Looking for some advice - so low tonight

[tinks88]

Hi everyone, my dad had an SAH 10 days ago. He was very fortunate to be airlifted quickly to brilliant hospital where they removed part of his skull to relieve pressure and then placed a coil where the aneurysm was. They told us initially his chances of surviving were slim but here we are ten days later with dad out of ICU and in a normal ward setting, talking, walking eating ect. We are very very fortunate. Yet there are a few things that are really distressing me and my mum:

Inappropriate behaviour: we cant have any female visitors in at the moment apart from me and my mum because my dad will make suggestive comments to them, he will also refer to some of the staff as "sexy". This is not like my dad at all (life long gentleman) and as you can imagine is awkward for me and devastating for mum.

We haven't spoke to DR about it yet but just wondered if anyone else experienced it? Mum is going to sit down with dad tomorrow and talk to him about it to see how aware he is. I know i am so fortunate for him to be alive and relatively fit but I am really struggling with this aspect - I feel like I have lost my dad in some respects.

Poor vision - dad is practically blind due to blood in the eyes - a dr came down this evening and just said they would wait for it to clear or operate but didnt say how long?? Is it a long wait? Is there benefit to paying privately to have it done.

Since he has been on normal ward me and mum haven't spoke to his doctors - we have no idea what support is in place - when he will have skull put back - if he will go to rehab - if the behaviour change is permanent.

Just feel totally at a loss.

[Daffodil]

Tinks. Glad to hear dad has done well. I honestly think the comments will pass given time. His brain is swollen still and there will still be blood which can will make the connections not work as they did previously.

My filter for appropriate comments and behaviour was broken in the days after my ICU stay. Sometimes it was amusing to others but I think back to some of the things I said and I can't believe it. By the time I discharged I was more managed with what I said ,I was in 7 weeks and now I doing have issues unless I am really tired and then I'm likely to tell u exactly what's on my mind.

Like your dad I had a burrhole to relieve pressure, has he got a drain in as well, once that's out it will help.

Do tell the docs and nurses though, they see this every day but it helps them to know symptoms from the bleed so don't worry.

Hope that helps

[tinks88]

Thank you so much for your response. His head is very swollen so maybe it is down to brain swelling - he had the drain taken out about 6 days ago and no longer has a dressing on it. They have mentioned a protective helmet to us but I would like an estimate really of how long it will be til the operation although I know this can vary from individual to individual. He definately gets slightly more confused if he hasnt slept well and its not surprising as hospitals arent exactly known for a great nights sleep. Thank you again for your reassurance - I feel stronger this morning but I get so on edghe about what he is going to come out with.

[Super Mario]

Hi Tinks, welcome to BTG.

I had blood left in one of my eyes, it is called Terson's Syndrome. If it is going to clear it will take some time but there may be some improvement. In the end I had to have an operation to clear it but that was 1 year later. The op was done under a local and took about an hour.

One of the risks was that it could leave me totally blind in that eye, not worth the risk in my opinion at such an early stage of his recovery.

My advice is to let nature take its course and not to be too hasty in pushing for an op. Your dad has had a major trauma to his brain very recently, that needs to be well on the way to recovery before any other procedure is considered.

In my opinion there is no point in paying, once my op was decided upon there was only a very short wait.

[Gill C]

My dad had a stroke (20 years ago so no idea if it was sah) and lost his filters too.he said the f word for the first time in my hearing and at a family meeting in front of all the staff and other families asked when he could resume his sex life. Both my mum and I were mortified! He also said that the nurses were getting into bed with the patients at night. Things did gradually get better as his brain recovered and as he relearn his filters on what was suitable to talk about in public. It will get better trust me.

Hth? Xxxx

[Louise]

Hi there, warm welcome.

I would definatley tell the staff about your worries as you are the ones that know your Dad the best, they don't so tell them what's worrying you.

Yes the brain takes a long time to settle back so to speak.

take care

[Winb143]

Hi Tinks,

I swore like a trooper when I first woke up, told my sisters they were singing wrong words when they sang to me.

I was a pain in the butt, getting better at not swearing unless I get upset.

Your Dad will get over this phase once he is back, by that I mean it is early days for Dad.

I wish you all the best and don't worry about Dad swearing just sing him his favourite song xx

WinB143 xx

[Skippy]

Hi Tinks

Many moons ago when this site first started, we had a guy on here who's wife had basically become a bit of a sex maniac since her SAH. It was diagnosed that her inhibitors had been damaged by the bleed and she was totally unaware that her behaviour was not socially acceptable. My guess is that your Dad has a mild case of the same damage to his inhibitors - they're basically the parts of the brain that allow us to be embarrassed and mindful of others feelings etc. Find out from his consultant where the bleed was and if these inhibitors could have been affected.

In the meantime, try to remember that he is still your Dad and he is the same person he has always been but his brain is a little addled at the moment. Hopefully, when the affects of the bleed settle he'll be virtually back to normal, but like I say, ask his consultant where the bleed was. You never know, they may be able to prescribe something to dull the inhibitors back to normal.

Good luck and try to stay as positive as you can - we're all here for you.

[tinks88]

Thank you so much for your shared experiences and kind words, it has helped me get through another physically draining day, i will try and keep you all updated on my dads progress - its tough to see light at the end of the tunnel but i am truly lucky to be part of a wonderful family so we are a support system to each other, have to try and be patient and give dad a chance to recover.

[DawnS]

In the days and weeks after my bleed, I had no real conscious awareness of anything that was going on. My friend and her husband visited me and I've been told that I offered my friend's husband to have a grope of my chest if he liked for only a fiver! I have no recollection of this whatsoever and feel mortified when I think of it. Thankfully my friend understood and saw the funny side.

The very early days are a strange time. The brain is doing it's best to make sense of the world in it's newly injured state. It takes time, but it gets better x

[tinks88]

quite bad day today - dad was pretty angry and doesnt seem to know why he cant go out of the hospital and do normal things even when the doctors have explained that he has no skull on the part of his head and no protective helmet at the moment. I know these days come and go and its not his fault but it is very draining We go over the same conversation again and again about him not being able to go out until he blames me and my mum and wont talk to us for a bit - ahh well, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Its tough for him as he has always been a busybody.

[Daffodil]

Tinks, the bad days will come and go. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Try putting some pictures of you all up stuck to his cabinet, sounds like he is missing you all very much, I found it very comforting to be able to see all my loved ones.

Is he able to read? Again write him a letter explaining why he is there and why he needs to be patient a little longer, sometimes that helps as he can't retain new memories easily right now.

Hang in there and get plenty of hugs from friends. X

[DawnS]

I used to feel a springing sensation on my head, put my hand up to find out why and cut my finger on my drain. I'd be told not to touch it. Then I'd feel a springing sensation, reach up and cut myself, over and over. A friend would visit and I'd notice them and be surprised and ask them when did they get here? Then I'd reach for my drink, look around and be surprised to find my friend sitting there and ask them when did they get here? There is no capacity to retain information for quite some time. It must be very straining to have to repeat information over and over, but it's very scary and confusing to not know what's going on or why or to be able to retain any information for even a few seconds.

[Louise]

My husband told me that they had to go over & over & over things with me why I was in hospital what happened the short term memory meant I just forgot I felt bad for a long time when I knew the things I'd said but my conclusion the was the injured me...

[tinks88]

Went in to see Dad this morning feeling very apprehensive but he had a good night's sleep and was in quite good humour today he also had regular naps through the day and only mentioned going out once and didnt argue when he was told he couldnt. I know there will be up and down days but I will make a point of enjoying the good ones. He has appointment at specialist eye hospital tomorrow and mum will go with him on hospital transport to it so fingers crossed we make some progress tomorrow.

[Winb143]

Tinks,

I was in cuckoo land until I had shunt fitted for hydrocephalus.

I was chasing my parents, (Mum passed away in 1976) saying "sing with me Mum"!

I forgot my Dad was dead and used to say to Sisters "Tell Dad I'm well and will be up to see him when better".

Be of good heart and good luck to Dad xx

You make sure you keep well also Tinks xx

Love

WinB143 xxx

[alison]

Hey Tinks

I am there right with you hunny hugs, have been through a very similar situation with my partner. He had an SAH 2 years ago and has improved so much.

When he first woke , he was the same, sexually explicit, racist, aggressive ..he was never like this before. I was terribly embarrassed at the time, even leaving the hospital in tears because it was so distressing...BUT...it does pass!

Yep, he maybe like it for a while...but, when Dad is more aware and as time goes on you will be able to say to him ' hey Dad, dont say that...or Dad, that is not really very nice ' etc ..words to that effect, he will basically have to learn what is acceptable socially again...my partner was exactly the same...he is fine on that front now..maybe the odd thing here and there but nothing like in the early days.

Right now, i know its really hard to see your dad going through all this.

My partner also had some skull removed because of pressure ...and a year later they fitted him with a metal plate, just an over night stay at the hosp and it was fine and he looks right back to how he did

The best thing i can advise is taking what he says with a pinch of salt, the negative stuff i mean...he really cant help it and the nurses docs etc,..know this too

I read that when the brain has this trauma , when awakened again, all the deep early primal emotions wake first, sexual, aggression etc...so its just part of your dads healing process, as freaky as it is

So chin up, you are doing all the right things being there for him

I wish you all the best on the journey you face and i am sure you will soon begin to have some positive days

Please feel free to message me if i can be of any help..and here is the link to my intro on this site and you will see i had very similar worries to you

http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?7530-New-Member-Alison-saying-hello

[tinks88]

Thank you for the reply, its encouraging to know myself and my family are not alone in this oddly lonely journey - if that makes sense.

Dad went for eye appointment today, they are going to operate on his left eye (the worst one) within the next fortnight and then the right eye in the future. They also found a cataract in his eye which they will remove for him at the same time so quite pleased with the outcome of today really.

No arguments today, no asking why he couldnt go home - seemed to have quite a clear day and dad was pleased to see some sort of action plan as oppose to just feeling in limbo. THe next step is to get a helmet measured but they have been waiting for the swelling to come down - which it is starting to.

It seems as the swelling has gone down - dads behaviour has improved. As I said before I know it is early days and there will be up and down days for a while to come but was nice to spend some relaxed quality time with dad today .

Will do a write up on here everyday when I get home from the hospital ( only got in ten mins ago) as I actually find it quite therapeutic! Hope no one minds me rambling on, all your advice and experiences have proved invaluable to me and my mum.