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Was feeling good


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Well I was feeling good, now the past few days I feel as though I have gone backwards ( I know this can happen) but I'm not sleeping much as my tinnitus has come back with a vengeance so I feel tired during the day I find myself snapping at my wife and kids I try so hard not to but it just seems to come out all wrong.Some days I could just sit and cry not very good for a 58 yr old truck driver. How many times can you say sorry for behaving like an ass to the women you love?:confused:. I know that this is all part of the recovery post explosion but its very hard some days isn't it? I know I've got off really lucky compared to some off you guys out there, some times I wish I had an external scar that people could see and not just the invisible internal ones that we all have that nobody can see to let them know that all is not well with my world. I don't mean to sound as though I am feeling full of self pity far from it I have a very positive outlook on life, its just so very frustrating sorry to ramble on I just needed to talk;-)

Ron

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Hi Ron, you are entitled to feel as you do. It's been a massive event and a long road to recovery. Let the ladies know that you love them and maybe they could read some of the stories on here to help them understand that you can't always help how you react?

You will get there. Take care & keep on trucking :-D

Michelle

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Hi Michelle

I do tell my wife and kids that I love them but sometimes its just the look in their faces that gets to me.I hope I can keep on trucking but I'm still waiting to find out if I'll get my licences back so I can return to my job, I think I'm worrying about that to I try not to but its my lively-hood. Thanks Ron

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Stick in there Ron. There is every chance you will get your licences back, I know DVLA are more thorough when you are a driver for a living (HGV, passenger vehicles etc), they don't seem to rush themselves!

I have lost my licence for 12 months but not due to the SAH, I kept it after that (possible post SAH epilepsy removed it) so I understand your frustration but there is no reason why you won't get it back in time. Use the time without it to rest & recover.

Best wishes

Michelle

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Hi Ron,

Just wanted to say hang in there too. It's certainly not easy some days - the concerns about your driving licences, the tinnitus, the fact that you are not sleeping so well because of it, aswell as recovering from a serious event, all contribute to the reactions you describe - don't foget you didn't ask for any of these things to happen and it strikes me you are doing really well. I'm not sure how old your kids are, but having 3 of my own, I know it has certainly made being a parent that little bit harder whilst recovering from a sah at the same time.

Take care,

Sarah

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Hello Ron,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time of things at the moment.

It can be a very tough lonely road to recovery, but we're all here to gain strength from eachother.

I know how you feel with the lack of sleep and the tinnitus. I suffer bad with it too and it's been constant. Sometimes I could scream with frustration, kick and rant. People have said to me 'your'll learn to live with it'. Oh. Really.

Has your gp referred you to ENT ? I was referred quite early on. I have had some hearing loss between to two tests they did. I'm having an MRI scan to check things out, on 22nd December, not looking forward to that but I just want it over and done with now.

I also know how you feel with the way things are said to our loved ones. It's such a frustration and some painful things have been said. The look on thier faces cuts me to my soul. I've now learnt to take time out, have 'me' time, go for a walk or just hide somewhere for a bit. It does help, it helps us all. So does talking to them about it, giving eachother honesty of how we feel.

Anyway, I'm feeling sleepy now, maybe I'll be lucky enough to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Take care of yourself Ron, be kind to yourself, have patience. Your'll get there.

Keep smiling,

SarahLou Xx

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What you describe sounds very familiar and ‘normal’ for a SAH recovery; but that aside, it is not nice to go through, is it?

Sleep deprivation is just awful. I have suffered with this myself and it is so debilitating. I have lost count how many times I have been to the GP to explain my symptoms, but you may be aware that doctors are reluctant to prescribe sleeping tablets. I was eventually put on amitriptyline (an anti-depressant but prescribed for insomnia), which helped marginally for a bit. It was no magic wand, but can give a short respite.

My family relationships and friendships suffered a lot post SAH. I was like an imposter in my own body. People tried to relate to me in how they remembered me and it didn’t seem to fit the person I was now.

Matters improved for me when I contacted Headway – a charity for people with brain injuries. (A SAH is a trauma to the brain and is therefore considered a brain injury.)

I receive counselling there which has helped me come to terms with my situation. Also, in learning that I have a brain injury, I am able to read books and browse the internet on the subject and share my experience with my family. When they understood what had happened to me and how I was processing things differently, our relationship improved. It was easier for everyone, including myself, when we all allowed the ‘old me’ to fade and concentrate on the person I had become. Change can be a good thing. I look upon my SAH as something which allowed me to iron out all the habits and traits which had developed over the years and needed to go. One positive change is that I used to allow people to ‘put on’ me a bit; but I am far more assertive these days because I have to be. I also have a different value on life. I resent commercialism and materialism to a massive extent and receive much more pleasure in helping people hence all the community work I now do.

I could not have done this without counselling however. I was very skeptical at first because I was ‘not the type.’ I now know there is no such type, but sometimes in life we need a bit of help to order things in our minds.

Here is a link to Headway, which has been an enormous help for me and my family. Maybe you have a group nearby.

http://www.headway.org.uk/home.aspx

Lynne

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Yes it seems very normal plus side (if there is one) is that you know your doing it, some SAH's dont.....

councelling can help speaking to someone who is trained can help you understand and control it...

take care

Edited by Louise
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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Ron,

That's brilliant news & I think the appointment will be a huge help. I know it was for me although I didn't always appreciate what I was told straight away, some of it took a bit of time to deal with - but totally recommend it!

Hope all goes well, would love to hear how you get on.

Take care,

Michelle

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When you feel down Ron sing !!! You have a song already written for you ..ok ok I'll sing you a few lines a 1..2...3...Go Win

Met him on a monday and my heart stood still

Da doo Ron Ron...da doo Ron Ron..........You sing the rest over to Ron

Keep trucking and don;t give up..... Love to you and Family and think happy thoughts when poss and remember

WE ARE ALIVE YEAHHHHHHHHHH !!!!! good luck with appointment x

Regards

WinB143 xx

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Hi Winbe143

Thanks for that one been out in my shed cant seem to get that tune out of my head now now I'm trying to remember who had a hit with it (without using the net), I'll let you know when I remember that's something I miss I used to have a pretty good memory for music maybe it'll come back.Thanks for the tune:-D

Ron

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Ron, I am new here as well. SAH on 9/16/11 and every week gets so much better as long as I do not over do it. It all has improved so much the past few weeks now all my old aches and pains are killing me! Adjusting my sails helps. Good Luck. MaryB

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Hi all

Well I went to see my Neuropsychologist yesterday and had a good talk with her which has done me a lot of good I feel a lot better now sort of re-arranged a few things in my head,trying not to dwell to much on who I was but more on who I am now. She gave me a copy of her book titled "Brain Book" by Dr Louise Blackmore (you can find it through Google) which I found very good it has some good info in it and it explains a lot at least it did for me, my wife read it also and she said it cleared a few things up for her about my behaviour since my explosion.Thanks to all of you that suggested that I speak to someone, I have another appointment to see her again in March thanks again.

Ron:-D

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Hi Ron,

It's great to hear that you're feeling more positive about things.

Thanks for the link about the book, I've just read it. Very good.

As you said yourself, it's all about acceptance of who we are now, not who we once used to be.

Think of how far you've come since your SAH.

I wish you well with your continuing recovery.

Take care and keep smiling,

SarahLou Xx

Edited by SarahLou
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Hi Ron,

thank you for that, it took a while to find on Google but well worth reading!

Had to fight my irritation that the author is 30 mins away from me but due to NHS politics, I have to travel 2 hours in the opposite direction - grrrr. Although I have to say I see a lovely lady who has helped enormously (in the opposite direction) who also travels to my area for appointments which I am VERY grateful for.

Also, I am waiting for a 5 day epilepsy test (2 hrs away from my family) as the Highland region, where the author is based, have refused to treat me as I am in Grampian region (10 minute drive from Highland boundary!) Very frustrating but I think the book link you posted was really helpful where ever you live.

So pleased you are getting this help now.

Best wishes

Michelle

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