New member - JustMandy

[Winb143]

Mandy,

 

Well done, I got tired just reading your rota of work !!

 

Be proud of yourself and don't you just luv our hubbies/families and what they went through.

 

Glad I picked mine as we might argue but he is there for me and my Daughter also. xx

 

Love

Win  (Nie Win)  anagram for you lol xx

[subzero]

Hi Mandy

 

Glad to hear that your sight is improving- time is a great healer- and so often we want everything to happen yesterday-

 

It`s four years next week since Mrs Sub went into hospital and did not return home for nine weeks-  and we can look back and see how time has been such a factor in the healing process-

 

How is work?

[ClareM]

Hi Mandy

 

How is it going a work? Are you managing to keep to the schedule?

I have welfare from my work coming to see me tomorrow to see ' how they can get me back to work.' Don't think it will be for a while yet as I am still very tired.

 

Be interested to hear how you are getting on, hope you are ok

 

Clare

[Mandy Wright]

Hi Clare,

Thanks for the gentle nudge. I've been meaning to update this thread for a few days but always get sidetracked.

Regarding the return to work, I've pretty much followed the schedule so far, but I'm only on week 3 at the moment. This should have been 3 days of 4 hour shifts. I saw the OH lady on Monday and said that I was actually relieved that this week and next week are short weeks due to the bank holidays.

Since I've returned to work I'm having problems with my back. I suspect this is due to having been fairly sedentary over the last 3 months or so, and despite getting fairly enthusiastic about going for walks during the second month, as I improved in other areas, eg eyesight, I've let the exercise slip. And of course at work I seem to end up standing talking to people, and this is something I've not had an issue with while off sick!

I have a pretty-existing issue with hypermobility syndrome, but now seem to have an ongoing problem with sciatica and many other joints. I saw an osteopath last week and got fed up telling her that almost everywhere she was touching hurt! She's on holiday this week and I'll see her again next week. In the meantime I'm working on gentle stretches to try and ease the discomfort.

I'm a bit concerned that the back issue is going to hold me back with my progress. I know I need to take it gently, but I also don't want to have to take a step backwards. I need to get walking regularly! I need to get better at planning and scheduling my time, to ensure that I can meet some basic requirements.

In terms of work, the content hasn't proved too challenging yet, but given my short hours, I'm focusing on smaller self contained projects. My boss suggested I move my desk never to him to make it less likely that I'll get the usual flow of people asking for support from the woman who never says NO! I'm doing pretty well at diverting those who try to circumvent this strategy.

A bit of good news this morning though. Having seen the optician on the 20th March and having my double vision issue measured at a reduced 15 degrees, this morning it was just 8 degrees! We've removed the fresnel lens from my specs which has given me a big improvement in my vision. I know I've said this in the Green Room but I just want to tack it onto this record for future reference. I'm really pleased with the progress with my eyesight.

[Mandy Wright]

Just a note to update this log. Why is it that when you think you're just about getting a handle on everything, and adjusting to a new normal, life throws a curve ball? There is a potentially nasty domestic issue developing in the family and this has caused all sorts of issues. Too many long phone calls and visits with too much talking and I struggle with this. I need to be aware at the very least of what's going on, and involved in helping find a solution, but everyone is wary of me being involved, while admitting I can't be kept in the dark.

 

I'd only worry now if I was kept out of the loop. I know I can't do as much to help now as I might have been able to before the SAH. It's frustrating and tiring and worrying. But my default position is to tell people not to worry about me as they have enough other people to worry about.

This week will be the first one with three days at work, although at least they will be short days. It's the other half's birthday this week and I'm planning on a canal trip which should be nice, and a chance to spend some quality time together, as he has started to relax more about my health.

Mx

[SarahLou]

Hi Mandy,

I'm sorry to hear that you've got family issues to try and cope with on top of everything else.

My family and some friends have been the same with me since my SAH, it's like they try to shield me. I can understand that in the early recovery days but I do still get it now. I have to give gentle reminders that I can cope, I will cope, and I want to be there to support my loved ones as they've supported me over many years.

Yes, some situations I've had to take a step back from because I couldn't cope/ deal with things as I once had been able to.

I changed other areas of my life, I stopped worrying about things I couldn't change and had no control over.

Friendships and relationships shifted and changed, and I lost people who had been a part of my life for many years. That really upset me at first, but if they can't except me for who I am now then that's their loss and someone else's gain. That's the way I look at it now!

Your family will understand that you will want to be kept in the loop, albeit a bit differently to how you would have done before, maybe they need to know you perhaps can't handle the long deep conversations right now but that you are there for them.

Cherish the time away with your other half, it'll do you both good to have some proper time together.

Take care and keep smiling,

SarahLou Xx

[Mandy Wright]

SarahLou, thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post, especially when you have had such a rough week yourself!

I think I might as the OH to talk to some family members if they don't back off a little bit. In fact I think he may talk to them anyway as he's getting a bit concerned.

Take care of yourself SarahLou and I hope this week is better for you.

Mx

[SarahLou]

Ah, your welcome Mandy.

My hub did the same, he had to give some blunt truths to some people as he knows me best, he's the one that see's the aftermath of SAH that is now a part of me.

I'm grateful for his truth and honesty when I myself can't always see it.

Take care hun,

SL Xx

[subzero]

Hi Mandy-

 

Families !!!!!!!!!!!

 

That canal trip is the best thing you can do- enjoy every minute- it`s good to take time away from it all- 

 

As everyone on here keeps repeating- it`s a long journey

 

Take care

[ClareM]

Hi Mandy

 

Hope you get things sorted with the family - those type of problems can be the worst as they are so close to home. Keep in the loop but not too tangled I would say!

 

Enjoy your canal trip, where abouts are you going? Mine and my husbands birthdays are 1 day apart and we now do a city break each year. Lisbon this year if I cope with my Minorca holiday!

 

Hope work goes well this week, 3 days! Keep us posted on how that goes and remember, YOU are important.

 

Clare xx

[Mandy Wright]

Thanks Clare!

The canal trip is just for the morning on a local, very short, canal! I'm not brave enough to plan a trip away at the moment, but we've both agreed that a nice leisurely trip on a barge is probably perfect for our next break. I've started investigating our options. This has been helped by the fact that I've just had confirmation this afternoon that the PPI claim that I finally started while off sick has been approved! Great news and so very easy to do without the need for a third party company taking a cut of any award.

I could almost bounce! However I'm going to be sensible and keep the money to one side in case I need to extend the phased return beyond my sick pay entitlement period.

Mx

[ClareM]

Hi Mandy

 

Great news about the PPI you should definitely save it for a later and hopefully you can use it on a longer holiday. My sick pay runs out the end of this month (get 11 weeks) then I am down to Statutory Sick . However had a result today when my head office agreed to pay me full pay for my holiday in May. I am going to go back after that, towards the end of May on a phased return similar to the one you are doing.

Hope the problems with your family are easing and that you are not being too stressed!

 

Clare

[Mandy Wright]

Hi Clare, you must be starting to get excitited about your forthcoming holiday! It's great to have something to look forward to, isn't it. It seems unfair that the sick pay paid by employers differs so much. Good news that your employers will pay you for your holiday though. Don't think about work while you're away - easier said than done though, I know. Just enjoy the sunshine,

Mx

[subzero]

Hi Mandy-

 

Also a well done for avoiding these PPI people from taking a slice of your claim for doing very little!

[Mandy Wright]

Thanks Sub! . It turned out much easier than I expected in the end. I made a call to my bank to ask if I had ever had PPI. They sent out a claim pack with a number of loan account numbers listed. Then they called me and asked some questions and said they probably had enough information to process the claim, which was fortunate as I was a little baffled on how to fill in the forms.

Just a few weeks later and they've confirmed that they are going to send me a rather large cheque, or put the money straight in my account, providing I'm happy with their offer. I'm happy!! They did have to set an average award for three loans that they have no information on, as they are so old, but realistically I don't have the info on those old accounts either so it's fine by me.

I recommend www.moneysavingexpert.com for advice on the process if people are unsure on what to do - I hope it's okay to provide this link here! I've just got back from having my nails done and the poor lady there has been waiting 18 months for a payout through a third party company and the company is going to take 25% of any award!

I must call a credit card company I used to use to see if I can claim from them too!

[Mandy Wright]

A quick update from me tonight.

I'm struggling to increase my hours at work at the moment and am currently stuck on three days of four hours per week. I'm dreading having to go up to the next step and lose my recovery day between work days. I currently do Mon, Wed and Friday and need to step up to Mon, Tues, Thurs and Fri. I have a review meeting with Occupational Health on Tuesday and am thinking about increasing the hours before increasing the days, although I may try doing Tues, Thurs and Fri this week due to the meeting and bank holiday issues.

 

My boss has already suggested that I work from home one day this week which could help. Currently I'm finding it difficult to find the energy to do much at home on rest days and this just isn't sustainable. It's also being seriously aggravated by the sciatica which started on my return to work and is proving to be persistent, despite taking ibuprofen and seeing an osteopath every week.

The family issue seems to have been resolved for now which is a great relief.

I feel really emotional at the moment, to the point that even the ad breaks on the TV can tip me over the edge into tears and I feel as though I really need to keep a check on my emotions. I'm not a great one for crying in public but I'm now toying with watching a weenie film to give me some release!

Eyesight seems to be back to normal until I get really tired, which is a huge relief, although I've been getting dizzy over the last few days.

I got my appointment through for the MRA which was meant to be at six months but will be just under five months on May 12th. Need to find my way to a new hospital for this at rush hour which isn't ideal.

Finally managed to complete the jigsaw puzzle that my daughter bought for me at Christmas in an attempt to aid my recovery. I did it in the end so I can put it away and get the space back on the kitchen table!

It's good to read everyone's posts on the forums and I'm sorry I don't feel up to posting so much at the moment. Normal service will resume shortly I'm sure.

Mx

[subzero]

Hello Mandy

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts so openly- you are very brave-

 

I am sure your friends on this site will give you much encouragement-when they read your post-

 

Remember- please don`t strive to get where you feel you want to be when your body is saying  `No Mandy-give me a chance to heal`

Please take stock and adjust your progress goals-  you will get stronger.......

 

Glad to learn your family issue is no longer a concern-

 

Take care and stay positive-

[Mandy Wright]

Thanks so much for the kind words of support Sub, they mean a lot.

I sometimes think I'm my own worst enemy. Part of me still thinks that something like a SAH doesn't happen to someone like me - crazy, I know! I'm also keen to show the world that I'm still as good as I was, and have made a remarkable recovery, and mostly I still believe that. But, because you can't see the SAH from the outside, Even I sometimes forget to make the allowances that I need to, in order to recover effectively.

Mx

[SarahLou]

Hi Mandy,

Firstly.... Great big hugs to you...

You are doing amazingly, be very proud of yourself.

Returning to work after SAH is not easy. It often feels like one step forward and two steps back.

The elation you get from the piece of 'normal' is amazing but your'll also question why do you bother when it floors you so much, when all you can cope with is work, every other normal house hold type of duties almost have to go on hold.

It takes a long time for your brain and body to get used to being back at work.

Don't be so harsh on yourself, have patience and understanding. Make sure you get proper breaks at work and do the hours that suit you best right now.

Read ' a letter from your brain' and look up the 'back to work' thread.

I've recently re read it all and I'm so pleased I did as I'm struggling quite a bit myself at the moment.

Talk to your OH about hours/ days/ breaks, work together on your return to work, they need you to settle back in the best way possible.

It's hard to find the right work/ life balance but you will find it.

It's ok to cry, don't bottle those emotions. Cry, rant, rave, whatever.

It's good to hear that your vision has settled. I still have vision issues, get dizzy and off balance when I've done too much.

It's a good idea to plan your route to the hospital for scan, your'll be less stressed if you know where you are going.

I hope the sciatica pain eases off soon, have you had that before?

Well done on completing the puzzle, I'm so rubbish at those, can't even do kiddies ones with a dozen pieces!

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

[Daffodil]

Hi Mandy, wise words from Sarah Lou, she has got the t- shirt on the return to work so maybe have a chat again with Occ Health. I also struggled when I introduced the fourth working day and lost my rest day, the way we managed it was we brought the fourth day in slower , so 2 hours initially and dropped the Friday hours which was when I was at my limit , then built back up gradually the fri and Tuesday ...just a thought.

Also I do beleive holding in the crying does us no good at all so go find a quiet space and howl and release that blockage, you'll feel better x

Good luck this week and don't push too hard, be kind to yourself.

[Carolynusa]

Hi Mandy! You've had a rough time for a while.  It seems like things are becoming a little less difficult and that's great!  Please don't over-think some of the things you are worried about - or scared of.  As to crying - fuhget about it! (from some movie?) I cry at commercials on tv, stories I tell of the past, etc. etc.  I don't feel bad about it at all.  The last week or two I have noticed that I am now becoming angry more often.  You should hear me when I am trying to work my remote controls or type a sentence that keeps coming out stupid.  I think you are wonderful and have a huge heart.

 

 While you are trying to cope with your new life you are out there trying to encourage others.  You're special.  Here's a principle I learned years ago that has helped with some negative or impossible-seeming things in my life -

The "act as if" principle.  If there is something that is giving you trouble or you are scared of something = "act as if" it's fine and you are strong enough to get through it.  ex.  When I have gone to apply for a job and am nervous about it - I just march in there and "act as if" I already have the job!  lol.  

 

You wouldn't believe how often that principle has helped me.  I teach it to my kids also and they like it. I didn't mean to preach but it sounds like you get really down on yourself and I want you to recognize that you are great and can have a great future.  Just "act as if"!  lol

Much love to you.  I think of often and have always appreciated the kind things you say to me on the site. Carolyn

[Macca]

Hi Mandy,

 

Pearls of wisdom above.  I'm not going to add to those but I am going to make a bit of a confession.

 

Although I am a bloke of 5'10" and am now 59 - I have cried like a good 'un.  Do I feel bad about it?  Not a bit because as Daff rightly says, it is a release and I needed to do it.

 

It also filled me with a resolve to deal with the situation that caused it because I don't like to cry.  Would I do it again?  yes if the situation demanded it.  Would I feel any less of a man for doing so?  Absolutely not.  It is a natural human emotion and to me it is a demonstration of caring and strength, not weakness.

 

The emotion of crying is a short-lived thing.  It is what you do afterwards that is important.  You should come out of it wiser and stronger and with the experience enriching your capability to deal with future similar incidents.  If you need to cry, do it - in private if you must, but get it out of your system, otherwise it will eat away at you until you clear it.

 

What matters is how YOU feel, not what others think about you.  Their feelings are their problem, not yours!

 

I wish you well.

 

Les

[Mandy Wright]

Thank you all for the lovely words above - it makes me pretty emotional to read such kindness.

SarahLou, I'll have a look at the two threads you mentioned. I think I read A Letter From Your Brain early on in my recovery but things change. The return to work thread sounds like a must too, and I think I've overlooked that in my travels around the forum. I guess before I started the return myself I had thought it would all be hunkeydorey.

Oh the household duties have definitely had to take a back seat. It's a bit frustrating really as I'm keen to declutter to make life, and housework, simpler, but it takes a lot longer and a lot more spoons than I could ever have imagined.

Life is on hold at the moment, until I know if I'm going to make it back to work full time. We had planning permission approved last year to build an extension on the house. I was pretty excited about it at the time but now we can't proceed until I know if we will be able to afford the increase on the morgage that it will require. Grrrrr!

The sciatica is new for me and started the week I started my phased return to work. I checked it with the Wessex Neuro team as the other half reminded me I'd had some similar pain during the early stage of my recovery. They put my mind at rest on this being unrelated though. I think that it's a combination of things.

Three months of a pretty sedentary lifestyle, returning to work and feeling the need to present as well as I could, a history of hypermobility and lower back pain, and quite possibly the psychological impact of the SAH and the return to work following a major life incident.

 

A lot of my joints are objecting at the moment and not just my back. I'm keen to get more active but frankly don't have the energy. We went for a walk around the village yesterday and I found the combination of walking and talking got to me much quicker than it did a few weeks ago.

That flipping puzzle. Honestly it was the worst in terms of difficulty for me as so many of the pieces looked the same muddy brown colour! It was a 500 piece picture of a lion and a cub. I should post a picture.

Daffodil, thanks for the comments on your difficulties introducing the fourth day. It's reassuring to know I'm not just a wuss! Friday's are the worst too, and I've definitely run out of steam by then. I know I'm only doing a twelve hour week but I relish the long bank holiday weekends even more than when I was doing 40-50 hours a week!

Carolyn, I really need to make some time to lock myself away somewhere quiet and weep for a while. My beloved is prone to pop in and out all day when he's around, and we only have one bathroom so the door stays unlocked when it's just the two of us. I should watch a soppy film on my iPad the next time there's a football match on the TV!

I like the sound of your "act as if..." principle. Will try to put it to good use here.

Macca, Les, thanks for reminding me that even big guys can cry, and that there's no shame in it. I need to deal with the cause and hope I find a way forward with OH on Tuesday.

Thank you all once again for the fantastic support that you offer. It really is wonderful to know I can vent on here, away from those who may not always understand.

Mandy x

[SarahLou]

Hello Mandy,

Big hugs and spare spoons are coming your way... Catch!

When I read your posts it reminds me so much of myself.

It is ok to not be ok.

Please do read the 'back to work' thread, start at the very beginning, your'll see so much of what you're going through right there in other members posts.

I know exactly how you feel with the joint pain, at times my whole body hurts, my bones hurt.

It's the 'new' me that I'm still trying to accept.

Cherish those walks with your partner, if walking and talking is too much then stay quiet and just hold his hand.

Everything does shift and change after SAH, but please remember you are still in quite early days of your recovery.

Don't write off plans you made for your house, just put them on hold. You may still make changes to your home but different ones to your original plan. Ideas will come to mind when you're ready to think about them properly.

Instead of an extension you could build a 'relaxation room', just keep puzzles out of there!!

Seriously though, well done on that puzzle, that's an amazing achievement.

It's always reassuring to be able to get in touch with the Wessex Neuro Nurse Specialists, they really are so caring and understanding. They will put your mind at ease.

BTG members will always be here to give you strength, to hold you up when you need support, to listen and 'get it' .

You take care lovely lady, and use my spare spoons wisely!

SarahLou Xx

[Mandy Wright]

Just a very quick one tonight. SarahLou, I've started reading the Back to Work thread but it's going to take me some time. There are 37 pages of posts there. You're so right though, so many of those posts echo what I'm feeling and the difficulties I'm encountering. I'll keep reading the thread but it's probably going to take a week or more. I've opened it in a separate tab on the IPad so I can keep my place and still keep up with the rest of the forum.

Thanks again.

Mx