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Hey Yoyo, First - welcome to BTG! Nobody is going to, or wants to, judge you for making mistakes - we all do it - this is mistake city and nobody cares about that. We do care about you and your wellbeing. They always say that to know how you're feeling we should all walk a mile in your shoes! Well, Yoyo, we have walked that mile, and more. Many of us have had these 'problems.' How we deal with them though is very different because we are all individuals, with different likes, dislikes, outlooks on life and so on. But we all recognise what you are going through. You are not useless, and you are not alone. Your husband is with you and we are here for you now, too. You are only eighteen months into this and brains take a long time to recover. They're not like any other part of the body and are a law unto themselves and won't be told what to do. In fact, it will tell you when your body has had enough and wants you to rest. And it will keep on doing that until you get better, which you will, over time. You've taken a short sharp rap (SAH), that has long term effects, and it has thrust change upon you abruptly, that normally would have happened gradually over a long period. How you now deal with it is what counts. You have to try now to think rationally, and not emotionally, about how you are going to combat this condition. It's not easy at first because SAH carries an emotional payload that is hard to shake off, nobody knows that more than me. Yes, you will be emotional at times, but when you are more able to think clearly, is when to should plan your response. That must happen in your own time, no-one else's, when you are ready. And you can do it little by little. So carry a diary, a notebook and start to write things down. Use the notebook/diary as your memory bank as a kind of temporary substitute for your brain. Let them take the strain off you a little bit. Take regular breaks, and don't try intense concentration for long periods. Do it in short bursts - then rest. Stay hydrated, this usually helps minimise the effect of headaches. Try and start to do somethings for yourself, independently and see them as stepping stones and achievements towards better things. As for your relationship, the best thing you can do with your husband is to talk to him about the effect the SAH has had on you. What are your hopes and fears? How can he help you? And then let him speak and tell you the same things form his point of view. Importantly, don't cut him off, mid sentence by getting all defensive. What you need is a frank admission of all these things and then together - I'll repeat that - together - you can work out a joint plan of how things are going to be tackled. This can actually draw you together more. Has he felt left out, have you told him how you truly feel and vice versa? He has stayed with you this far, why wouldn't he see the battle through until the war is won? You say you don't know where to turn. Turn to your husband, and let him in, to help you deal with these issues. You can both get through this. Brain injuries aren't easy to deal with, nobody says life will be easy. Yes, some things may change from the way they were before, but they are just different, not better or worse. It's how you view them that is important. Look forward, not back. Learn from the past, don't dwell on it or live your current life through it. Talk, talk, talk! And don't forget to keep posting on here. We are here for you too, typos or not (they don't matter so don't worry about them). Macca

Hey Sis There are a few on here that suffer from this, me included. The fluid surrounding the brain is to blame I believe. It "senses" the build up of pressure (almost like being on a plane or diving into a deep pool) and then makes you feel like you're walking around in fog and can give headaches too. When its overcast and we're due some rain my head bangs like a set of drums - its a nightmare. It's overcast here now and I can feel the beginnings of a headache starting - luckily we had rain a few minutes ago and this releases the pressure a bit for me - not sure why, maybe cos it "clears the air".

Hi Yoyo, I send prayers for you and hope you can find peace soon. It's a struggle to heal and it takes time and patience, by you and your support group. I hope you continue to improve. You will have good days and bad days, but the trend should be up over time. Please hang in there. You are a survivor! Chris

A Dented Image Journeys of Recovery from Subarachnoid Haemorrhage Author - Alison Wertheimer Year 2008 ISBN 9780415386722 Format - Paperback - 296 Pages Quite a few of BTG's members have taken part in Alison's book. It's well worth the read, for survivors and their family...

Hi Sis, That is a great explanation thank you, You've just made it make sense for me ?We didn't get the predicted storm, just lots of rain, my head feels better now?Thank you again. Jan xx

Hi there and warm welcome to the site, as ever Macca explains it, ditto your not alone we've all been there, we all 'get-it' type-o's and all...

Hello and a warm welcome to BTG This BTG link referred to by xmartz 3 hours ago may prove helpful with many of your issues raised in your post. http://web.behindthegray.net/index.php?/topic/2112-what-happens-to-us-by-marie-allen-psychotherapist/#comment-110929 Subs

Jan, i feel almost exactly the same sometimes. It's been over two years for me and I had a very large right frontal lobe bleed, which affects personality. my husband and I fight a lot too...just feel like the passion is gone. NO ONE, except a few here who have actually been through it, can EVER understand how you feel so don't expect that they will. I will say a pray for you. Hang in there Jan! Mandie

You are not alone the people on here are really good and always there to support you and share there experiences x

Hi Aandrea, thanks for your reply. I re-read my post and yet again I made so many errors. This upsets me. Whenever I do things wrong I become very upset. I know this is due to the aftereffects of my SAH. I forgot to had information about my self. Apologies to here goes. I had my SAH at the beginning of December 2015. I was in hospital for a while being discharge in the following April 2016 just before Easter. I feel my world has been devastated. I was always such a ordered, controlled person. The job I had meant I also needed to have my wits about me. I now feel so very lost, so very alone and useless. The pressure has been enormous on my relationship with my partner. It seems as I am getting better he now can relax I guess and boy has the impact come flooding in. I'm wondering if others can tell me is it normal to have such an impact on ones relationship. Its a silly question I know, and I can only assume it does have an impact on ones relationship. I am physically getting better, but emotionally I am really finding it hard. I am anxious my relationship is in difficulty. My husband has been a tower of strength to me, but it seems as I get better he now is finding it hard to carry on. I would be grateful for any advice anyone can give. Maybe others will be able to shed some light on the difficulties this has on ones relationship. Will things improve or at least become easy to manage, will my endless feeling of sadness ever lighten. I am so thankful for finding this site. This is the first time I have been able to stand being on a computer for any length of time, but I am relieved to have joined up with btg.

Congrats on the first year. I hope you continue to improve each year for many years to come. Chris

Hi Deb, Congratulations on reaching that milestone. The first year is always the toughest in my opinion. That's because you are dealing with the enormity of what has happened to you mentally and physically - and because you don't know what to expect. Sometimes that creates a fear all of its own, but on the other hand we get positives like you, who says to themselves 'If that's the worst you can do I'm going to live my life and get on with it the best I can.' That's a great attitude to have! Well done. Poor memory, headaches and fatigue - three 'popular' themes that get many of us especially on muggy days like these. Atmospheric pressure varies and seems to cause a few of us problems when it is high or low! Keep doing what you can to deal with the changes that have happened to you. Look forwards, not back, and you'll be fine - and don't compare yourself to the past 'you'. That's like comparing Sarah Millican with Judie Dench - they're so different (not better or worse - just different) and you are not comparing like with like - so don't do it, otherwise you'll just upset yourself. SAH puts life in context and makes you re-evaluate your values in life. Nothing wrong with that, just a bit miffed that it took a SAH to make me do it. Six and a half years later and I am much better now than I was but I still have my moments! Glad you made it through! Macca

Well done for making it through that first year you have achieved so much. I hope fatigue does gradually get better and I know sometimes over two years later I have a sudden pain in head and freeze thinking is another SAH. I don't think it will ever leave I just manage it better. I wish you much luck for the future Sharon xx

Hi Deb Congrats on getting through the first year (and toughest year in my opinion). I felt the same as you a year into my recovery - now nearly 11 years on, there are days when I barely register the fact. The sharp twinges get me now and again and the one thing my specialist said to me was not to worry about these as the brain itself doesn't feel pain - not that comforting when you're in the throws of panic about an alien pain!! If you get worried, get to your GP pronto. As for the fatigue, that first year for me was tiring and trying - for me the fatigue didn't really disappear until 18 months or so, but rest when you need to rest.

Jan, I am sending many prayers for you. I hope you feel better soon. Chris

You're welcome Jan, I just hope it helps! We all need a lift sometimes!

Hi Jan, I think you have been suffering form a build up of events and you've just blown a gasket! Your organising skills are still in there somewhere, you just need a bit more time to plan and prepare than you did before, that's all. Get used to writing things down and use a methodical approach to get through the various tasks you set yourself. Tiredness doesn't help, so stop when your body tells you to and rest. You only make mistakes if you try to go on. Take a day out where your only task is to go and buy that dress and maybe stop for a coffee with whoever you choose to go with you. Enjoy the day! Start to enjoy the preparations for your wedding rather than seeing it as a job. What matters is that you and John enjoy that day. What everyone else does and says is irrelevant. It is your day, not theirs, and if you want to go dressed in a bin bag and John turns up dressed like a village yokel, chewing on a straw, then so what? Have you read the leaflet that comes with your drug? What are the side effects - are they contributing to your feelings, rather than relieving them? For instance, does the drug cause drowsiness, when you are already suffering fatigue as a result of the SAH? (therefore potentially doubling the effect of tiredness and therefore affecting your mood?) Can it cause you to be irritable? I don't know, because I am not a doctor, but if anything like that can occur then maybe you should chat with your GP about changing your prescription. If you have been prescribed anything like that, then arise Doctor Alfie!!! Good luck Jan! Macca

Hi all thank you again for your kind words. We have made a bit of progress over the last couple of days. She has only been doing trachy mask trials for the past 2 days and ended up doing 7 hours on it today. She was also showing sleep/wake cycles...when you caught her in her awake state she would open her eyes and mouth words-she even cried today. But then she drifts off into unconciousness again... she also nods and says "yes". The physios have had her sat at the end of the bed-fully supported obviously but it's a start. The neuros say she still has some swelling of the brain so as that goes down her consciousness should improve. I will be back to see her in the morning. Xxx

Hi Tori, Although it might seem like a lifetime to you, five weeks is very little time at all in terms of a brain injury. I don't know if you ever watched the old series of 'Life on Mars' (with Philip Glenister) about the detective who was knocked down by a car and mentally transported back in time to 1973. The undercurrent was that he was lying in a hospital bed in a coma whilst these adventures from 1973 were going on in his mind. The objective for him is to get back to the current day. Eventually after 8 episodes of lying in bed, he was aware things were going on even though he could not communicate to those around his bed, he came round. (There is also a second series.) The point I am trying to make is that your brain can take things in even when seemingly unconscious, and so you should continue talking to your Mum and reading and singing to her. She has taken a tremendous knock and it will take time to recover from it. At the moment, you can see the car (your Mum) but can't hear the engine (brain) ticking over but you know it is running because you can see the exhaust (breathing). With patience, determination and perseverance, and showing her the love you have for her, that will give you all the hope, and strength, to beat this thing. Hopefully she will improve enough to take part in your wedding day and I am sure that subconsciously she is fighting to be there for you. She will need time to recover and will have to make small steps to progress, and rest well in between. It's a long hard road that many of us have been down, but once progress has started, you soon reach a point where you are nearer the end than the beginning. It is also important that you are in a position of strength to be able to help her, as if you let yourself be dragged down you will be in a position to help nobody. So, continue to prepare for your wedding, then tell your Mum what you have done. If anything is going in, that will be the top of her list. Best wishes, Macca

Thank you Mario I do try hard to recover well and thank you Paul x

Thanks Karen I'll get it..well Al will if I ask him nicely lol Cheers WinB143 x