Jump to content

Stupid comments people make about your SAH


Recommended Posts

Hello BTG'ers,

 

I thought I would start this topic to give us all a little smile, as it really is unbelievable,(and quite hurtful sometimes), the comments from others that we all encounter during our recoveries. I'm sure you all have your own particular 'favourites' so I thought it would be a good idea to share them with each other - perhaps Karen could award a prize to the best (or worst) one!

 

The comment that prompted me to start this thread was from someone we met at the weekend that we hadn't seen for a while and my husband explained that, since we'd last seen him, I'd had a brain haemorrhage. His response literally left me speechless as he said " well it obviously wasn't serious as you look fine now". I suppose I should have been flattered in a way! Maybe if I'd looked like c**p he would have thought I'd been more seriously ill.

 

Also speaking to people on the 'phone for the first time after the bleed, prompted a few people to blurt out "ooh you sound just the same" - I kind of understand that one a bit more as I think some friends were worried that my speech may have been affected and they were just so relieved I could hold a conversation. Still a bit weird to be on the receiving end of that comment though, I never knew quite how to respond.

 

Anyway, hope those have made you smile (or wince). So let's hear yours...............

 

Janey x

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Janey

 

I think it's quite funny you put this post on about stupid things people say,,,, i've taken to writing poetry since my stroke and actually started a poem this morning based on my frustrations about some of the naff things people say and assume .....here's part of the poem...

 

Don’t assume i’m carrying on with my life as if i’m on a long holiday break,

Nothing could be further from the truth, for most of it i’ve barely been awake.

 

I’m not basking in the glorious sunshine like i once was able to do,

Medication has put paid to that, my skin is now dry like a leathery shoe.

 

I no longer have interest in the hobbies, that i once did in my spare time,

I have no inclination to watch tv, the noise to my ears is nothing but a crime.

 

It'll be interesting to see what others have to say

 

Rachel x

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh good thread...where do I start....

"So you are all better now"

" I'm so stressed and busy I feel like my heads going to explode"

"Well I can't remember anything and I haven't had an SAH "

" I know exactly how you feel I have headaches all the time"

My best one was " I've not been able to sleep ever since I heard what happened to you....all I could think about was what would my family do in that situation and it's given me nightmares, I've had to go to the doctors for sleeping tablets" :cool:

And this weeks little gem when the heat literally shut me down and I had to say to work for the first time in ages that I couldn't work ...

" yes go off and enjoy the heat" really?? Did you not just understand me explain that I can't function at all in this humidity...

Can you tell you touched a nerve this week Janey ;)

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting thread. People are funny aren't they?
The only things that happens to me that is closely related is when ever I see family or friend that know I have had a brain aneurysm coiled,they instantly start looking at my head to see where the incisions are from the surgery, understandable, but after you explain it 10 time over ....well it's exhausting. Still so blessed for our new technology, coiling done through the femoral artery.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When someone you know has a loved one who has passed on, you say sorry to them.

 

We are still alive so what can you say, mostly people mean well and at least they are saying "heard you wasn't too good etc."   but "hey now you look great "

 

It's hard for others and if they say silly things forgive them,  as they don't mean it, hands up who has never said something stupid and regretted it ??  (I always do) !!  don't I Karen lol !!  Don't answer that !!

 

Our friends and Loved ones are what matter.  xx   Now Laugh and be Happy xx

 

Who wants to see my drill holes lol xxxx  That is bad Debs xx

Love to you all and forgive them xx

 

Winb143 xx xx

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, my favorite is, "So, you are all better now?" Topped with, "You don't look sick." Daff, you hit the nail on the head! I was told not to long ago that I was not empathetic to others pain. Well, sorry. Everyone looked and still look at me like I'm joking when I say, "I just don't feel quite right." I even had a foot doctor tell me my bleed was not a stroke and I should feel just fine now. Really? Stick to what you know foot doctor. URRR......

I

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Considering what people have posted on this thread, it might be helpful if anyone has suitable answers for the insensitive remarks.

 

I totally get it that people don't understand, what they don't know about. It would just be very helpful if people would have the wisdom to think before speaking. :roll:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay .... I'm nearly 10 years on from this SAH (that does makes a difference and time is a great healer) .... and you might not like what you read, so please try not to get mad!.... but it's from my own personal viewpoint and what I've encountered.

 

I know that I was very sensitive post SAH/Stroke and I felt pretty raw too for the first 4 or maybe even 5 years .....and rightly so, who wouldn't be?  I also know (now) that people were only trying to be kind .... as in "you look well" ....  and also that some people just don't know what to say and just spout complete and utter **** because they don't know what to say ....

 

Sometimes, you have to ask yourself, what would you have said to someone that looks absolutely fine? Would you say that they look like absolute ****? I don't think that you would do ... If you hadn't had a brain injury and the shoe was on the other foot, would you have understood and what would you have said?

 

The people that are important in your life will "get it" ..... they live with you and love you and will be thankful for your survival. They are the people who matter. I have very good friends that "know" how I am .....those that came in to visit me in hospital and those that still see me and pick me up (emotionally)/drive me if I'm having a bad dizzy day and they still have patience with me since I was 38 years old, when I had a sentinel bleed.

 

My own GP still doesn't understand everything post SAH/Stroke, so maybe we just need to "smile" to those that don't "get it" and "throw away" their comment or take the time to explain to them?

 

Much love to you all. xx 

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On my behalf, Karen, thanks for the advice on time being a healer.

 

At the time when you're stuck in the middle of dealing with so many things and you're trying to put your life back together, to regain some sense of normality;  It is a little difficult to brush off people's insensitive comments.

 

It's great to hear from someone who's come through the other side so to speak, and to have that reassurance that it gets better. xxx

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bless you Rachel, if you or anybody else are receiving insensitive comments from people that you're close to or people that need to know, I can only say, tell them how you're feeling or what you've been through .... they won't know, if you don't. If they don't want to listen or uninterested in what you're saying .... well, they're probably not worth your energy and you're worth much more than that.

 

After my sentinel bleed and subsequent SAH/Stroke, I could talk the hind legs off a donkey about the subject of SAH/Stroke and to be honest, I was also on a mission to educate anybody who was totally unaware about SAH/Stroke and hence you see this site today....I didn't have a clue what I was doing or whether anybody wanted to talk to me via the website, but I needed to talk....I was probably a bit bonkers at the time to be honest ;) ..... I certainly wasn't on an even keel and my own healing process has been over many years and still ongoing, but I understand and know how you guys feel. xx

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cheers Karen a great site it is too.  :)

 

I've learnt a great deal from so many different areas of the site, from previous posts and always someone on hand to answer a question or give advice.

Also by getting to know another member on here, i've found out about a swim class for people affected by strokes, that is virtually on my doorstep that i had no idea about.

 

So from my perspective i've gained an awful lot from what you've created  :thumbsup:  xxx

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just remember - we are lucky - you may not feel it, but we are.  What happened TO us was unlucky, but we are lucky to have survived and to have the ability to talk to each other on here and link up with people who know how it feels.  We are very unique and that should put a smug smile on your face the next time anyone who, like Karen says, isn't aware and doesn't know, says something that we now feel is insensitive.

 

I often look around Tesco knowing that I am probably the only one in there who has what I have and has been through what I have - that makes me feel very very proud and very unique.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The worst was from my dad about 6 months after:

 

'I just don't understand why you can't get over it and move on?'  I was still a total mess at that time.  Crying everyday, walking slow, dizzy, unable to work, couldn't sleep, couldn't use the bathroom without time/effort, etc.

 

Now, I just don't bother trying to tell anyone how it REALLY affects me because they are living their own life with their own issues that I don't 'get'.  We're all human and we only know what we've experienced or what we've learned and we never say the right things to people.  I just go with the intentions behind the words.  Most people aren't trying to be mean, they're just un-knowing of the situation.

 

My dad is also the one that says when people are being insensitive it is NBD...no big deal.  And he's right.  The ones we love, we tell and they know.  My dad knows now.  The people at work don't and that's OK with me.

 

~Kris

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

i'm fortunate to be able to communicate, i had a huge bleed from an aneurism i didn't know about, i've had holes drilled in my head and the aneurism had to be clipped from inside my brain... i missed pretty much all of it, my daughter took the brunt. i'm mostly inured to the effects of insensitive comments, i have ms and you wouldn't believe the comments i've heard (including from doctors) about it, BUT, i get THOSE headaches, the ones so many of us end up with, when they happen, i can't think straight, string a sentence together, get my balance or even cope with much light, it's definitely the worst after 'gift' i got from my SAH.

i'm used to people not understanding invisible ms symptoms, but why, oh why does almost everyone seem to think that they know what these headaches feel like, and therefore just dismiss them as trivial, yeesh! 
well, thank you to anyone who read my rant, it's good to get things off your chest from time to time  :shock:
wendy x

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...