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Struggling a bit - anxiety


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Here I am 2 months on from my SAH. I went back to the hospital for my check up at the hospital two weeks ago and I was informed that I have another very small aneurysm. I am booked to go for an angiogram on September 22nd to check the coiling on the first aneurysm. The neuro radiologist did want to have a go at trying to coil the 2nd aneurysm at the same but due to the fact my DH Paul and I are booked to go on a holiday to the Cook Islands early November for my son's wedding I asked him not to perform the coiling on the 2nd aneurysm until we come back. I just couldn't face being unwell for my son's wedding. I must admit the thought of having the angiogram is scaring me witless. I am not good when I am in a situation that I can't get up from and leave.

I have also been allowed back to work for 3 days a week for 4 hours (10am - 2pm) each day which is working out quite well. I am enjoying being there and it does seem to take my mind off things. I am still not driving and have to rely on people to get me there and home again. The fact that I have lost some of my independance is getting me down too. Although I don't think I am ready to start driving again.

I have been having lots of moments of anxiety. Particularly when I am on my own and also if I wake during the night. I can't get back to sleep because of this anxious feeling. I feel so helpless and depressed at times. I can't really put my finger on why I am feeling so anxious. Paul has been wonderful and doesn't put any pressure on me to do things. But I don't think he fully understands exactly how I am feeling. Probably because I look normal to him. I just wish I could get past this phase because it is really starting to get me down.

Hugs to all :redface:

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Hi Debbie....big hugs to you xxx It is so much to take in a deal with....i think you are amazing already back to work.....just make sure you pace yourself. I felt just like you do...i hated being on my own and got very anxious...and yes because we look ok people expect us to be...it is very hard!!!Angiogram ..when i had mine it did not hurt at all....but it does not stop you worrying about it does it. You have alot happening at the moment with your Sons wedding and your holiday etc. Please take care Love and hugs Tina xx

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hello sweetheart

please dont feel too down you have managed to recover so well so far i hate it when im on my own its gives the brain to much free time to think god i know that feeling

i understand your thoughts on the new coiling and the reasons why nothing like a wedding to buck one's way of feelings mind you you might feel just as unwell if you have a couple of tinnies :lol: at the wedding dont forget the pictures :roll:

the angio isnt something to be frightened of just imagine the dr naked when he does the angio and dont forget you will be thought of anyway now you have new friends over here and elsewhere

im pleased you are able to work which is a very good thing and the fact you seem to be managing very well as for the driving well just sit in the back and pretend to be posh :lol::lol::oops: nad enjoy thease people wouldnt give you the rides if they didnt think you needed support which is nice

as for paul just like all us fellas we arnt mind readers like you women :lol::lol::oops: i think he does know and i can only suggest you sit down with some tinnies or choclates and have a heart to heart with him he proberley does know but may have the same problem as you and dosnt know how to explain his feeling to you without upsetting you and himself i think its time for a nice meal and one to one time and chat and have lots of hugs and cuddles i think you both have to support and clear the air of fragile eggs lift them away instead of treading on them debbie talk to him and let him talk you you then give each other a cuddle take care sweetheart and well done and keep it up hugs and cuddles

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Hello Debbie

It is understandable to be anxious considering all that has/is happening in your life at the moment. I think that you are doing really well and the feelings you have are normal, is there anyone you can talk to about things? My husband does not really talk about my SAH but I know that he is probably more concerned about my health than I am.

This board is great because you can express yourself to people who do understand how you are feeling all too well :)

My son got married last year and it was great, a very happy day, so enjoy it :)

Take Care

Vivien x

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Hi Debbie try not to worry they know it's there they are going to do something, I personally would have the op before I went away as you probably won't be covered for that aneurysm on your insurance. I too used to wake up at night feeling anxious it does get better with time. Jess.xxx

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Hi Debbie,

Would advise that you go and speak to your Doctor about the anxiety ..... they may be able to help you deal with it.

I feel for you, as I suffered awful anxiety for the first few years, which has gradually got less and less.... My GP prescribed me a beta blocker and it seemed to help. I still suffer the anxiety to a degree now, not sure why, but I think that it was the fear of seizures kicking off again, that kind of triggered it in the first place, along with the normal worries that one has, after experiencing a SAH.

For somebody that's only 2 months into recovery, then you're actually dealing with a lot of stuff Debbie, with the untreated aneurysm and then your son's wedding and trying to ensure that you are able to cope with that as well.....

It's still quite unusual to return to work at such an early stage, so you need to make sure that you're not overdoing things. By reading your post, I can kind of see why you are feeling anxious and struggling ... My advice would be, to slow down a bit and to understand that the feelings of panic or anxious moments, won't be with you forever, they do lessen and yes, it's scarey when you're left on your own.

Time is a great healer and it's only when I read posts from people like yourself, in the early stage of recovery, that I realise how much I have progressed forward. My husband Eric, has always worked away a lot, during the week and I can remember when he had to go away, fairly soon after the SAH. I was so upset and my brain went into overdrive, with all of the "what if's" .... I think that the phone was at my side constantly. When I first took the dog out for a walk, I also had to take my mobile/cell phone with me, because I used to get bad dizzy spells. I don't have to do either of those things any more and it's only with time, that I've been able to re-build my confidence and that nothing "bad" has happened to me.

I was also a complete wreck before my first angiogram check ..... I insisted that they gave me some Valium at the pre-angio check, which they were happy to do, as they could tell that I was extremely worried, anxious, but all went fine .... I wouldn't say that I would enjoy having another one, but it was better and easier than I thought. It was also quite quick, as they know where to go to this time around, rather than the lengthy angio that you have, when you're first admitted with the SAH.

If you're feeling anxious about the angiogram, then I would consult the medics and see if they can help you ..... don't be worried about looking silly, you'll be surprised at how many people you talk to, who will feel exactly the same, as you're feeling...

Talk to Paul and tell him exactly how you feel .....don't struggle alone or put on a brave face. It took me a long time to admit to Eric, how I was feeling, as I just thought that I was being daft and nobody else was suffering the same .... It took me setting up a website and chatting to others, to realise that these feelings were quite normal for the majority of SAH'ers.

It's also good for partners to read a copy of Alison Wertheimer's book "A Dented Image" ..... gives them more of an understanding. It's also good to meet up with others that have suffered the same......do you have any support groups in Australia?

Well, I've waffled on enough :wink:..... Take care Debbie and anything that you want to talk about or just need to get if off your chest, then we're here.... xx

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Debbie

Anxiety is a very difficult thing to deal with and hopefully one day for us it will all get better....

I suffer really bad with anxiety and sit shaking my leg all the time x x x

You have alot going off in your life and trying to deal with alot x x x

I am now 1yr and 4 months since my sah and i know i am hard on myself alot but I need to do these things for my life to move forward x x x

Thinking of you hun and sending you a cyber hug :-D

lots love

donna

xxxxx

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  • 1 month later...

Hi all, :-D

I had my angiogram yesterday and managed to get through it without too much drama. I did ask for something to help me relax and that was a great help. It wasn't painful at all. Just daunting. From the little information I was given it looks as though the coiling is fine and the small aneurysm is OK too. I expect they will tell me more when I go back for my appointment in October. The neuroradiologist is going to look at coiling the untreated anni when we get back from our holidays in the Cook Islands at the end of November.

Now that is all over I am feeling much more relaxed.

OOOOHH and Karen I finally got a copy of 'A Dented Image' on your recommendation. Thanks sweetie :) It took some weeks to get in through our local bookshop. I have enjoyed reading it immensely and I am sure that it will become something that I will return to again and again when I am need of a boost.

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Hi Debbie,

I'm so glad that the angio went well ..... yes, it's a good feeling to get it over and done with! Nice to hear that you're feeling more relaxed, now that it's out of the way ..... I know how you feel, it's like a dark cloud being lifted! :wink: Hopefully, you can go and enjoy your holidays with less anxiety.

Alison Wertheimer will be pleased to know that her book has reached Australia! It's a very good book, easy to read .... glad that you've enjoyed it!

Take care Debbie and keep well....xx

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Hi Debbie,

That's good news and gosh that's quick....they're certainly on the ball! .... hopefully you can get all of this behind you, before Christmas and then breathe a sigh of relief!

Wishing you the best of luck with everything...xx

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Wow, Debbie! You've beaten my back to work record!:)

Glad you made it through the Angio OK. If you ever have to have another you'll be much more relaxed next time. It's a doddle really, eh? :)

You've done great! I really hope you thoroughly enjoy your holiday, you've earnt a good time!

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