Confusion

[Sandi K]

Hi everyone,

I'm off to a good start today.

I'm very excited because a friend is coming to visit today for 10 days. This morning Peter has been explaining to me which password the friend needs to use if she's logging into her own laptop and which password she needs to use if she's using one of our devices and which network she needs to log into.

Sounds pretty straight forward right? I don't understand. I can kick myself!! I'm an IT manager!! And I can't understand this!!!! It's so scary for me that I'm afraid to keep asking the same questions in different ways and when I do ask I still don't understand anyway. Peter got frustrated and left the room and I burst into tears.

He's a saint, this isn't a complaint about him. He is amazingly patient usually. I think he's just as scared as I am. Or he thinks I'm not trying hard enough.

It's like I have a block in my head. Usually I can fool everyone and they all think I'm fine. But get into the technical detail like going to the bank and sorting out accounts and cards, going to the accountants and sorting out the tax forms, asking the teller about exchange rates... My head freezes up and the other person may as well be speaking another language.

The neurologist told me this will 'clear up' near the 6 month mark. I just can't see that happening. I'm at 4 and a half months now.

Does this sound familiar? Does it get better?

Sandi K.

[sallym25]

Hi Sandi,

I will be really interested to read replies to this thread. You have described me to a T here.

I am nearing two years post clipping and am still doing these things. I get so frustrated and find myself concentrating so hard on trying to make myself look confident and understanding that I upset myself when I realise I'm just not "getting it." I also feel that others think I'm not making enough effort to take all the information in. My neuropshycologist says I'm just putting myself under pressure and that this is because it's always been my nature to worry about things. (true.) She says that no one is trying to make me feel bad so I should stop doing it myself. I have to say though, I am now thnking she might be right. Thing is, thats the way I am and I'm not sure how to go about changing it.

Hope you get some positive responses to this and I will keep myself updated in the hope of getting ideas on how to sort myself out too.

love Sally x

[garyolly]

Sandi, don't fret it will get better.

I am an I.T engineer and when i started back to work i couldn't remember the most basic things. I even told my boss that i would be carrying manuals around with me.

As i got back into the swing of things, i learnt to relax and trust myself again. Sally hit it right on the head. Try not to put pressure on yourself, you will get there. Tortoise NOT hare !!

Yes, i still forget some things but now i take a minute and visualize what i want to do and carry on. Treat it like losing your keys, take stock and go though possibilities. You are definitely not alone in this.

[donnamarie]

hi Sandi im like this to a tee still but hopfully it will get better. ive blocked all banks cards including hubbies because i swear ive the right number but its not . think im onmy 3 or 4 card(my own) now. Some things come easy 1 day and the next i dont even remeber what to do. This can be so fustarting i want to scream

im so stressed im nearly back on the cigs:oops: and the more i try stuff the harder it is to do. i think the worst at times is meeting friends and were allhaving this conversationabout something and im like was i there???and they look at me like im from another planet

hope things get betterreal soon donna xxx

[Gill C]

I'm not too bad at the moment & I guess thats because I didn't have a bleed. I do have 'moments' of complete blankness though & words just don't come to me to explain what I want to say or do. I've never been very good at bank or investments stuff so that is still a complete mystery to me as are.

sometimes I can look at things for ages & not understand it but then someone will point out the obvious to me & it's very clear all of a sudden (like the phone call to the bank I put on the duffers thread!!) My logical commen sense head seems to have deserted me these days!

I do think if I needed to do anythign complicated I would have to write it down & follow it step by step

[Louise]

With what happened to me Im like that all the time honey so dont worry....On saying that Im miles better than I was it took time & dont forget 'we're all different'

write it down to help you remember works for me....

Maybe because you are fooling people all the time is why Peter got frustrated.

Enjoy your friends visit, pace yourself remember.....

[JayKay]

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you got upset. Please don't fret! I was very much like that in the early days, and I would get very very confused and overwhelmed by stuff that I'd been doing in my sleep for 30 years as an Executive Assistant. I couldn't take care of money or anything.

If I'm anything to go by, it WILL get better. I am 13 months post SAH and I don't get so confused any more. I couldn't tell you when it got better exactly, I think it's been a very gradual thing. I am not 100% yet, but it's a million times better than it was.

Keep the faith xx

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Sandi

Sorry to hear you're finding it upsetting. I had an almost identical experience with my ex husband (who is still around a lot to help me out). I can't remember exactly what I was trying to:roll: do but it was on my computer. He tried to explain something, I couldn't understand which makes me get stroppy at other people and he commented 'how can you not get this, your whole job is computer based?'

Like you I had a good cry afterwards. I don't think he intended to make me feel bad but perhaps like your husband he genuinely can't accept that something so 'simple' is beyond us because they don't want this to be the case?

Maybe on a different day it would be easier to understand? Some days are more confusing than others I find.

Hope you are feeling a lot happier now.

Love, Michelle x

[RB-R]

Hiya Sandi,

I too feel this, some days are worse than others. I think when i was at your stage everything confused me and the more i tryed the worse it got, so now i just relax step back think about for awhile if still does'nt come i say t whoever, sorry 10months ago i had a brain bleed/stroke you'll just have bear with me.

Lee (my husband) found this hard at first, ive spoke to him since about it, He sayes it sacred the pants off him to see that i could'nt cope or remember simple tasks and it took awhile for him to realize it was all part of recovery. I im so much better now then i was, so give it time;-) You will get there:-D Very hard thing to realize when you are in the midst of it all. I think somtimes having a card to hand out to people would be great, sorry ive got a brain injury ! Take care and be kind to yourself;-)Enjoy your time with your friends;-)

Take care Rhiannxx

[JayKay]

Yeah, we've got an excuse for life now!! At least, that's what I say in my family.... Although yesterday I was out with a very dear friend, and I did/said something silly (oops can't remember) and then when corrected I laughed and said "Well I've had a brain injury" and my friend couldn't understand the joke. She was very serious about getting me to put that behind me and not think of myself as having a brain injury! It's ok, I love her loads, and it was a good day so I just moved swiftly on to something else.

On a bad day I'd have got very p***d off with her, as I did recently when another friend told me to move on.

[Nessie]

hey Sandi, I can't believe that Peter thinks your not trying hard enough!!!

I think he might be scared for you that you don't get it... (hahah ik think you used these same words to me a while back)

My mind works like that as well. Something can go well, and the next day there's like a brick wall in my head. Visualising doesn't do me any good. I can visualise my house, but have a big , big problem with abstract conceptual thinking. And I can only visualise something (anything) when I am doing absolutely nothing else at the same time!

[JayKay]

Yep, Nessie, I had that problem too! It's much easier now, though.

[Winb143]

Every time I ask my husband "Was I Like This/That " .... He says " You Still are" !!!!!! and we laugh.....there are days when I feel down...but shopping helps...spend spend and chocolates !!!!!!

All of us need to smile and be happy...We have been through it..we can either smile or feel sorry for ourselves......I feel better to smile...although I can be a right misery ...So Be happy all xxxxxxx

Luv

Winb143

[Nessie]

shopping helps LOL

Thank god for online shopping!

And so very true... I think I bought more shoes, clothes and a really nice bag in the last 5 months than in the previous year!

( I have put my creditcard in the freezer for a while..

[Lin-lin]

I can relate to this thread, but I have undoubtedly improved lots since the early days.

More importantly, I am relaxed about it and accept the slight differences in me as part and parcel of who I am now. I may improve further, but I am ok if I do not.

I am presently engaged in two voluntary work placements. I work at the Citizens Advice Bureau offering free legal help at a drop in centre.

I find this job manageable because it is familiar (and easier) to the job I used to do. However, I sense that some of the managers treat me as a (healthy) qualified lawyer and they can inadvertently explain things as a pitch which is slightly out of reach. (And my goodness they speak quickly!!)

I used to feel ashamed of this and just smile and nod my head. I feel more confident to say now that they need to explain things differently.

I also work at an office which helps disabled people get back into employment. They have taken me on knowing I have a brain injury and understand brain injuries.

They are teaching me reception work. It should be easy for me, but the tasks are new and I do not find it straightforward. I am not embarrassed about this. I am given short and succinct instructions and given time to master them before moving on to something else. They insist I have regular breaks saying my brain needs ‘time off.’

I work alongside many disabled people. Some of my work colleagues are wheelchair users, others are deaf, some are blind, not to mention countless people with hidden disabilities.

They have taught me about equality of outcome and how this involves treating people differently sometimes. This is not about treating people better nor is it positive discrimination. It simply acknowledges that if everyone is treated exactly the same, some people get left behind.

My brain works a bit differently to before. I can’t retain information as quickly, crowds tire me, my memory is poorer and the pace of my life needs to be slower. But all this is ok. I’m not stupid and my intellectual capacity is the same. Things are just a bit different.

I feel empowered when I tell people I have a brain injury. I look upon it as a measure of what I can achieve despite the SAH.

There’s no point in me pretending that everything’s going to be exactly the same as before and ‘putting it behind me’ as JayKay’s friend suggested!! (Aren’t people just full of helpful advice!!!)

If people treat me as I was before the SAH and if I try to emulate all aspects of my life before the SAH, I am not going to cope and I will feel depressed. ‘Putting it behind me,’ will not help. Harnessing the experience of the SAH in a positive way will help me improve. Facing up to things is healthy. Sweeping things under the carpet is not, and problems do not go away in doing that.

I am not going to put the SAH behind me. It is going to be the very thing which drives me forward to achieving a better life than what I had before the SAH.

A previous work colleague told me at her retirement party that you ‘can always play a new tune on an old fiddle!’ I intend to follow the advice!

Lynne

Edited April 2, 2011 by Lin-lin

[Gill C]

Lin thanks for your words which very precisely hit the nail on the head for me, this is exactly how I feel when people say I should move on or look to the future. I's not about forgetting about what happened but using what you are now to the best of your ability.

Thank you again for putting into words what I felt

Also you say intellectually you are the same, I think I am too but my fatigue rules my life these days & because it's unmeasureable people disregard it because I sound the same person as before.

xxx

PS lin is it ok to copy this to my FB page for my 'friends' to read?

Edited April 3, 2011 by bagpuss

[Liz D]

Spot on Lin.

I keep telling people that I'm every bit as intelligent as before but it just works in a different way and information has a longer route to travel in my brain than before!

I also agree that it's quite flippant to suggest that we put it behind us. Every experience in life helps to define us and makes us who we are. We can't just hold on to the good ones and ignore the difficult ones!

Once I came to terms with what had happened and embraced the 'new me' I feel I am a much better person for it! It is a greiving process and everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. But hopefully we will all reach the stage that gives us peace.

I felt wonderful at work last week. The team secretary came to me and asked my advice on a matter because as she said ' you have a very logical way of looking at processes and are able to streamline them'! How's that for a sense of empowerment!

Gill you have a very young child to run after. This will fatigue anyone, never mind someone recovering from a brain injury. My children are all independent and the last one left home last July. I found I started to get even better with only hubby and me at home now. I used to be exhausted on a Monday morning after a weekend of all the comings and goings. I find myself quite amazed at the mums of young children who are recovering from a SAH and just what they are able to cope with and how hard they push themselves! I hope you are all having a wonderful mother's day and are getting spoiled, you certainly deserve it!

[Lin-lin]

xxx

PS lin is it ok to copy this to my FB page for my 'friends' to read?

Yes of course, hun. Thanks for you kind words.

L xx

[Gill C]

thanks Lynne, you always have a way with words. xx

[lemonade]

Hi sandi

Its nearly a year for me now and my concentration and memory are still shocking. just returned to work and i'm struggling. Everyone says i look so well. no one seems to understand how it affects you. My partner says i have improved so much but i don't see it myself. He used to tell me to concentrate easier said than done. i used to get really upset. He at least understands now that i really find it hard to concentrate. we have to accept who we are now and get on with what we have got. just keep working at it Sandi.

[Sandi K]

Thank you everyone, it's comforting to read your posts and see firstly that you understand whats happening and secondly your advice on how to cope.

I will be rereading this thread frequently.

Sandi K. Xo

[Winb143]

shopping helps LOL

Thank god for online shopping!

And so very true... I think I bought more shoes, clothes and a really nice bag in the last 5 months than in the previous year!

( I have put my creditcard in the freezer for a while..

Best place for it lol.... good luck with your progress xx

Winb

[JayKay]

Lynne is fantastic!! Once again she puts our feelings and thoughts into words in the most eloquent fashion.... I hope you don't mind, but I think I'm going to put those words on my Fbook too. Thank you Linlin!!