Guest mojojojo Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Paul, Everything you say above is what my mum presents in her behaviour, from taking her clothes off at inapropriate times. Screaming. Scratching at her skin, swearing, and she is for ever repeating herself. Her latest thing is saying she is dying. It does at times look like she is going mad, but i want them to accept it's a brain injury and she needs specialist care not to be sat in a Nursing home full of Dementia patients, it isnt fair on the patients or the staff when mum has her aggressive panic attacts... but havng said that where else is there!! I know there is no dedicated place in around Swindon where we live so i guess we are at a complete loss. Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 sharon please dont give up when you see mum just try and hold her hand and try to reasure her that shes not going to die i found if you can get her into a quite room and just the two of you and talk quitely and try to be reasureing and tell her you will always be there for her and try and bring up all the happy times you have had in her life and see if she remembers and try and get her to talk to you it maybe the staff are treating her as a dementia patient rather that a stroke patient and not talking to her as such i found in my job and with lin i have to talk to her normally and explain waht is going on because i found she was so terrified when the nurse tried to take blood [lins tight like that she wont give anyone blood ] i spoke to her and told her looking directly into her eyes that its going to be ok the nurse just wants a little blood so they can keep an eyes on her that did seem to work the terrified look went and a more peaceful look apppeared it is so important to explain what is going on before it happens i did try and ring but im always at the end of the phone so a very big hugS and cuddle to you and mum and as the song goes YOU ARE NOT ALONE SPEAK TO YOU LATER XXX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Sharon, please try the phone helplines suggested ......you may be able to contact these websites via email too .... I haven't had a chance to look. if you need time out for yourself, be kind to yourself and don't feel guilty for taking it..... give yourself some space and some respite too .... visit your Mum and explain to her, that you need to have a rest ... take a break .... you're allowed to. I'm sure that if your Mum could say that to you, then she would .... I know as a Mum, that's what I would want for my children... Love to you Sharon ..... xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest carol Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 My thoughts are with you and your mam sharon---my heart goes out to you both.My Mam has just being diagnosed with dementia and it did cause me lots of worry and with my husband,s illness may have been a factor in my own strokes.Let your Mam know you love her but you must take care of yourself and your family too.Paul has explained lovely---it breaks my heart that I donnt have the word finding to write what I know anymore---its so frustrationing.God Bless you both. Carolx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 sharon i do agree with karen try and take time to regroup and take a deep breath as karen has told me to do the same it does work and you need to take care of hubby as well carol the words will come in time so dont fret i am able because of the support here to be able to put my work hat on and relate what i did in my job and how i treated patients who are just like me and gone through what im going through sharon will email you what i have thought of so far hugs and cuddles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Karen Thanks for the reply, at the moment headway will not see mum untill her agression is under control :? dosent make sense to me one bit, i know that what mum is doing is very distressing for others, it distresses me. I'm tryng not to be sad but i can't help it at times i guess this must affect my children as they were there when it happened. Although both teenages they must find it hard when i am sad although i shield alot from them Paul you have been so surportive thanks i know you have your own worries and i thank you with my heart for all your kind words. Today i am not going to feel sorry for myself and smile at what i have. There has to be answers out there somewhere, i shall be speakng to her social worker on monday who ultimately has control i guess on where she stays. I think they may want her out of the care home if her behaviour increases or continues. My mum is a beautiful lady with the biggest heart you can meet. I adore her so much, dad was very lucky to have 43 years with her and their love is still very strong. Perhaps its cause i am the youngest and i have been spoilt but now its my time to spoil them both. Thanks you everyone who has taken their time to write i am so grateful if i ramble i am so sorry. But this site has helped me so much and the people on here are lovely. Thanks Guys xxSharon xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 Hi Sharon - I have been away for a week and just catching up with all the news. Sorry to hear things have not moved on for your mum and you, I can't imagine how you must be feeling - other than very desperate. I watched my dad for many years with dementia so I know what it is like visiting that type of care home. I have told my mum all about your mum's story and my mum prays for her. I wish I could offer some answers, I guess being there just for one another helps. Don;t know if I missed reading it - did your mum get a mental health assessment or are you still waitiing? Elaine x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Hello Everyone Sorry i havent been in touch, had another little crisis with my Dad this time..... he was diagnosed with Skin Cancer if it dosent rain it pours huh, staying positive about it. We are still waiting for mum to be assessed in the mean time she is having heavy serdation i guess its the only thing that wll help her at the moment. It looks as though she will be moved from the Nursing home and into a mental health unit as her needs are much more complicated than they 1st thought....it didnt take a genius to work that out.... a 15 minute review by a Nursing Home Manager isnt what i call an assesment. So i wait it the hope things get moving for us all.... i know priority now is my daddy who needs us all right now. He will be referred to Oxford for treatment. But my thoughts are still tortured by seeing mum so locked in a cruel world. Hope everyone is doing ok xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Hi there really sorry about your dad and your mom just stay strong for her. Hope it all works out. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Hi Sharon I am so sorry to hear about your Dad...but glad things are getting sorted to help your Mum, although it is heart breaking for you. You really did not need any more worry, bless you.....please take care of yourself. Thinking of you . Love Tinaxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Sorry Sharon, you really aren't having any luck lately. My thoughts are with you and your family Love Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 What another cruel blow Sharon - sad for you Hardly seems fair - you must not know whether you are coming or going. Thinking of you all. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Really feel for you Sharon ..... thinking of you x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hiya Everyone.... Hope your all doing ok.... I'm doing alright considering.... kinda feel right now i don't want to see Mum so tortured by her mind. I now think this is how Mum is going to be and there isnt anything that can help her...... She is a locked in a very deverstating and cruel state of mind. The damage to her brain is done and now i believe this is the deterioration. I so wish there was something like a magic pill to make her better. Today she asked me "why my face was wet"!!! How so very sad she doesnt understand emotion. I try to remain positive but each day her behaviour becomes more eratic and there is a demise in the personality she once so vibrantly had. Sorry i know i sound sad but i have to accept mother isnt ever going to recover.... there is no cure. And i have to stop beating myself up daily that i can help her. I dont ever want anyone to suffer how my Mum is....... she seems so unique compared to each indivdual that has suffered from a SAH. I love her immensly and will be there for every single day.... i will cuddle her when she is distressed..and i will whisper how much i love and pray somewhere in the muddled mind she understands. Take Care Friends Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Beth1957 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hi Sharon, I'm pretty new to this site and I've only just read this thread. I just wanted to say that my thoughts/prayers are with you & your family. ((hug)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 hi sharon here a huge hug and cuddle for you and to say im thinking of you and pray things get a little better for you each day theres no shame in taking time out dont forget you have gone through the mill as well can you not get away and rest for a couple of days to try a recharge and get some frsh air and try to relax or altenitively find a punch bag and punch it to pieces untill you so tired or the bag says enough is enough sweetheart drop me a line if it helps please dont forget were all in it together and we are with you 100/% have another hug or shall i send you a tin of choclate sweets all my luv xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Hi Sharon Thinking of you........take care and God bless .......love Tinaxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Your last update has really choked me up nnd I feel so sad for you and just don't know what to say. So sorry for you, your mum andyour poor dad too. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sharon, so very sorry ..... words are so hard to find at times like these .... thinking of you all xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Hello Everyone Finally some good news about my Mum, she has finally been referred to a phycologist... at long last Her medication has been reviewed by a phyciatric Doctor someone who can relate to her condition rather than a GP.... and now today she starts a different course of treatement. So let keep our fingers crossed it will help her mental state right now. Although her condition today is unstable.... she is fallling over alot. And one thing she keeps doing is insisting on a bath..... which can prove dangerous as she will get into the the bath and run the hot tap. Although this is being monitored for her safety. I am feeling reassured today that she is gong down the right road for treatment. Hooooooraaaahhhhhh!!! PS Paul thanks for the questions i put them all forward and got the answers i was looking for...Thank you so much. Big hugs to you and Lin. xxx Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Thank goodness for some good news Sharon .... Let's hope that this is the beginning of better things for you all xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Hi Sharon As Karen has said......thank goodness for some good news.....really pleased for you...take care Love Tinaxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 I'm so happy for you Sharon, hopefully your mum will be on the road to recovery now Love Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil13 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Hi Sharon, I've been well busy recently so I'm just catching up on things. It sounds like your on the emotional roller coaster with your Mum at the moment. I'm so pleased that finally there's psychologist taking the reins and proposing the appropriate treatment your Mum's needs. But keep positive, the more time goes on, the moments of doubt about your Mum's recovery increase, but it's all anxiety and even I have to remind myself to take things at a day at a time. The physiotherapy that Sharon was meant to receive was basically a visit from a therapist who wandered in, took one look at her, and walked straight back out again. So there's an absolute storm brewing here! Take care and take it one day at a time. Phil xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I can smile today you know! Just because i have become accepting of the situation, i have learnt to understand Mum, i know the fear she has in her mind is as realistic as someone who has a fear of spiders. I know she is still in there somewhere.... and when the fear subsides she knows i am there at her side. To know she knows who i am means the world to me. And to hear her call me by my nic name (i wont divulge lol) makes me smile so much. I have so much apriciations to the people in the care home who help her daily with her challenging behaviour true saints in every sense of the word x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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