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And the water flowed

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So many things I could mean by that title, it could be the amount of tears I have shed over the last five years or it could just be the fact that here I am arrived at the five year mark wth almost a feeling of awe and amazement and so much water has gone under the bridge in that time. 


5 years ago I was working at a busy work event in London to mark IWD. That proved to be my saving. Surrounded by people to whom when I remarked there was something "terribly wrong in my head" they acted, they got me help and by the time the bike paramedic arrived I was having a grand mal seizure. Big brain stem bleed, Hydrocephalus to boot and let's just say the thought of those days still makes my family and loved friends go grey. Me? I remember nothing until I finally shifted from HDU and I figure that's a good thing because I definately remember a lot of the rest of those long weeks , of that year of further operations.


My good fortune was prompt attention, amazing surgeons and angels on my side but I didn't leave the party without my scars and deficits. 


So now, today, how do I feel?  So much is in the rear view mirror for me but I have grown stronger mentally and physically with passing days. I can do so much more but choose to respect my new limits which brings me and my brain more peace. . I carry my SAH with me as an experience that has shaped a new version and I still get frustrated with my new operating mode that was created that day but to be honest in those early days I felt so broken, well I was broken, nothing worked as it had just days before that I honestly never thought I could reach as far as I have so on the whole I just feel very privileged to be here and always find something to marvel at in each new day. 


And so this 5 year anniversary post is to say that. To say keep dreaming, keep looking up and forward , not to far, not to farback and just always try to pick yourself up after those shocking and dreadful 'head' days and nights that we get. Try to stay with the moment of now and enjoy it for what it is. Every day will brew change I find so be open to that and you just never know what is round the next corner.


thankyou BTG for all the helping words, hands and friendships. You have held me up, 


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Agree with Sarah, so beautifully written Daff :)

Thank you lovely lady for all your caring, helping, supportive, inspirational words to others on BTG.

Well done on all that you have acheived and hope you enjoyed your special day.


Take care 

Love Tina xx


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Hello Daff, thanks for your post. 


You have packed so much into these five years while also dealing with your recovery...family, work and your valued comments on BTG.


We get a sense of how far you have gone to understand the `workings`  of that incredibly complicated organ as you`ve tried to better your quality of life.  Well done.


Just finished reading your recent blog, and also December`s.........  great reading and very inspirational.


Take care and keep up that attitude in the years ahead.




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Hi Daff, What can I say? I truly admire the remarkable outlook you have on your new life.

 Thank you for writing such a beautiful post

Im off to look for your blog now.

Love Jan xx

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Uplifting words Daff, and very much appreciated.


Life is a gift, and although we suffered a SAH, we were given the second gift of life (when most people only get one go) just as the flame was about to extinguish.


Now there is brightness all around and it's in the smile you give each day to your friends and family and in you as they reflect that same happiness that you are still in their lives!


Here's to many more years Daff.  Thanks for your friendship and your support and all that you do on BTG!


:)  Take a bow, you deserve it!



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Daffs what can I say, what a beautiful inspirational post,

You have gone through so much and come so far in those five years.


You are a lovely lady and I would like to say a big thank you for all of the support you have given to me since I came to BTG.



Michelle xx 

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