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My Mum (warning - sad post)


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My lovely beautiful mum died suddenly on 13 January 2013 aged 48. Her cause of death was a Subarachnoid Haemorrhage. She was sitting up in bed late one night, laughing with her partner and she said to him, hold on a minute (he said her face did not register pain) and just like that she was gone. Im not sure whether it happened instantly but her heart stopped and her partner and my young brother managed to get it restarted with the help of 999. It then stopped again in the ambulance and again they managed to get it restarted.

 

She was taken straight to intensive care where she was put on life support. We were told they had done tests and that she had had a brain aneurism. They performed the brain activity tests and she was unresponsive to all of them and my beautiful mum was pronounced clinically dead. (she was not taken off the support because she had chosen to donate her organs). They had said that because of the size of the bleed and the where it was (at the back of her head) she had an unlikely chance of survival.

 

Im not actually sure what or why im writing this....but has anyone survived a big bleed at the back of their head? Just seems so unfair that she didn’t stand a chance and my brother-in-law (aged 29) had one last year at the front of his head which has affected his sight a little but they put in a coil for him....why didn’t they try with her??

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I forgot to mention she had no symptoms, headache etc. the only thing i can think of is the week before she had a stitch like pain in her shoulder and it felt like trapped wind in her shoulder. not that it makes a difference. just trying to make sense of it all :cry:

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Rachel I am so sorry for your loss. Sadly we don't know why we survive when others don't, its a total mystery.

I suspect your mums bleed affected the cerebellum which is at the top of the neck & governs all your systems like breathing, heartrate etc. I think if it's a large bleed there then there is nothing to be done.

 

It sounds like your brother in laws anni was in a different place altogether & the bleed not as severe so it could be coiled.

A girl I worked with had a bleed at home, she lived alone & the alarm was only raised when she didn't turn in for work, by the time they got her to hospital the bleed was large & although they removed a large clot from the bleed she didn't survive. She was only in her early forties. There is no rhyme or reason to what happens & none of us can say why we survive but some like your brother do.

 

Sending much love & prayers to you & your family

Feel free to ask questions & rant in here if you need to xx

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Hi Rachel

 

So very sorry for your loss. As Gill said there is no rhyme or reason as to why, where or how this happens or how each of us are left affected.

I had no symptoms before my SAH and was relaxed and on holiday at the time. I really do not have advice to offer on getting through this very tough time and not meaning to sound trite, please hold on to all the memories and love that you have for and of her.

 

If they could not get your mum to respond to CPR etc then they wouldn't operate to coil or clip as, unfortunately, it wouldn't have helped. Please do not think that it's because they didn't care etc.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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Hi Rachel,

 

I am so sorry for your loss, it's such a hard thing to come to terms with.

My mum was also 48 when she died of sah ten years ago. She had always had headaches and migraines but they were never seriously checked out. One day she came in from the garden, told my dad she felt weird and that was the last words she spoke. By the time I got to the hospital (300 miles away) her pupils had blown and the brain damage was extensive. They didn't even insert a drip to hydrate her let alone consider surgery as the bleed was so extensive, there was no point.

 

I have very mixed emotions about the fact that 9 years later, I also had sah and survived. Why? Perhaps because my partner got me to hospital within minutes whereas my dad called out the GP. Perhaps because my mum died and so my partner took me very seriously when I said that something was very wrong. I don't like to think that the reason I am here today is because she died, but it's completely true.

 

I am sending you hugs and love, Dawn x

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Rachel. That is such sad news about your lovely mum. I'm so sorry nothing could be done to save her.

 

For those of us so very fortunate to make It through a bleed we saw the shock of the suddeness of the event and the toll it took on our loved ones. You have that shock combined with grief so I hope you are getting support to help you through this hard time.

 

It seems to depend so much on so many factors all of which are beyond anyones control whether you will survive a SAH. Where you are, where the bleed is, how severe it is , how your body reacts to it and a lot just comes down to sheer luck. People can and have survived large bleeds in complex places , but many, most, do not.

 

I would say though that it's a nice memory to keep that she was laughing and had no pain and also that she helped other people through organ donation. She sounds like she was a super lady.

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Rachel, sometimes there just aren't any words I can think of to help others.

 

I am so sorry you are going through this and can only say, please try to find comfort in that your mum didn't suffer any pain when this happened, it was clearly very quick. I understand how awful that must be for those of you left behind, but for your mum, that was a blessing. The pain & sickness when an SAH strikes is incredibly horrible & it's a good thing that she was spared that as her outcome was not good due to the severity of her bleed. I know you will wish that she had been given the chance of surgery and it would absolutely have been done if there had been any chance at all for your mum.

 

She has done an amazing thing by donating her organs to save other lives & make them better. Small comfort for you in your sadness right now but hopefully one day you will take comfort from that too.

 

As has already been said, there really is no rhyme or reason between how some people survive & others don't. It isn't fair & you have every right to feel angry & confused by this. Try to be there for each other through this absolutely horrific time, I'm sure you mum would have wanted you all to support each other & share all your happy & funny memories of her together.

 

Michelle xxx

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Hi Rachel,

 

I, too, am very sorry that you have lost your Mum through this awful thing. It takes courage to come on here and share your story. I know that we are the lucky ones in that we survived a sah, but there are unfortunately many who do not make it which is so upsetting.

I hope in time you will gain comfort knowing that your Mum has helped others through the kindness of donating her organs.

 

Take care,

Sarah

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Thank you all for your kind words.

It is devastating but i do take comfort in that she went quickly and painlessly and that she didnt know it would happen as it would have broken her heart to know she was leaving us. It was also a comfort that she donated her organs. We always used to have "morbid" talks and she always said she wanted to go quickly and although it may not have been nice for us, her going so suddenly, its what she would have wanted rather than a drawn out affair or her being left with severe disabilities.

xx

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Hi Rachel,

I'm so sorry for your loss , you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Cherish all your happy memories and please take comfort that your mums wish to donate her organs will give many others a second chance , I know exactly how that feels.

You will all gain strength from those around you. Give extra big hugs to your brother-in-law.

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

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bagpuss said:

Rachel I am so sorry for your loss. Sadly we don't know why we survive when others don't, its a total mystery.

 

I suspect your mums bleed affected the cerebellum which is at the top of the neck & governs all your systems like breathing, heartrate etc. I think if it's a large bleed there then there is nothing to be done.

 

It sounds like your brother in laws anni was in a different place altogether & the bleed not as severe so it could be coiled.

A girl I worked with had a bleed at home, she lived alone & the alarm was only raised when she didn't turn in for work, by the time they got her to hospital the bleed was large & although they removed a large clot from the bleed she didn't survive. She was only in her early forties. There is no rhyme or reason to what happens & none of us can say why we survive but some like your brother do.

 

Sending much love & prayers to you & your family

Feel free to ask questions & rant in here if you need to xx

you are right in that it did affect her cerebellum. I know in my heart that there was nothing they could do because I was begging her to breathe when they were giving her the checks for signs of life and I know if she could have heard me she would of tried to breathe. I knew in my heart she was gone but just hoped there was some chance.

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Rachel,

I too am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. As others have said, cherish your memories and take comfort from the gifts your Mother left behind. Her legacy will always remain in your heart.

Take care,

Wem

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am so very sorry, Rachel. There is no reason, sometimes, for these things to happen. I had mine at the age of 46 and I am/was exceptionally healthy. I run marathons for enjoyment. Yet in June an acquaintance, who also runs marathons and ultra marathons, had a headache, went into the hospital and he never went home. He was 44, in fantastic shape, and he left two little girls and a wife. I had survivor's guilt over it. When I was told I cried for a few hours.

It's just not fair. That doesn't change the outcome, but it isn't. At least her last moments on earth she was laughing and enjoying her honey.

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