Fear of dying

[Xmartz]

I was wondering if anyone went through a period where they were actually afraid to fall asleep for fear that they wouldn't awake? And, if so, what helped?

 

Between my SAH and the following blood clot in my lungs I have a huge fear of dying. Actually more afraid for my children than for myself. It has affected my sleep and I just cut a long weekend at the beach short because of it.
I had a few heart palpitations last night so I became anxious and of course started having more.then I started thinking about how I didn't want to get put in a hospital so far away from home, how I didn't want to die there because my kids would never go to the beach again, etc... My thoughts just spiral out of control! By this morning I had talked myself into going home.

 

Of course, I have only been out of the hospital for about 5 or 6 weeks, but I'm wondering if any of you had this issue, and if you had any suggestions to help?
I do have an appointment with my therapist coming up and will talk with her about it as well!
Thank you !
Mandie

[jess]

Type epp online into the Internet it's expert patients programme not sure if it still runs but it's a six week course all done online and it really helped me xxx

Hope you start to feel better soon because I know that there is no fear worse than the fear of dying xxx

[Rachel2405]

Hi Mandie

 

You're not on your own with this. It's about six weeks since i came out of the hospital after my stroke which was an ischaemic (clot) stroke. Whilst having tests they also found a slight heart defect. I feel very lucky that the stroke wasn't worse than it was and that the heart defect has been found and can be treated if necessary. However it hasn't stopped me from worrying about my mortality and that of my partner and also fear of having another stroke.

 

I can't begin to understand what it's like for people who've had a SAH. From my own recovery, as the weeks have  progressed and i've got stronger, things that at first appeared insurmountable, are now tasks accomplished and a victory however small it might be. I've found as things are slowly returning back to normal, i'm becoming less anxious about such things as mortality.

 

I don't know if it will be the same for you but i wanted to let you know how it has got better for me, and that you're not on your own with how you feel about this.

 

I wish you all the best and please keep talking to us. xx

[Winb143]

Mandie and Rachel,

 

I used to sing songs and think I'd like that one at my funeral and so on, when something like this happens it makes us think.

 

Life is good and worrying is Stress and Stress is bad for us.   So when down sing or think happy thoughts.

It isn't easy but I think laughter and singing has helped me no end.   I came on here and I then knew I wasn't the only one.

 

It's a wake up call for us all xx  Keep calm Mandie xx easy for me to say, I remember going in for a shunt to be put in and I said to theatre nurse "Tell my husband and Daughter I love them in case I don't make it"  (got me crying here  lol)  she said she would stay with me and

make sure I am okay.  How did I thank her the next morning,  I was told I sang to her. ha  xx  

 

Be strong and get op over with xx  Let people around you know you are scared as its natural xx 

 

Love to you both and your Families  also Mandie   Calm xx   xx  You can take them on the beach after recuperation is finished xx

 

 

Love to you all xx

Win xxx xxx

[Mandy Wright]

Hi Mandie,

I've gone through spells of worrying about my mortality but have moved past this in a number of ways. The first is to tie up what should happen if I'm not around. That includes writing a will and a letter of wishes. Making arrangements for the unthinkable, just so that I could put it out of my mind. I still have a couple of things to do on that front but I'm a great list maker, and writing things down and having a plan to deal with them is a big help for me, at least. The other thing is to recognise that I'm extremely lucky to have a second chance, and to do my best to embrace the new life, as far as I can. Oh, and for me, while it might seem heartless (it's definitely not meant to be!) I recognise that for me there are worse things than dying.

I'm sure you'll get through this scary phase, and in the meantime, come to BTG and vent!

Mx

[Xmartz]

Thank you all for such wonderful support! Just being able to vent to those who have been there helps me. I'm still not sleeping well but I'm gonna talk to my therapist about it tomorrow also. Thanks again!

[Macca]

I actually lost my fear of dying after being unconscious for a week in a coma.  I think the realisation that our time will come one day is something we don't like to think about that often, but a life-changing event like a SAH makes us realise that we are mortal and should put our affairs in order. There is a satisfaction from doing that.

 

After all, you could be perfectly healthy and become ill, or be involved in an accident, or one of the terrible incidents we see in the news almost on a weekly basis now.  You can't let your life be ruled by fear of what might be - go out and make your own luck, make things happen as best you can, whatever your capabilities.

 

We are all mortal, live life for the gift that it is, make provision for those we love and enjoy what the world has to give us whilst we are here.  Que sera sera!

 

Go to the beach with your kids, play football, have an ice-cream - enjoy the time and create good memories for them, make the most of this quality time, then watch them go and make lives for themselves and then enjoy their kids, your grandchildren.  I'm no professional but being inactive is, in my opinion, what lets your mind runaway with itself.  Doing things lets you see that it is quality of time and activity that is the key to a great life and is the eventual legacy you will pass to your offspring, enabling them to do the same in their turn in life.

 

Give them positive, not negative signs.

 

Some level of depression is natural in the early stages of recovery after SAH but its degree varies from person to person and lasts as long as it lasts.  Every individual is different.  I know I suffered from it, but I recognised it in myself and talked to somebody [my doctor] about it, got it into the open, got it into balance and into perspective.

 

Like any other condition, where appropriate, seek medical advice from professionals and get it treated.  Mental health is every bit as important as physical health.  We should tackle it, not be afraid of it, we should more readily recognise it even though others can't see it.

 

Yes, it happened to me, but it is yesterday's fish and chip paper for me.  Someday soon, I hope, it will be for you too!

 

Best wishes,

 

Macca

[Chelle C]

Hi Mandie,,

 

I know exactly how you feel, I had similar fears after my SAH, it is normal to feel like this

when you go through a life changing event at least that`s what my therapist told me.

 

Like you I found it difficult to go to sleep without having thoughts that I would not wake up,

lots of deep breathing was my way of dealing with it, it really helped me to relax and clear

my head,

 

I had some talking therapy which was invaluable in the early days, and when I joined BTG

I found knowing that others had gone through the same feelings also was a big help.

 

Macca is right about keeping the mind occupied helps, I still have days where I take a step back

but I find something to do and it passes,

 

Your body and brain have suffered a huge trauma and it takes time to recover both mentally and

physically, give yourself time, drink lots of water and lots of rest, its early days for you. 

 

Stay strong and you will get there

 

I wish you well on your recovery journey

Love Michelle xx

[kpaggett]

I identify with Macca.  I really thought I WAS dying and after I let the struggle go, it was very peaceful.  I no longer have a fear of it.  All the people you leave behind can handle it.  It's not to say that they will like it, but they can handle it...as you can handle death of a loved one.  That's the worst that can happen.  The worrying doesn't change this, but you can embrace the time you have.  Non of us knows when that will be.

 

However, I had a thunderclap headache at the onset of my SAH and for a while, every time I had a tiny little headache, I freaked out that it was going to happen again.  I was afraid of going through the relentless striving and work of early surviving rather than actual death...that would have been a relief in my mind at the time.  Now, I'm glad I made it and I really appreciate life.

 

One thing that helped me through that period was writing poems.  Lots of death poems.  Strange to the outside world, but good for my healing.  Not very many people want to think about death except those who have had a close call.

 

~Kris

[iola]

Hi,

I have to admit I still think about it. I've struggled quite abit with my mortality. I have deep faith but also Catholic guilt as any Catholic would understand. This tears at me.

I get up every day and move on and work and pray and watch my daughter grow and wonder. I'm sure I need counseling but just continue to move forward.

The fear is with me and I've yet to figure out how to let it go. I guess it is different for everyone.

I

[Winb143]

I know this sounds daft, well as you all know by now I am slightly weird.   No comments xx ha xx

 

I go to bed sometimes humpy sometimes happy but I look out the window and wink, as in a thank you way.

 

Some of you aren't religious but after what happened to me I am hedging my bets lol xx

 

I  try to be nice most of the time but it's hard, as life is. 

 

We are here and we need to make the most of it, and after 3,  Life Can Be So Good xx

 

Good luck All and if you haven't tried a smile lately do it xx even if it's a tut at my post,  now smile xx

 

Love to you All

WinB143 xx xx

[Debbie Clifford]

WinB143 YOU ARE BRILLIANT!  Thank you.

I have been feeling down this morning with one thing and another and just read your post - I smiled and smiled.

 

Debbie x

[Winb143]

Debs

 

I am still smiling at your post, good on You xx

 

Keep that smile near at hand xx

 

Love

 

Win xx xx

[Daffodil]

Mandie. I'm with Win on this one, each night I say a little Thankyou, not sure where it goes or who hears it but just to appreciate the day , the gift of that and the moments in it.

The fear you have is understandable and honestly post SAH I struggled with a creeping sense of doom that could grab me at any point. A diagnosis of PTSD and counselling helped me as Worry could just come from nowhere for no real reason and then that raised the adrenalin which in turn made my head hurt so then I though something bad was going to happen. Vicious circle. Now I know I have to wait and watch. I sit a while and watch the feeling, I see if my physical feelings get worse, if They don't I can be reassured that I am not about to pop off and then I turn my attention to the here and now and find something to enjoy in that moment.

I don't wish to make light of it , it is horrid, but knowing your kids will be ok is really important in the process of acceptance, so some practical things may help you like making wills etc if that's your style, or talking about it more openly if that's your style. I guess I am saying is don't bottle it up and let it become bigger, find what helps you.

We all take our final bow at some point but none of us can predict the when so try to let go a little and i definitely suggest some counselling, it really helped me. Interestingly like Macca and Kris i have far less fear of dying since my SAH as I have vivid recollection of thinking I was done for at a number of points so having accepted it in those moments I feel calmer about the certainty of that happening in my lifetime I am comforted that my kids although I hope would miss me terribly would be fine, cared for and secure. That's all I needed to know. Once I had that sorted I let go of the rest.