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Friendship and sah


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Hello, this is Vicki, hope I am writing this in the right spot? Does anyone have any experience with losing close friends due to having the sah?

My best friend of 30 years no longer speaks to me, she did spend a lot of time at the hospital with us but when I came home she was very angy at me for being sick, very impatient at my slow and confused speaking. I also had to leave the pharmacy where I had worked for many years as they said I could no longer do this work. Very hard as we had all been such good friends for so many years. I now work in a call centre and as hard as it is, I do very well there and always pass the call coaching and go way above the targets, if only they had given me the chance at the Pharmacy. Has anyone else had these experiences and lost dear friends?

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Hi ,

I have not lost any friends due to have annies and a SH. Sorry to read you have. What a shame about your friend being anger with you. It's not your fault it happened to you.

Lets hope she never needs someone in her life when things are not good. You never know what is round the corner.

I have been back from your wonderful country, for over a month now. I stayed in Sydney, what a great place to be. I love it.

You just get on with your life. You have your family, a job. Sounds like you are doing ok. You can't spend your time worrying about others who don't care.

Folks on here do. Nice to share happy times with others that care.

Take care.

Love

Sonia xxxxx

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Vick.Hobs,

YES I totally understand x x x

I lost my friends x x one moved away x x x and my other one was being so two faced behind my back and then had the cheek to say to me "I can't believe you fell asleep when I visited you in hospital x x x bearing in mind I had only just come out of ICU x x

Unfortunatly not having the confidence now I don't have any close friends x x x Just my sister is all I have x x and friends I have made on here who I know are always there for me x x x x x x

All I can say is it is such a shame you live along long long way away otherwise we could of been friends who understood x x x But who needs countries to stop that we are all friends on here and I am here ANY time you need to talk x x x

lots love and hugs to you my FRIEND :wink:

love

donna

xxxxx

Edited by donna79
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I understand what you are going through Vicky. There are many friends who are not as close as they used to be. Some ignore emails, some don't seem to have time.

My job changed also, after my SAH. Not because of my limitations, just the timing of events etc.

I have one friend I used to have lunch with at least once a month. I helped her move last year and since then I have only had one reply in email. It is frustrating. I am not sure if people are distant because they are angry, or dont want to get too close in case they get hurt.

I like to think it is the latter. Maybe I am such a nice guy that thye couldnt stand to be close and lose me..... yeah that's it :lol:.

I know there are times, many times, where I must sound like a broken record to them. For some silly reason that only my brain knows, I tend to relate EVERYTHING to my brain injury. I know if I was a friend of me I would be frustrated :roll:

Part of my frustration stems from my current job and the lack of compassion. I wish someone would have sat down with me and explained what is expected and how I might achieve it. Perhaps that is a blessing of getting a new job. I have been with my employer for 33 years, I think they feel it is time to put me out to pasture.

There we go again,,,,, relating everything to the SAH.

There are many kinds of friends in the world and they all come and leave our lives for a reason. It may take us a while to know the reason and sometimes we never will know. Enjoy the company and support of the friends that offer it, and you will find knew friends around every corner that will discover the new you and have no concerns about the old you.

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Hi Vicki,

Yes, unfortunately, I know what you mean. Friends seem to drift away over time if you don't 'get better' & be the same person they were friends with before you got ill and enjoying the same things that sealed your mutual friendship in the first place. It is hard & it really does hurt. For me some of them are still there but very far in the back ground.......

Sadly, apart from on BTG, there is only one friend who has offered help & practical support over the last year & a half - and she is a friend who has also had a stroke. I think people have to have gone through it to truly understand how you feel, what your limits are and why you behave as you do now rather than judge you for not being who you used to be.

My next goal is to make new friends who I click with as I am now. I know it won't be easy but I am working on it. There is a saying along the lines of 'friends are there when times are good, good friends are there when times are bad'.....I've found that to be very true and worth remembering when you feel hurt by their actions towards you.

Michelle x

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Good morning Sonia and Donna, I loved reading your replies. It is wonderful to be able to share our ideas and thoughts with each other, as no one else understands (even though they try). We may indeed meet up one day Donna as my husband is from England, he and his family came to Australia about 30 years ago and in a few years we have planned to make a trip to England as he would like to catch up with rellies. And now I have another question, how on earth do we get on flying? Have a wonderful day.

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Your REAL pals will understand...as the saying goes the others are just fairweather friends....we do not need those...

Be Happy and do not worry about the ones who cannot understand

Just Get You Better ...do not worry about others...Good Luck xx

WinB143 xx

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Hiya Vicki,

I have certainly learned who my friends are. It's a very disappointing thing to discover, but then again, who needs to have people who don't really care about you in your life cluttering it up! And, on a positive note, I have discovered friends I didn't know I had who have been very supportive. Regarding your friend who is angry at you, perhaps she is having a bereavement reaction to the changes in you. She may feel she has 'lost' you as a friend. That doesn't excuse her behaviour towards you at all, but might explain it a little. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly in your new job :biggrin:

Dawn x

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Hi I did a big reply to this yesterday & its not there aw!

basically I think I said Yes I know what thats like me too.

& Im sorry to hear that about your best friend of 30yrs but she's not really a friend if she did that to you hun, your better off without her, I bet had the tables been turned you'd have been there every step of the way...

So its her loss.

take care

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Vick,

As I mentioned to you about coming to Sydney last month. I had to travel by myself, I had never been to Heathrow, always gone from my local airport. I was so pleased with myself that I was able to do it.

Many of us here give some thoughts to being able to fly again. What would it feel like in our heads. But I think you will find most of us were just fine.

So take your time and find your wings and fly away.

Where in Oz do you and the family live? If I were younger then I think its a great place to live.

I thank god for Skype, so I can see our family in Sydney.

Take care.

Night Night

Love Sonia xxxxx

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Hi Vicki,

Yes, I too have lost friends. Relationships and friendships have shifted and changed.

I used to get very upset and felt very hurt but how I've learnt that I just don't have the spoons to waste on things I can't change.

It is really tough when you've had people in your life for years that just fade away.

I have learnt who my true friends are and I've made some fantastic friends on here.

I may not be the person I once was but I am, for most of the time, happy with who I am now.

Be very proud of your work efforts, getting back to work after SAH is so so tough.

Take care and keep smiling,

SarahLou Xx

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I don;t think I;ve lost any friends but people who I would have thought would be there for me always are not there. My brother has only been to see me once since my op & they never made it to hospital when I was in even though its only 70 miles at the most!

My friend that am meeting up with on Fri was great when I first came out of hossie, I would walk Nathan to school & then get a taxi back as we live on a hill & I couldn't walk back up. She gave me lots of lifts home & we saw each other a lot but once I got my licence bac & I could drive myself things went quieter & then when she announced pregnancy No 4 a day after my 2nd baby's due date I was less then ecstatic for her. I was hurt cos I'd thought she was pregnant & asked her but she'd denied it until she was 14 weeks (even though she was there every step of the way for my miscarraige). since then we have rarely spoken but she has been coming over at school to chat & we're off out for a picnic with the kids on Friday.

My thoughts now are if you lose people then they were never good friends to start with. At the beginning it did hurt but now I just let things go, if they were meant to be in my life then they would make an effort to do so, if they don't then its their loss!

I have met so many fab people on here & laughed & cried & prayed with them more than some of my friends in the real world xxx

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Sometimes, people are afraid. Your situation is something they don't understand or feel they would be able to cope with, and don't want to even think about. Your continuing existence makes them question themselves and feel very uncomfortable; so they distance themselves from you, which hurts - immensely. The person you are today is a survivor,not only in terms of still living but also in coping with the sometimes huge changes in how you act and define yourself in a world that shifted unexpectedly.

Selfish as it may sound, YOU are the most important person in your world. if your erstwhile friends can't cope that is their problem to fix or not as they can, not yours. What you need is friendship that accepts as you are today and all that you can become or regain; that may be someone you have known for a long time, or someone very new in your life. If they can't stay, then let them go, it is no fault in you, or them, only in the circumstance of what has changed between you.

Jean

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I wouldn't say I lost friends, rather discovered who my real friends are. Some people didn't just "get it". Others were there for me a 100% during the early stages. They understood something crappy happened and were there to help/support/whatever. I'm a pretty guarded/tight lipped person when it comes to feelings so while I didn't talk a lot about it besides making jokes to cope the few I did talk to were amazing. Look at that aspect as a blessing cause I know who I can count on.

Work wise was fortunately awesome. I work in the medical field and the practice I was at when the accident happened was super understanding. In fact they were mad I came back so soon! The CEO kept a close eye on me and made sure I went home when I started "looking like and rundown".

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Shifts in people who I want to be around. That's how I'd put it.

I had to make a clean break with my best friend for a while because she just couldn't handle it. I realized that this wasn't her fault and it wasn't mine either. We reconnected when she and I were in a new place in our lives and we're trying to redefine our friendship.

Also, many people came out of the woodwork to "Help" me. I let them. I needed them. I don't anymore. They don't need me anymore either as I am less needy. Were they 'Real Friends' just because they were there? They were at the time. Friendship is so flexible and can bring you such joy, but not everyone can be a friend at every time so I just give people a break like I do myself and know that no one is perfect even in friendship.

~Kris

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