RB-R Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) On the 15th june at 5pm it will be 12months since my life changed forever! I'm feeling very werid about it , depressed i think, i thought i would be happy to see it but infact i feel like i wont get there!! My symtons are better, but still have days when i just have to stop and give into it. Does this depression ever go away? Should i just be happy i made it?? Been so down not even been able to read the treads as im trying to run away from it, but it just comes with me!! Thanks for letting me moan and groan Rhiann xxxx Edited June 13, 2011 by RB-R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Aw! honey sorry your feeling like that, have to say getting to the 1st ani-versary is like climbing a mountain.... but you have done and well done because there are so many others who dont get to where you are now its not a time to be glum but to say 'I am alive' cyber hugs hun take care and if you still feel the same after the 15th go speak to the GP.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB-R Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Thanks Louise (((()))) xxxxxx I know i should be shouting from the roof tops "i'm alive" Hopfully after the 15th i will !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gill C Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 On the 15th june at 5pm it will be 12months since my life changed forever!I'm feeling very werid about it , depressed i think, i thought i would be happy to see it but infact i feel like i want get there!! My symtons are better, but still have days when i just have to stop and give into it. Does this depression ever go away? Should i just be happy i made it?? Been so down not even been able to read the treads as im trying to run away from it, but it just comes with me!! Thanks for letting me moan and groan Rhiann xxxx I had my anni versary on the 6th& this is exactly how I felt & still feel, maybe its an anniversary thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Hey Rhiann I hope so too, sometimes its because its such a milestone we feel overwhelmed by it.... take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Hi Rhiann, I must admit, that on my 1st Annie-versary, I decided to celebrate the day and didn't feel down at all ... I've kind of had 2 SAH's, so was just relieved that I'd made it through and it was cause for celebration and I marked the day .... Hubby took a day off and we had lunch out and did some sight seeing .... even though I still couldn't walk far and had horrendous dizziness. If you're feeling depressed then you really need to go and see your GP and seek help, it's not unusual and quite common for many survivors .... I think that for the first 2-3 years I spent worrying about whether I would reach the next year ... to be honest, I spent a whole lot of time worrying about what could happen, rather than living life and feel that to a degree, I wasted those years and gave myself more anxiety on top of what I already had. If I was you, I wouldn't dread the day, but try to embrace it, do something nice or treat yourself to a little something .... whether it's flowers, chocolate, clothes or a meal out .... because you're special and worth it and you've come through a tough time, but you're here and life will get better for you and you will get to a point where you'll no longer dread the date. xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Cheer up be glad you are among people who love you....I know you know all that etc etc and when your down you sometimes cannot pull yourself out of it........but try for your family to make them happy As for the chocs I'll have them as I have had brain replaced with chocolate coils j.k Try and be glad you made a year after so remember .... onwards and upwards ..cannot remember my 1st anniversary...I would have celebrated it with huge choc selection Be Happy regards WinB 143 x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandi K Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Happy anniversary Rhiann! Karen is so right! Embrace your days and celebrate how far you've come! Louise said it's like climbing a mountain and I agree! This has to be the hardest year of our lives! Instead of seeing how far you still have to go look back and reflect on where you have been. Look at what you have learned about yourself over the past 12 months. Think about what has become important to you. I can empathize with your feelings of frustration. I still have many moments where I find myself trying to be who I was. Find a quiet moment like a hot bath or outside with the birds by yourself and close your eyes. Think about the things in your life that make you feel content and calm and joyful. Forget about the little tasks at hand, the housework, your job, the bills, the kids' needs. Think about the things the kids do that make you smile, the love, whatever makes you feel good inside. I've started doing this with yoga and at first it was hard but it gets easier to find the joy with practise. It distracts my mind from the anxiety and frustration. It helps me to accept where I am and understand that I'm not finished. There is more to come and each day is new! I hope this helps Rhiann, hugs to you. When I'm forgetting all this on a bad day please remind me! Sandi K. Xo Edited June 13, 2011 by Sandi K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Win looks at Sandi and thinks Why didn't I say that...That Sandi is so clever Lol Regards WinB143 xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandi K Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Awe Win, but your words wash us all in love and smiles! We all feel like this at times don't we. That's why BTG is so wonderful. Cyber hugs! Sandi K. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Hi Rhiann Sorry your feeling low about hitting the first year. Like bagpuss says im feeling low to and im nearly at my first year on 29th June. Must be something about that time. I thought i would be feeling great to get to this point but i feel rather low and weird. Maybe like Karen said the anxiety of reaching this point is taking over.Ive been trying so hard to stop the anxiety taking hold. Im thinking i might try yoga as per Sandi. Hopefully your pick up soon. Sending hugs Traci S xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Hi Rhiann It's my 1st anni-versary also the day after you on 16th and I'm also feeling quite anxious about it and keep thinking is it going to happen again. I went to a friends BBQ on Saturday which is exactly what I did last year the Saturday before it happened and I nearly did not go because I thought I would be tempting fate but then I talked myself round and thought I can't stop living my life for the what ifs. I'm hoping once the first anniversary is out the way It will be easier to move forward I hope so anyway for my husbands sake I've nearly eaten him alive this week:lol: ive been vile!!!. I hope the day goes ok for you and your feeling better once it's out the way. Take care Vicky xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldfish.girl Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Hi Rhian, The 1st anniversary is huge, it's a big milestone and it brought up a lot of scary thoughts for me too (as well as delight that I was still here). Like Karen, I decided to celebrate having made it and went out for a meal with a few special people who had gone out of their way to help me while I was ill. It was also a way of thanking them for still being there for the 'new' me. It will be my 3rd anniversary in July & I still don't like that particular date and have superstitious feelings about it but it has gotten easier to keep these worries at the back of my mind instead of being overwhelmed by them. I hope you feel able to do something you enjoy tomorrow to celebrate how far you have come & I hope you feel happier in yourself soon too. Michelle x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janevo Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Hi Rhiann, well it was my 1st anni-versary today and it has been really weird. My sister took me out for the day - she took me to two cemeteries to place flowers for fathers day then drove past the hospital where I was treated then took me to an OAP home to see our mum. Fortunately, I saw the funny side, but I've told her not to arrange any suprise parties - don't think she's got the hang of it haha. Wanted to go out for a meal tonight with hubby but he went visiting his parents and didn't get in till it was too late. I woke up this morning with vertigo for the 1st time in months and panicked so have been a bit on edge all day but I'm here and everything is fine. It will be for you too, just relax, take each day as it comes and go and get some help off the doctor to help you over the wobbly days. I did, it's not a reflection on us - we've been thru hell and back and deserve all the help we can get. Take care Jan x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandi K Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Happy anni-versary Jan! Sandi K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Hi all, Jan it sounds like you have a great Sister..haven't been to my Dads grave for 3 years but saw him when I was out of it ...or so I think....caught a glimpse of his nose under a black netting he had on his head..He looked at me and said "Shhhhhhhhhhhh ya muvver will kill me if I speak to you" It was so real and my brother who died sang for me.....My Mum kept telling them not to talk to me... I assume she was keeping me on this side.....don't really know...all I know is that we had a good party...lol Has anyone else had dreams or whatever they want to call it about dead family/friends while out of it? Regards WinB 143 xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Happy 1st Ani-versary hope you had a lovely day hun.xx Also hope from how the mood with pick up.... WinB 143 Yes I did, my Mum & Granny were at the hospital with me it was like finding out they'd gone all over again once I found out it was only a dream, but its about the only thing I can remember about the whole time....so weird but then again conforting... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RB-R Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Thanks everyone for you encouragment, i took it on board and my husband had the day off work and we went out for breakfast and thought *** it we will go out for lunch too!!! Felt abit werid at 5pm and still feel abit eirey, but will be glad to see 2mrow!!!! Everyone take care thanks for always beening their and understanding:-D Take care Rhiann xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bandicoot Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Hello Rhiann, in downtown Perth (only 4,000km from me in Sydney). I hope your sadness doesn't stay. It is so good that you share your hurt here. I get sad and cry but it does pass. I do find it is scary when I think the sadness is going to visit for a while and I feel some old despair then. Sometimes I have to allow my sadness to flow and let my grief run messily out of my mouth, nose and heart. Often that lessens the load and I feel better after. Sometimes I can feel weighed down and have to physically move and change my environment to get a different perspective. I feel that my resiliance has diminished significantly since the SAH and I am sad for my physical and emotional woes and the pain in the world. On the other hand, I am at times much lighter and thankful to be here and enjoy the beauty of life. I (like many others here) feel I know what matters about life and it isn't the superficial things. It's no wonder that the memory of a such a physical trauma has unsettled you. I didn't feel like that on the first anniversay last year, but going to have a CAT scan freaked me out bit time (and yeh it was clear). I do hope that you have some healing at this anniversay time. best wishes Tracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Rhiann, you will see tomorrow .... .... Glad that you did something on the day and it perhaps helped to take your mind off things for a little while .... Will see you tomorrow.... Hugs to you and well done for getting to your first year! xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandi K Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Rhiann, happy anniversary! I'm so glad you did something special on your day! Sounds perfect to me! Sandi K. Xo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Rhiann It'll get easier in time.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maggie Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 HAPPY ANNI VERSARY RHIANN :-D:-D Cogratulations Rhiann you made it to the first post! I know exactly what you mean, I felt nervous all day on my 1st anniversary so happy to say am now on my way to my 3rd. Try to embrace the day and get some chocolate before win gobbles up the world supply Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 (edited) Hey Ladies Happy Anni-versary to you both. The first one is the hardest because you are plagued by the "what ifs" but each one gets a bit easier, kind of like the anniversary of the death of a loved one, that first year is hell and then bit by bit it gets easier to live with. Last year was the first year I'd spent away from my hubby on my anni-versay and that was hard too (four years on) but only cos he wasn't there. I won't be with him for this years either but I know it'll be easier because I did it last year and that's how it'll be for you both next year. Janet and I have decided that these are second birthday's and our hubby's treat us to a nice meal or a prezzie (or both if we're lucky) so it becomes a celebration of survival and it takes the anxiety and edge of it a little. Hope you both had a good a day. Edited June 15, 2011 by Skippy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandi K Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I love that idea Skippy! Sandi K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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