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Various issues after brain haemorrhages - new member - Robert


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Hi, it will be three years since I had two brain haemorrhages along with bleeding of the brain and a fractured skull. Rather than do what I should have done I decided not to rest as I am so driven. Even decided within the first six months recovery to take on a more high pressured job. 

 

I have had issues including anxiety and numbness of my forehead from the day this happened. I struggle with anger and routine also now. Has anyone else had these issues? I am trying to determine whether or not my now issues  are haemorrhage related?

Thanks.

 

Robert.

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Hi Robert,   Welcome to BTG.   I wasn't going to reply or join in with this but in the end I couldn't resist.  The opinions I give below are entirely mine and I base them on what y

Hi Robert, welcome to BTG and sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it.   Brain damage is a peculiar injury in that we don't recover necessarily we just adapt and learn to adjust styl

Hi,   My book has arrived and I'm also booked into a consultation with headway Glasgow on the 26th of January....feeling very liberated....hopefully I can help there and maybe share my exper

Hi Robert welcome to BTG. Were your haemorrhages caused by trauma or were they spontaneous? Sounds to me like a very brave step to take to move to a more high pressured job, well brave or slightly mad :wink:. Most people take a step back after such an event.

 

You may well be struggling with anger due to fatigue. I know when I am very tired and the fatigue is bad that my temper is a lot shorter and I become anxious about trivial things. Maybe the time has come, after 3 years or hard work, to take a step back and look at what is important in your life. Maybe less work would make you less tired and possibly more abe to control your anger and anxiety.

I am sure others will offer their advice too, be good to hear your take on their comments.

 

Take care

Clare xx

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Hi Robert :)

 

A very warm welcome to BTG.

I  agree with Clare that you may well be struggling with anger and anxiety due to fatigue. I think your body is telling you to slow down.

 

I had my SAH 9 years ago and i still have numbness in my forehead and side of face due to nerve damage from my surgery. My right eye brow is paralysed. I also suffer from anxiety and fatigue, I dont cope with things the way i used to before SAH. As much as I tried and pushed myself to get back to work, sadly i could not. 

 

Maybe as Clare has suggested you could step back, reduce your hours and see if things improve for you.

 

Take care and keep in touch.

Tina xx

 

 

 

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Hi ladies,

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

I was attacked and took one severe punch to the head which I believe knocked me out, but I also crashed my head badly on the road. I was then in hospital for ten days. I chose not too take the help as I felt too proud. I did however take some sessions with a counsellor to help with the cognitive side of things, which I still struggle with at times.

 

If you were to ask me an on the spot question which I know the answer to or I know I used to know,  if I do not get to that answer quickly enough, I become very agitated and embarrassed. This becomes awkward for me and the other party. My aggression at home is now causing me relationship problems and breaking down relationships with several friends as I have become very unsociable and my kids are very wary of me.

 

I also have terrible OCD. are these common side effects? Going backwards is not an option for me. i just need to find a coping mechanism. I got a substantial criminal injuries claim which stated I had brain damage expected to last two years .

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Hi Robert, welcome to BTG and sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it.

 

Brain damage is a peculiar injury in that we don't recover necessarily we just adapt and learn to adjust styles and thinking that works around the damaged or affected area. So over time we may see improvements but it is a different state of brain to one before the bleed and injury. 

 

James Cracknell and his wife wrote a book about his adapting to life after brain injury and how pushing too hard caused him some temper issues , it's worth a read, and I  think you should reach out to Headway if you are in the U.K  just to see if they can help you practically with some coping strategies. 

 

Robert the hardest person putting the most pressure on us is us. The ego of wanting to get back to everything as it was before and trying to show that nothing has changed , well it's our only measure. WE all  have to accept that in that moment we had our bleeds things changed and now it's maybe time for you to take a moment to adjust and adapt and be a little less fixed in how you approach things. Pride has its place but it can leave you very lonely so please just tell people you are struggling and see the healing that can come from that and possibly some release from struggling.

 

One of our members, Kris, wrote something on a thread the other day which I saved as it really resonated with me , maybe it will with you. 

 

Quote

I actually started living my life again instead of trying to either bend my new brain to my old life, or bending the present to my brain injury.  I was beginning to recognize that things were going to be different and starting the thought process of being really good with that.

 

I'm going through some re evaluation at the moment as it's  four plus years on from mine in that I am still trying to bend too much to the old instead of living the new. Why not join me with my resolution for 2017 Robert and try and live the new a bit more, maybe we can both make some changes  ?

 

 

 

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Hi,

 

Re evaluation has to happen in my case. At the age of 33 I'm now back with my parents due to the issues I am having. I now have the time to evaluate and I will for sure read that book, many thanks for  your advice and kind comments. Recovery is harder than I thought it would be. 

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8 hours ago, Daffodil said:

Hi Robert, welcome to BTG and sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it.

 

Brain damage is a peculiar injury in that we don't recover necessarily we just adapt and learn to adjust styles and thinking that works around the damaged or affected area. So over time we may see improvements but it is a different state of brain to one before the bleed and injury. 

 

James Cracknell and his wife wrote a book about his adapting to life after brain injury and how pushing too hard caused him some temper issues , it's worth a read, and I  think you should reach out to Headway if you are in the U.K  just to see if they can help you practically with some coping strategies. 

 

Robert the hardest person putting the most pressure on us is us. The ego of wanting to get back to everything as it was before and trying to show that nothing has changed , well it's our only measure. WE all  have to accept that in that moment we had our bleeds things changed and now it's maybe time for you to take a moment to adjust and adapt and be a little less fixed in how you approach things. Pride has its place but it can leave you very lonely so please just tell people you are struggling and see the healing that can come from that and possibly some release from struggling.

 

One of our members, Kris, wrote something on a thread the other day which I saved as it really resonated with me , maybe it will with you. 

 

 

I'm going through some re evaluation at the moment as it's  four plus years on from mine in that I am still trying to bend too much to the old instead of living the new. Why not join me with my resolution for 2017 Robert and try and live the new a bit more, maybe we can both make some changes  ?

 

 

 

Hi Daffodil,

 

Would you know the name of this book?

 

Thanks. 

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Hello Robert. Also a warm welcome to BTG. So glad you found the site, although as you say, if you had found BTG earlier it may well have helped you understand your recovery better in these early days.

Can I ask... how did you discover the site?

 

You have had great advice already from the members who have given you first hand comments from their own SAH journeys. This site is a wealth of information which will help you and your family as you read through the various threads. This again would have been so useful to you over the past three years.

 

So Robert, my input is from a carer`s point of view. My wife had her SAH 5 1/2 years ago.

 

Firstly, let me say how traumatic it must have been for you as the victim of an assault.

Can you tell us a little about the type of treatment you were given following your brain haemorrhages ?

 

The majority of people on this site were given very little by way of post hospital support. It looks as if this was indeed the case with you too.

 

As already explained, your eagerness to get back to your work, and even increase your work load, was exactly the opposite of what was ideal to aid your recovery. Brain haemorrhages require much rest in these early days. Your outward scars might have healed quickly, but your brain needed time to adjust to it`s trauma.

 

Robert, it is highly probable that your action in throwing yourself back into your job so soon,  has exacerbated your ability to react in tense situations. Post SAH it could well be that the patience you had before, to absorb pressure situations, has been affected by your brain trauma.

 

Now you tend to respond immediately with your `point of view`, and to some extent you are not really aware that the manner of your response may well offend/ hurt the other party. This other party may be a work colleague, a customer or indeed a member of your family. Sorry to say, your partner/wife/children who have known you so intimately, may now be seeing a personality change which can offend them and cause them to step back from you.

 

You can imagine, as this goes on with no end in sight, those who care about you become more and more offended and may decide they are not wiling to take any more.

This also may explain the OCD which you mention.

 

I would also ask... did you talk frankly about your difficulties with friends/family and work colleagues?

It is not uncommon to tend to hide how you really feel in your recovery.

 

It is well possible that you are not too late to make serious adjustments to your life style (perhaps in the short term) but for as long as it takes to give your brain and body the healing time it needs. I hope it is not too late to save the relationships you have lost. This decision only you can make.

Winnie our established member always says  `no stress`.

 

It would be helpful to aid your family`s understanding if they could also spend some time looking in to this site.

 

I wish you well as you re-evaluate what you want to achieve through this tough situation that has taken control of your life.  You can get back in charge.

 

Please only answer these questions if you feel ok with it.

 

 

Subs

 

 

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Hi Robert

 

I think the book that Daffs mentioned is called Touching Distance by James Cracknell, it is available from Amazon.

 

Wise words from Subs, with a view from a carers position.

 

Clare xx

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6 hours ago, subzero said:

Hello Robert. Also a warm welcome to BTG. So glad you found the site, although as you say, if you had found BTG earlier it may well have helped you understand your recovery better in these early days.

Can I ask... how did you discover the site?

 

You have had great advice already from the members who have given you first hand comments from their own SAH journeys. This site is a wealth of information which will help you and your family as you read through the various threads. This again would have been so useful to you over the past three years.

 

So Robert, my input is from a carer`s point of view. My wife had her SAH 5 1/2 years ago.

 

Firstly, let me say how traumatic it must have been for you as the victim of an assault.

Can you tell us a little about the type of treatment you were given following your brain haemorrhages ?

 

The majority of people on this site were given very little by way of post hospital support. It looks as if this was indeed the case with you too.

 

As already explained, your eagerness to get back to your work, and even increase your work load, was exactly the opposite of what was ideal to aid your recovery. Brain haemorrhages require much rest in these early days. Your outward scars might have healed quickly, but your brain needed time to adjust to it`s trauma.

 

Robert, it is highly probable that your action in throwing yourself back into your job so soon,  has exacerbated your ability to react in tense situations. Post SAH it could well be that the patience you had before, to absorb pressure situations, has been affected by your brain trauma.

 

Now you tend to respond immediately with your `point of view`, and to some extent you are not really aware that the manner of your response may well offend/ hurts the other party. This other party may be a work colleague, a customer or indeed a member of your family. Sorry to say, your partner/wife/children who have known you so intimately, may now be seeing a personality change which can offend then and cause them to step back from you.

 

You can imagine, as this goes on with no end in sight, those who care about you become more and more offended and may decide they are not wiling to take any more.

This also may explain the OCD which you mention.

 

I would also ask... did you talk frankly about your difficulties with friends/family and work colleagues?

It is not uncommon to tend to hide how you really feel in your recovery.

 

It is well possible that you are not too late to make serious adjustments to your life style (perhaps in the short term) but for as long as it takes to give your brain and body the healing time it needs. I hope it is not too late to save the relationships you have lost. This decision only you can make.

Winnie our established member always says  `no stress`.

 

It would be helpful to aid your family`s understanding if they could also spend some time looking in to this site.

 

I wish you well as you re-evaluate what you want to achieve through this tough situation that has taken control of your life.  You can get back in charge.

 

Please only answer these questions if you feel ok with it

 

 

Subs

 

 

Hi subzero,

 

As I read that I genuinely become upset.

 

I discovered the site as I was looking online for forums or places to chat/meet about my issues within a group. The actions I took in the early days which I still try to defend as being positive have impacted my life in very negative way. I now will not lie down to this or admit I need to, clearly maybe I do.

 

On release from hospital I was referred to a brain recovery unit where I met various types of different therapists, the most important one for me helped me with cognitive issues, but I felt it became too deep and when they started to talk to me about how I become a dad again I felt insulted and never returned. I was quizzed on my sudden recovery as I told doctors and therapists I was ok, again, I was not.

 

With regards to my openness with all parties about how I felt about being a victim remains to this day very very deep, burying issues is a trait I can not rid myself of. I prefer to laugh than cry in all situations and just bury the hurt, no one knows my struggles other than my partner who has just joined the site (debbiejg86)

 

Winnie is correct I should adapt to a no stress situation but in my lifestyle it is very hard not to.

 

We have just had a beautiful baby boy and with it all my issues have come more to light as I struggle to cope with various things including noise/routine.

 

I have taken the first steps in admitting I need to reflect and maybe visit headway.

 

To yourself as a carer I salute you because it's just as hard for the carer as you lose a small part of your partner and have to witness first hand the issues that arise with these circumstances.

 

Thankyou 

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1 hour ago, Clare Miller said:

Hi Robert

 

I think the book that Daffs mentioned is called Touching Distance by James Cracknell, it is available from Amazon.

 

Wise words from Subs, with a view from a carers position.

 

Clare xx

Hi Clare,

 

You are a star, I have just ordered this through Amazon, this looks like very good book that will give me better understanding 

 

Thankyou xx 

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Hi Robert,

Have you been in touch with the Brain & Spine Foundation? They have some useful guides on dealing with the after effects of SAH and a helpline run by neuro nurses. They also have a Facebook page for SAH survivors. 

I hope you find the help you need.

Fiona

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Hi Robert,

 

Welcome to BTG.

 

I wasn't going to reply or join in with this but in the end I couldn't resist.  The opinions I give below are entirely mine and I base them on what you have said, and your style of writing, and your responses to others above.  They are given with the best of intentions, but I hope you can get something from them, even if you don't agree, if only you get some clarity on how you see things in order to move forwards in your recovery.

 

Please don't keep beating yourself up about this. I have identified a number of issues here and I think to help your understanding, it is better that they are broken down to help you find the appropriate answers.

 

1] You were badly assaulted.  Even without a brain injury, this was a very traumatic event for you and is difficult to get over.  You will have had a mixture of anger, upset and shock.  You will have replayed that incident in your mind a hundred times and more.  Shock usually kicks in after the event when your mind starts to wonder what might have happened, over and above what actually did happen.  Stress builds because of that, in my opinion.

 

2] You suffered three injuries - two haemorrhages and a fractured skull.  Any one of them on their own is a major trauma which could take a long time to get over, let alone having three to deal with all in the same time frame.  Everybody on this site, just about, recognises that brain injuries take time to fix and that there are no instant answers.  We have to accept that and so we have to adapt.  Change happens, it is how we deal with it that matters. 

 

3] You probably went back to work too soon.  Not easy for you and not easy for your family, but I bet you wouldn't be told.

 

4] You took on a more pressurised job when really you needed a time-out to attempt a proper recovery before attempting to move on.  Looking at it from outside, you probably set yourself back a bit there.

 

5] With more pressure, your relationships with your wife and children took a bit of a hit.  These are the most important - not your work.

 

6] With some of the therapy sessions you probably went in too early and took on too much.  It sounds to me, from your own words, that maybe you were still railing against what had happened to you and were not receptive at that time to those trying to reach out to you.  In therapy you said you felt insulted.  For you to engage, it is vital that the therapist fully explains the aims and objectives of the sessions in great detail at the beginning - and with brain injury at the beginning of each session - for you to get the most from them.  Did you fully listen to the therapist or was your mind still arguing 'Why am I here?' with itself?  Had you come to terms with your injuries and accepting that these incidents had happened to you?  Or were you still fighting them?

 

7]  Is it too late to go back and admit you were perhaps wrong to leave the sessions?  Reach out to those trying to help you.  In my experience, they are always willing to reach out to those who are prepared to help themselves.  It isn't a matter of pride - it is a matter of getting you well again, and cognisant of the fact that you need help to get well again.  All of us need help at various times, you are no different, and at times you will reach out to others in the future.  You cannot change or control what has happened to you in the past, but you can accept it and then alter what happens to you in the future.

 

8]  A big issue for you seems to be recovery time. Let me tell you that, currently, you see time as your biggest enemy, because you want to be like the old you as soon as possible.  Sadly, with brain injuries, the reality just isn't like that.  Time is therefore your biggest friend, not your enemy.  You survived, and so time is what will allow you to address all these issues but one at a time, not all at once.

 

Time is a healer, but it needs help from you, your wife and children, your friends and your work colleagues.  But you have to let them. Talk to them and interact with them.  Do it in short bursts and let them know when things are becoming too much and you need a break before resuming.  They will be as distressed as you are but if you let them help you they will respond.  If your bag of shopping drops on the floor, you pick up the items one by one, you don't try to pick up all the items together because you will keep dropping things again.  So pick up your issues one by one, methodically, and put them in the shopping bag that is your life one by one.  You will find it easier to deal with things that way.

 

9] Your job is obviously important to you, but your family are more important.  Your kids don't care what job their Daddy does.  You could be a street sweeper (no dis-respect intended) for all they care  They want a happy, relaxed, Daddy that comes home to them at the end of the day, to talk and play with them and read them a bedtime story.  If you have a Mercedes, they wouldn't mind a Mini - as long as their Daddy, the best man in the world, is the driver.  They don't want to see Mr Grumpy.

 

10] Stay in touch with your doctors and therapists.  Their guidance will be vital in your recovery.  Work with them, not against them.  You cannot be an autocrat when your result depends on what they do - you need them onside.

 

11]  Pride comes before a fall is the old saying.  It is also the wrong emotion, in my opinion, to have in this circumstance.  What you need is dignity and you have that in spades.

There is no disgrace in getting or seeking help from others. Your parents helped you when you were growing up.  Your teachers did, too.  If you ask help from others in getting things done at work, what is the difference in getting them to help in your personal dealings?  The answer is 'none.'  The only thing is your perception.  In fact, there is a lot more respect to be gained in reaching out than in trying to go it alone.

 

What you are probably finding is that you are like two north or two south poles of a magnet - repelling each other rather than working together to attract each other and dealing with the problems that currently, that you see, blight your life.

 

12] Stay in touch with us Robert. We have all had brain injuries, or know someone who has (in the case of carers). Accept that the injuries are there and nothing can change that.  Resentment is a wasted emotion.  The best way to fight this is to get better and you can best do that by using all the resources (doctors, nurses, family, friends and colleagues) at your disposal to get well.

 

Help us to help you.

 

I wish you well,

 

Macca

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Hi Robert,

 

A belated warm welcome to BTG and congratulations to you and Debbie on the birth of your son.

 

I'm sorry you have been through such an ordeal, but I hope with the excellent responses on your thread you will be able to pick up some useful coping strategies - either from the book recommended or from personal experiences of other members on here, through the various threads, who have also travelled the road of recovery following a bleed on the brain.

 

Wishing you all the best,

Sarah

 

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On 12/21/2016 at 19:48, Macca said:

Hi Robert,

 

Welcome to BTG.

 

I wasn't going to reply or join in with this but in the end I couldn't resist.  The opinions I give below are entirely mine and I base them on what you have said, and your style of writing, and your responses to others above.  They are given with the best of intentions, but I hope you can get something from them, even if you don't agree, if only you get some clarity on how you see things in order to move forwards in your recovery.

 

Please don't keep beating yourself up about this. I have identified a number of issues here and I think to help your understanding, it is better that they are broken down to help you find the appropriate answers.

 

1] You were badly assaulted.  Even without a brain injury, this was a very traumatic event for you and is difficult to get over.  You will have had a mixture of anger, upset and shock.  You will have replayed that incident in your mind a hundred times and more.  Shock usually kicks in after the event when your mind starts to wonder what might have happened, over and above what actually did happen.  Stress builds because of that, in my opinion.

 

2] You suffered three injuries - two haemorrhages and a fractured skull.  Any one of them on their own is a major trauma which could take a long time to get over, let alone having three to deal with all in the same time frame.  Everybody on this site, just about, recognises that brain injuries take time to fix and that there are no instant answers.  We have to accept that and so we have to adapt.  Change happens, it is how we deal with it that matters. 

 

3] You probably went back to work too soon.  Not easy for you and not easy for your family, but I bet you wouldn't be told.

 

4] You took on a more pressurised job when really you needed a time-out to attempt a proper recovery before attempting to move on.  Looking at it from outside, you probably set yourself back a bit there.

 

5] With more pressure, your relationships with your wife and children took a bit of a hit.  These are the most important - not your work.

 

6] With some of the therapy sessions you probably went in too early and took on too much.  It sounds to me, from your own words, that maybe you were still railing against what had happened to you and were not receptive at that time to those trying to reach out to you.  In therapy you said you felt insulted.  For you to engage, it is vital that the therapist fully explains the aims and objectives of the sessions in great detail at the beginning - and with brain injury at the beginning of each session - for you to get the most from them.  Did you fully listen to the therapist or was your mind still arguing 'Why am I here?' with itself?  Had you come to terms with your injuries and accepting that these incidents had happened to you?  Or were you still fighting them?

 

7]  Is it too late to go back and admit you were perhaps wrong to leave the sessions?  Reach out to those trying to help you.  In my experience, they are always willing to reach out to those who are prepared to help themselves.  It isn't a matter of pride - it is a matter of getting you well again, and cognisant of the fact that you need help to get well again.  All of us need help at various times, you are no different, and at times you will reach out to others in the future.  You cannot change or control what has happened to you in the past, but you can accept it and then alter what happens to you in the future.

 

8]  A big issue for you seems to be recovery time. Let me tell you that, currently, you see time as your biggest enemy, because you want to be like the old you as soon as possible.  Sadly, with brain injuries, the reality just isn't like that.  Time is therefore your biggest friend, not your enemy.  You survived, and so time is what will allow you to address all these issues but one at a time, not all at once.

 

Time is a healer, but it needs help from you, your wife and children, your friends and your work colleagues.  But you have to let them. Talk to them and interact with them.  Do it in short bursts and let them know when things are becoming too much and you need a break before resuming.  They will be as distressed as you are but if you let them help you they will respond.  If your bag of shopping drops on the floor, you pick up the items one by one, you don't try to pick up all the items together because you will keep dropping things again.  So pick up your issues one by one, methodically, and put them in the shopping bag that is your life one by one.  You will find it easier to deal with things that way.

 

9] Your job is obviously important to you, but your family are more important.  Your kids don't care what job their Daddy does.  You could be a street sweeper (no dis-respect intended) for all they care  They want a happy, relaxed, Daddy that comes home to them at the end of the day, to talk and play with them and read them a bedtime story.  If you have a Mercedes, they wouldn't mind a Mini - as long as their Daddy, the best man in the world, is the driver.  They don't want to see Mr Grumpy.

 

10] Stay in touch with your doctors and therapists.  Their guidance will be vital in your recovery.  Work with them, not against them.  You cannot be an autocrat when your result depends on what they do - you need them onside.

 

11]  Pride comes before a fall is the old saying.  It is also the wrong emotion, in my opinion, to have in this circumstance.  What you need is dignity and you have that in spades.

There is no disgrace in getting or seeking help from others. Your parents helped you when you were growing up.  Your teachers did, too.  If you ask help from others in getting things done at work, what is the difference in getting them to help in your personal dealings?  The answer is 'none.'  The only thing is your perception.  In fact, there is a lot more respect to be gained in reaching out than in trying to go it alone.

 

What you are probably finding is that you are like two north or two south poles of a magnet - repelling each other rather than working together to attract each other and dealing with the problems that currently, that you see, blight your life.

 

12] Stay in touch with us Robert. We have all had brain injuries, or know someone who has (in the case of carers). Accept that the injuries are there and nothing can change that.  Resentment is a wasted emotion.  The best way to fight this is to get better and you can best do that by using all the resources (doctors, nurses, family, friends and colleagues) at your disposal to get well.

 

Help us to help you.

 

I wish you well,

 

Macca

Hi Macca,

 

Each and everyone of my replies today has been overwhelming for me.Talking about this today to complete strangers has been very liberating.

 

You say you were considering not getting involved. I can assure you I am so glad you did and I value your input a lot.

 

You touched on the counselling sessions. i had around fifteen sessions with a psycho therapist and you are totally correct. i did listen but not enough I was more annoyed by the whole situation of me sitting in that room being quizzed and advised on what I should do. To cut it short was totally the wrong decision.i just wanted my life to return to normal instantly and I was so so frustrated it didn't. You are also correct that I, at any time can start these sessions again.

 

Taking on the new job maybe came at the wrong time but for me to better myself and family I believed it was correct. I could not let the opportunity pass me by as I had considered it in the past. The injuries gave me the attitude that I only lived once, so I just went for it. 

 

Your comments on my kids will love me for me are also very correct . I have noticed this more recently. I am not a bad dad in anyway but the last few years I realise now I have been not easy to live with,i must relax.

 

I started this topic purely to see if anyone had these issues and were they related to my injury. i am glad no one has said no.

 

Macca what I would say to you is never hold back from getting involved. you have just helped me in ways you will maybe never realise.

 

I intend to stay in touch, visit Headway (contacted them today) and I have ordered James Cracknells book and just about to watch his google interview on you tube.

 

Thanks to each and everyone of these comments. feel free to all to input.

 

If I can help /give opinions to anyone then also feel free to contact me.

 

Kind regards. 

 

Robert. 

 

 

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58 minutes ago, kempse said:

Hi Robert,

 

A belated warm welcome to BTG and congratulations to you and Debbie on the birth of your son.

 

I'm sorry you have been through such an ordeal, but I hope with the excellent responses on your thread you will be able to pick up some useful coping strategies - either from the book recommended or from personal experiences of other members on here, through the various threads, who have also travelled the road of recovery following a bleed on the brain.

 

Wishing you all the best,

Sarah

 

Thank you Kempse,

 

The support on here is overwhelming. i wish I spoke sooner.

 

A friend told me a couple of years back I should document my journey. i should have listened but it won't be hard to revisit and document.

 

Im excited by my responses. hopefully in the future I can help some one else on here.

 

Kind regards.

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Robert

 

I also was not going to reply to your post but reading and digesting I think you are torn between work and trying to get back to the old Robert.

 

I think you will have to accept what has happened I know when my Lin had her bleed 8 years ago plus it wasn't until Lin went into rehab that I got help as I had been struggling on my own and became a very unpleasant person to the staff who looked after Lin at the home.

 

However I was introduced to a clinical psychologist who came to see me and like you thought why do I need to see her im doing all right but with her asking the right questions she unlocked my mind and I did let all my frustrations flood out. I was reduced to tears.

 

Very much like yourself I've been always able to handle anything but somehow I got into a rut of being obnoxious and very unpleasant thinking I knew it all and having that one person unlock my frame of mind has certainly helped me  as a carer. I have had to fight to get what my partner needed including medical services which I think is very much like you trying to recover.  

 

Please think about contacting the neuro unit and ask for an appointment with a clinical psychologist for some help  wishing you well.  

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Robert. So glad today and your replies have maybe helped it be a bit of a better day.

 

Baby steps now, there is no quick fix for any of us but as Macca says, time is on your side. 

 

I hope the book is useful, some of what you said resonated with how he described life and had the wife's view which I thought may help you both.

 

Approaching life after brain events is Dim Sum living I think. it Can be delicious but it's tiny little bites one at a time. Slowly does it. 

 

Oh oh and this thread will already be helping someone...see what you have started ! 

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48 minutes ago, paul99 said:

Robert

 

I also was not going to reply to your post but reading and digesting I think you are torn between work and trying to get back to the old Robert

 

I think you will have to accept what has happened I know when my lin had her bleed 8 years ago plus it wasn't until lin went into rehab that I got help as I had been struggling on my own and became a very unpleasant person to the staff who looked after lin at the home.

 

However I was introduced to a clinical psychologist who came to see me and like you thought why do I need to see her im doing all right but with her asking the right questions she unlocked my mind and I did let all my frustrations flood out and I was reduced to tears.

 

Very much like yourself I've been always able to handle anything but somehow I got into a rut of being obnoxious and very unpleasant thinking I knew it all and having that one person unlock my frame of mind has certainly helped me  as a carer I have had to fight to get what my partner needed including medical services which I think is very much like you trying to recover.  

 

Please think about contacting the neuro unit and ask for an appointment with a clinical psychologist for some help  wishing you well . 

Hi Paul99

 

I would encourage anyone to give me their input. I should have took all this help within the first few months and done things differently. I was that bad that when they told me to rest I joined the gym,when they told me to stop that, I instead bought a bike and a dog to excercise. When I was told to cut back on work I took on a more high pressured job.

 

I maintained all along ,through my anxiety/fatigueness and all the other issues that all I needed to find was some coping mechanisms, today I think I have found my main one, talking.

 

Thankyou for your input.

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42 minutes ago, Daffodil said:

Robert. So glad today and your replies have maybe helped it be a bit of a better day.

 

Baby steps now, there is no quick fix for any of us but as Macca says, time is on your side. 

 

I hope the book is useful, some of what you said resonated with how he described life and had the wife's view which I thought may help you both.

 

Approaching life after brain events is Dim Sum living I think. it Can be delicious but it's tiny little bites one at a time. Slowly does it. 

 

Oh oh and this thread will already be helping someone...see what you have started ! 

Hi Daffodil,

 

I am totally excited by this. talking today has already helped me leaps and bounds just by sharing my issues and having people's input has helped to lift the pressure. Carers will know some of the issues I am likely to have put my family through. I have just spoken with my partner about this forum and got excited that maybe I can help someone. She like you had told me just to slow down and take the help before offering it, this is the driven side of me that I must work on to slow down. I will take your advice and take baby steps.

 

The book will arrive tomorrow. I will let you know when I start to read it and give my views on it.

 

Kind regards 

 

Robert 

 

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Hi Robert

Today seems to have been a good day for you. So glad that the posts from BTG members seem to have given you a real incentive to change the direction of your recovery.

 

If you can get back to see the psychologist I would recommend doing so. I presume it would have been a neuro psychologist, specialist in dealing with difficulties after brain injuries. I have found the sessions with mine to be invaluable, she has helped me realise that I have limitations and need to take heed of them. Yes the sessions have at times been intense and I admit to shedding tears on several occasions but they only have your best interests at heart and do not intend to be intruding or patronising.

 

You seem so much more positive already, I hope that you continue to feel this way. 

 

Clare xx

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Hi Robert 

 

i think you have had some fantastic replies and hopefully they have helped.  When I had my SAH I made this assumption as I lay on my hospital bed that I would live my life to the full stop being anxious and have more fun.  I arrived home and it was not long before I got quite depressed, was awfully bad tempered and angry with a lot of things and people. I could not understand why I was not estatic having this second chance.

 

I was angry that people appeared to think I was well, cross because my memory was awful, humiliated that I got so many words mixed up.  I also had to accept some counselling and I did find it helpful but it did require me to have to think differently.  Having the assault has to leave some legacy, even without the tremendous injuries you suffered, I understand your need to take the job, I too wanted things to be just as before if not better.  

 

I agree that that returning to some form of counselling could be useful, also giving yourself permission to be angry but at the right things and right time in a safe environment.  Sometimes being very brave is stepping out of what we expect for ourselves and embracing what we have.

 

I wish you lots of luck with getting more support and think just by recognising you need support is the hardest part.  Keep us updated.

 

Sharon

 

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Hi Robert,

 

You were already getting lots of good answers - I wasn't sure at first whether I could add to them, but then I could almost see you reaching out and I knew then I had to say something.

 

It seems you have accepted you have a problem or two.  That is good because in doing so you are on the way to beating them.

 

You are already reaching out. It's just another little step to do it some more.  You must help yourself before you help others.  The best help comes from the strong. Let us and those around you help you find the new you, find your feet.  Get yourself well first. 

 

There is no rush - it isn't a race and you must go at your own body's pace, not what you think you want to do!

 

The positives will have the ripple effect on your partner and children and others close to you and they in turn will reciprocate.  It will be a kind of push me pull you, where you keep making progress - together.

 

One other thing - quality rest is as essential as your active life.  Being in good spirits when you work is vital to good decisions and quality work, so listen to your body.  Learn to delegate more.  Being able to be active with your kids when you get home is also important so don't wipe yourself out entirely at work.  Get a good night's sleep.

 

Enjoy the book.

 

Lots of good advice from the others above- we've got the t-shirt and the dvd!  We've travelled down your road - it isn't easy but you will surely find many of the answers we have, in your own time.

 

Good luck,

 

Macca

 

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