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Missing my mum.


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I just wanted to make a post, as for the last hour or so I haven't been able to stop thinking about my mum.

She passed away in February 2011 very suddenly from a brain haemorrhage, what caused it had been in her brain since birth but nobody knew, it was very painful, she was unconscious for a week and I had to watch her slowly dying.

I'm at university now. I've always found it difficult talking to people, so trying to explain how I feel about this is even more difficult. It confuses my boyfriend, he panics when I get upset like this so I tend to hide it. But right now I feel awful. I posted on here the week it happened and got so much support from so many wonderful and strong people, and to come on here and see all the families who have survived it, had a member make full recovery, its painful, but its also wonderful, it gives me hope. I'd never wish the pain I felt on anyone.

I wish you all the strength in the world. I just miss her so much.

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Hi Anna,

I remember reading your posts as it happened & being so upset at the outcome for your mum. I'm sure many others were equally upset. We all realise how very, very lucky we have been to survive, albeit with life long changes & challenges, but we are still here.

For many of us, your story showed us how awful this event is for our children to witness & the unimaginable pain it causes them to witness the aftermath in the early days, let alone the aftermath if things end so sadly.

Of course you miss your mum, you loved her as she loved you. If you find you have to hide your feelings from those close to you would it be possible to speak to a counsellor at uni. Someone who is not connected to you or your mum that you can open up to to let the pain out?

I can only say that if I hadn't survived, as a mum, I would want my children to do the best they could with lives & it would hurt me so much to know they were sad & missing me. I would want them to be happy. I have no doubt that your own mum would feel the same way and want the best, happy life possible for you.

Michelle xx

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This thread has made me well up. Not only with Anna's post, but with Michelle's reply.

I am a Mum now and what Michelle has just written is so spot on. The thought of my son being sad if something happened to me breaks my heart. I would want him to be happy and fulfilled. That however is easier said than done and I acknolwedge how hard it is for you to move on when you miss your Mum so much.

Bereavement is a massive trauma and I wonder whether you have considered counselling? Here is a link to 'Cruse' who offer bereavement care.

http://www.cruse.org.uk/

L xx

Edited by Lin-lin
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Hi Anna,

I was just on my way to bed, had a quick read on here and thought I'd pop in as your post pulled at my heart strings -I just wish I could do something to help you feel a little better tonight. I'm sure I would have plenty of these moments if I were in your shoes and it is only natural to miss someone so close to you.

It can still upset me just thinking how my own children would have coped if I had not survived my sah. I remember how brave you were coming on here when your Mum was struck by this awful thing. Grieving is a personal thing and should be done in your own time and in your own way - if you find the help and support of BTG members comforting, then we are all here with a shoulder to cry on.

I'm guessing this time of year at uni can be a bit stressful, making it a little more difficult than usual without Mum being around.

I know my son's girlfriend has been a bit stressed at uni of late. Last weekend my son decided to treat her to a weekend at a hotel to include spa/ treatment on Sunday. It was also her birthday and her mum was in hospital, so what should have been a relaxing weekend just didn't happen - at the time when they were due to have their massages/treatment, the hotel decided to have a fire drill and all the guests had to assemble in the car park:roll:

Perhaps you could persuade your boyfriend that you need a bit of pampering;-) (but I wouldn't recommend that hotel!)

Lots of hugs to you,

Sarah

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Hi Anna,

Sorry you are feeling so blue. I just want to share my son that jsut graduated college & feels that his grandmother is his own angel. Rather odd for a young man of 26 to say but he feels she is always there with him. I hope you can find a way to feel this as well. It sure does not help the pain but it may ease in time to know she is always with you.

I had my SAH when he was in college and as a parent I felt a relief in knowing that my sons would be alright- they may be sad and miss me but they would do ok in this world and that made me feel so much better as an ill parent. It also helps them help others that have gone through a tough situation or their loved ones are.

I hope you feel your mom on your shoulder whispering to you it will be ok, she is still there Anna Banana.

Kind regards, and a big old mom hug. Maryb

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Hello Anna,

I lost my Mum when my daughter was just 8, I told her about her Nan being in heaven, I just did not know what to say to her as we like you missed our Mum so bad x

My daughter ran around the table saying "my Nans an angel" I pretended to smile but wanted to cry inside.

I had my bleed in 2009 and was totally out of it, but I saw my parents and they told me to go back and pointed to my daughter who was with my hubby.

When I came round my daughter touched my shoulder and said "welcome back Mum" we both blubbered and laughed.

Now go and be happy and have happy thoughts only and live your life to the full they way your Mum would want you to.

I wish you well and keep smiling when possible xx

Edited by Winb143
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I lost my mum 8 years ago, it does still hurt & I wish she was with me & could meet my son (she died before I got pregnant with him) & I know she would be very proud of him.

Its a cliche to say time heals but it really does, the pain when she went was horrible but it is easier now when I think of her. I am sad & miss her but I too feel she is always with me, I reckon she was my guardian angel when I had my op & made sure I would be here for my boy ( I was told once when Nath was a baby that my mum sits in the chair & reads stories to him)

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Hi there. Would offer a big hug if I could.

Is there something bothering you or on your mind more than normal stuff, something you wish you could have talked to mum about? Maybe it's time to talk about it? Maybe this is how your mum watches over you, the times when you really miss her is the time to ask for some help and a listening ear.

It's hard to feel lonely when you're surrounded by people but you're not alone and I like others on here genuinely feel that angels watch over you. Live your life with happiness. We all carry heartache, Im sorry you had to find yours so early but the strength in living a happy life despite it will shape your entire experience.

We are here for you. It could just as easily been any one of our daughters posting so we will all help to make sure you are ok.

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Hi,

Your post and the repsonses you have received brought tears to my eyes this morning. My heart goes out to you both as another human being, but also as a mother.

Like you I am not good at talking to others about my innermost feelings, but the one thing I have learnt from my SAH is that there are times when talking helps with the healing process. As others have suggested, perhaps counselling may help?

As a mother all I want for my children is that they are happy, healthy and that they find success in whatever path they choose to follow. Your mother can no longer be with you physically, but I am sure she is with you every day in your heart. She has given you the gift of life and her legacy will live on through you. Hold her precious memories dear to you and she will still help to shape your future, even though she can no longer advise and support you.

I gave the 'father' of the bride speech at my daughter's wedding and the theme I used was the gift of 'Roots and Wings' I believe we all need both in order to become a well rounded individual.

Roots provide you with the anchor to give you a sense of belonging during your childhood and into adulthood but the gift of Wings gives us the ability to face life's challenges on our own. Sadly you have recieved the ultimate gift of wings earlier than you would have wished. But take that gift from your mother, keep her in your heart, and make her proud of the woman you have become, as I am sure she will be.

My hearfelt sympathies,

Wem

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Sending hugs to you Anna....

We shall always be here and the door will always be left open for you.....come in and see us, whenever you feel you need to. Your Mum would be so proud of you and how far you've come....xxxxx

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Its really lovely of you all for sending your wishes. Its comforting to know that their are others out there who actually care. Going through a tough phase at the moment, and its feeling rather lonely. But thank you all. I'm very grateful for your kind words.

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Being a mother myself I know all I want for my children is for them to be happy and healthy and I know that's how your mom felt about you too. If ever you need to chat about anything at all we will be here for you. Jess.xxx

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