iola Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 All, Tomorrow, April 9th, will be five glorious years since my brain pop. Just kidding about the "glorious". My birthday is April 7th (every year!!) and as happy as I am to be alive and celebrate it, the two days after feels so much more compelling and powerful. It happened to me and I can say it did. I feel I can breathe quietly and calmly ( two words that typically do not describe me) because it has taken five years to feel "safe" again. In the beginning I simply wanted to feel better. My goal was three months, then six months, then one year, then two, etc... You get the gist. I push forward and now at five years I will look for another five years and push forward. I will always have goals. It helps. I will not say I'm glad this happened and I am 100%. No, no, no, I've come to terms that I will NEVER be the same person and that's okay. I wrestled, I fought, I cried, I threw temper tantrums, and quite frankly it just make my head hurt worse. Some things in life you must do alone, even with others around. Struggle and achievement. I struggled for a long time trying to maintain an image of who I once was and should be but it is exhausting. It has been difficult, it has been challenging, but through it all I found that I'm pretty darn resilient. My momma made me that way. I am not as afraid as I once was. Yes, I still have headaches, dizziness, and weirdness in my brain but I have learned to manage it and I go on. That is the hard truth, we must go on and persevere. We all must face what we must face with that strength you did not know resided within. Mix that in a bowl with faith and hope and you have created a very powerful force to be the person you need to be. Thank you all for your strength and encouragement these past five years. It is now my turn to help the "newbies" see there is a new day approaching. iola Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
subzero Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Hi Iola and well done five years post SAH Thank you for that very personal and honest insight into your life with SAH. Your advice and support to others on BTG is always valued. Subs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macca Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Hi Iola, Congratulations on reaching this milestone - very well done. I remember when you first joined us and what a struggle you had with doing ordinary things! Now look at you! You are reflecting now with the benefit of a hard earned wisdom, learnt through hard experiences, and by listening to others who had been there before you, and by realising yourself that you had to change and adapt. The problem with change is that is was forced on you rather abruptly when not only did you not want to do it, you resented the impact it had on your life and rebelled. Nevertheless, you got to grips with it and you realised that you needed to do it and your body was telling you that you had no choice - and like everything else in life you do it to the best of your abilities with style and elegance and your family reaps the benefits of the new you. Yes, you can look back at life like you do in an old photograph album - but that is also who you were, not who you are. The experiences you look upon in that album made you the person you are now! SAH is just another of those experiences (albeit one of the more serious and unpleasant ones). That's how I look at it now and I will continually look forwards. I only look back when I feel nostalgia - I've made that place in my mind for those moments, but then it's time to shut the album and get on with life as best I can! Well done Iola - you are a credit to yourself and your family. Thank you for sharing this with us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman23 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Congrats. Well done. You are right when you say we are alone when facing with challenges in life. It is one s attitude that makes a difference. I have seen it with patients and friends a like. One can stay depressed and helpless or one can seek help, be resilient and get better. I m in Carroll/ Howard county. Hope we ll get spring weather soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Hi Iola, I can remember when you first came on here and we spoke about shunts etc. You are a lovely person and sooo sensible (Unlike me) lol. Well it wouldn't do if we were all the same. Glad you are over the 5 year mark as it takes us that long, as for tears and tantrums still get a few of them every so often lol Love Win and the next Anni versary xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClareM Posted April 9, 2018 Share Posted April 9, 2018 Congratulations on your 5 years Iola. You are a couple of years ahead of me and I often look at your progress and compare mine as we had similar events. You have battled through and should be proud of all you have achieved. Yes we have changed and no things will never be as they were, but we are battling through the adversity and winning! Keep up with the positive outlook, it will be much appreciated by new members to our very selective club. Clare xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iola Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 11 hours ago, Catwoman23 said: Congrats. Well done. You are right when you say we are alone when facing with challenges in life. It is one s attitude that makes a difference. I have seen it with patients and friends a like. One can stay depressed and helpless or one can seek help, be resilient and get better. I m in Carroll/ Howard county. Hope we ll get spring weather soon. Good grief, I'm in St. Mary's County. Not far from you. Fellow Marylander. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iola Posted April 9, 2018 Author Share Posted April 9, 2018 13 hours ago, Macca said: Hi Iola, Congratulations on reaching this milestone - very well done. I remember when you first joined us and what a struggle you had with doing ordinary things! Now look at you! You are reflecting now with the benefit of a hard earned wisdom, learnt through hard experiences, and by listening to others who had been there before you, and by realising yourself that you had to change and adapt. The problem with change is that is was forced on you rather abruptly when not only did you not want to do it, you resented the impact it had on your life and rebelled. Nevertheless, you got to grips with it and you realised that you needed to do it and your body was telling you that you had no choice - and like everything else in life you do it to the best of your abilities with style and elegance and your family reaps the benefits of the new you. Yes, you can look back at life like you do in an old photograph album - but that is also who you were, not who you are. The experiences you look upon in that album made you the person you are now! SAH is just another of those experiences (albeit one of the more serious and unpleasant ones). That's how I look at it now and I will continually look forwards. I only look back when I feel nostalgia - I've made that place in my mind for those moments, but then it's time to shut the album and get on with life as best I can! Well done Iola - you are a credit to yourself and your family. Thank you for sharing this with us all. Always love reading your input. Thank you kind sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macca Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 You're welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 Congratulations Iola on your 5 year brain pop anniversary I too remember when you first came on here and i have to say, huge respect and well done, you should feel very proud of all you have achieved. I hope you had a wonderful day celebrating. Take care lovely lady and thank you for coming back and sharing with us. Love Tina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle C Posted April 10, 2018 Share Posted April 10, 2018 Congratulations Iola on your 5 year anni-versary, You are winning the battle and that gives us all hope, you are truely an inspirational lady and I love your honesty. Your words will give confidence to those who are just setting out on this journey that we have all travelled, that yes you may not be the same person as you were but acceptance of who you have become goes a long way to helping with recovery. Love Michelle xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swishy Posted April 11, 2018 Share Posted April 11, 2018 "Some things in life you must do alone even with others around" This statement is so very true. I have come to realize that no matter how much anyone wants to help or understand it is my journey. Congratulations on 5 years. This has truly been my only form of therapy, reading other's journey. As I approach 1 year I am seeing there is a new day approaching and part of the reason I am seeing it is because of people like you who stop and take the time to send words of wisdom words of hope.. Jean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted April 13, 2018 Share Posted April 13, 2018 So good to hear from you Iola and congrats on the 5 year anniversary! You've made great strides along the way. Moving on to the ten year mark myself and you are very correct- we are never the same as we were before. However, the BTG site is excellent proof that we adapt brilliantly. You go, girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris G Posted April 18, 2018 Share Posted April 18, 2018 Congrats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iola Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 Hello all, I am over the six year hump and sliding to 10 years. My five year was such a feeling of "finally" that I decided I'd turn over a new leaf with a new attitude and that lasted for five minutes or maybe five days, I can't remember!! Last winter was rainy, cold, and work was so stressful and the headaches were terrible. It's a wierd headache. Pain? Yes. But, something more than that. A feeling like my head is in a fishbowl with a vice wrapped around it. I had a few dizzy spells and I don't freak out like I used to but I do feel my body getting very hot. Maybe a hot flash as I am 53 now. Good grief. I think it's too little sleep and too much stress and I do know when my body says enough, although, I choose to ignore it sometimes. I am trying to make changes and I am going part-time soon. Really! After a life changing experience we all want to get back to normal and that just does not happen. I'm tired. Tired of headaches, tired of not getting on rides at parks, tired of always feeling weird, tired of the corporate bs, tired of trying to be as fast as I used to be, and tired of trying so hard. I love my team but do not care for the power players and I wonder why I even try? I've always been a helper but I do not seem to be helping myself. I think I'm at a crossroads and it is so hard to let go of what you worked so hard to get back to only to find you don't like it there anymore. I'm rambling. I dunno, just thinking out loud this evening. Thanks for listening. "i" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Iola, I get you. I’m at 7 years now ,my anniversary just passed in March and like you also feel I’m at a crossroad. Things are more stable, we have had these years of getting used to the new version of ourselves, our new limits, our new capacity and then also testing those and pushing and striving ...and then....you find the energy you have to offer other people is not the same, the BS is not something you want to deal with and people can be so ignorant of what an everyday struggle things are, and somehow what you work towards getting back to doing just rings a little empty. I hope part time helps you find the answers. I’ll post if I find any !! Keep on keeping on, you are doing so well...you’ve got this!! Daff x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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