Back To Work

[Daffodil]

Dawn. You could do without this added hassle couldnt you. Defnately kep a record of it? Do you have written agreement of the adjustments you need? If not it might be worth getting that in place and checking its still suitable as you take on more. There are plenty of Products available cheaply that will alert you to a phone ringing

 

http://www.actiononhearingloss.org.uk/shop/telecommunication/telephone-alerters.aspx

So really no issue there to worry about.

 

I would remind her that you are focussed on finding the best ways to do your job but that it is early days and will take understanding and adjustments from both sides. It's not personal, it's just ignorance.

Don't lose sight of how well you are doing. Enjoy your day off.

[Liz D]

Hi Dawn

I'm sorry that you're manager's attitude is making you doubt yourself. You are doing really well for only being back at work for 4 weeks.

 

I've said it before, when we return to work we are at the mercy of our managers personality. If they have very good people skills, then we will get on great but if they have poor people skills then our hill is even harder to climb. If people are walking on eggshells then that's their problem!

 

Do you talk to your colleagues about how they feel you are coping? When I first returned to work and was feeling the lack of support from my manager I asked my colleagues how they felt I was doing. They were great, they all said they thought I was doing really well. One said that if she had been off work for a year she would have needed to be retrained completely, never mind having had a brain injury too. This reassured me that I was doing my best.

 

Michelle is right, you will find it easier to learn the new computer package when you are learning together. Your manager was a bit silly in starting you off with Windows 7 when you had never used it before. Shows she doesn't understand about brain injury unfortunately. Good idea to keep a work diary, I did that. Looks to me that your manager sounds a bit like my old one. Her reports to Occy health were always negative, which annoyed the occy health doc. He said he'd never seen reports that didn't mention what I was coping well with.

 

A good manager will give you a full critique, you will be told what your doing really well, as well as what needs to be worked on. Then a good manager will discuss with you what support you need to improve your weaknesses! If she perceives the phones are going to be a problem for you then she should be thinking about the support you will need.

 

As for getting emotional, what's wrong with that, you're human!! My line manager's eyes well up at the least wee thing, it's just how she is and she's never had a brain injury! We've never seen this as a problem in our office.

You are doing really really well and try not to let this affect your confidence. I hope this coming week is better for you. Take care.

[Sandi K]

Dawn, I'm so angry after reading your experience at work. It's such a massive mountain to climb as it is and it's almost like your manager doesn't like your climbing boots! Geeeez, if you need earplugs to do your job what is the problem? At least you are doing the job and not gossiping with coworkers. If you need to talk about work stuff I'm sure you would remove the earplugs immediately if anyone indicated they need you to.

 

I like the suggestion of writing all of it down. You are showing initiative and great effort in making your return to work successful. Your manager is knocking things down before they even happen. She's almost bullying you. She should be supporting you. What kind of manager only focuses on the negative? It's the positive that needs to be promoted in order to motivate people. She should be enthusiastic about your creative ways to make your work environment work for you.

 

You are doing so well Dawn and it is early days. When meeting with your manager maybe ask her to point out the positive things she sees as well. Maybe that will help her see your determination and strong work ethic.

Sandi K.

[MaryB]

I am pulling for you Dawn. Everyone has already said what I feel. It's ignorance, total ignorance that they cannot take the time to have a little patience. Take care. I am sending you a giant BEAR hug! Maryb

[Carl]

I am not sure what the laws are regarding disabilities in the UK. It seems to me the bullying would be so counter productive.

I am fortunate in many ways since I get zero feedback and have no clue if they like what I do or dont. I would sooner have that than be picked on.

 

Basic managerial skills tell us to set our employees up for success.

If a manager sees a situation or shortcoming it is the managers job to come up with a creative solution to the situation.

 

You, wearing earplugs is a creative solution to your sensitivity to sound. Perhaps they would be happier providing you with a private office...

Write everything down Dawn. Even a note or two about your mental and emotional state at the time of these incidents and after they occur. If you feel there is negativity in the comments rather than constructiveness mark it down, It certainly wont hurt you and could prove epic in future discussion with people of authority.

 

If someone tries to talk to you and you have earplugs in, wouldn't it make sense for that person to touch your shoulder or get your attention in a different manner?

When people work around heavy machinery, if one cannot hear the other they don't just ignore the person and walk away.

 

Hang in there Dawn, you know you have the skills required, you have far more motivation than is required. You have beaten far more life threatening than this, and you can sit at your desk with that thought in your mind, A solid foundation, no one can take that from you.

I think we could all use a little plaque on our desks "I have beaten that! I can beat this!"

I am proud of you.

[goldfish.girl]

Hi Dawn,

I'm sad & angry on your behalf over this. Why on earth did the new girl run to your manager? If she had tried again to get your attention you would've had the chance to explain that you didn't hear her because you had ear plugs in or even that you were so busy concentrating on what you were doing that you didn't hear her! Either are possible after a brain injury!!

 

It is a difficult situation for you. You have gone back & deserve so much credit for that and support from your work mates. I know now that we have to remember that others do not 'get it' and if I'm honest I knew NOTHING about brain injury before I had one - they need to learn from you. They also need to learn that a good manager would highlight your achievements too, not just things they see as negative. To say' if you don't want to make friends' is just outrageous. Perhaps it would be better if you tried to explain things to the others without her input?

 

I'm wondering if the staff from your Headway group can help? The lady I saw from Momentum (which is similar) met with my bosses to explain things more clearly to them. I chose not to go into that meeting as I felt that my bosses would ask more questions if they weren't considering how their questions might make me feel if I was there.

 

I had no feed back at all when I went back (everyone was really helpful although I see now that it might have been helpful if I had been more aware as I thought I was fine). A year later a new deputy manager turned up & nasty does not describe it!! A bit like your manager is being just now. Don't let them get you down Dawn, look how far you have come and if you can have someone from Headway mediate I think that would be a great thing.

Good luck Dawn, keep smiling.

Michelle xxx

[DawnS]

Thank you all so much for the very kind replies, you have given me a lot to think about and I feel a lot more encouraged than i did earlier today!

 

Michelle, the new girl didn't run to our manager, it's an open office and she overheard. Or so she says, she could be making it up for all i know!

 

I have 2 types of earplugs, some that are ok for having a full conversation and some for sleeping. The first couple of weeks I wore the lighter ones because my GP told me I might get used to the noise levels. The day that I got upset, there was an awful lot of chat going on and I eventually realised that I had some 'sleep' plugs in my bag and I've given up on the lighter plugs ever since.

 

The noise makes me fatigue so quickly! Each day I come in, say morning to everyone and ask how their evening was then I tell them I'm puting the strong earplugs in and to please throw a paperclip at me or something if they need me. It's not like I don't speak at all! My manager says it's not everyone elses responsibility to attract my attention.

 

Carl, I like the idea of a personal office, but I was told right from that start that there was no way that would happen and I didn't expect it really. After all, my manager hasn't got her own office so there's no way she'd let one of her staff have one.

Tomorrow is another day and payday is on the horizon!!!

Dawn x

[goldfish.girl]

Just a thought Dawn......if you were deaf, would that excuse everyone else from having to get your attention some other way when necessary? Or would they just sack you because your needs caused them extra work? It is disgraceful that to this day in the UK disability employment rights are open to such wide interpretation.

I only have light ear plugs, I'm going to look for sleep ones after reading your post, it would make supermarkets bearable again!!

Hope next week is a lot better for you xx

[DawnS]

goldfish.girl said:

Just a thought Dawn......if you were deaf, would that excuse everyone else from having to get your attention some other way when necessary? Or would they just sack you because your needs caused them extra work? It is disgraceful that to this day in the UK disability employment rights are open to such wide interpretation.

I only have light ear plugs, I'm going to look for sleep ones after reading your post, it would make supermarkets bearable again!!

Hope next week is a lot better for you xx

 

Oh Michelle, that's brilliant, I hadn't thought of it that way thank you so much!!! I think I will raise that in the next review which is tomorrow.

 

As for the 'sleep' plugs, I use Tesco's own, it's a green and white packet, £2 for 6 pairs and they are the best ones I've ever found. They are a little long for me, so I snip the tips off, then I can get them in deeper. They do make the supermarket more bearable....and the office!

[Carl]

Just over three weeks ago I was transferred back to my old job that I did about a year before my SAH. I have done the job for 20 years.

 

Well I was finally asked to provide some feedback.

The expectation was for around 300 reads a day . I average around 400 or so.

The question I was asked is how am I coping. They dont want to over work me, specially with all the legal battle we are going through at work.

 

The fatigue I feel these days is physical, The mental fatigue is still there but there is something rewarding about being physically tired after a hard days work. I have no idea how this will all play out in the courts, but for now it is a job I enjoy doing and I am allowed to do it without supervision so that is a bonus.

The hardest aspect of the job is gauging my day. Some days I go like gangbusters in the morning, only to crash and burn in the afternoon. I need to perfect slow and steady. The other meter reader tried reading the past two days but it is aggravating his injury so he is not to do it for some time.

 

I still have at least two weeks of holidays this year and then in January I start the year with another 6, plus I have two more weeks banked away for retirement. That is well over two months off, plus statutory holidays, I have only 11 months to go till I max out my pension, Things are going pretty good...... The roller coaster is in glide mode

[Sandi K]

Carl, good for you! It sounds like things at work are going well.

Sandi K.

[DawnS]

Hi Carl,

this sounds very positive and I'm glad you are now doing something that you enjoy. I hope that makes the days seem shorter for all that they are physically tiring. Do you sleep any better now? Since I went back to work, I've managed to get into some kind of sleep routine and I'm rarely awake beyond midnight these day, it's a pleaseant side-effect that I wasn't expecting at all so i hope the same is happening for you witht this more physically demanding job.

So, the countdown is on for retirement! This time next year you will already be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Dawn x

[goldfish.girl]

Carl,

It's always lovely to hear when things are going well for someone.

Your days to do are getting few You'll be a man of leisure before you know it!

Michelle xx

[MaryB]

Carl, It is so grea tto hear you being upbeat and things are goign well. I hope it continues until you get to retire on your terms!

mb

[amexdm]

Hello all:

Second week of 40 hours. Not been easy. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I woke up and said "what the heck am I doing going to work" I'm sick. I went in anyway. I don't want to show weakness in first two weeks back. It's not that i can't it's just that I won't. I'm not sure rest would have made a difference anyway.

 

Today was exhausted. For those that have done or are doing phased returns, it seems the first two weeks are the toughest. Then it gets better. Today I drove home for lunch. I work 15 minutes away. I get a 45 minute lunch. I drove 30 minutes (both ways) to get 15 minutes rest. I had to set my head down on a pillow it hurt so bad. I didn't know this next level of exhaustion was possible. But I made it and I'll rest this weekend.

My goal was to work 40 hours again and I am there. Whether I can sustain it is yet to be seen. I know there are others who have done it before me and doing it now. It is possible right?

 

Carl- You're working circles around those guys. You are strong mentally and will not be defeated. Thankfully soon you won't have to answer to anyone. Captain of your own ship. Captain Carl.

 

Sandi- Sounds like you are making productive use of your time. It is amazing all that you do when you could be floating

 

Dawn- You're doing great. Write stuff down. You have time to recover. You must stick up for yourself cause at work no one else will. I have had to do it many times. Office bullies. They back down when you call them out. Trust me.

 

Mary- I know you are with me in many ways. Dont know how you do those long days. You know what its like to go home and have to hit the pillow at lunch.

 

SL- If you're watching, my soul is with you. We can overcome this together. Nothing good ever came easy.

 

GG- You are great support as always.

 

And the earplugs. OMG I have to get some. Need strong ones! Then maybe I can go to dinner. Will I be able to hear my wife so we can chat?

Sorry to anyone I've missed but the kettle is on. The kettle is my head ready to steam and boil over.

Gnite all,

David

[Macca]

Carl,

Great to see you doing so well and on the countdown! Amazing to see that you're doing so well - I am so pleased for you.

 

David,

you've done brilliantly as well. I'm sure you've found it difficult getting back to where you are and although there might be glitches until you get the consistency back, what you have got now is the knowledge - and more than that -the belief in yourself- that you can do it.

 

I've been away for two weeks - on honeymoon! (post on another thread) This is great news to come back to - well done guys!!

Macca

[Sandi K]

David, you've done it!!

40 hours has been your goal and here you are!! Reading your post reminds me of watching an athlete run a marathon. At the finish line they fall over exhausted and have a horrible look of pain on their face mixed with a look of joy! They need rest and refueling before the next marathon.

 

I'm very interested to see how your body continues to react to the 40 hours. You've worked so hard David! Congratulations!!! You won't have to add anymore hours. You are at the plateau. What an inspiration you are.

Sandi K. Xoxoox

[Skippy]

Well done David - be proud of yourself even though it may seem more trouble than its worth - your brain and body will adjust. I wouldn't bother driving home to rest at lunch - take a pillow with you in the car and sleep there at lunch time - I do if I've had a particularly busy morning.

[DawnS]

David, well done on getting to the 40 hour mark!

 

I had a meeting with my manager and HR last week. They have told me that I'm not to deviate from my training matrix whatsoever. This is difficult because I'm on the email inbox at the moment and it's not possible to control what emails come in, so I shared this informtaion with Phil and Liz who are the two colleagues re-training me.

 

They were surprised because my manager hadn't mentioned this to them at all and the worst part is that if an email comes in for a container booking for example which isn't until next week's training, I've to ask my colleagues to do it. As it's likely to sound like I'm being an obstructive moron, I showed Liz the letter from HR confirming this.

 

Anyway, the paragraph above mentions the earplugs issue. Liz read this and then said to me that in her eyes if I've to wear earplugs for work than I'm not ready to come back. I was too shocked to reply with anything of use. I thought about it for a few minutes and then went back to her to explain that my hearing issue is permanent damage and if I wasn't going to be allowed back because of my hearing they would have to pension me off or something rather than simply dismiss me for capability.

 

She then added that she had been hoping to have my job if I didn't return I am not happy at all that my training and therefore my capabilty are in the hands of someone who will personally benefit if I leave. I can't talk to my manager about this because she has a wonderful habit of going straight to the person you have just talked about and telling them what you have said. I can't go to HR because they go straight to my manager and tell her what's been said.

 

It's like being at primary school, there is no concept of confidentiality whatsoever. I feel really uncomfortable now and not very 'safe' or confident and I can't talk to anybody about it, so I'm talking to you guys. I hope that's ok, because I feel like I'm moaning

Dawn x

[goldfish.girl]

Oh my goodness Dawn, that is a really difficult situation.

Firstly the other lady is the one sounding like an obstructive moron, not you. It really isn't her place to decide on your fitness to be back at work. I think I would also feel worried by her comment that she was hoping to get your job - was she perhaps joking but it didn't come across well? I'm not defending her, just considering the options (not everyone is as nice as us!!).

 

I would want to let HR or Occ Health know what has been said but understand this is not an easy solution given your managers lack of management discretion.

Hopefully some of the other members with better ideas will pop on. I'm stumped as to what to suggest but really feel for you being put through this.

Michelle xx

[Daffodil]

Dawn. Big hug. So that's pretty rubbish to be in the middle of this but please dont worry.

Long post reply from me on on this one.I would say that the letter they have written is for their benefit not yours , they are coverin themselves in case they needed to demonstrate further down the line that they are doing all they can to protect you. It is probably is written in a slghtly misguided , impersonal and restrictive manner, these things can often be which is so sad and unnecessary. Don't take it personally but do write down and date anything if you feel that your condition is being used to impede your work progress.

 

Firstly the ear plugs, Liz is entitled to her opinion but frankly she's justnbeing ignorant. Disability rights say 'Disabled can also include disabilities that are only apparent in the workplace. An example of this might be where you started work and found that your eyesight was affected by computer screens but had not noticed this problem before you started work.' so trust me you can justify use. I suggest just making sure that people know why and when you are wearing them, maybe put a sign on your desk saying, my ear plugs are In so please tap my shoulder. They certainly don't stop you working , they probably give you more focus.

 

On the phasing of the training, my best advice is to go with this plan and smile. It wont take forever and then you will know how to do it all again and won't need to ask. I might seem illogical to have to hand things off out of order but if that's how they want to structure it then be agreeable.

Dawn please remember that no one there will want you to fail, it may seem like that at times but the majority will want to help you. They like, respect and value you but are tip toeing. Liz may want your job but I want doesn't get!! Your team know you can do this! Hang in there and pm me if you want. X

[DawnS]

Many thanks for the replies, you always make me feel so much better. I've been to work this morning and had a decent day. I got home to find an appointment from OH for the 9th Oct. It's been booked with the same Dr who said I could go back to work. He seemed to be impressed with how well I've recovered and I'm hoping he might be sympathetic with the earplug issue.

 

Michelle, that's a nice idea that she was joking but she wasn't I'm afraid. She went on to say that she wouldn't set me up for a fall cos she's not like that I'd have been less worried about that if she'd never brought it up in the first place!

 

Daff, you have made some really good points there thanks. I didn't realise that about disabilities that are only apparent in the workplace. I do wear earplugs for all kinds of things, cinema, shopping, sleeping but it's good to be armed with as much information as possible.

 

It's just a shame that I'm having to waste so much energy on covering my back. I could be puting that energy into work and getting along faster or better. Still, here's what I've been holding onto - tomorrow is payday WOO! HOO!

[MaryB]

Dawn ,

That is such a waste of your preciuos energy you are using on these morons. Man, that makes me mad. It sounds to me that itis like grade school and there is no adult or teacher there. Someone should be accountable for allowing the "gossip" and private conversations to go on.

 

SO they gave you your old job back and want you to do it like you you did prior to your disability? Is it possible that there is another division in this company for you to work a different job? Under a diffferent supervisior?

 

Big hugs, and I will put tacks on the seats of co workers for you!

Maryb XOXO

[jus]

Hi Dawn

I read your post and i can't believe how some people go about themselves or how they sleep at night. I often want these people to walk in our shoes for a day and then see if they have a better understanding!

I've recently returned to work so am facing my own struggles aswell...like you noise is an issue..i teach though so ear plugs isn't an option ...

 

I know that there was a new disability act brought out though which my occupational health appointment brought to light - its where people like ourselves are classed as having protected characteristics of disability. I've been informed that the workplace has a duty to ensure adjustments are implemented to accomadate any disability.

 

Could you make an appointment with occupational health? I'm sure they would back your corner for you and help make sure that your 'disabilities' are properly managed and accomadated without you having to deal with these people on your own.

 

I really do wish you well and would personally speak to them for you if i thought it would make a difference!!!!!

[amexdm]

Hi all:

Week 3 of 40 hours went ok. Still upright. Def better than last week. i guess any progress is good progress.Had some weird double vision looking at computer last night but guess thats normal. Am considering playing golf this weekend but don't know if I'm up for it. Five hours of exercise and an hour of driving tends to wear an SAH'er out. We'll see.

 

Dawn- You should be focusing on your recovery not what these other nimwits are doing to you. Similar things happened to me as well. Stick up for yourself. I know you will.

 

Sandy- Indeed does feel like the end of a marathon but unfortunately I get a short rest and have to start another one. It is joy and anguish all at once! I'm not going anywhere on this thread and hope to maybe help others in the future as those before me have helped me. Guess what? Planning a big trip to Cali or Vegas for March. My wife and I deserve it. Hopefilly be better by then. Have to start living again right?

 

Skippy- Pillow is in car! Took big naps Monday and Tuesday at lunch. Would have done it sooner but this summer was so hot. No fun in car at 95 degrees. Even with air. Worked great now though.

Have appt with Neurlogist No. 3 on Monday to come up with new recovery plan! Any ideas kids?

Be well,

David