

~Kris

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I also find that I tend to take on the concerns of others way more easily now

Kris, I'm so glad you have mentioned this. I seem to be so easily led now. I still have difficulty in making decisions and have developed a habit of asking everyone who will listen what they think. This doesn't help at all as I end up taking their opinions on board and forgetting what my own actually was to begin with!

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