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Psychotherapy vs Psychiatrist

Guest Mike

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I.m close to losing it completely, ths is something I wish to avoid, but as we all know there are times our minds cannot function the way they should, hence why this lump of a man is not coping very well, try try try he is but Yoda cannot find his mojo....wishing with all his strength to feel happy if only for a month or so that would lift me alot

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Mickey all I can say is stop being so hard on yourself. Its not a case of failing, this is soomething that takes a long time to adjust to & your brain is struggling & your emotions more so to keep up with the changes in you.

I don't see needing anti d's as being a failure either, we all need some extra help at times & I was stubborn & refused them for over a year. I still don't think I was depressed but I was very very low & accepting the tablets made me realise how long it had been since I'd felt happy!! I had some CBT which didn't really help & I have a fab hubby who had been absolutely amazing. Being a single dad & trying to keep it together for your daugher whilst having no one -to talk to about how you feel is a mammouth task - all respect to you for keeping it as normal as possible for her. But in doing that for her perhaps you are missing out on the grown up support you need? Perhaps if you see your GP ask about a talking therapy & ask about support groups which might give you that adult ear & ease your adult worries (I know you don't want to worry your daughter with stuff but we have to have a release somewhere!)

I really really wish I had taken anti d's a long time ago, there isn;t plan to get me off them yet, its been over 12 months & I am thinking about reducing the dose but if I can't it doesn't mean I'm a failure! Being too strong for too long is not making you happy so I really think you need to get whatever help you can in whatever form it presents itself.

Acceptance is a long journey & I was told generally it takes 1-2 years to get there, depression is part of that journey so we can't just skip that process & arrive at acceptance cos it doesn't work that way.

I really don't want to preach or sound like I have the answer to everything cos I'm still fighting fatigue here> I don't think you need a butt kicking but more of a group hug from a set of grown ups who can help shoulder your worries with you xxx

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My heart says I need help my body deffo needs help my brain is crying out for help but as I am an old f*rt that's stubborn beyond a joke, i am so proud and wishing this darn thing had passed me by, but it did'nt it hit me right between the eyes and I dont think I have really recovered from the shock, My Little girl says I should see the |Dr again and take on anti ds again as I was on them for 2 years or so and now I am getting unbearable, I know as her father I should now better, I actually get better feelings from total kind strangers than I do from my therapist

Tbh sitting here reading my post it does make sence what everyone says, but having a further 3 anni's sitting too close to my rupture site scares the heck out of me, if just 1 did this to me how would it be if 2 more went bang?? I am living on tender hooks and have done since 06/10 and its been totally exhausting for Charlie and I, I guess I am being selfish too and that makes me feel guilty as well, so how can someone like us with out help support or resourses cope with this? We live well money is very tight but bills are paid and food in the fridge, treats often and sometimes we actually have some fun, but not as often as I would like us too. i do try hard but I feel its not good enough for Charlie, she is 22 this year gave up on her Uni for a year to look after me, the only family member to help me I have 3 kids only Charlie is here for me and I am so proud for what she has done for us and me, is this a stage of recovery ie: acceptance pain stress control, and feelings of low self esteem? probably the next question that will come along how blinking much longer can someone take this lot? you may think I am feeling sorry for myself please I,m not its Charlie that I worry for thx for looking

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Hi mikey. Your daughter sounds great, and she obviously learnt that compassion somewhere. Father daughter relationships takes a lot of effort and you should be rightly proud that you have such a great one.

I think my first post on BTG was about my fear to be taking something for high BP. I mean here I am, 40, fit ( admittedly no longer fitting that description in a nightclub sense! Lol) , but how could that be true for me? But you know what ? Im now like wow how cool is it that we have help in the form of a small pill that lowers our BP, thank goodness they can.

If you can try to Be thankful for the gift this pill brings you .lowering your BP helps reduce risk from those other Annie's ( I have one stealth one as well) and it's not a judgement on you. We are all everyone of us built uniquely and differently and so our amazing bodies will all beat to a different drum. You can't change that, you learn to live with it.

One thing I would say is that if you have friends who have fallen away then reach out to those who haven't and ask them to do stuff with you. Don't wait for them to ask, take the lead and you make the suggestion. People In my experience like to be asked.

And is there ways you can help others maybe near you?,you mentioned you can cook, maybe volunteer to help with meals for homeless etc. sorry if that sounds a bit preachy but if you can find a purpose and maybe see how you can still help others , have more purpose, then it might just lift you.

Lastly, we all make our own choices and your daughter makes hers. She's old enough to have decided she wants to do this right now and help you. Just don't stop helping yourself as well.

Edited by Daffodil
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Hi Mikey - I'm just discovering this thread as I have been away from BTG far too long. As Gill says, please do not be so hard on yourself. I have had plenty of ups and downs since the SAH and the best thing I did was go on anti-depressants. There is no reason to be embarrassed or upset about taking them: if you had a bad heart or bad liver you'd take meds, right? Well this is no different, ok?

I hope you will continue to see the therapist and if it's the wrong one, then ask for another referral. Don't give up. The NHS is there to help you and even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, there IS help out there. Have you joined a Headway or Different Strokes group locally? I got a lot of help from the Stroke Association although on the first visit there I nearly never went back because most of the others were in their 70s and 80s lol. In fact, you can learn a lot from them all and I am glad I kept going.

I will go and find the wise words of Lin Lin that I copied and kept, and will come back and post them. They really helped. It also helps to not try to compare yourself to the pre-SAH you, but instead look at what you were like when you came out of hospital for example. See how far you have come.

Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. My daughter is 22 and has been my rock too. My 13 yr relationship broke down because of the SAH, so it hasn't been all sweetness and light BUT I try to keep positive and remind myself that I'm a survivor because I made it through. We all are on BTG. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR ok?

I'm glad you came on here to ask for help. It's what we are all here for, and what BTG was created for (for which I am deeply indebted to the founders!)

Edited to add: this is what LinLin wrote:

"My brain works a bit differently to before. I can’t retain information as quickly, crowds tire me, my memory is poorer and the pace of my life needs to be slower. But all this is ok. I’m not stupid and my intellectual capacity is the same. Things are just a bit different.

I feel empowered when I tell people I have a brain injury. I look upon it as a measure of what I can achieve despite the SAH.

There’s no point in me pretending that everything’s going to be exactly the same as before and ‘putting it behind me’ as some people have suggested.

If people treat me as I was before the SAH and if I try to emulate all aspects of my life before the SAH, I am not going to cope and I will feel depressed. ‘Putting it behind me,’ will not help. Harnessing the experience of the SAH in a positive way will help me improve. Facing up to things is healthy. Sweeping things under the carpet is not, and problems do not go away in doing that.

I am not going to put the SAH behind me. It is going to be the very thing which drives me forward to achieving a better life than the one I had before the SAH.

A previous work colleague told me at her retirement party that you ‘can always play a new tune on an old fiddle!’ I intend to follow the advice!"

Edited by JayKay
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Hello Mikey,

We have not met, but I empathize with your blight. High BP is not a huge deal, they have meds that control them quite well. I take them and they work great. If you want and anti-d, take it, it might help. Bust most of all remember the song form the early 70's from America called Tin Man.

It says "no Oz never did give nothin to the Tin Man. that he didn't, didn't already have"

Thats your heart, no one can take that away.

Good luck and best wishes,


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Anti D's are back from today, I do feel a failure but it is a necessary evil, that will help take this bad edge off the way I am atm, I am not looking at this a failure but as a positive step because I have taken the steps to look into myself and see and know that I need help, so allinall I guess its the right thing for me to do!! I do have very high standards for myself I guess because I think I am stronger than I actually am, I am not strong but still very weak and that has shocked me a little, but as a survivor its still gonna bite me in the Butt yes? still me thinks 3 years is still early days? I will keep all the advise and warmth shown to me in this epic post, it goes to show that from nothing to having friends from around the world that do understand how 1 feels because we are all here for the same reason, we are survivors thx all xxx

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Hey there

You are in no way a failure because you are using medical intervention - that's what its there for. If you had a cold you'd take Lemsip etc, headaches - paracetamol etc - so Anti D is in no way weak or failing - it's necessary for you to get your mind and heart back in sync and where they should be.

Personally, I think it takes a stronger person so accept they need help and to ask for it than it does someone who denies it and does nothing.

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  • 3 months later...
Guest Mike

I posted a thread regarding psychiatry vs. psychology a while ago, had some great responses and made my choice and to let you all know I was finally discharged from my Psychologists today and scored 0 for 3 months in a row , on those tests about how you feel, I started at 32, so in all it took 38 hours to get me to where I am today plus I am now in a resource therapy group designed for coping skills and only have 8 hours out of 20 left to do, so all in all a great feeling inside and a pat on my back for sticking it through just thought I would update you all thanks Mike

This is all due to my online friends on Behind The gray.. without the support from here I would have failed along time ago, but I stuck with it and have made some really good new friends in the real world and thanks for those of you in the virtual world too, bless you all

Edited by mikeymack2002
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  • 3 weeks later...

It has been a few months now, since I last stuck my head above the ramparts.Depression and anxiety have laid me low. So what? I hear. We all feel low! But here is a dark truth. Having feelings , of any kind , is great. Real depression is being without any feelings at all. Having to think of body language /facial responses in social situations. The selfish thoughts of not wanting to exist anymore , and the damage that is caused to my family, because they know this is how I feel, is like an ever growing crescendo of noise. I don't have any answers , no sweet reveal, no happy ending, just one stitch in time. Once you make the decision, to stay alive, the endless ,empty void , that is depression,is just another ,transient state. All of us on this site, who struggle with these feelings (or lack of feelings) must understand, that the tunnel has an end. We must believe, that there is light and good , in all our futures! That's all

I have to say.

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Bill, Let me throw you a rope. I have struggled with depression since I was about 13 years old. I have not had a bad slump for a long time now but it sure it dark when it comes. I hope you are doing ok?? I think back at my mother’s life and how depressed she was, my son was saying just today he had never ever seen her smile or be happy. I ditto’s that. I know it can be a struggle to keep your head above the water but know you are not alone.

When I first had to admit I needed anti D's it was a struggle to get over the myths and the feeling I was weak. I must say I wish more of the folks I am around would take the medication they are prescribed as their life may just be more pleasant. A few people I know just need to take that edge off and it is really sad that they won't give it a try. I woudl do just about anything not to be miserable.

Take care, maryb

Edited by MaryB
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  • 5 months later...

Hi everyone, I thought I would update this epic post and tell you all about the new me.

I have not re-posted this thread for 6 months, I have just read it from start to finish, wow did I really start this thread? it seems so long ago and so much has change for me. So lets get on with the updates. Since last posting I have been back to college and taken 3 courses the first was my English my second was my Maths, I am so pleased to say I passed my courses with flying colours, I have two certificates to show off on my wall at home.

I completed 2 other courses for mental health and one called get set go. Which was eight weeks long, this was finished last week, I did so well I was offered a job by a company that specializes in debt management. But had to turn it down for the time being, as am not quite ready for the big outside world just yet. Also I have been doing extremely well in the community and helping others that are in the same position, I tried to apply to the hospital to assist others that have just had a major trauma, but they too said it was too soon for me.

I have finished with Anti-depressants for good, I have been off them again for over 4 months and feel so much stronger than the last time I stopped them, I still am not allowed to drive due to the injuries sustained, quite serious by the way, I still have my fits on a regular basis but are controlled by drugs, Still diabetic but much more under control. But what I do know now is that with all the support and the butt kicking I got from here was enough to spur me into action, albeit very slowly, the journey is still fraught with danger for me.

The craziest thing I have come to accept is that the harder the problem is to solve for me the easier it is, but the same is said for the easiest things, I am still so very terrible at them, I still have issues in the kitchen and for common dangers, like crossing the road or thinking safety first, I can not for the life of me understand this paragraph, many have tried to explain this but medically they are perplexed in why this has happened, heyho it's Mike still here.

One thing after all the problems that I have had and overcome I still cannot fathom out why my head blew it's gasket, so to speak, it's taken me/us over three and a half years to get this far and I am still learning, so onwards and upwards is all I can say, Like next week I am travelling to London some 45 miles away, this time I am going alone totally just me no help voices or guidance, so I am very apprehensive about this and will take my phone and if the need arises I can pull it out and look at the maps that I have installed on it and get to my appointment on time first time.

Also I have a lovely lady in my life now and she accepts me for who I am even though she finds it funny when I do something silly like open the oven and take out hot things without a towel to protect my hands, or the amount of times I lose things that are right in front of me. So yeah I have still got a long way to go but this time it is with confidence and hope a warm hand and kind heart that will get me through the next stages. I am also dating and that too is very nice but strange at the same time, we are very happy together and I think this has helped me in so many ways, far to many to mention, safe to say this old dog IS learning new tricks and loving life to the fullest extent

To all those that have given me advice and support over these trying times I wish you all the happiness and success as I have had on the last year. Please trust me when I say in the deepest darkest moments remember this one thing "You are alive you are breathing, you are here, you have friends in Behind the gray" good luck all of you and may you feel at peace with yourself reach out for the help you need and take everyday as it comes, no matter what the mood a cup of laughter and a biscuit of hope goes a very long way to making you want to be you again. Take care my friends and see you around the forums

Kindest regards Mike xxx

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Mike,

How wonderful to read your update and hear about all your achievements.

Your post has bought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us.

Well done hun, be very very proud of yourself.

Take care,

SarahLou Xx

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Hi Mike,

What a lovely post, you sound very positive! I'm interesed to read that you have completed some courses successfully as I've been considering a short course myself and couldn't decide if I'd be able to manage it, your post has made me feel more confident that I can, but perhaps I will leave it until I've reduced my hours at work

Congratulations also on your new relationship:-D

Dawn x

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  • 1 month later...

Friday the 17/01/2014 will go down in my history book for all the wrong reasons, guess what? my latest MRI scan has shown up a new aneurysm, so now have 7 in total 5 coiled 3 untreated so in all not a great day, I came back to this post to look for guidance and a way to move forward yet again.

Seeing how well I had done then being dropped on from a big height was just plain awful. A partial update is in the green room if you want to view it here http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?9356-My-first-bad-news-since-my-bleed&p=98604#post98604

The reason I am posting here again is simple this post has some very good points that I had forgotten like we all do, but it gives me the strength the fight back again and try just as hard as I have done in the past.

I guess eventually I am going to have to seek out a councillor again because I feel like it's all too much at the moment, seeing all the replies again will be of comfort but having to face the possibility of surgery again is just plain awful for me.

So guess what I have just thought of a new thread so will head over to the green room and start I before I forget it thanks for re visiting this post and I hope someone else can get solace in what has been said here just like I just have. Catch you all on the flip side again, all for now Mike

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