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Feeling useless, GP no help.


Deb
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Hi everyone.

 

I'm struggling. In so many ways. My memory is awful. I almost burned the house down last week I forgot I had pancakes cooking on the hob. I have white boards everywhere reminding me of lots of things.

 

I'm driving again but hate it. How have I been given my licence back without being seen by anyone?? My eyesight seems worse than it was before. I have been referred to an ophthalmologist though it wasn't explained to me why I was referred, the SAH wasn't near my eyes and I haven't had them checked at all.


I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone, yet I sometimes feel the need to talk about some things, but I don't actually have anyone to talk about it with. I just don't feel like me anymore. I have little interest in things I once enjoyed. Reading other peoples stories it seems this is fairly common, and something I have to accept.

 

Am I depressed, or is this the new me. My neuro nurse seemed to think I'm depressed and told me to see GP, so I waited 4 weeks for a GP appointment, only to see a locum who knows nothing about me and even less about SAH's.


I don't like the new me very much.
I miss me.

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Deb bless you.

 

I know exactly how you feel - that was me ten years ago.

 

I didn't like the new me at all - in fact I flaming well hated her and her limitations, but this is all about adapting and learning what you can and can't do right now.  Things may improve and you'll get a bit of the old you back.  I love reading so was gutted that I couldn't read because I couldn't remember the day after what it was I'd read the day before, but I got there.

 

I love the new me now, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore and try not to do everything at a million miles an hour. I've also finally learned that patience is indeed very much a virtue.

 

I know it's hard right now, but accepting the new you and your limitations and adapting to them will help with recovery.  You've done the hard part - you survived. Now you need to recover and that can sometimes be a long road with ups and downs along the way - but take as many pit stops as you need to to get there.

 

Please see if your GP can refer you for counselling - it helped me better than I think any pill could have.  It's good to off load your feelings to someone that you have no emotional investment in.  We're all here for you hun, but please get professional guidance too.

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Hi Deb :)

 

I am so sorry you are struggling in so many ways, bless you, sending a huge hug xx

 

All i can say is  I went through all those feelings too. I can so relate to how you are feeling.  I was not depressed i was just so frustrated with the new me, found it very hard to except the new me. I was and am very lucky i have a very supportive understanding GP. I always go and see him, make sure that he is on duty or like you would end up with another Dr or locum that knows nothing about you. 

 

Can you make another appointment when your usual GP is on duty and try again to get some help ?

Things will get better, it just takes time, patience and learning to accept the new you.

My GP arranged counselling for me, had to wait a few months, but it really helped to talk to someone away from family and friends. If you dont have any joy, go back to your Neuro Nurse and ask for more help.

 

Deb, we are always here for you. Take care and keep in touch.

 

Tina xx

 

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Deb,

 

It is good to off load on here, it has helped me no end. 

To be honest I thought it was the end for me and then I saw people who had same as me and they could laugh.

 

So keep coming on here and writing/typing your worries down and you'll hear "I had that" and it makes you feel normal and not so worried.

 

As Tina and and Sami have said if you want to see Doc then do it.  It is on record then. xx

 

Now I do hope you can cheer up and start recovery progress.  No rush though xxxx

 

Good luck

Win xxxx

 

 

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Hello Deb

 

So sorry to hear of your concerns with your recovery post SAH.

 

Deb, you say you have nobody to talk to. Have you expressed your feelings to your husband and family? What is their reaction to your recovery ?

 

Everyone recovering from SAH has their own immediate circumstances to cope with... family....work.....housework....and friends., not to mention financial aspects and age.(whether retired or employed). When we suggested that you need to have much rest in these early months.....it can be so hard to find where `time to rest`  is coming from.

 

From your comments I do feel that you need to be able to concentrate on you and your recovery.... and somehow your family must try and find a way to make that happen if mum is to have a good chance of getting stronger. I do hope that together you all can make this happen.

 

You mention your referral to an Ophthalmologist.... my wife`s vision was affected following her SAH. When she was referred to her Opthalmologist she was given a thorough eye check which revealed that there were several small haemorrhages behind her eyes. She was told that these would heal and her eyesight would improve. After three months this was indeed the case. No treatment was necessary...just follow-up appointments to confirm healing was in progress.

 

As others have said.... please don`t just accept your recent appointment with the locum.  Try and get another meeting as you really do need to feel your GP has listened and acted on your concerns.

 

Deb...please don`t give in..... do try and get support to help you in these early months, from your GP and family.

 

Please keep in touch.... we want to get you finding a recovery plan that is positive and relieving the stresses that are around you just now,

 

 

Subs

 

 

 

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Hi Deb,

 

Half the battle is accepting you have a problem and you have done that, so well done!  The old you is still in there somewhere, it's just that your brain has taken a bit of a knock and it needs to kind of re-wire itself to get you back to somewhere near your pre-SAH state.  The thing is, it won't happen in an instant because your brain isn't a light switch that you can turn on and off.  It takes time.

 

I had many of the same problems you say you are having now.  I am six years down the line.  I still have some short term memory problems and I still write things down, but I don't have to do it nearly as much now as I used to.  So it can get better over time.

 

Well done for having notes around the house.  I use them too, but I also carry a notebook around with me.  You just have to remember to keep looking at it and the book will tell you what you need to remember.

 

As for driving, it is your responsibility to determine if you are fit to drive.  If you don't think you are you shouldn't really need a doctor to tell you that, or an optician, you should just not drive until you get yourself checked out.  You should also advise DVLA of your position and advise your insurance company because you may invalidate your insurance if you drive whilst unfit to do so.  It simply isn't worth the risk, in a number of ways.

 

Talking with someone is one way to alleviate some of your thoughts.  When you are on your own you can tend to let your mind imagine the problem is worse than it really is, but a problem shared is a problem halved.  I've been there.  Talking helps to keep you grounded and we can and will help you there if you let us.  That is why we are here.

 

You will regain your interests, you just can't see that yet.  What you need to see is progress in your recovery.  Why don't you keep a diary, and over time you will see the progress you are making and get a family member to keep one too where they detail what they can see from their point of view about you.  It will record your progress and will be a confidence booster as well as provide the incentive to keep on going to keep on improving.

 

It can seem like an arduous path, but you have come through it, and you are in the early stages of your recovery.  It was a serious thing that happened to you so don't beat yourself up about things seeming a little different.  Change was thrust upon you unexpectedly.  Recovery is gradual just like if you had broken a leg.  It's how you deal with it and where you end up that counts. 

 

I wish you good luck and please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

 

Many of the recovery stories on this site are so inspirational - you can be too.  Just keep going no matter how quickly or slowly, the important thing is that you keep going - every journey starts with that single step!

 

Best wishes,

 

Macca

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Hi all.


Thank you for your replies. It's good to know people not only take the time to read what's written but also take the time to reply. Yesterday was  a bad day, I seem to be getting quite a lot of those lately. New day today so hoping it will be a better on, though waking with a sore throat and horrible tickly cough isn't the best start haha....


Touching on what some things in the replies. Not liking me... I didn't expect to come out of this unscathed, but I didn't expect to have changed so much, what I find odd is that no-one else sees it, to them i'm just like I was before so maybe it's all in my head. I find I care very little about well, anything really. Or very little at least. I go through the motions a lot.

 

I'll see a news article and instead of it stirring some sort of emotion, whether good or bad I just roll my eyes, everything seems trivial. And I don't mean compared to me or what I've been through, just trivial in general. If it doesn't have an effect on my life then I don't want to know. Is this normal? Will it pass? Or is this just me now? Either way I don't like it. 


I find it hard to talk about how i'm feeling, especially to my husband. He's trying so hard to keep the mood in the home a happy mood, which is no mean feat trust me. But when I talk to him about anything he doesn't listen to 'hear' me he listens to reply... Does that make sense?

 

He'll reply, then instantly move onto something else, whether a new conversation or watching TV, I can't do this, when I talk about something important, I need time to process it all, always been a bit like that but even more so these days. I've got to the point where I feel so annoyed at him for 'moving on' so quickly that I just don't bother mentioning things half the time.


I'm still struggling to get some 'me' time. Though I have started going out most Saturday mornings with my older daughter, it wears me out but it's nice to have a little break, my weekdays are so busy caring for my daughter and attending various appointments and meetings!


Macca, in regards to driving, I contacted the DVLA and my insurance company when I first left hospital, I was asked not to drive until they had received my medical notes and made a decision, that was fine by me, didn't feel like driving anyway... :) 

 

They were satisfied I was fit to drive.  I'm only really driving locally, can't bear night time driving., which is a bit of pain seeing as it's dark by 4.30 most days hahaha... I really don't like driving but I have to as my daughter has so many appointments and i'm the only driver.


Anyway, I'd best get on with my day, my new motto is 'onwards and upwards'


Deb xx

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Hi Deb,welcome to BTG, It's been my lifeline. I could've written your posts, apart from the driving bit, I'm surrendering my licence. I can identify with so many of your words, thoughts worries. When I came home from hospitaI was fortunate enough to be able to walk and talk, my physical recovery was pretty good, I knew nothing of the mental recovery that awaited me, nobody tells you that bit.

 

I don't think my GP has treated anyone who's had SAH before. I often don't want to see or talk to anyone, but then I moan if I don't see anyone,  just no pleasing me! On a positive note, the bad days will always be followed by good days and the bad days become less and less frequent. I still find it hard to accept the new me because I desperately want the old  Jan back, I liked her more. I get glimpses of her now and again which is lovely because it reminds me that she's still there but still needs a little more recovery time.

 

Sorry to have rambled, I do that a lot!!

Keep coming on here, it really helps

Jan xx

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Deb, good motto onwards and upwards - as time passes it'll get better and better (another one)

 

I think maybe you would be helped by counselling you should ask your GP to set that in motion....  I know this waiting 4wks for an appointment when your trying to get past the receptionist I know not easy, say about the SAH, I've had a 'brain haemorrhage' and I really need to speak with my doctor as soon as possible - don't just take sorry 4 weeks as an answer....

 

I didn't like the 'new me' in the beginning, now Yay! go new me......

 

Hang in there, find out about counselling .....

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Hi guys.

Both times I've visited my GP there have been locums there, I've now discovered my actual GP has retired. I didn't see much of him as I rarely go to the doctors, I was always well and healthy and also was very guilty of 'just getting on with it' So there isn't a doctor there who knows me anymore.

I did ask for a referral for counselling yesterday. Quite a waiting list though apparently. I will mention the fact I have had a brain haemorrhage when I make an appointment in future though, thanks for the advice.

I'm off for a 40 winks now while my daughter is dozing herself. Don't know who's worse, me or her :) 

Take care guys. x



 

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Hello Deb

 

Thanks for sharing.......  remember you are not alone ... and you are discovering the daily battles SAH poses in your efforts to make sense of it all.

 

Deb... keep taking that long term view. You are not expected to be finding the road easy just three and a half months along the way.

 

Also Deb.... you need hubby with you on this difficult journey. Can I ask about his employment?  Is his work very stressful ? I ask this because your SAH has just added considerably to his stress levels...and it`s not your fault ! Neither of you asked for this.

 

You are reeling from what SAH has done to your body and brain... you say led a healthy life.

Hubby is reeling too. He is seeing his healthy wife struggling so much and believe me, he is trying to work out what is happening and his mind is also trying to see what the future holds.... and he is probably very scared and uncertain. He is trying to cope with a changed you and he`s not sure how to deal with it.

 

Deb, you both need each other...and SAH can test your relationship to its limits. Do keep trying to talk things over together. Sometimes facing such uncertainty head on can be so difficult, and avoiding tackling your issues can often seem the easiest route to take.  

 

Also, how is our daughter`s recovery from her anorexia ? How did you and hubby face this? It must have been a tough time for you all as a family. You said she took up so much of your time. Bearing that in mind, it is not easy to see how you can cope with your recovery if she still has such demands on your time. You need extra help Deb.

 

Please do not feel you have to answer any/all of these questions. I just pose them so you can ask them of yourself.

 

Take care and keep positive.

 

I do hope you can arrange that second GP appointment very soon.

 

 

Subs

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Hi Debs,

 

When I asked my hubby about what happened to me he didn't want to talk about it.  Both him and my Daughter went through it while I was sleeping.  

My Daughter still cries when she recalls it.  So I do not push it.

 

Your hubby doesn't want to be reminded about it all perhaps?  Give him the best you can as he lived through it with you, every decision etc.

 

Wishing you all the best in your recovery xx

 

Win xxxx

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