Riane Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) Hello all, I am so happy to have found you here! After an emotionally difficult day last Saturday I spent 45minutes searching google, looking for something other than medical reports on PM-NASAH. I was looking for support, I knew it must be out there, but it sure took some teary time to find it. And, here you are. I am so relieved to not be alone on this journey. My name is Riane, I am 42 years old. I live on Denman Island, a small island on the coast of British Columbia, in Canada. The resident population of Denman is 1500 people. That number increases by another 1000 in the summer as many people come here for the beauty and the laid-back experiences of nature. I am like most Denman Island residents in that I unabashedly admit to being somewhat of a hippie, and that I am an artist. I live on Denman with my family which consists of my husband, my 11 year old daughter (her father also lives on Denman and we share custody), our 2 year old daughter and our dog. As well as being a mother and wife, I am a dancer, dance teacher, sculptor, potter, singer, writer. I am also a gardener with a large garden from which we eat much of our own food. For money I work 3 days a week doing graphic design, on-line publicity, and web admin for a local real estate company. I volunteer weekly at the local elementary school and I am active in various community groups, including producing various shows. At least, the above paragraph was true up until June 17th. Since then, my activity level has gone to nil, what I can do and the way I think of myself has changed. No doubt this is familiar to most here. On the morning of Friday June 17th I was making love with my husband when I was hit with the most excruciating explosion of a headache, nausea and leg seizures. One of the local GP's came to our house and gave me a shot of morphine, thinking that I had a migrane (though I have never had one before) or a pinched nerve. Then he left. (One day when I am feeling stronger I will follow up with him and let him know how angry I am. Thank God my bleed wasn't an aneurysm). A couple of hours later I told my husband to call the doctor again, there was something really wrong. Luckily there had been a shift change and the GP who was then on call knew right away what was going on with me. By the time he saw me at home he was sure I was having a SAH. He sent me by ambulance to the local hospital where I had a CT scan which showed that I had had a SAH. I was then airlifted to Vancouver where I got my second CT scan. By then I was on quite a bit of morphine, the pain was easing and I was responding well to the questions that kept being repeated to me. On Saturday morning I got an angiogram. On Sunday I was finally given the information that no aneurysm had been found. By that time I had already come to the realization that things were likely ok, due to the way the nurses in the ICU went from being very attentive to not having much time for me. I figured, rightly, that if it were an aneurysm there wouldn't have been a delay with getting information/treatment. While being kept in the dark was annoying and scary for me, I also understood/stand why it was that way as I was able to see that many of the people around me in the ICU were in very dire straits, and the staff was busy with them. Also, it being the weekend, there were not many neurologists working. On Monday I had a quick visit from the chief of the Neurology dept. who told me that other than having an interesting brain (apparently I have branches in my brain where none are expected, and no branches where they are expected) and the evidence of a bleed, there is nothing wrong with me. He told me he would like to see me after 3 months for a follow up angiogram just to be absolutely sure there is no aneurysm, and that's it. I was free to go and get back to my life. I could return to light duty at work after 2 weeks, and expect to be totally back to normal after 3 months. I was given the choice of going home or being transferred to another ward for a couple of days. Since I am somewhat paranoid of all the germs in hospitals, I decided to go home. I came home 5 weeks ago. My mother was here for the first two weeks to help around the house. My two year old goes to daycare 5 days a week. My husband is doing double duty as parent in the evenings and on weekends. My 11 year old has been having to take on more responsibilities around the house, but everytime she goes to her father's then comes back, we have to go through the process of getting her to remember that she can't make the same demands on Mom that she is used to doing. I returned to office work on Saturday the 16th of July - one month after my "event", and two weeks after the doctors advised me to. I did a 6 hour shift. The first 3 hours were fine. The second 3 hours I worked with a wicked headache. The next day I was pretty toasted. I worked again on last Saturday - another 6 hour shift. No headache...hooray! But, I was very "hungover" yesterday. In consultation with my hubby, we have decided I should cut my shift back to 4 hours, and stay at one day a week for now. The work that I do is a lot of "coding" in html and other information manipulation/transfer. It's not long into that work that my head starts to hurt again. These days I am mostly fine, it doesn't hurt to think the way it did a few weeks ago. But, my thinking is slow and gets confused sometimes. I get really frustrated at times. I am more emotional than ever these days (I've always been a bit emotinal) and I cry at the drop of a hat. I was crying like crazy as I kept googling, and googling trying to find a group like I have found here at BTG. I am also noticing what I think may be some symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). And, I am adverse to making love again - what was a previously much enjoyed activity, now terrifies me. The garden is overgrown as various crops are being taken over by the weeds. I cant' do the weeding, and when my hubby is home he's parenting our 2 year old, so he's not doing it. Crops that we have are not being harvested on time as again I can't do the work. I was out there picking raspberries this morning, thinking I don't have to bend over, nor lift my hands above shoulder height, but even then I got a nice crick in my neck and headache. I finished the job and got 3 good buckets into the freezer, but I'm afraid I'm going to suffer for it tomorrow with another "hangover". My GP is a great mechanic and while he knew right away what was happening to me back in June, he figures that I should be more on the mend and that I may need to consider psychotherapy, as he believes that I should be back to more work and my other activities. I have no energy for artistic pursuits which is very depressing for me, but the cement sculpture I was in the middle of doing is too much physical work for me these days. Same for working with clay. The September 2nd stage show that I was working on will have to go on without my assistance, as I'm just not up to choreographing and working with people. I used to be very outgoing and social, but now I get anxious when I am around people that I don't know. People I do know I can handle in groups of 5 maximum. More than that and I'm overwhelmed, anxious, tired and unable to communicate. Even writing isn't working for me as my thoughts go around in circles and are difficult to keep on track. I've been reading posts here for the past 2 days since I found BTG and I think that you who are reading this may identify with so much of what I'm talking about. And, reading those posts I see how minor my own difficulties are. I didn't have an aneurysm (as far as they know), it is expected that all will return to normal for me within some months, and I am so lucky to still be here and be Mama to my beautiful girls (even if Mama to my 2 year old consists of morning cuddles and bedtime stories, these days). Even with my minor challenges, I am so very grateful to continue to enjoy this gift of life. Thank you for reading some of my story. Riane Edited July 25, 2011 by Riane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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