Guest misspiggy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hey everyone, I had a SAH in May 2006, which was treated with coils at the time. Following my checkup MRI in November 2006, they discovered this hadn't worked and I was readmitted in March 2007 for more coils to be added. Unfortunately, the coils kept falling out so this procedure was abandoned and I went in again in April 2007 to have a stent inserted. My most recent MRI has shown that all is ok and the consultants are happy that everything is now secure. I have had a couple of sessions with a neuropyschologist, who has assured me that the extreme fatigue I experience and the emotional rollercoasters I endure will disappear in time - but it could take up to five years!! What I am struggling to come to terms with is the feeling of guilt!! I constantly feel as if I have let my partner, my children and myself down. Any ideas how to get past this? My partner and I run our own company and I try to help as best I can, but really struggle as if I spend too much time working, our homelife and my relationship with the children suffers. Help!!! How do I get the balance right? When will I begin to feel something like the person I was preSAH?? Reading some of the postings here has helped, as I now realise that I am not alone but it is so overwhelming dealing with the emotions. Surely, two years on there should be a slight glimmer of hope??!! Thank you for listening, love to you all xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hi Misspiggy Welcome to our virtual family. Sorry to hear you're feeling guilty about being able to strike the right work/life balance. I had similar problems I returned to work 7 months after my SAH and gradually increased to 30 hours but in the last few months realised that it was too much for me. Being stubborn I reached nearly breaking point before getting work to reduce my hours back down. I know your situation is slightly different with it being your own business but it is important to put your health first. It might be time to sit your partner down and let him know how much its affecting you trying to juggle the business and home maybe he doesn't realise that you're doing too much. I really hope you find a solution soon as overdoing things makes everything worse sending some virtual hugs to you. Hope to hear more from you soon. Janet x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest misspiggy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hi Janet Thank you very much for your response. Its great to know there are people out there that have not only travelled the same road as me but are also there for each other!! I know I should perhaps sit him down and tell him how I am feeling, but I do find it diificult as the stubborn, proud side of me kicks in and tells me that I should be over it by now and that if I just get on with it, I'll be ok!! There is a tendency to forget that although I was the one who had the SAH, it has also affected him (and still is!!) He has been my rock through this, and I feel as though I want to support him now. I hope that all is well with you and yours and that you are continuing to make good progress. Take Care and thank you so much for your kind wishes With love Miss Piggy xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hey Miss Piggy I know exactly how you feel - my husband and I run our own company too. I'm lucky enough to be well onthe road to recovery - the only thing I still suffer from is the occasional headache and some fatigue if I've over done it. The house work is still cause for contention in our house though - trying to get my daughter to pick up after herself and pull her weight and have had to constantly moan at my hubby to help - although he does work long hours sometimes. You shouldn't feel guilty - the whole thing was out of your control and there is nothing you could have done to prevent it - all the complications you've had won't help your state of mind either. I agree with Janet though, you need to sit down and talk to him and explain how you feel and how it's still hard for you - I'm sure he'll understand - also ask him how the whole thing has made him feel. My hubby has been my rock too - though he sometimes falls into the trap of "She's walking, talking etc so she must be OK" so I do sometimes point out to him that he never asks how I'm feeling anymore etc. Things are better out in the open than locked up inside - you'll probably find that you're state of mind will improve too. Can you give us more details about you, not being nosey but it helps more if we know your age (now and at SAH) and lifestyle etc etc. Hope to hear more from you - we're always here for a chat, laugh, moan or a ****** good cry Take care Love Sami xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hey there Warm welcome to the site..... ditto the others in what they say there's no need to feel guilty about what happened it just happened, stiking the balance is tough but I cant comment on that I cant work at all now because of the damage that I suffered......... Yes sit down and talk about how YOU feel sometimes even telling you might find the answer but you might find he'll be glad to talk too..... dont know if that makes sense I have the tendance to rattle Louise.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myratas Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Welcome Miss Piggy Don't feel guilty, if was not your fault that this happend. We all suffer from fatigue after SAH and no one can understand that like we do. This is a great place to come to if you ever need ask for advice or just chat. I do not know what i will do without this BTG family of mine. Myra xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hi Miss Piggy A warm welcome to BTG. You sure have had a tough time,bless you. I am at 8 months, i am s/e and really want to get back to work, for many reasons, finacially, keeping my business going and because i feel guilty, like you. I have not managed to get back yet, i still have problems with my eye and balance and the dreaded fatigue. My husband like yours is my rock, he is so supportive and understanding and never puts any pressure on me at all. But i do know what you mean when you say you feel guilty, i feel guilty that i have put my husband and kids and parents through hell and back, but as the others have said, it was nothing we could have controlled. I am sure if you sat down with your hubby and explained how you feel, you can sort it out together. Maybe reducing the hours, or help around the home. We can be very emotional as well, it is good to talk, we are always here for you.... I dont know where i would be today if was not for this wonderful website, and the wonderful friends i have made here, there is always someone who can help or advise you. Take care Lots of Love Tinaxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Now why cant I explaine things like you Tina, here here to what you've said..... L.xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Louise, you did honey, you always do xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hi there Miss Piggy I am sure it will get better in time everyone recovers at a different pace so I wouldn't worry to much in the meantime anything you wanna know just ask. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna79 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 hi misspiggy YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL GUILTY ........... Like others have said its not our fault.....I am only 4 months down the line from my sah and taking the change to be hard to deal with. BUT one day we will be better its just having patience and time and that is something we all hate but unfortunatly its the only way to get there. I really struggle with my son and have to put him in nursery every now and then which i dont like doing because i just want to be a good mum x i still get emotional and have a good cry but thats what i need x and the fatigue has just started to kick in and i do try and fight it because i dont like sleeping in the day but i must say it is winning and i now know i must rest x x Just even if it is a lie down for 5 mins that it helps abit x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Shiree Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Hiya Misspiggy Gosh you should not feel guilty my friend, you should feel proud of your strength that you came through the rough bits of needing more coils etc. It would have taken alot of courage to face..... Fatigue is just part of recovery but little bit by little bit it will get better. I am only five months past SAH but am improving, just got bad headaches. I felt bad for putting my family through the turmoil and stress too, but I am still here and that to them and me means everything. Dont be hard on yourself, you are amongst friends here hugs Shiree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest misspiggy Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Hi Sammi I am totally overwhelmed by all the love and support!!! I was 37 when I had the SAH, and am celebrating my 40th next week!! Following alot of pressure from friends and family I am having a big party, to celebrate the fact that I am here to see this milestone birthday. Things could've been so very different! My SAH happened during sex, although my partner was very reluctant to admit this to the docs to begin with! My children are 6 and 8 now. They have accepted that mummy is still recovering from her "bad head", but still don't understand that mummy can't do as much as used to and has to have a nap in the day sometimes. I reaqlly wish I had found this site sooner - it is such a great family. Although I am the new kid on the block, if I can be of any help to anyone, please get in touch. Love to all and take care xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vivien Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Welcome Miss Piggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Hi Miss Piggy Congratulations on your 40th next week, enjoy your party and have a great birthday...good for you Take care Love Tinaxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Welcome Miss Piggy to this fab web site I go through many days too when I feel guilty that I am letting my husband down as i can't do half as much as i use to and still need naps and many painkillers. Quite often before we would plan to go out at weekends etc and now I try not to plan incase I wreck his weekend etc as well as my own! As Simon (hubby) says he nearly lost me and is just pleased to still have me here and he is adapting as well to our new life! It still sometimes though doesn't make me feel any better Anyway this web site is a huge support and everyoen is one big crazy family Keep your chin up and take care Love Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bogbrush Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Miss Piggy Welcome to the family! Regards Keith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Happy 40th whenever it is. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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