New here - Samantha

[SamO]

Hi all. My name is Samantha, im 35yrs old and currently recovering from a SAH.

 

I've joined this group because I feel lost, my mum is here taking care of me but I feel it's hard to explain my fears to her. My father had a massive brain bleed 10yrs ago it killed him instantly, i never thought it would happen to me.

 

It just happened out of the blue when i stood up of my bed, i knew instantly it was a bleed like my father, my left leg was dragging, i started sweating profusely. I got downstairs on the sofa and shouted my 13yr old, i passed out he phoned an ambulance and saved my life.

 

I've had cooling i think 10 coils. I've been home 13 weeks now and started to develop headaches, i went straight to Salford royal hospital for an mri and they have found another anurysm that needs to be coiled too. My next brain surgery is in about 5 weeks.

 

This has affected my son really bad, he feels he just saved my life now it's happening again. I feel lost and lonely and i feel nobody understands, I'm tired, depressed and anxious constantly, I'm so afraid this one will rupture before my surgery.

 

This past 13 weeks have been so stirring physically and mentally, i feel like my parenting skills have gone downhill because I struggle to even make my son a meal without being tired, so we live off takeaways for now. I have just come on here to find maybe a bit of support from people who have been through this. I feel very down and out. Sorry to go on and on, thanks for listening.

[Swishy]

Hi Samo,

Welcome to the group.  I am so very sorry about your bleed.  You are early in your recovery, you have been through so much, and still working on getting better. 

 

This type of illness leaves you with a physical and emotional mountain.  You can only trek it one step at a time. 

 

Your first step was huge, you survived...you are writing to us so your brain is working well and hard trying to heal itself.  

 

Your parenting skills are there but you need to heal first.  There are many many folks here with wisdom way beyond me.  

 

I wish that everyday for you is a step further up the mountain of good health..

Take care,

Jean

[jess]

Hi there SamO welcome to btg xxx

 

So sorry for your loss losing your father must be terrible and to then have what he died of however you survived for a reason xxx

 

Eating takeaways don't stress about it that's all I could eat for a while after xxx

 

Headaches I still get them 16 years later but they are just normal headaches yours will ease as time goes on xxx

 

I still get anxiety sometimes but not as bad anymore it all gets easier xxx

 

Drink plenty of water and rest when you need xxx

[Mike157]

There is a place/support group called Headway, they are a charity that can often help when you feel all is getting to you.

 

Some of us have heard of them, some of us have used their services. I know I have.

 

It made such a difference for me, plus they also help our carers understand how hard our recovery will be.

 

The support and visits they make are absolutely amazing, helpful and very supportive too.

 

Above all, all of us know what you are feeling and going through. We will listen and offer an ear to listen and share your experiences and our thoughts with you.

 

Fear of another bleed is very normal. I know I worry way too much too. Time is a great healer, as is our closest circle of understanding friends and family.

 

Talking is another way of helping too. They can only help if we talk to them. Once you open up and let them in can they understand how you feel deep inside.

 

Depression is a normal side affect and we all suffer it often. I have many tools I've built up on over my 8 years and when I start to feel low, I head for my closest friend, I ask her can I cry on your shoulder and let it all out.

 

I can cry for hours like this, I'll then say sorry and then get a playful thump and told in no uncertain way, 'don't be daft' I'm here for you! 

 

I love to listen to thunderstorms on my PC, for me they relax me. Or I'll try to bake a cake or go and feed the ducks.

 

We all have bad days, we have good days, all I can offer is talk, share and try everyday.

 

It does get better over time and one day soon you may find your way.

 

I hope it's soon. 

 

I wish you lots of happiness and hope your operation goes well. 

 

Regards  Michael 

 

 

[Tina]

Hi Sam

 

A very warm welcome to BTG, so glad you found us.

 

You are in the very early stages of recovery and feeling exhausted doing the smallest of things and emotionally all over the place is very normal.

 

Take things very slowly and rest up as much as you can. Your brain is working overtime to mend and also function as normal. You have been through so much and have the worry of further brain surgery too, bless you xx 

 

Its good to know your Mum is around to help and support you and your Son. You will find BTG has a wealth of helpful information and caring support. Also as has been mentioned above Headway are very good. Please find a link below with many useful websites.

 

https://web.behindthegray.net/index.php?/articles.html/useful-websites/useful-websites-r10/

 

We look forward to hearing more from you and wish you well for your surgery.

 

Take care

Tina xx 

 

 

[Winb143]

Hello Sam,

 

I had mine in 2009 and I was so scared it would happen again, and I really thought the worst. 

 

I spoke to some of the others on here and realised, they are still going on with life even those who had another one being watched.

 

I was told by my Surgeon " No Stress "  so easily said than done !!  But at least they are watching you and it will be sorted xxxx

 

I hope all goes well and let us now how you get on with surgery.  When they op this time there will be no bleed to contend with.

 

I understand you are scared as I was, this site helps as you can talk away your problems and knowing others have been through the same.

 

Good luck 

 

WinB143 Alias Win xxxxx

 

 

[Macca]

Hi Sam,

 

I was treated (coiled) at Salford Royal. It has been rated the second best hospital in the country recently and the care I had there was second to none.  The surgeons there are excellent and the hospital care is superb and the nurses excellent at what they do. I hope that provides you with some reassurance!

 

Your son was excellent and you are lucky he was around for you! 

 

Your parenting skills haven't gone away so don't beat yourself up about that one.  Your recovery time has been short - it takes a long time to get over these things and a second operation like the one you are about to undergo will cause you to require even longer to recover.  Takeaways - so what - some people practically live on those these days.

 

You just concentrate on getting through this - everything else can be dealt with later.  Health is no1 priority for now. Make sure you tell each other you love each other and resolve to fight this and recover as best you can. It may take a long time but every journey starts with a single step.

[Valene]

Hi Sam

 

So glad to meet you. And I am sorry for the great struggle you have endured.

My dad and sister died of a brain tumor, so the first thing I thought when the neurologist said there was a problem was: is it a brain tumor?  I'm grateful that it wasn't.

 

I can imagine how hard it was knowing/hearing you had the same sickness as your dad.  I pray for your full recovery.  And I pray for your peace of mind. I know firsthand what a difference that can make. 

 

Also, you'll have to stand behind me for the bad parent award; I've been so quick-tempered, even when I barely had the strength to fuss.  The thing about children is they keep on loving you. Even when they don't understand fully.  So please give yourself some slack on that end.

 

By all accounts, you have raised a great son; one you could depend on to act and he did.   I understand he is concerned about you too. But take it one day at a time. Love each other, connect, laugh at something silly, like a silly movie.

 

 I'm thankful your mom is there with you too. For the first month after my bleed, I moved in with my mom. It made all the difference in the world. No one cares for you quite like mom; even with your family's history, moms have a way of rising to the challenge.

 

Trust her. Trust yourself. Trust that everything will be OK.  You have a great number of people sending well wishes your way. Blessings on your surgery and your complete and full recovery! 

[CharlieD]

Hi  Samantha

 

I am really sorry to hear all you have been and are going through. I am 18 weeks post bleed and have 2 kids at home so I constantly feel guilty if other people are doing the things I should be doing. My 11 year is old is very grown up and sometimes says things that make me awful she is having to live this at the same time.

 

I too have and am still suffering with the fear and the anxiety and wanting to keep myself away from other people.  I can't imagine the added layer of turmoil losing your Dad adds to that so I will just tell you what I have been doing to at least cope and get through the days I started counselling with Headway and I have been watching mindfulness videos on you tube, a few weeks ago I felt well enough to start a yoga and mindfulness class.

 

Two of the biggest things to help have been reading and writing on this forum and making some friends who have been through the same thing who I chat to on messenger. It makes you feel less alone. 

 

I hope your surgery is over with soon so you can start on your road to recovery. 

PS Kids love takeaways am sure he is quite happy?

 

 

[Bill B]

Hi SamO. You are in the right place. Your family sounds great. Over the following months, this site may answer most of your concerns. It did for me! I was cynical,bitter and sure that no-one would understand what I felt like. I was wrong. There is a collective wisdom on this site. My story is like yours. Good luck SamO. Welcome to BTG!