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My Darling Linda


paul99

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Paul

So sorry to hear that Lin is so poorly. Stay as strong as you can. Fully understand that you need to be with Lin as much as possible - shouldn't be any other way.

Update us when you can.

Sending love to you both and you're in my prayers

Love Sami xxx

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hi everyone

thank you for all your messages of support and prayers and they have worked thank you so so much

 

it has been the worst week for lin and myself it really has. lin has beaten the infection the hospital hammered her with antibiotics and i mean hammered i have never seen so much antibiotic being pumped into a body but it has worked lin has produced so much yuck i didnt think anyone could hold that much the physios have been working on her three times a day working on her chest and they have worked so hard to help her2 hours at a time i cant thank them enough

 

her colour has returned and she is breathing so nicely and evenly and i think she is going to surprise quite a few staff members from critical care whom i think after taking me into the relitives room and telling me they would go up to venting lin but they said she wouldnt come off it then asked me what did i want them to do if it came to that my mind just exploded what should i do thats when it hit me that i would lose lin again espeacily after the first event on the 28 of august did i tell them to do what they could or what it was the longest 10 mins of my life and im going to be honest i asked them if they had given up on lin both answered no they will do all they can but because lin has servere brian damage i had to make that choice it hurt so much

 

i had to tell them that if my darling gets to that stage and started to fail and there was nothing they could do then i told them that i wanted to be with her no drips or lines and i wanted to cuddle her untill she passed away with full dignity it was all based on if she stopped breathing that is what i would have liked but i did tell them that lin has a lot more to do in this life and i hoped and prayed that she would fight for it three days of 24 hours non stop i held her hand and kissed her telling her i loved her and she had to fight the infection and i didnt want to be left alone and i loved her lots off other stuff i think you all know what i was saying plus i did say and i am being honest that if she went so would i because life would have been worthless without her

 

im so sorry for being so morbid but i also know untill they close the trachi she will still be at risk of another infection i hopefully going to see the consultant tommorrow and i just going to say where to we go from here yes im pleased but subdued tired and scared

 

BUT THE ONE THING I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO EVERYONE THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT AND FOR ALL THE PRIVATE MESSAGES THANK YOU

 

please god i hope no one ever has to go through what lin and i did and have to make the choice of allowing your loved one to leave you having said that and in hindsight some have lost their loved ones and werent givien a chance to say goodbye what i would like to say as i did in my job they are not hurting anymore and remember all the good times and the funny ones and remember they will be looking after you and smiling for you and proberly admiring you for carrying on thats all for tonight i am going to bed and hopefully getting a reasonable nights sleep and thank you so much all of you i hope you who attended the function this weekend enjoyed it night night god bless

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Hi paul - just gor home from work and I thought the first thing I must do is check if there was any news from you and I was so pleased to read that she is overcoming the infection. It is just such a worrying time when the hospital becomes your home. Getting rid of all that muck is a good thing, you just want to try coughing it up for them. I have been wondering about things with you so much and I feel she is a fighter just like my mum was. I must admit I often expected the worst scenario at times when things just seemed so hopeless and then when things looked up WOW what a feeling. I am sure I kept mum going at times and I feel it will be the same for Lin and you. I will go to bed tonight with a happier heart and hope that Lin gets stronger by the day. :):)

Elaine

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hi everyone

just got back a sickening day to day lin was being treated by physois today and they let me in behind the curtains to watch and learn it seemed funny seeing my darlings legs after seeing her lying in bed andit did seem to help after they finished treating her they spent quite a bit of time getting mucas up via the trachi but she was so tired after that she slept all day but she did look beautifull as she always does i didnt get any response from her today but hold her hands and snogging her now and again which made me feel good untill the consultant came round and he told me there were going to be more roller coaster rides ahead which is what i didnt want to hear and its praying on my mind again

 

it was bad enough last week i honestly dont think i could go through that again it really hurt me and i cant get that phrase out of my head [ what do you want us to do ] forceing me to choose lins fate ]i thought i lost her on the 28 last month and again last week i dont want to keep building myself up seeing her get better then have to be told its not over yet and there is more to come HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS HAS ANYONE GOT ANY IDEAS PLEASE i will never give up hoping to take her home but they seem to be so negitive he still hasnt got the records from north staffs hospital and this is getting up my nose and making me me angry

 

i wnt answers and it seems to be they arnt telling me the truth or they are frightened to tell me all they tell me is she is serverly brain damaged i dont know what to do i feel like screaming and crying my eyes out but i seem to have run out of tears i feel like getting lin in my arms and carrying her out and bring her home so i could look after her i know it seem stupid but my life wouldnt be worth living without her she has gone through so much and when we get some happiness it seems to have been taken away and i dont know why all i ever wanted was to be happy with the women of my dreams my soulmate

 

im sorry to rant on but you are all i have i will stop if its to much for you all and i am aware that some of you lovely people have lost someone as well i have never been in this situation ever and i hate it i dont want it to happen but i have no control over what is happening or going to happen if i was in my job i could cope quite well and be surpportive but this is my darling lin what else can i do im sorry im going to try and get some sleep god bless everyone from both of us im speaking on lins behalf as well cause we are one [she can tell me off later i hope ]

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Paul,

There are no quick ways around what is a very long road to the best recovery that Linda can make. Although it's always best to listen to medical opinions you have to remember that they are only subjective opinions on what the future might hold and not definite predictions. Quite a few of us have loved ones who were told worst case scenarios but obviously that opinion didn't come to pass. You have the hard task at the moment of being in control of all your faculities whilst Linda is largely unaware of what is going on and if you really want her to make the best recovery she can then you have to be strong for her. That doesn't mean that you should be at her side 24/7 you have to make sure you get time away from the hospital and look after both your mental and physical well being.

Good luck

Scott

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Unfortunately Paul it is a long rollercoaster ride with lots more downs than ups during the hospital period. I think you need to have some honest and frank answers from the consultant (could you pick Lin's notes up yourself from the Staff hospital) that part seems ridiculous. You say "severely brain damaged" - I don't know enough about the brain but is that a long term diagnosis or is there a chance of improvement - do they expect she will walk or talk again? Sadly you have to face lots of questions which you may not want to know the answers to but if she comes home you must know that you are able to cope with looking after both her and yourself. It will be a hard days work managing this on your own.

 

Get that appointment with her Consultant and find out exactly things stand, it sounds like they are being evasive at times. I know with my mum (however much I didn't want to hear the answer) it was something I just had to know or you just keep turning things over and over in your head, get worked up about it and often come to the wrong conclusions.. Make a list of any questions you have; I think you need to have a chat to move things on. I do so appreciate how hard this is for you but I think it is something you need to do. Any news on further CT scanning, that is something else I used to have to keep pushing for? I know you want Lin home so badly but you need to know that you will be able to cope. Everything crossed for a beter day tomorrow.

Elaine

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Guest mojojojo

Paul,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, i urge you to stay strong please, everyone on this site is willing you to stay strong. I know how low you must be feeling now but focus on Lin and remain positive. Keep asking to be updated and remain by her side as you have so solidly done. Take Great Care

Hugs Sharon x

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Paul,

I know I keep harping on about it as well but you need to stay strong and look after yourself as well as try to look after Lin.

It is a real rollercoater ride even a couple of years on for some of us who didn't have anywhere near the problems that Lin has had.

Stay strong

Love and hugs

Laura

xx

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hi everyone and thank you for your comments you in particular scott i have taken and im trying to take everything on board and i am trying to work my way through everything i didnt go in untill 2-30 till 8pm my darling was more with it today but not with it i agree there are questions to be asked and answers to be answered heavy ones last week when i was taken into the relatives room and asked that question what do i want to do it realy hit me hard i didnt want to make that choice but i did and it didnt help because both lin and i have always told each other that we wouldnt want to be a burden to anyone but i do love her so much its hard and i dont want to lose her but she came through it and i will have to wait they have told me she is severely brain damaged but untill this consultant answers my questions

 

i will never give up on her ever and also i do beleive they dont know all about the brain they keep saying the brian is very complexed so i will keep pushing for answers the consultant told me that the n/staffs wont allow him to see the scans but will send him hard copies so untill he gets everything and makes time for me so we can have a heart to heart talk im sometimes all over the shop i think if with the right type of help i would be able to manage lin at home for as long as she has and im not getting morbid just honest i hope that that event will never come but listening to you all you are helping me come to terms that its a long haul and im willing to travel along together with lin if i can

 

we are so close and are one with each other im not going to be a martyr but a loving partner who cares for her so much because we havent had enough happiness sometime i think im getting through to her but today was the opperssite i dont know what i would do if it came back to being very bad news i dont think i could ever turn off my feelings and love for her ever so im going to stick to her even if i have to use superglue lol and love her the way i do you never know even if i cant have her home i will always be there for her i must admit i am lost without her i feel empty sick and scared and lonely untill i see her every day but in all honesty i would rather have her home so i can talk and just feel complete thats what her presence dos for me having her home would just complete the whole thing togetherness

 

but i have to wait so i can get the consultant and qustion him till his head rings so untill that day arrives im keeping my chin and hopes up for my darling lin thank you so so much will keep you updated as we go along thank you so much one and all goodnight and god bless xx from us both

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