tammy Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Hi All, I have finally been persuaded to post by Neil who as most have probably read on here and his blog that he had his SAH on 9th Feb. This was the most scary, frightening experience for me to witness. I am struggling to face up to what has happened, listen to conversations specific to what happened to him, understand my own emotions of the whole experience, let alone write that much so please bare with me. While Neil has managed to come to terms with it and keep his sense of humour, I do not seem to be able to understand what is going on in my own head, which then makes me feel extremely guilty as I did not actually go through it. The extremes in my own emotions are impossible to explain right now, but I have spent the last few days reading the posts on here and feel I can at least get a few words out to you who may just have some idea of how I am feeling. I will post again, and I will continue to read your posts as they are giving me advice and an understanding of what has happened and what can be expected. Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Hi Tammy, Glad you got yourself on here, there are quite a few of us here now, partners of those that had an SAH. My hubby had his sept last year. This is a great site, everyone so friendly and supportive and very helpful. Please feel free to pm if you want to ask anything at all, or there is anything i can do to help. Poppy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myratas Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Dear Tammy Welcome to BTG, you can always come here for advice and help here as I am sure there will be someone to answer your questions. I have read Neil's blog and I am happy he is making good progress after SAH. I look forward hearing from you and Neil so keep posting. Take care Myra xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 welcome tammy pleased neil has dragged you into our family im still going throuh it with my lin and i know what you mean because im still trying to come to terms with what has happened and why please dont feel frightened by whats happened i hope when you lok at the site you will find many of your questions answered and many of your fears alayed there are many carers and partners who have gone through what you are going through now and will have many answers that will help you come to terms and look forwards to the furture with less intridation if i can help dont hesitate we are all family welcome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Hi Tammy A warm welcome to BTG glad Neil persuaded you to join. Hopefully it can help you start to come to terms with the way you feel. I think the trauma and shock of how very dangerous a SAH can be takes some getting used to. I can only imagine the amount of stress and anxiety it causes to our loved ones to have to actually live through it. Look forward to hearing more from you when you feel able. Janet x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perrycornish Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Hiya! Tammy So glad that you have been able to post, that was probably one of the hardest things to do I have read Neil's blog too and you are surely right he has not lost his sense of humour Throughout the year since my SAH I have so often felt that my partner was having a tougher time than me, after all I know exactly what is happening ( even if I can't remember much at all of the actual SAH ) Alison can only guess at how I feel or the effects the SAH is having, she makes a darn good job of it but it still must be tough! I would rather be me than her,maybe Neil feels the same way? Keep reading, keep asking we all learn about this old thing in fits and starts. Boss him about and don't let him start work again until you have had a chance to spoil him properly, and he you!! Please note Neil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Tammy welcome to BTG look forward to getting to know you. Jess.xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi Tammy A very warm welcome to you.....so glad Neil persuaded you to join..... our families need just as much support as we do.....this is a great site...with lots of information. You are not alone....take care Love Tina xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi Tammy warm welcome to the site.... I think in many ways I weathered what happened to me better than others I knew did. The un-known is SO scarry...... hope that reading other peoples stories helps you. take care Louise.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Boss him about and don't let him start work again until you have had a chance to spoil him properly, and he you!! Please note Neil Awww no! I've only been here five minutes and I'm in trouble already! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi Tammy (love that name by the way) I can totally understand your concerns, it was the most frightening experinece of my life when it happened to my mum 10 months ago and it will be something that I will never forget. I think it is the fear and uncertainty of the unknown but honestly it does get easier and you will move on. I still tend to want to wrap mum up in cotton wool today and feel very protective of her but I guess that is only understandable when you come that close to losing someone you love so much. When mum first came home and she slept I could not take my eyes off her. My biggest hair raising moments are when I can not get her to answer the phone (the day it happened she was obviously unable to pick up and that is when I knew something was wrong and when I found her), panic does set in very quickly for me then. But trust me your fears will subside but it does take time. I am hear anytime you want to talk, PM me and I will ring you if you prefer. This whole thing has made me a much stronger person and I am sure it will you (though you will not feel like this at the moment). Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi Tammy So glad that you plucked up the courage to join BTG - I know it can't have been easy for you. Just remember that what happened to Neil 1) wasn't your fault 2)he has got through and 3) it will only get better. he's done the hard part - survived (as harsh as that sounds). The first few months will be up and down emotionally for both of you until you come to terms with what happened. Once I stopped fighting what had happened and let myself become who I am now, it was a lot easier to deal with. I saw a counsellor for Post Traumatic Stress and it really helped me - my husband struggled to come to terms with what happened to me too - but he knows how stubborn I am and I really do think stubborness helps - along with keeping your sense of humour and being able to laugh without feeling guilty. Neil sounds like he's doing remarkably well so soon after, but make sure that he listens to his body and doesn't try to run down the road to recovery but takes nice easy steps Feel free to ask any questions that you have or ask for advice - there are a few partners/relatives of sufferers on here who will know exactly what you are going through and how you're feeling. Take care hun and stay in touch. And yes Neil - you are in trouble already consider yourself severely reprimanded!!! Speak soon TTFN Sami xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelle C Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi Tammy, Glad you have joined the family. Everyone is so lovely frendly and supportive so ask any questions, someone will always be here to help. Ditto what Sami and the others have said, its a major rollercoaster ride of emotions for all. I havn't read all Neils blog yet but he seems to have kept his sense of humour, Neil (my hubby) sometimes looks in wonder at me when i trip bump or fall into things and laugh at myself but hey ho why not Look forward to more of your posts and probably chat one day Love luck and laughter Michellexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx P.s My little boy Owen (4yrs) loves Neils photo he says he looks like David Tennants (Dr Who is his idol) bless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MUTTI Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 HI TAMMY GLAD YOU HAVE DECIDED TO JOIN US. AND THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO THIS FOR ALL OF US AND IN YOUR OWN WAY IT DID HAPPEN TO YOU. DON'T BE AFRAID ALL WE HAVE IS LIFE CHOOSE TO LIVE. AND NEVER REGRET. WE ONLY GET ONE GO AROUND YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A GIFT TO SEE WHAT IS REALY IMPORTANT IN LIFE EMBRACE IT AND ENJOY LIFE. LOVE AND HUGS EVELYN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rince Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hi Tammy, My wife is local and willing to either talk via email or meet for a coffee. I had my SAH six years ago this May and I still have "issues", so she is well used to my ways. I always say that those closest to us have the roughest deal, we have the whole SAH thing to hide behind whilst you have nothing. If you want to take her up on the offer email me at (address removed for security) and I'll pass the details over. Scott Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Hey Scott I've removed your email address from your post as I;m not sure who has access to this part of the forum - could you PM Tammy with your email address. Thanks Michelle, I thought that Neil looks a lot like David Tennant too - maybe Neil should be the next Dr Who TTFN Sami x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Hello Tammy & Neil Welcome to BTG!!! I'm the survivor in my marriage and I was more accepting (maybe because I did'nt fully understand for a good while) of what had happened to me, I've never done "why me". Also, I was in some sort of coma for a several weeks so I missed out on how poorly I really was, my main concern when I woke up was "where's my long fingernails?" You have no reason to blame yourself for anything, SAH can happen at any time as we're going about our daily lives. I've read some of Neil's postings and it seems he is making a good recovery!!! Just take each day as it comes and try not to be too hard on yourselves and each other Time is a great healer. I can only echo what the others have said and you will get wonderful, unconditional support on this site. I look forward to reading more about you both. Julie C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rince Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Hey ScottI've removed your email address from your post as I;m not sure who has access to this part of the forum - could you PM Tammy with your email address. Thanks Michelle, I thought that Neil looks a lot like David Tennant too - maybe Neil should be the next Dr Who TTFN Sami x Don't worry Sami, it's my "junk" email address! I wouldn't post my actual email address on here and I can understand why you did that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Michelle, I thought that Neil looks a lot like David Tennant too - maybe Neil should be the next Dr Who TTFN Sami x David Tennant? Good grief. Oh, you're just being nice Since Tammy attacked the rest of my head with the old clippers last night, I look more like Christopher Ecclestone than David Tennant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Welcome Neil and yes, you do look like David Tennant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tammy Posted March 21, 2009 Author Share Posted March 21, 2009 I have been somewhat overwhelmed with everyones responses, thank you soo much. I had been concerned you'd all think I was going a bit bonkers, I mean, nothing actually happened to me! I think since it happened, I have been running from work, hospital visits, home late, sleep, start again so havent really stopped long enough to really deal with the whole thing. Now back at home, at a point when everything in my mind should be positive and all bad thoughts/over thinking should be taken over by the 'thank goodness its all ok and Neil is home', it simply doesnt seem to be. I can't even say what happened to Neil and I know that means Im not really dealing with it. This is the first time really I have written something down straight from reading the comments and not thinking about it (man I hope this is all making sense!). During the whole time Neil was in hospital, he kept soo happy and soo positive, and while I tried, my mind was running overtime. He has recovered soo well, and having him back at home is the best feeling in the world, but my head still doesnt deal with all those emotions from 'staying strong' which was what everyone told me to do. Those emotions ended up bottled, stored away, not really dealt with and they still seem to be. Scott, talking/emailing sounds great, I do like a good coffee too so thank you for the offer. I know Neil is doing great and Im sure others have been through far more, but the emotions in me are just running away faster than I can keep up. I appreciate all your kind words, they do help, and I certainly feel like I have some support for reassurance etc, it means a lot so thank you. Tammy One more thing, Neil doesnt usually look like David Tenant but must admit that his photo did take well! And his hair is really short now so sorry, no more David Tenant piccies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perrycornish Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Tammy, hello again I am certain that what you are feeling is what happens to most folk who experience something as traumatic as an SAH. I do urge you though to talk about how you feel as you have today on here, but keep talking about it and share it with Neil, maybe you can tell him just what it felt like to witness, my partner and I have found as have other folk on here I know that once these things are talked out they become so much clearer and you will both have an opportunity to understand your emotions. It sounds to me (as a sort of granny figure in your life) that you did what so many would do and hid from the puzzling and scary aspects of the whole thing by being busy. Now you have time to stop and think, don't be scared.....ask! There will certainly not be anyone on this board that thinks you are out of your mind and I will go out on a limb and promise you that your relationship with Neil will get better not worse at all, I will I think shut up now as you don't need me to hassle Wish I could come over for a coffee and a natter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Hi Tammy, I certainly agree with the lovely Perry .... she always talks a lot of sense! Normality is something that takes a little while to get back to .... one day, life is running as it should be and then the next minute, it's all turned on its head and nothing makes sense any more ..... but I promise, that it does get better with time and you will get back to some sense of normality, where neither of you are treading on eggshells ...... hope that this makes sense too......as I'm not quite so good with my words, as I once used to be.... If you meet up with Scott and his wife Sarah, then they are lovely ..... it's definetly worth meeting up with others that have been through the same ...... quite therapeutic really ..... for survivors and partners alike.....I know that Eric has got a lot out of the meets and it's helped him and me.... Love Karen xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Hi Tammy, Welcome to BTG Sorry I have only just posted I have been so busy the last few days. As you can see we all here provide support whther it be for SAH survivors or their partners. We all owe our partners alot of thanks. Any questions please ask We will always offer advice and support or just be nosey Love and hugs Laura xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perrycornish Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I have just read what Karen has said You had all better hang until I have a 'ratty day' and I do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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