Tina Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Hi Paul So glad to hear it was a better day....thinking of you both, take care, love Tinaxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 HI Paul, Sending you both a big hug Here's to another good day tomorrow Laura xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted October 14, 2008 Author Share Posted October 14, 2008 hi everyone another bad day lin not with it hasnt looked at me all day [think im in the dog house ]i know phyios had her from 12 till 1 maybe thats the problem im not sure but being with her has set me thinking wether i will see my darling again and be able to make her laugh it sounds horrible i know when all i want is her back again even if she only moves a little and i can take her home and get a smile from her the reasons for the above i have to look at her and because the skull hasnt been replaced i can see that the brain seems to be shrinking quite a bit everyday and now there is a very deep recess a lot deeper than i antispated am i being stupid and seeing something that is quite normal and im letting my mind play tricks on me or is her brain shrinking because of the damage and its dying god i hope not i know i want to speak to the dr i know im due to see him monday but i know he is doing his rounds on thursday and i know he will say its to early to say but i need to have peace of mind all i want is my darling in my arms so i can cuddle her and keep telling her i love her and im sorry what for i dont know but i feel helpless and i want her home am i being unrealistic and stupid my darling did give me a slight squeeze of her hand but she didnt look at me it hurts and im beginning to feel very much alone and i dont want to i love her so much and i want her with me even the house feels cold and empty where when my darling was there it was warm and full of love and laughter and i felt so happy and complete where am i going wrong i havent lost faith in my darling but im getting so many messages from lin and yet i am so mixed up i feel like im back at the third day at n/staffs desolate and on my own again with out you all i know i wouldnt have coped or survived and im so sorry to write this down but i have to otherwise im going to fall apart all over again and i dont think i would come through it does anyone know what i can do to pull me out of this mood i dont like being like this tears are running and i cant stop them i dont want to lose my darling i want her back please god let me have her back where she belongs sorry everyone but i feel so desolate what have i done wrong xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen lloyd Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 My heart goes out to you Paul.... everything is just such a waiting game. It really is like living in limbo...I know how disheartening it is when you go to visit and get hardly any response. My thoughts and prayers are with you .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mojojojo Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Paul........You have absolutely no reason to feel so alone when you have so many thinking of you.....we are all with you and you go right ahead and pour your heart out......i know for a fact it helps. Your lonliness if a testament to the strong love you have for "Your Darling" As you so lovinly call her. She knows you are there Paul that i am sure off. My heart really does go out to you. It makes me sad when i hear your sad.....when you see Lin today you walk in with a big smile and whisper something very special in her ear somthng only you to know.... I remember doing that wth Mum it made me feel just that little bit better. Please do know we are all thinking of you and Lin and if you ever need a shoulder to cry just shout ok Love to you both Sharon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 HI Paul, Karen and Sharon have said it all ......just know you are not alone.....my heart also goes out to you......God bless you both.....you are in my prayers.... take care, love Tina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Hi Paul My heart goes out to you hun, but like the others have said - you are not alone, we are all here for you and we're all praying and wishing with you. You have done absolutely nothing wrong my friend - an SAH is an indiscriminate illness. I agree with Sharon, when you walk in today have a huge smile on your face and whisper something special. She may not have made eye contact Paul, but it would have taken a lot of determination and strength for her to squeeze your hand - that's her way of letting you know that she's still in there. Remember, though, there will be days when Lin doesn't respond as well and it will be hard for you. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to stay strong and positive. Tell Lin how you're looking forward to having her home and how much fun you'll have together again - if you're positive and she feels and hears it, it may just give her the strength to fight this harder and harder. We're all here for you to share your joy and your pain, Paul. Don't apologise for letting your feelings out on here - it's what we're all here for - it's how we've all helped each other get through. You're both in my prayers and I'm sending you both a huge hug. Take care of yourself Love Sami xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Hi Paul The others have said it all we're here to listen to you and offer support. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Janet x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Hi Paul Not much I can add really the others have said it....... It is very much a rollercoaster every 3 steps forward there's double back...... sending love and hugs to you both... Louise.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Hi Paul I am so sorry Lin isn't looking at you I would say she was really tired after physio stay strong for her I am so certain she WILL be coming home. Look after yourself aswell. Jess.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElaineW Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Yes Paul your Lin will bounce back, a squeeze of the hand really is still something. How about taking in some photos of places she liked to visit and tell her you will be taking her back there? Put them around her bed, I did with my mum - took photo's of her cat in, it worked eventually and she did remember. I think about you both so much, it is just like living a bad dream which seems never ending Elaine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasbo Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Hi Paul and Lin Tried to post at lunchtime but failed due to server problems no doubt. Sorry to hear you're down at the moment but hold on to how well Lin's been doing and how much she's been through this week. It must be so, so hard for you, though, seeing the real upwards side of things and then seemingly loads of steps back but that does seem to be the way it goes for us. I'm only just now beginning to appreciate, 2 years on, what my loved ones had to go through and it was definitely much less stressful for me at that time because I really didn't know what was going on. Paul, I think of you both loads and send you love and prayers. Sarah xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Paul, Mega hugs, love and prayers coming your way. Stay positive. We are all with you in your rocky journey and are here to support you xx Love Laura xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 hi everyone im so sorry about last night i just seem to lose it as lin hadnt been responding and so many questions were going through my mind and i didnt have the answers and it just crept up on me as when i came home it hit me i was alone i hate being on my own .i knew you were supporting me for which i am very gratefull for and thank you so so much however i did what you all suggested when i went in and lin started looking at me with intent which i found so beautifull and it made me happier not all the way but to see her move her eye lids and blink when i asked her questions and she answered me did lift me so today was a bettter day thank you all and i got to read the notes and spoke at some lenghts with the stroke coordinator who has an great knowledge of patients like lin and she has answered all my questions and put my mind to rest and i feel a lot better for talking to her nice women tommorow there are talking about reduceing lins traci down to size 4 and if she tolerates it i suppose it will be a few days before they remove it completely and if that happens then lin will be moved down to cannock i presume weithin a few days after CAN I GIVE EVERYONE A HUGE HUG AND CUDDLE FROM LIN AND MYSELF FOR BEING HERE AND TALKING SENSE TO ME thank you will let you know how lin does tommorow im going to bed now so i can be at the hospital early i dont want to be late thnk you so much again night night all hugs and cuddles and kiss's to you all xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Hi Paul hope everything goes ok today. Jess.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Hi Paul Glad you have had a better day...bless you.....i really hope today is a good one for you and Lin as well. Thinking of you . Take care Love Tinaxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perrycornish Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Keep going Paul Lin needs you We will always be here just shout! So glad that so far folk have helped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul99 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 hi everyone just got back a mixed day with disapointment and surprises firstly the dissapointment was that we found out today where the dr wanted to downsize lindas traci useing the critical nurses they told the dr it needs an ent person to downsize because lin has a deivated trachia and they couldnt do it so it looks like either first thing tommorow or monday am early so the critical nures can keep an eye on my darling lin wasnt with it to much today but she did have her moments oh those eyes sents shivers down my spine but what did happen not once but four times is that she rotated her heft hand and moved it up towards her chest it shook me but when she did it again and again it really made me smile so something is going on if she does it again tommorow then i will be shouting it from the rooftops im not going to get to excited just yet but if she does it again tommorow then watch out he he but a very nice day and i notice sometimes when i touch my lips to hers she seems to be moving her lips to compress mine so all in all a cosy day and i would like a lot more contact he he i feel so tired im going to close tonight early and try and get some sleep still not sleeping to well maybe its whats on my mind maybe things will get better when i know she starts to respond to phyisos night night god bless you all love from lin and me xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Hi Paul Sorry to hear that they couldn't downsize Linda's Trachi today but it seems that you had quite a good day anyway. Here's hoping Linda's not too tired tomorrow to move her hand again for you. My thoughts and prayers as always are with you both. Janet x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MUTTI Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 WELL PAUL I AM HAPPY TO HEAR THE NEWS I THINK IT IS GREAT. HUGS TO YOU AND LIN WILL KEEP PRAYING OR YOU BOTH. LUV XXX EVELYN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasbo Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Hi Paul and Lin Glad to hear the news about Lin moving her hand. And 4 times too, that's great! Sorry about the trachi but at least they will get it sorted properly which is good. Thinking of you both, as always. Sleep well, keep yourself as well as you can. Sarah xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Hi Paul Really pleased to hear that Lin moved her hand, a positive, and you make sure you take care, thinking of you both. Love Tina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Hi Paul that is great news about Lin moving her hand hope you have another good day with her today. Jess.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennissmithy Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Hi Paul, Sorry about the trachi but you would only want it to be done properly. Good news about Lin's hand though. Here's to another day tomorrow. Love Laura Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren D Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Hi Paul Silly me thought I'd had a difficult week ... then I thought of you and your Linda and it brought me back to what it's all about ... here we've all been along this road and we're all with you. I don't know how you even managed to find the time to think of others with all of your own worries, but thank you for doing so. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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