Tina Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Hi Sharon....Please dont feel so bad.....you have been and are there for your Mum.....no need to feel guilty. Maybe your body is saying to you that you need a bit of me time....you are going through an emotional rollercoaster just take a bit of time out when you feel this way...still phone as you have been and when you feel a little better, you will be able to go and see your Mum. I hope you Mum is on the mend. Hang in there Sharon....a big hug and lots of love to you. Thinking of you, take care love Tina xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 hi sweetheart please dont feel like that you have no reason to feel guilty you are like us all trying to make good something that we have no control over and its so hard the tears you and everyone else sheds shows the love we have and that we care for them so please as i said in the pm remember the funny and fun times hold on to them and decribe them to the person you love they may just unlock the memories for them as well massive hugs and cuddles you arnt alone in how you feel believe me its normal hugs and cuddles give us a smile sharon xxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Sharon you mustn't feel guilty look after yourself your mom would want you too. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren D Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Hi Sharon You're being really brave and what I have had to learn is that when I can't cope with my mum and need to look after myself that's ok as once I'm stronger I'm better for her. She's in extra care for the elderly with some psychiatric mental health probs and there's a girl there my age (50+) who had SAH at same time as me and I can see it's not really the right place. Do you have a good contact with Social Services - I now have a very good care manager and a whole range of people who support me in caring for mum from my GP to Carers (they're worth getting in touch with - Princess Royal Foundation for Carers) and I have a worker who comes and gives me regular pep talks and wonderful advice for managing my emotions. Go out and get all the help you can get which I've only just woken up to - the Brain and Spine nurse is an angel, and she's always got wise words to offer. Take care Laurenx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I know where you are coming from Sharon but we can only do so much and need to take breaks from time to time, it's just a long, exhausting and brain spinning saga. I think I may have said before which may or may not help but your mum will probably not remember the last time she saw you. I know my mum wasn't able to and has lost the plot a bit now with day, place and time. I know it is really hard but your mum would want you to have some time to yourself and you do need to re-charge. Elaine xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Hello Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so sorry to relay my worries to you, i know you each have some of your own. I am truly grateful to all of you. I am trying my best. Realisticly my mum can remain this way for years can't she. She is static in her behaviour so it is something i have to get use to. I am going to see her on Sunday. Do you guys think it is ok for me to go once a week? I want reasurrance i guess that thats ok. Feel my life is all over the place with the worries i have. I worry daily i am not doing enough for her then i worry when i see her. And i have to be strong for my own family. Please know i am ok, i hope you dont mind me sharing my worries with you all. It does help me. Take Care Sharon xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Hi Sharon, Of course it will be ok for you to see her once a week. I live about 200 yards from my mum and dad and sometimes I only see them once / twice a week because I am so tired from work. You have to look after yourself as well and running round will not do you any favours. You are a fab daugher, please remember that. It is so good to share worries- you share away. We all car and support each other here Love and hugs laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Hi Sharon I agree with Laura......once a week is fine, you are a kind and loving daughter.....look after yourself as well. Take care...lots of love Tina xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasbo Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Hi Sharon Really feel for you but you should try not to be so hard on yourself. It's, perhaps, in some ways worse for those who haven't had the SAH as you can see the change, pain, damage that the loved one is going through and have to make really hard decisions on their behalf. It's more than enough for anyone to cope with. You need to get your strength up as you've been through an emotional minefield. My partner and I have only really just begun to talk about the emotional battles we've both been going through, two years on now, and are really only just beginning to face up to it in our own ways - me from the patient (or should I say impatient!) perspective and Fiona from the carer's perspective. We have only just begun to realise, or accept, that she is also suffering from some form of post-traumatic stress and all the guilt and worries that go with that. She too has needed time out throughout the last two years but it has helped. If you'd like to talk to her pm me. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love Sarah xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle C Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Hi There, Laura and Tina are right once a week is fine, my parents live 10 minutes away from me, my sister 5 mins away and we don't see each other everyday. Please don't worry, easier said than done. At the moment once a week is fine but you may feel differently later and want to visit more. Keep strong you are a l loving caring daughter, look after yourself and take care. Sending lots of love and hugs, Michelle C xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Just do what you can Sharon with no feelings of guilt, it is really hard to keep going at times like this and I have no doubt your mum will understand. Gosh some patients/residential folk don't get visisted for months on end. You have nothing to eat yourself over about. Hope things improve. Elaine xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 A little poem for my Mum. If when older your memory fades you take with you foundations made Tho in mind your thoughts impaired it is in your heart how much you cared The loving person who once inspired is now lost in a soul so transpired The presense you gave is still around for which it make this Daughter proud. The SAH show's you no remorse and the nature now has run it's course But i pray today you understand your lovng heart is in my hand I know mum would, want me to be strong so i wrote this poem as a testament to her. I know she would never want me sad and i think the poen reflects how i feel. Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Hi Sharon What a beautiful poem it brought tears to my eyes. Janet x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest carol Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Lovely Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted November 15, 2008 Share Posted November 15, 2008 Hi Sharon. Bought tears to my eyes too. take care Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Beth1957 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Hi Sharon I agree with Laura......once a week is fine, you are a kind and loving daughter.....look after yourself as well. Take care...lots of love Tina xx Yes, me too. You're very caring Sharon, but you need to look after yourself too & that includes doing stuff to keep your spirits up - or at least not doing stuff which serves no good purpose & brings you down Sorry, that sounds a bit harsh - brain's not working well enough to find a better way to put it but I hope you know what I mean! xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MUTTI Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 SHARON THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, MADE ME CRY. LOVE AND HUGS EVELYN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bogbrush Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Sharon, that was beautiful. You just made a big man cry It could have been written for my Dad. Regards Keith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Hi Sharon Just beautiful....from the heart...bless you, love Tinaxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 sharon you have just made me cry beautifull and so full of meaning and love have a huge hug and cuddle and looking at the replies i think we should all have a group cuddle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Hello Everyone, Just to let you know i am feeling much better now, i had a little bit of a low week and kinda felt sorry for myself. It's hard juggling a family working full time taking care of dad and then having to worry about Mum. But your right Mum would never want me to be in such a state over her. Before our illness i spent so much time with her, shopping, bingo, holidays and for that i am grateful i had the chance. Due to start my new job on the 1st Dec so its something to look forard to and something i am excited about, have tried years to get the post and shocked when i was offered it, mum would be so proud and that makes me smile. Hope everyone is dong ok and on a real good pont i finished christmas shopping Thanks everyone for being there for me. Best Wishes Sharon xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Hi Sharon Glad you are feeling much better. Good luck for the new job....it is exciting! Well done for finishing your Christmas shopping!! Take care Love Tina xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Glad you are feeling on the up and good luck for the new job, it will be good for you. Lots of good wishes to you and your family. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted November 18, 2008 Share Posted November 18, 2008 Nice to hear that you're being kinder to yourself Sharon and that's definetly what your Mum would want ..... good luck with the job. Take care of yourself, Love K xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasbo Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Hi Sharon Lovely poem and glad that you're having a better week this week. Good luck with the new job and well done with the Christmas shopping! Take care of yourself as well as everyone else. Lots of love Sarah xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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