My name is Anna, it happened yesterday....

[annataria92]

I woke up at six yesterday morning to hear my mum making the most awful sound...like she couldn't breathe, she'd bitten her tongue and was foaming at the mouth. We phoned the hospital and they said she'd had a brain haemorrhage and her chances weren't good. A day later she's alive and stable. She survived the operation and the doctors said she's starting to breathe on her own but I'm terrified I'm terrified that she's not gonna be who she used to be....my mum did everything..she was my life and was always there for my whole family. I'm now really worried about who's gonna have to be looking after her, I'm supposed to be going to university in September but theres no way I can leave my younger brother and dad to look after her and I wouldn't want to leave her......I love her so much. She's 43 and strong, the doctors have said so...I'm just so scared....I just want my mum back :'(.

[Sandi K]

Hi Hun, welcome to Behind the Gray. I'm going to reply to your other post but just wanted to say hi and welcome first. Hugs to you, wish I was there with you.

Sandi K. xoxox

[Anya]

Dear Anna,

This is a harrowing time for you and family and you are in my thoughts. I was treated at the Wessex Neuro, Southampton, as I expect your Mum is being, so rest assured, she is in safe hands and being given the most excellent care.

It is very difficult to remain calm and strong but this you must be, with the support and care of your close friends as well.

University is a long way off, so please don’t worry about this for now.

Please stay in touch to let us know how you are coping and how your mother is.

Love,

Anya xx

[winter]

Oh Anna, so sorry to hear this about your mom, honey. This is a very scary time for you and all of your family! It's good that she got to the hospital quickly and is in stable condition. If she's starting to breathe on her own, that too is a great sign.

I'm so glad you found this site, we'll help you get through this - lots of caring people here to answer questions and give you emotional support. I'm 48 and had my SAH a year ago. My daughter, 24, was w/me at the hospital 24/7 and I know it was probably the most difficult thing she's ever been through. Not knowing what will happen next is frightening and overwhelming.

Please feel free to private message me if you need or want to chat. I'm off and on the computer throughout the day.

Hang in there sweetie and know that the dr.s are doing everything they can for your mom. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted!

Sending huge hugs your way.

Carolyn

[Lin-lin]

Hi Anna,

Sorry to hear that you are going through a very difficult time.

I can only offer you a patient perspective. My brain haemorrhage was @ 14 months ago.

I can't imagine how stressful it is for relatives to witness a loved one suffer a brain haemorrhage. I don't have children, but I am an only child, and my parents went through all the anxiety that you are going through now.

My parents even had a conversation about whether they wanted me to survive if I was going to be profoundly disabled. I can't imagine what it feels like to have those thoughts and conversations in relation to a family member.

Your mother's recovery has began, you just can't see it; but there's a lot happening behind the scenes.

Your mother's brain is working very hard at the moment. It has suffered a trauma and it needs a lot of rest. Look upon it like the brain putting out a big 'do no disturb' sign!

When I am facing a big situation, I always find it easier to break things down into smaller sections.

At this stage, thinking about Uni in September is a long way away, so instead, concentrate what this week will bring you.

In terms of a brain haemorrhage recovery, surviving an operation and breathing independently is good progress. The brain is probably congratulating itself at this moment because it has achieved so much.

You may find that the brain decides to progress things a little bit further again this week, although, even remaining stable is an example of the brain working hard to make sure things hold.

It is so early in your mother's recovery, that even if she spent the week sleeping, it would be normal.

In the brain's terms, it has already run a marathon. Imagine telling an athlete at the end of a marathon that you wanted them to run another ten miles. They might scoff at you and say that they need some rest first, but give it a few days and they'll do it.

Your mother's brain is doing the same. It's putting it's feet up because it's tired.

To reassure you and to show you how things can improve dramatically, I commenced my recovery having to use a wheelchair initially, I was unable to feed myself and neither could I hold long conversations.

To look at me now, you would not know that I had suffered a brain injury.

The recoveries we make can be remarkable.

Just concentrate on the next seven days for now. We often see things with more clarity when the horizon is nearer.

Lynne

[tammy]

Hi Anna,

I too have been through similar feelings to you when my now husband Neil (who is on this site too) had an SAH. He was taken to Wessex Neuro and they were great for him.

I felt very alone at the time, no idea where to go or who to ask for information. I felt completely powerless as to what to do to help, and all those feelings of things never being the same were all too much for me as people told me to be strong.

Id be very happy to chat with you as I completely understand how you are feeling. Everyone on this site is very friendly, so dont be afraid to ask anything.

Tammy

[Neil]

Hi Anna,

So sorry to hear about your Mum - it is a very distressing time both for the patient and those around them. My thoughts are with you all. You Mum is definitely in the best hands possible - Wessex Neuro is brilliant (certainly enough doctors and nurses told me that when I was in there!) They must've done something right - like Lin you wouldn't know to look at me that I'd had a brain haemorrhage. I really really hope your Mum is as lucky as many of us here.

Anna, we're all here for you: any time you want to ask question or even just blow off a bit of steam, go right ahead.

Neil.

[kempse]

Hi Anna,

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum, I know Mum's are special and when something like this happens unexpectedly, we find it so hard to take it all in, whilst trying to continue with day to day life. Like others have said, she is in the best possible place, with a great team, giving her the best possible care. Don't lose hope, there are many on here who were not expected to pull through but have proved people wrong. The early days are the longest and hardest to deal with, but don't forget you can come on here and ask anything you like - there is a lot of support from people only too willing to help you through this difficult time.

Sarah

[JayKay]

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you're having to go through this! There's another young girl going through the same thing - Amelia just joined recently.

I've seen this from both sides: my mum had a stroke 4 years ago, and at first we didn't know if she would live or die, be brain damaged or fine, paralysed or not. She was already in her 70s and the doctors' answer was always "I don't know" to any question we asked, because each brain injury is different.

Then, nearly a year ago, I had my SAH. My daughter was 19 at the time and it was a very tough time for her, especially as her dad doesn't live with us so it was just her and my partner trying to get through it together.

All I can tell you, like Lynne, is that the brain can make an amazing recovery! My mum still has trouble with her speech, but at 78 is living independently, with just a home help and cleaner. She had MRSA, C-diff, the lot, but she's come through it fighting! As for me, I'm doing fine and have come a long, long way this year.

Anything you want to ask, don't hesitate. Keep smiling. Think positive. You are not alone.

Take care xx

[Tina]

Hi Anna...so sorry to hear about your Mum...cant imagine how devastating this must be for you. Keep as strong as you can for your Mum. We are here for you. Take care , sending hugs to you. Love Tina xx

[kelvz48]

Hi Anna, I will just say welcome to the site and really hope everything works out for you, your mum and your family.

[Louise]

Hi Anna

Warm welcome to the site.

I cant add more than the others have said.

Oh yes the brain can make huge strides in recover takes a long time tho (Im proof of that)

& It is very early days at the minute....

big hugs

[annataria92]

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words. Apparently she had a bad night last night so I'm visiting her again today, I'm so scared each time might be the last. My dad is taking it really badly and I just don't know what to do All he does is smoke and drink. Its an effort to get him to bed and I'm staying home to make sure he eats and sleeps. I'm trying so hard to stay positive but he's convinced she's going to die or come home in a wheelchair. He's making it really difficult and I don't know what to do :'(. I'm trying so hard to be strong because I know if I don't, the whole household will collapse, but its so difficult.

Thank you again everyone, its nice to be able to talk to people who can understand. The hardest part for me at the moment is seeing her with all these wires coming in and out of her. I never know what to do or say when I see her. She felt warm yesterday and had more colour in her face so I'm trying to think positively but this crash has just got me panicked again, I feel on edge constantly.

[kempse]

Anna, I just wondered if you have looked at the Brain and Spine Foundation website - they have a help line run by neuro nurses and having just had a look myself it says it is for emotional support aswell, perhaps it's worth a try and might help a bit.

Sarah

[Karen]

Hi Anna,

It's a massive shock for all involved and it will take a while for you all, to get over that shock. One minute your living an ordinary life and then bang, everything goes haywire and nobody has any control over the situation. Think that everyone's mind goes into overdrive and panic about the future hits. However, the only thing that you can really do, is take one day at a time or you will just drive yourself nuts.

Sorry to hear that your Dad isn't coping too well and it's an added pressure on you and more worry.... Try talking to him and explain that he's beginning to worry you, when you yourself are finding it hard to cope. I've got two children, who are now 20 and 24 .... however at the time of my brain haem, my Husband kind of went about tackling the situation when I was in hospital, like a military operation and wouldn't speak about anything with them. It didn't help their situation at home and all they needed was a few hugs and to be able to share their own worries. By the way, I was telling my daughter Lauren, who's the 20 year old about you and she says that if you would like to email her, she would be more than happy to chat with you. She is a member of this site http://www.behindthegray.net/vbulletin/member.php?1780-Lauren, but doesn't log on very often, as my SAH was nearly 6 years ago now. However, if you would like to chat to her, then send me a quick private message and I will pass on her email addy to you. My SAH hit Lauren particularly hard, so she will understand what you're going through.

Anna, try to keep as positive as possible and even though you perhaps think that your Mum can't hear you, when you visit, she will know that you're there and that will keep her going. My children were the biggest reason for me to improve and I did. I also came out of hospital in a wheelchair ..... I'm not in one now and even though my recovery was slow, even at 5 years on, I'm still achieving more and more .... and many of us on this site, have proved that recovery many years later on, is something that is still achievable and a good life can prevail, even though it may not be quite the same as we previously had.

I was also treated at Wessex Neuro in Southampton and my care in HDU was first class, so your Mum is in good hands. Hope that you find your Mum a little better today, but the first week is pretty topsy turvy for many of us and even worse for our poor relatives .... it's kind of baby steps for a bit. Sending hugs to you and if you would like to chat to Lauren, then don't forget to PM me..... she will understand what you're going through. xx

[KelBel]

Hi Anna,

So sorry to hear about your mum. I hope today's visit goes well and your mum is looking better each time you see her.

That is a lovely idea for you to chat with Lauren and gain an insight into how to deal with such a traumatic event from someone who has been in your shoes. (Such a lovely idea Karen )

Good luck for your mums continued recovery, and best wishes to you and your dad at this life-changing time for you both.

Take care

Kel x

p.s. I have called the Brain & Spine Foundation helpline before and they have been lovely (the helpline is only open from about 8 or 9am to 1pm though)

[paul99]

anna

yes i know how you feel, don't you dare give up. i will pm you. ring any time. i felt like you are now, over two years ago, when i went through what you are now. its early days, the news you have given is positive, but its early days... don't write off uni just yet. mum is in a super hopsital as many on here will testify, just take one day at a time please sweetheart.

[annataria92]

We went to see her last night and she'd had a good day but they sat us down and told us that they wanted to lower her sedation, but..because she's so sick, they are doubting that she will be able to breathe on her own so there's a very good chance she's not going to make it :'(. We're going to know in the next few days or so but...I'm so scared. Everytime I see her I feel like I'm saying good bye and I don't know what to do. I can't lose her :'(

[Anya]

O’h Anna, I’m so sorry you have to go through this hell – you’re constantly in my thoughts, as is your Mum and your family.

Try not to be alarmed and put off by all the paraphernalia – tubes and wires. Hold her hand, stroke her and talk calmly if you can – she can hear your words. It’s good that you’re off loading on here as we understand and can support you. Have you got good friends who are standing by and supporting? & what about your extended family, are they looking after you?

Lesley Folkes is the specialist nursing sister at Southampton and I hope she’s looking out for you! The chapel at the hospital is a good place to visit as the chaplains are especially lovely, especially Karen, so seek her out. She’s only on during the day but there are others who will give you great comfort and support.

Hold in there! Stay in touch! You are in my thoughts.

Big big Hug, lots of love,

Anya xxx

[goldfish.girl]

You have to stay hopeful Anna. The dr's will know what to do for the best for your mum.

Everyone on here will be wishing your mum good luck and hoping things improve for you all.

Michelle xx

[paul99]

anna

DON'T you dare give up if mums made it this far there is hope lins was a class 5+ bleed and they were all so condemning and not very helpful to me but they gave lin all the help she needed lin had many ups and down and believe me i nearly lost her time and time again but if they start to reduce the sedation they will have more of an idea how mums going to react so in a way its good news and mum may have an infection from the bleed in her lungs this way they can work on getting the flem up and out of her lungs they will watch mum so closely she wont have a chance to play up it will also help mum recover from the op

as hard as this is you have to talk to mum as normal try and be upbeat but if the tears fall so be it because mum can still hear everything thats going on in and on the ward and that is a promise because the hearing is the last thing to go in any accident or illness hold her hand brush her hair or even tickle her feet to see if you get a reaction i did th nurses and staff on the miu were supportive in everything i did to stimulate lin

im sorry that dad is not coping he needs to talk to the Chaplin at the hospital and if he wants he can call me i fell apart until lin opened her eyes 3 weeks into recovery then i knew she was still with me and since then i have been fighting for her so what if mum comes home in a wheelchair who says its going to be long term you will have mum back although maybe a different mum but still mum my phone is on 24/7 anytime if dad can stop the booze it might help him anna im with you all the way and if necessary i will come down and smack your bottom one day at a time sweetheart thats all anyone can say take care hugs and cuddles from both lin and me

ps anna they may think of giving mum a traciostomy this is a tube in the neck which is a simple thing and takes the discomfort from having the tube down her throat and mum will look better it will also help get any Flem off the chest its sometimes only in for a short while but believe me that would help mum so much and when they take it out nine times out of ten you wouldn't know mums had one take care

Edited February 4, 2011 by paul99

[maggie]

Anna, you have been on my mind all day , I really do hope today went well for your Mum. I am so sorry that this is happening and will be praying that your Mum gets through this as well as I have. Its a dreadful thing for you all to have to go through and there are some very scarey times in the first weeks but try to keep ypir strenght up and eat regularly drink plenty of water and never give up. My love is with you Maggie xxx

[Sandi K]

Anna, thinking of you and sending love to your family.

Hugs xoxoxo

[adam]

Hi Anna

My daughter was 20 when I had mine, and has never really spoken about how she felt. I've always thought that the whole situation is much harder for our loved ones who are standing by unable to do anything other than worry.

If it would help to talk to someone your age who knows what you are going through, I will be happy to get Rebecca to contact you, I know Karen has already suggested the same with her daughter Lauren.

Just remember, you're not alone, there are lots of us on here who will do whatever we can to help, all you need to do is ask.

Best wishes

Adam

[RB-R]

Hello Anna, My daughter was in the same place as you are 7months ago. She found me in the bedroom when it all happened, she rang her dad and got me help although she was very frightened she is only 12 years old. I was then rushed off to hosptial with her dad and she was left behind with her 2 brothers and sister. The doctors did'nt give them much hope but i pulled through. Knowing i had four wonderfull children at home give me the strenght to fight, just as i am sure your mum will have this strenght because of you !! Hang in there be strong your mum, your mum loves you very much and is doing her best to get better for you, i know as i have been there.

Sending all our love and hugs to you and your family Rhiann xxxx