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marie
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Hi Everyone :) Im Marie im 37 and from West Yorkshire I suffered what I now know was an sah on 21st December 2007.

I'd had a perfectly normal crazy christmas shopping day and was preparing tea for my husband and 4 children as later in the evening myself and husband had planned to go out to a former works christmas do. Slamming the door on my drier I had the most excruciating headache as though someone had hit me with a shovel and thought at first id got a shock from the drier, but within 15 minutes I couldnt speak couldnt hold up my own body weight and certainly couldnt communicate with anyone to say what was wrong besides being violently sick. My quick thinking husband realised this was something serious and phoned an ambulance. When the ambulance arrived the paramedic lady was quite rude and kept asking how much id had to drink boy do I wish thats all it was! At the first hospital I was taken to they did a scan where it was found id hadan sah and transferred me to Leeds General Intensive care where our neurosurgery unit is. I must have been unconscious for quite a while because I just remember coming round on christmas eve to my husband who hadnt moved from my bedside and he told me they had coiled the bleed that day, not that I actually understood what he was telling me. Christmas day was hard, all my kids came to see me with presents theyd bought and I remember all i wanted to do was cuddle them all and go home with them, yet I couldnt even get off the bed or communicate with them because it was complete gobbledegook coming out of my mouth. On new years eve I was allowed home. My family have been fantastic my husband and daughter were doing the housework and cooking in the early days and when my husband returned to work my daughter took over the role of 'mum'.

Its nearly 4 months on now and i am struggling sometimes to come to terms with whats happened. Sometimes I have good days but on the bad ones I cant seem to shake off the feeling of doom. I seem to cry a lot at the most stupid of things and get a bit over paranoid with the slightest of twinges in my head, although my headache is still quite bad come early evening and mostly Im in bed by 8pm to try and relieve this.

I had a small bleed in my left shortly after the sah which has resulted in like a spider web of blood blocking my sight and am booked for surgery at St James Hospital on 15th May. Hopefully I will feel a lot better emotionally when I can see properly.

I try to tell people just what I feel like but I think the majority of people think that because they cant visibly see anything wrong with me then I must be perfectly fine. If only they knew.

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Hi Marie and welcome to behindthegray I am sorry you had to find us but we will all be here whenever you need to talk I had my sah 6yrs ago this september, and I can relate very well to the feelings of doom however everyone on this site helped get me through it, it does get easier it may not feel like it's gonna at this moment in time but it will. I have had to children since mine one 5 in october the other 1 in september, so it will get easier I was 23 when mine ruptured. Jess.xxx

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Hi Marie and welcome to behindthegray!

Hope you're recovering well and resting lots.

It's quite normal to get anxious when you feel twinges in your head, but it's normally nothing to worry about. I still get the odd twinge, 20 months on.

Glad to hear that you have a supportive family around you.

Regards

Keith

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Hi Marie

Welcome to the family and the site.

Take comfort that what you're going through at the moment is perfectly 'normal' just after an SAH. I'm more or less at the same stage as Keith and still get the twinges - some that make me take a sharp breath.

I also cried at the drop of a hat and still sometimes get really emotional over the daftest things. It does get easier and the fatigue (that normally brings on the headaches) does get better with time. I still occasionally need to sleep in the afternoon just to recharge the batteries.

We're all here to help each other through, so don't hold back with anything you want to ask or need to know.

Speak soon

Love Sami xxx

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Hi Marie and welcome

Glad you were diagnosed quickly and you have lots of support. I had my SAH about 3 weeks after you so at a similar stage of recovery, although I know we are all totally different and recover at our own pace, frustrating isn't it?

Can't believe the things that have made me weepy,silly stories in magazines, soaps, the news, even Jeremy Kyle,(you can see what a sad life I am leading at the moment!!!) you are not alone!

As you know it is the terrible fatigue that is so debillitating.I also find people constantly saying "well, at least you are still here" is often not ALL that helpful. I work and also volunteer at a Hospice and I found it amusing when I went to try out how I felt working for just an hour last week when several people said " Bet you keep getting told that you are lucky to be alive, it isn't helpful is it?" It was so clear that they were more used to dealing with the emotions of patients than most people and quite refreshing. Not TOO sure about the colleague who said "At least we can all see from looking at you that you are not feeling well so no-one is going to pressurise you to do more than you can" Mmmmmmmmmmm, confirmation that I am still looking pretty rough and tired, actually I totally agree with her it is just that everyone else keeps telling me I look fine which the mirror tells me is certainly not true, aged at least 10 years I reckon.

Anyway, enough rambling! Welcome. It is a great place to get confirmation that everything you are feeling is par for the course.

Ann

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Hi Marie

Welcome to the site hope you find it as useful as I have. As the others have already said it does get easier with time its just learning to listen to your body and resting whenever you need to.

Take care hope to hear more from you soon.

Janet x

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Hi Marie and welcome to behindthegray.... :D

4 months into recovery is still very early ..... especially with your emotions, they tend to be all over the place for a fair while....many of us, find that we're still a lot more emotional than we used to be, but you kind of get used to it. The feeling of "doom" does ease, but it took a bit of time with me. Hopefully, you'll find that the more that you talk to other SAH'ers, the more that it will normalise things for you.

It also sounds as though you've got your work cut out with 4 children, so you've probably got a lot more to deal with then the rest of us. Remember to be kind to yourself and get as much rest as you possibly can. I'm not sure how I would have coped with 4 kids as well as trying to cope with myself..... how old are they?

A few of us on the website have had problems with eyesight ..... it's definetly been a major stumbling block for me, but hopefully your op will get it sorted. I think that I've had more frustration with my eyesight and dizzy spells, then with anything else, so I know how you're feeling.....and it's a bummer ..... take care xx

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Wow what can I say, so many caring people. Im feeling just a bit emotional right now after reading these comments just to know that i am not alone in what im feeling has made me feel more at ease with my situation. Im feeling quite tired at min so sorry for short message just needed to thank you all for caring, luv to you all Marie XXXXX

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Hi Marie

A warm welcome to you, my SAH happened 3 dec 2008, I am still in early stages like you. Everything you wrote about how you feel is how I have felt, and all the lovely people here have told me it is normal and will get better. I had a very tearful anxious time a few weeks back, after being so positive it just hit me from nowhere. But I am glad to say I feel alot better, alot to do with the support and kind words from everyone here, and knowing that I was not going mad!!

I too have problems with my eyes, balance and noise sensitivity. I have double vision and blurriness, which effects my balance and gives me major headaches, just trying to concentrate.Also the dreaded short term memory, that just drives my insane!! :) Have learnt not to run before I can walk, as over doing it just sets you back and makes you feel awful. I had terrible nerve pain with my eyes, Karen helped me alot with her advise. There is always someone that can help, it is wonderful.

Marie , take care rest alot and listen to your body, things can only get better :D

Like you I more or less look back to normal and people say the same, you look well, but they cant see the mending that is going on inside. Thats why this site is so wonderful, it lifts your spirit and helps you cope.

Have a great weekend

Love Tinaxx

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Sorry Karen just read back posts again and realised I hadnt replied. My eldest Ashley is 18 Gemma is 17 Danielle is 15 and then theres Jake whos 12. Ashley has a little boy Mckenzie Luke who was 1 in April and as much as I love the little mite im thankfull that he lives with his mum hes so active at minute I would never cope with him here permanantly. Theyre not exactly kids anymore but guess I made life easy for them by doing just about everything and now their having to do it for me, its strange how things turnaround. XX :D

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Hi Marie,

Yes, I think that it is a shock for the kids when they've been used to you doing everything ..... to be honest, I think that it does them good... :) Well, hopefully your eldest children are letting you put your feet up and looking after you when you need to rest.

I definetly couldn't have dealt with very small children at first ...... quite a few of us have said that a baby's crying especially, seemed to go right through us ..... I know that a few SAH Nan's/Gran's found it quite hard to be around a crying baby or loud children, especially during early recovery....

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Hi Karen

Never mind just early recovery when my four grandsons are all together I still end up with a crippaling headache. Much as I love them it can be hard going at times and since Claire moved back in with Owen I find it hard to get any quiet time til quite late in the evening.

Janet x

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