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Two weeks ago my Mother was diagnosed with a SAH. She has since had the op for coiling & is currently in hospital soon to be released. I am incredibly grateful she is alive & now I'm thinking about how I can help her in her recovery.

I've joined the forum to help understand what she will be going through. I'm hoping I can learn from your experiences & make her recovery as smooth as possible.

Cheers to what seems like a wonderful & caring community.

Luke.

 

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Hi Luke :)

A very warm welcome to you and your Mother, glad you found us.
You will find a wealth of information on the Forum and lots of helpful caring support here.

Wishing your Mother well with her recovery.
It will really help that she has such a caring thoughtful Son.
Feel free to ask any questions.
Remember to look after you as well. It's a very stressful worrying time.

Look forward to hearing more from you.
Take care
Tina.

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Hello Luke                              

 

Mum  needs time and rest but with your help all will be okay.

 

It is a long haul but you  can help her, No stress ie arguing my daughter had to be sweetness and light to me lol  nearly killed her. 

Seriously it is a long haul but she will be okay xx 

 

I was given up on by OT's but not my family and that made all the difference ..A simple thing like going for a coffee and getting out helped me on the road to recovery.

 

I was told I'd forget things which I did, I remembered  my Families names and that's all that mattered to me.

Keep  Mum happy and she'll  be fine xx 

Best Wishes to you and Mum 

 

I had a babies beaker when  I went out then went up to cardboard cups etc etc lol as I was weak

Winb143 

xx

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Thank you both for the kind words.

I'm trying to keep positive at the moment. From what I have read on here she seems to have been on the lesser scale of severity. It was 5 days before she went into hospital & during that time she was conscious with a fever, headache & stiff neck.  You wouldn’t have known from chatting with her that something was seriously wrong. She thought it was just flu.

After convincing her to book a DR’s appointment when the symptoms wouldn’t go, she was then admitted to hospital. She underwent surgery 5 days after being admitted as the surgeons felt she was well enough to take their time & plan the procedure.

Friday was her surgery & she is now up & about. The anxiety I felt waned a bit as the doctors said she could go home on Tuesday. Unfortunately she wasn’t allowed as blood tests showed her sodium levels were fluctuating.

She was really hoping to come home & it hit her hard. On visiting her yesterday she was very depressed. I haven’t seen her like this before. She was very distant & short to me & especially my Father. This was markedly different than the last few days where she has been laughing & happy. 

I understand mood swings especially during early times will happen. I’m really hoping I can help cheer her up during these periods. Yesterday I thought the best course of action was to just leave her be for the night. She was adamant she was going home the next day even without the Dr’s permission. I explained to her that she was strong & close to coming home but it was important to take her time. I don’t think she liked me disagreeing & was quiet after that conversation.
 

I don't think she will be allowed home today either as they will need a few days to see if her sodium levels stabilise. I'm hoping it doesn't hit her too hard :(

 

If any of you guys have any words of wisdom I’d love to hear them? What things did you appreciate from your family during your recovery?

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Hi Luke, sorry to hear about your mum and of course she will be disappointed not to be able to come home but she will soon hopefully.

Words of wisdom, well I was 39 when I had mine so my kids were a lot younger than you I suspect but things that helped was having everyone understanding I would need some space and time out for peace and quiet and rest and encourage me to do that, also not all talking at once when I was home, allow me to build the noise tolerance back up gradually . As Win says any drama is not good so understand that situations may affect her differently and be tolerant.

 

Also I found having some meals ready prepared by friends was fabulous as I could t stand up for long after my long stay and ops and neither could I cope with laundry and cleaning, i couldn't do that for a long while so friends and family stepped in to help hubby do it. Made a big difference. Sad to say I am now back cleaning and washing ;)

Also just offer to accompany her if she wants to build confidence in things she used to do before and feels a bit nervous about doing them, that can happen post SAH.

Good luck, regards to you, mum and dad

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I don't remember anything for nearly a year, My Sisters would sing to me and I would tell them they were singing wrong.

 

 I guess your Mum is in need of some sympathy for a while xx

 

Try and not get the hump with her she isn't herself at the moment but when she gets home she'll be your old mum x

 

Try not to get offended just keep an eye on her as she will need all the love you can give her xxx

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Hi Luke and welcome to the forum.  Sorry to hear about your Mum.  No matter how well she feels or looks, she has had a major trauma to her brain and obviously it takes a long time to heal.  I think Daffodil has given a good insight into the things that maybe you could help with.  When I came out of hospital (mine was nearly 7 years ago) I remember my 3 kids arguing about something trivial and me saying "please can someone take me back to hospital" - I just wanted peace and quiet.

 

I appreciated any help with housework, washing, cooking, shopping,  etc- I could do them all, but they all wiped me out to the point of needing sleep - sometimes there and then, other times the exhaustion would hit me days later.  Frustration and tears are commonly part of the package too.

 

It's hard to say exactly how your Mum will be, hopefully she will guide you with what will help she'll need. 

 

Wishing you all the best,

Sarah

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Hi Luke

Welcome to BTG and well done for taking the time to help your mum.

 

My kids are early twenties and helped hugely when I had my sah. They gave me time and helped out around the house cooking and cleaning - for a while anyway!

 

They also fielded phone calls as I often just did not want to talk to anyone, that helped a lot. Also it was good for my husband that they took their turn looking after me. One thing one if my sons did was bring me a cup of tea before he left for work. He knew it would be left to go cold so used to bring it with a little foil lid. Little things like that meant a lot to me.

 

Hope gets discharged soon and good luck. You sound like a lovely caring son
Clare xx

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I appreciate all the advice. I tried to put it into practice & had actually had good day today talking with her. Her mood was really improved & she accepted that she can't come home till she's better. I think she is now realising just how serious the SAH was & that she needs to take it easy for a while.
 

I am encouraging rest & saying that anytime she needs to sleep we will leave. We travel up everyday but made it clear to her our joy comes from seeing her, if only for a little bit. If she needs time she has it. She seemed to agree & cheered up I think when there was no pressure on her.
 

Taking some time off work & I'm going to be taking over all of her jobs when she gets back. Me & my Dad are sprucing up the house & getting the spare room painted/furnished. She has wanted that for a while so I'm hoping she will enjoy the surprise when she gets home. Also think she will need a place to rest on her own as my Dad has some pretty serious snoring which could be an issue! I think a proper spare room could be good for her.
 

It's actually quite therapeutic writing this out so can see why people write diaries!

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Hi Luke
Sorry to hear about the hard time you have all had. I guess it is quite frightening Worrying about your mum, but great you want to support her I know after my SAH I felt very poorly and had some really miserable days whilst in hospital although they are great at medical side of treatment I too just wanted to be home even though I felt so ill. They are not the best to sleep in or to get any peace.

 

My kids who are adults were good but I know they struggled sometimes as I had some times when I felt so sad, angry mixed in with being so grateful to be alive. Whilst I can only speak from my perspective around what I found useful as everyone is different, I needed to talk about what had happened quite a bit. I think this was because it was such a shock.

 

Don't take things too personal if she cannot be bothered fatigue is awful and particularly in the early weeks (not a 100% now and mine happened in January). Mood swings were awful for me and my kids were great at giving me solitude at times. Sometimes what I did not find helpful in the first 4 weeks was their mistaken belief that I needed pushed to get better, I also think (not their fault) that they often dismissed my worries about my future as suddenly you realise how quickly life can change.

Just be you and patient and I am sure mum will appreciate this, let us know how she gets on
Regards Sharon

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Well done on the decorating Luke,

 

My Hubby has to get them in, as I do love him but DIY  well that's a no no with him. he is absolutely useless  he gets irate,  and when younger he stuck wallpaper up with drawing pin ha ha.

 

Hope Mum is okay xxx and all goes well today or whenever you see her xx

 

Regards

 

Win xx

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Hey Luke

 

warm welcome glad you found us.

 

I hope your Mum recovers well it is a long process, yes never take things personally.

 

Words of wisdom, oh don't know, things will improve slowly (don't know if that's wisdom or not)

 

Remember to take care of yourselves (& yes writing things down is SO therapeutic)

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Hi Luke :)

 

Glad you had a good day with your Mum yesterday :) and her mood had improved & that she was accepting that she can't come home until she's better.

 

I think its a great idea you and your Dad doing up the spare room for her. A lovely surprise.

As the others have said already she will need lots of rest, times when she will just want to be quiet and not talk or see anyone.

Her emotions will be all over the place, just trying to cope with what's happened and getting better.

 

Wishing your Mum, You & your dad well.

Take care

Tina

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One thing I'm worried about is the length of recovery. Not just the recovery itself but also telling her it will be a long time. How do you break it to someone that she may be suffering for a long time? :(

I'm not sure so early on is the right time...

 

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I​ always say look back to how you/mum was 4 weeks ago and then 8 weeks and so on and see how far your Mum has come on.

 

Everyone is different in their recovery, like we have good days and bad days, but keep her away from people who like to tell you their problems as Mum doesn't need "moaning minnies"  around her (why did I use a woman's name similar to mine) ha ha xx

 

Mum needs laughter and I found that was best for me and coming on here, I Found my Laughter. 

 

All isn't good with me but i'll never moan about my lot again,  ( I fibbed I do moan a bit !!)  lol.

 

Love to you all and hope Mum gets home soon.

 

Winb143 xx

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I would just take it a day at a time, no need to say its going to take a long time at the minute, she'll still be getting to grips with what's happened.

With me my husband told me, then I'd forget anyway took a long time for me before the reality of it all sunk in...

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 Agree Win that she can't have negative energy around her. I better keep her Mother away as she likes to moan about anything & everything which drives my Mum nuts at the best of times!

Yeah I think you are right Louise. Don't want to add any additional stress.

 

Update:

Her headaches were gone today for the first time in days after taking a different pain med which was good. Down side is her sodium levels are still dropping so she is back on the high dependency ward.

 

She has been complaining to me about how much water she has been told to drink. She has to drink 3 litres which is a hell of a lot for a lady who is 5 foot 2 & weighs nothing! Her Dr said it could be too much water diluting her sodium but they are monitoring her for vasospasm just in case.

Quite scared that vasospasm could occur this late after the initial SAH. It has been almost 16 days & I thought the risk period was over at 14 days. Fingers crossed her sodium levels are back up tomorrow!

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Luke. Good to hear about Mum and glad headaches are under pain management , it makes a difference to mood and wellbeing when that is controlled , sounds like she is having good attentive care.

Super Mario is right about the water, you will hear it mentioned a lot on here. Even now if I don't drink enough water or fluids in the day then my head lets me know so let mum know this is a new habit for her to get used to and its a good one. In hospital that was the one thing they were not compromising about was to keep drinking so keep encouraging her.

They will monitor the minerals and levels closely and if needed can supplement so she's in the right place if there is any change. Your Mum had coiling yes but not a external brain drain fitted? Remember her brain is working hard to get rid of the unwanted blood and which has disrupted all her natural levels but my personal theory is they think drinking water has something to do with flushing and replenishing the CSF which of course got contaminated with the bleed but don't think that's proven anywhere but based on our shared experience it really does help.

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Glad Mums head feels better Luke,

 

I was up and down like a yoyo also,  so they think she looks well we'll send her up as we need beds. I understand that but when it is your family it's a worry so you get some rest also.

 

Hope Mum is well tonight/tomorrow xx

 

Now get some sleep as it's tiring xx

 

Good  luck to you all and especially Mum xx  

 

Win xxxxx

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Luke - hi and welcome to BTG!

 

This is very early days for Mum.

 

Let her do things at her own pace, not yours (because you want to see her back as her old self asap - it doesn't work like that)

 

Encourage her but don't demand of her.

 

Help her but don't patronise her.

 

One step at a time.

 

Rest is probably more important than activity at this stage, so when she wants to stop, let her.

 

Visits from other people - limit them as much as possible (both in time and numbers) in the early stages - they can be very tiring for Mum.

 

Just be there for her and return some of that unconditional love she's been giving you all these years!

 

Good luck and best wishes.

 

Macca

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Update:

Mum is back home today! She is doing great & incredibly happy to be finally home.
 

We chatted for quite sometime & she explained how she feels like home doesn't feel, well, like home. She is bringing up feelings & worries that are very similar to what I've read here. I'm happy I found this place as I have been able to tell her what she is experiencing is very normal & I'm able to allieviate the fears she's experiencing. 
 

In terms of energy she has a ton! Almost like a manic state...I am wondering was it common to experience high energy for any of you guys during the early recovery? She has been full of energy for about a week even in hospital & it doesn't seem to be letting up so wondering if she may be an exception?




 

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Hey Luke. So glad mum is home!! That's an amazing feeling when you get to come home but yes slightly odd as one of the first of many realisations as you cross the threshold that you are a rearranged model of the one that left. You look the same, recognise yourself in the mirror but your thoughts jumble up a bit differently and you may not do all your did and that's odd and hard and takes a good while to adapt to. But adapt she will.

I was slightly euphoric when I got home which created false energy levels for me, it was almost a chemical state. I think I was convinced in my mind I would pick up where I left off But physically my body didn't join in for me so For me it meant I would just fall over all the time...it was a time of many bruises and I had a babysitter for a good while after discharge :)

If your mum is feeling well and her energy levels are proving constant and she is drinking well then as you say it may be a good thing, try and get her to pace things if she can though, don't baby her but suggest that after each thing she does she just rests that brain for a few moments. Also if her feelings , energy or mood change and you are worried she is doing too much you can always talk to the GP. They won't discuss your mum directly but may offer you some advice.

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Luke,


Glad to hear Mums home, now the work starts lol.

 

When Mum feels well enough get her out of house, my hubby took me for a coffee and it broke the day up.  This was after I had shunt put in and I felt better.

 

He took me out before also when I couldn't hold myself up properly and I had a wheelchair with a high back and neck rest.  Bet I got some stares what with Teacher beaker lol.   I can laugh about it now ha ha xx

 

When I came home we had a new TV which I didn't recognise and a new fire, and I wondered where I was and hubby said "where do we live" I said our old address 33 so he pinned it up on the wall and everytime he went out he said "what's our address"  I'd  take a sneaky look at the wall and he'd cover it up.  

 

You get rest also Luke as we can be hard work xx

 

Good Luck to you All xxx  Remain Happy All of You xx xx Good luck to your Mum

 

Luke fill my water up lol  xx

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Hey Luke. So glad mum is home!! That's an amazing feeling when you get to come home but yes slightly odd as one of the first of many realisations as you cross the threshold that you are a rearranged model of the one that left. You look the same, recognise yourself in the mirror but your thoughts jumble up a bit differently and you may not do all your did and that's odd and hard and takes a good while to adapt to. But adapt she will.

I was slightly euphoric when I got home which created false energy levels for me, it was almost a chemical state. I think I was convinced in my mind I would pick up where I left off But physically my body didn't join in for me so For me it meant I would just fall over all the time...it was a time of many bruises and I had a babysitter for a good while after discharge :)

If your mum is feeling well and her energy levels are proving constant and she is drinking well then as you say it may be a good thing, try and get her to pace things if she can though, don't baby her but suggest that after each thing she does she just rests that brain for a few moments. Also if her feelings , energy or mood change and you are worried she is doing too much you can always talk to the GP. They won't discuss your mum directly but may offer you some advice.

 

Hi Daffodil,

You hit the nail on the head. I think the excitement of coming home was chemical.

 

Sad to say but she's now incredibly tired, hasn't slept & has vomitted a few times. :-(

I think she tried to do too much too soon.

 

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