tennissmithy Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Hi all, I've come to my trusted friends again for advice. I've always been a very insecure individual and have never really felt happy with myself. Since SAH I have a real fear that Simon will not love me anymore because I can't do the things we used to do before with the same energy or enthusiasm and can't necessarily plan ahead that we used to. Alos on a night out 2 drinks and 11p.m. and i want to go home, I fear he is going to get really bored and want to leave me. He assures me endlessly that he loves me and nothing will change that but i still feel it. I know this sounds really stupid but last night he was on facebook and a friend who is a girl, that Simon hasn't spoke to since he was 11, messaged him on the online chat. I was beside myself with fear about what they were talking about and I went to bed crying hysterically that he was talking to her. He came up to bed about 20 minutes later and by that time I had sorted myself out so he doesn't know I was upset but he does know how insecure I am. Does anyone else feel like this? I kind of feel bad putting this on here as I know there are people in a worse situation because they have had an SAH and have no support from a loving husband but this is eating away at me and I don't know wha to do. I don't know whether its because i've had a c**p few weeks adding to my emotions but I do feel very insecure. Sorry to moan Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna79 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Laura you are not alone in these feelings at all.... Antony has joined facebook and i am so worried he will meet someone that will be able to go out and dance the night away rather than being with boring me who has no energy and no fun anymore x x x Maybe one time the 4 of us should meet up and have a meal ( be nice to be with others that feel the same )..... Antony likes having a drink and going out but that is just what i dont feel like anymore x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasbo Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Hi Laura It's not moaning - this is where to let it all out as we have all gone/are going through these very same emotions. I have feelings just like you too, the stamina's not so good now, no party-party-partying past 8pm (and even that's late these days!!), just no energy like before so the worries do set in. And, as you have mentioned, it's almost certainly exacerbated due to all the other things you've had going on just lately. The only way I can deal with it is to try and be reasonable with myself and believe what I'm told. It's hard to accept in our vulnerable states but you really must or else you'll tie yourself in knots and that won't do you or Simon any good. Have faith my little mate but never, ever worry about sharing your fears and worries here. We all need each other. Sas xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MUTTI Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 HI LAURA I DO UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY. JIM LIKES ME TO TALK TO HIM WHILE WE ARE DRIVING AND SEEMS ANY MORE MY MIND IS BLANK MOST OF THE TIME AND I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO CARRY ON A CONVERSATION. OR WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT THE SECRETARY AT WORK IT TRULEY BOTHERS ME. BUT SARAH IS RIGHT WE HAVE TO TRY TO BELIEVE BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE US CRAZY. BUT NEVER BE AFRAID TO TALK TO US ABOUT WHAT EVER TROUBLES YOU IT HELPS THE REST OF US TO HELP EACH OTHER I THINK. LOVE & HUGS EVELYN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Hi Laura Sorry you're feeling insecure but after watching the way Simon is with you I really truley belief that your fears are unfounded. I do appreciate the way you feel though and I think most of us suffer the same anxiety from time to time due to lack of stamina post SAH. Janet x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi there Laura and Donna yes I went through a stage like that after my sah, however it does get better now I think, well if he leaves he leaves don't keep fretting over it now if he goes I will find someone else that's life lots of people split up. However I don't think either of your chaps would leave you and not being funny or anything and I sincerely aren't, but your fellows might both be thinking the same about you two your both on facebook. So maybe they joined to see what its all about. Don't worry. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Laura I also feel the same sometimes...i worry and feel guily for what has happened...although Mike has always been nothing but 100% supportive and understanding....i worry he will get fed up with me....i just want the old me back....i think our emotions are very raw...and when we are down things always seem so much worse. Laura.... i agree with Janet...seeing Simon with you...you have no worries Take care keep smiling...lots of love to you, love Tina xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninja Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Laura As others have said you are not on your own. Prior to my SAH I used to go out at least three times a week staying out way after 11pm. I now go out in the evening once a month and struggle to stay out until 11pm in fact last New Years Eve I couldn't stick it after 10.30pm and went home, obviously Barbara my wife was upset leaving her friends and I wanted her to stay but she was very supportive and came with me. It is very miserable for her but we tend to go out in the day for meals etc. so we do have some sort of life but not as I would wish. I do encourage her to "doll up" when she goes out and so far I haven't really felt I would lose her. Not only is she looking after me but she has a 95 year old mother to care for as well so yes it is very difficult for her, perhaps shes the one in a million they talk about but I am sure you have nothing to worry about, speaking to someone on these social sites or chatrooms is just that "social", its a very few minorities who take it further. Cheers John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle C Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Laura, I agree with everyone we all feel like this insecure one week ok the next it goes round and round but as everyone has said we are all going through a lot and we are all very emotional. I always felt very insecure before sah/stroke and still do sometimes now it could also be like you said you have had a couple of bad weeks and that makes you feel down. You will get through this and we are here to support you and NO you are not moaning. Take care, lots of love and hugs Michelle Cxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Laura, I am hoping you are feeling better. I like Simon is the person that loves someone that has suffered a SAH. Jim in some ways is also different. There are many things that he cannot do that came so easy to him prior to his SAH. But we take things as they come and are so happy that we still do have the time to spend together. I love Jim the same way I always have and in some ways even more. Simon and I are so lucky to still have you both. Please try to remember you are still the same person you were before with just a few little differences that would not make anyone love you less. You are a very special, caring person that has helped many people on this web site and I for one am happy that you are here and that you are who you are. Take care Cal XXXX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Laura I am sorry that you have been feeling down. Obviously I can only comment from a carer's point of view, but if it's any consolation although I would not have wanted this to happen to anyone, oddly it has made my mum a more special person who I love even more' so to you and all you other special people on this site you all seem so caring and lovely like my mum and I cannot imagine any husband wanting someone else. You all have a star quality now just like my mum Maggie. Elaine xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vivien Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Lura, sorry you are feeling insecure and down, hope it passes soon. I think that maybe our confidence takes a bit of a bashing after an SAH, I am still struggling at times with thoughts of being useless because I need help at times ( ok a lot of the time), but as time goes on I am feeling stronger and finding things I can do Vivien x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted November 11, 2008 Author Share Posted November 11, 2008 Thanks everyone for your support- you are all so uplifting to talk to. Simon says the same about he never worries about who I message on facebook. I know he loves me but agree that probably it is a confidence issue as well. I have just read the replies and cried because you all care so much. THANKS EVERYONE Lots of love Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Bless you Laura He adores you - it's evident from watching you two together. I do know what you mean tho - about the insecurity thing - mine's worse since my SAH and I think it is all down to confidence. You're a lovely girl - who wouldn't love you?? We all do xxx Take care hun and see you soon Love Sami xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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