jus Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Please tell me if it's just me being overly sensitive or would this really get to you too? I have just recieved a text from a work collegue asking if i'm normal now and is everything working correctly and that i shouldnt worry about returning full time to work cos i've got the perfect excuse not to do much....the text ends with lucky you! I am frothing... i feel like i'm being seen as a washing machine thats been in for repair! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpaggett Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Wow, that really is awful!!!!! I'd try and stay away from that person and block her email! How totally insensitive. No, you have every right to feel bad. You had a stroke for goodness sake, I'd like to see how she would handle it? I wrote a poem about how everyone else thinks I'm lucky. Lucky to be alive, Lucky to get out of things, Lucky for whatever. I'll leave it here for you as well... The lottery ticket I place my bet, I choose the numbers. Loss. How jarring, even as hope reflected expectations. Last year a bet was placed on my behalf – the choice of that deficiency stolen. Inadequately, I left the hotel for an endless parking lot. I know the elusive casino exists somewhere, but I can’t sense it. I recite my numbers repetitively as if transfixed. What were they again? Maybe they’ll come up another time and death will embrace me fully. The lucky ones die of their SAH and take no deficits with them. ~Kpaggett (June 2012) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) No, Id be like that too it sounds like a workmate that talks before putting their brainin gear & with added no feelings. Recently I meet somepeople hadnt seen in years when I was asked where I worked now I said Im medically retired now, the reply was how did you score a deal like that! my reply I had a brain haemorrhage..... Edited August 21, 2012 by Louise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Okie dokie. I am sorry your friend was so dumb to sven say such a thing. I am so lucky that I have not have any real "downers' in my life. I discarded people that sucked the life out of me sometime ago. There for I was a bit ahead of most SAH'ers having some medical issues prior to SAH. I do not allow peoples insentivities or ignorance to control my well being. I have do not have any "spoons" ( SPOON THEORY) to suck my precious energy out of me. I have enough in life that I must handle but people, friends, co workers I will not put up with. I have nothing to give those people. I discard them like junk mail. Besides I believe I am above people so insensitive & ignorant anyway. If you are my true friend etc you would of done some goggling to find that answer and educate yourself. I have a hard enough time getting through my days. Someone is either just not very smart or they were trying to make light of it because they are so insecure they do not know what to say. AND working with a group of tight knit woman over the past 20 years some with some real insecurities, I can understand that they do no tknow whta to say at a funeral, or a time of comfort etc... BUT there is enough information on how to handle those situtions that I find I have lost my patience for them. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jus Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 Awwww thankyou.....am so mad i'm finding it hard to type.....wasn't sure if it was just me who found that completly insensitive and stupid. I will have to work with this person quite closley in Sept so i think i will have her take a peek at this site!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winter Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Hi Jus! Don't think we've met yet. I've been off and on BTG less regularly lately. So.... glad you found this site!!! How insenstivie and awful of the colleague to say that. I would have been enraged! I'm 2 1/2 years post SAH and I still get angry when people say stupid things to me. You'd think I'd be over it by now, but it still hurts that people can be so thoughtless. As the others said, they obviously aren't thinking abut what they are really saying, not an excuse - just lack of consideration or forethought. If the shoe were on the other foot, they would totally get it! I'm learning now to speak up when others say things like that. I can't seem to tolerate it and feel they need a little education from me I'm tired of explaining to others why it's different for me, so for those who continue to make stupid comments after I've already explained why I'm like this now - they are out of my life (like MaryB's done). It's enough of an effort to deal with our lives and move forward without dealing with that! Hang in there. Your feelings are valid! Sending hugs your way, Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amexdm Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Hi Jus, I had a friend sya the same thing to me when I was out. He said "enjoy your vacation". yes it ticked me off but I chalked it up to ignorance. Print a brochure about SAH and have our friends, family, co-workers read it. If they dont take the time to read it, then they're not your friend. Plain and simple. Regards, David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoobs Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Nice workmates you have there I've got a brother like that thinks well I'm 8 months down the road I should be better by now, some people can't handle it they just think we have had a opperation it's just like havin ya tonsils out ya right I think not !!! Oh welcome to the site8) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jus Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 Carolyn your hugs are gratefully recieved....Have got headache now cos its really bothered me...I haven't had to deal with any of this before so it's completly thrown me.....am really dreading seeing this person because i really want to shake her very hard (that's putting it mildly!) I shall take all of your wise advice though and not waste my energy xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jus Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 Hello Scoobs and David...and thanks....think i will leave information about our horrendous carry on lying around...and see if that makes a difference... i keep screwing up my face as though everyone can see how mad and peeved i am!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 With pals like that you don't need enemies......fume ..give vent on here and then laugh at her.....do not let anyone stress you out. Sing a song and smile .. forget the jealous types...in fact just totally ignore her..that will get to her more than fuming..hard to remain calm....but do not give her your time..Keep Well and Stress free Best Wishes WinB143 xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev897056 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Ji Jus - thought I would put my penny's worth in (I think thats the saying) Honest, when you go back, you will get the comments like 'oh so you have a clean bill of health now have u' i keep getting my workmate saying 'yes you do remember that' - its usually something that happened before my bleed, & I have to say no I ****** don't remember, at the end of the day Nichola (girl i work with) I have a brain injury and I do forget stuff, I cant help this!I swear Dr's should provide work mates and boss's with an info pack on how we now operate after a sah & stop being so insensitive!!!!!! I feel embarrassed that I cant remember stuff at work, but i honestly cant and I think they think its an excuse sometimes! I am so glad i found this site, because at least u all understand exactly where everyone is coming from!!!Before I came on here, noone fully understands how we look well etc,but are still suffering inside! Rude,insensitive people! xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Mario Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Take no notice, it is just ignorance on their part. Do not let it get to you. I had a similar thing from my sister of all people. She said to me "I'm glad it didn't happen to me and that it was you" and laughed. She finds it hilarious that I have to use a frame to walk with because of my balance issues. Needless to say I have very little to do with her now, only when it is unavoidable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jus Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 Awww Bev,Penny i feel really sad when i read that... it's just seems like everytime you get over one thing something else crops up...i knew today was going to be a stressy one when my cat woke me at 4am opera singing (he doesn't meow like a normal cat!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoobs Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 To be honest penny I don't think it's that easy to let go. We have all gone thru alot I know my wiring isn't what it used to be an things get to me now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandi K Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Wow, that's some text!! For how much I hate comments like that i find it easier when they are face to face. At least then you get to see the body language and hear the words in context. You can understand then when it is truly just ignorance and you have an opportunity to ignore, throw it back, or educate depending on your mood and energy levels. With the text you only see the words and honestly I think I'd be furious too!! It's so unsupportive and inconsiderate. You almost died! When I went back to work the first time I educated everyone at every opportunity about the statistics and how 'special' I am to be alive. Sandi K. Xoxoox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 I sometimes feel people are just sick of me beign tired, lack of enegery, headaches and generally feel like I should "move on". It may just be me thinking that of myself! I am so ready to move on, I would love nothing more than to be productive and feel good jsut 2 or 3 days a week. I keep thinking I am not asking too much. BUt I know as hard as it for me to deal with this daily it must be really hard for someone to comprehend. On Oprah Sunday morning new show she had on Dr Jill someone who recovered from a stroke ( 7 years). As much as I want everyone to watch that episode to see how she felt and how educational it would be for all us to watch to understand how Grandma feels trapped inside a speechless body I cannot make people watch it. Those are the teachable moments that hurt, bother or jsut annoy me when we cannot make a difference in someones attitude. I have a former co worker who in her early 40's just went thourgh breast cancer treatment and had no insuance but was covered by a great program in our state etc. I had such hopes for her to come through this as a changed person but i read her fb post or get a text from her and see she is back to her hateful, mean spiteful self. I am dissapointed in her as she lost a real teachable moment where the commmunity came out and supporter her. It should of been a life changing even that made her a better person. SOrry all the typos. I cannot focus or think well today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winter Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 As I said, being 2 1/2 years post, I still get angry. Sometimes I let things roll off my back. Other times, it hurts and I feel very angry and yes, want to shake people. I think it all takes time, it's a process. One step forward, then 2 back. Every day I am reminded that I am not exactly the person I was before. Yesterday was a good day. Today, so far has been a good one - it's still early, haha. I do try to stay positive, say affirmations to make myself feel better, learning to lovoe myself for who I am now. It's hard.... but I know I have to keep moving forward, the alternative is not what I want. Maybe someday I'll be able to let all the comments slide without feeling hurt, or anger. For now, I'm just trying to get through each day as it comes and work toward the best. We've gone through a lot, we have!!! I've often thought about making up a pamphlet that explains things for others, carrying it around and passing it out when people make rude and ignorant remarks. That way I wouldn't get emotionally involved in thinking about what was said. Just hand them the pamphlet!!! Here ya go. Bye bye I better get off this pc now and try to find something productive to do! Hav a strong day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jus Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 That's it Mary B....i feel like i must have bored them by being ill and now everyone is like "c-mon..get your finger out!"...am shaking my head side to side as i type because people really are strange!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jus Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 Winter...make the leaflet!!!! it's a really good idea...words are hard to find sometimes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Mario Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 To be honest penny I don't think it's that easy to let go. We have all gone thru alot I know my wiring isn't what it used to be an things get to me now It wasn't at first and I do admit it still gets to me sometimes. My sister is very selfish and all she thinks about is me, me, me and money. She can't talk about anything other than work and how good she is and listening to her you would think the firm would fall down without her. We are talking about a very large supermarket chain here. The consolation is I have a wonderful husband, daughter and son, why do I need her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaynor1071 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Hi Jus Sorry to hear that you have an ignorant workmate. I went out for lunch with some colleagues last week and most of them had 'googled' SAH so they had a pretty good understanding of what had happened and recovery. Saying that, one did say she was disappointed that my head wasn't shaved! Unfortunately my brain doesn't work quickly enough anymore to come up with a cutting response. Someone on here has the sign-off that goes something like 'bear with me, my head exploded' - I think they should make badges with that on it. I hope that the penny drops with your colleague soon enough. Take care of yourself. Gaynor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryB Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) What a firestorm today! I think we all maybe had a littel pent up anger. I know people are always looking for my scar. I did not have surgery. I am REALLY lucky becuz mine would of left me severely damaged if they did surgery or if it did not stop bleeding. Just last week my neighbor said the mengioma in my skull was not something affecting me. Well no......but it is in the list of brain issues (sah, stoke, bleed & vertetal artery dissection) that it does affect my outlook at times. As my mengioma is in the tumor left posterior fossa (Tumors that arise in the posterior fossa are considered some of the most critical brain lesions due to the limited space in which they can grow and the potential involvement of critical neural structures. For instance they may cause facial symptoms or loss of hearing via compressing either the seventh (facial) or the eighth (acoustic) cranial nerves, respectively. They can compress the brainstem causing clinical manifestations of brain stem compression like cranial nerve deficits, or the cerebellum causing troubles with walking and balance, or the spinal cord causing motor or sensory deficits. Meningiomas in this region can also cause blockage of the flow of the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF), or hydrocephalus, causing the intracranial pressure to rise which usually manifests by headache, blurring of vision, nausea or vomiting.) I somedays cannot help to want to tell my co worker with cramps to buck up, if I can show up to work and be productive anyone can, I am the oldest one there. I have the biggest deficts there and I still if were garaded on productiveness I would be in second place . I know it sounds hateful but that is where I am at this summer. It is a struggle to maintain with headaches and fatigue. Someone left a bottle of medication out in isolation for 4 days which means no one noticed it for 4 days. Then all the excuses about beign busy etc....... I still can do rings around these woman and I do not understand it. I need to be told that - "Yes, Mary you do great for all you have been through and yet as I can tell it about kills you at times to be here I can see you are much more productive than most". augh! Ok I am walkgin away from this LOL!!! maryb Edited August 21, 2012 by MaryB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahLou Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 Hello Jus, It's nearly 2 years since my SAH, apart from 'you lovely lot' at BTG there aren't many people close to me who really 'get it' and understand. As others have said, they think we look normal, can't actually see anything wrong with us, so think we are all back to normal. Some of my co workers are great, others aren't. I try to explain to family, friends and co workers but I guess that some people really do only hear what they want to hear. It doesn't effect them directly so some people don't want to even think about it. I would try to educate your co workers about how you are and what you've been through, at the end of the day you've got to work along side them. I recommend all those around me to read the 'spoon theory' as that really is the best way to explain how my life is now, I can't find the right words and that bit of writing explains things so well. Don't waste your spoons getting angry and upset about your co workers text, it's not worth it. Take care, SarahLou Xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jus Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 I shall read this spoon theroy....and see if it helps thanks, i feel comforted knowing you all get my anger and hurt, and that it's not because of my head explosion that i feel like this xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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