getting help

[donna79]

Hi All,

I thought I would post this and get feedback and hopefully some information that will help others with questions.

I am coming up to 3 year anni in April and emotions are STILL all over x is this something we come to terms with or something that we have to live with x x

At my 1 Year mark I was at the point that I call cracking up couldnt think straight and just didnt know who I was anymore or who I was going to become x x

I was put on anti-depressents at this point and was changed a number of times to find the right one and also referred for councelling ( which I found did help me alot) mainly come to terms with what had happened x x after about 3 months I felt myself coming back and getting back to work helped x x

2-1/2 years in I was re-referred for post traumatic stress and to help me deal with my anxiety and panic attacks........I am coming to the end of these sessions and I am feeling really nervous but really want to overcome all of this and move forward but I feel something is stopping me (Does anyone ever feel this way)

I feel really lonely again at the moment family are getting with their lives and friends are none existent at the moment I just struggle letting anyone in after loosing all my so called friends after sah x x

I have been having a few bad days lately feeling dizzy which is making me feel really sick which I do believe is dragging me down abit plus antony is at work alot leaving me and jack on our own x x

I hope I am not rambling on x x

On a positive note I do love life and thank god everyday for what I do have x x my family are my world :-D:-D

I just want to know how everyone is getting on in their recovery x x and even though it is sounding like a negative post I must say it does get easier but it is a long hard process x x

love to you all

donna

xxxxx

[Nessie]

All I can say is that I recognise a lot in your story.

I just passed my 9 months after- mark so it is still reasonably fresh for me.

I started with EMDR last week for traumatic stress and hopefully that'll do me some good.

I am not depressed, but do struggle with who I am and all the things I cant do anymore. Also the friends and family getting on with their lives..

It is hard sometimes.

(last week got a letter from my best friend since kindergarten where he said MY SAH was one of hte hardest thing that happenend in hís life. My husband says he visited me in hosprital, but I cant remember. havent seen or heard him since.. Maybe it was too traumatic for him??

I started to use twitter and that helps a lot. there's always someone on, and it makes me feel less alone.

Very interested in the rest of your stories... How do you, or did you get on?

[KeithH]

Donna

You, and everyone can beat this!!

OK, I'm just under 13 years post stroke, so I think, I qualify for the T-Shirt, book and film rights!!! etc, this has really changed my outlook on life!!

I could go into details about my ups & downs, but I stopped feeling sorry for myself, when it got too much. I turned to many people away, that was a BIG mistake

I blamed family members, and friends, for not taking me for what I am, now!!

I Rejected all sorts of help and support

--yes this might seem out of order!!, but you have to be YOURSELF

I now work alongside our local Stroke Service, It's very rewarding.

PMA= Positive Mental Attitude, has played a big role in my recovery.

Don't, be told your different, you can ADAPT to a different lifestyle.

This site, is excellant for Advocacy & Empathy

I'm more than willing to chat anytime

[Sandi K]

Hi all!

I spent 10 to 12 hours a day commuting and working 5 days a week. That didn't leave much time for socializing. Many of my friends live far away and same with family. It's an hour drive at minimum, for most a ferry ride is required. So I'm not feeling like I've lost anyone through this. In fact it's the opposite. Now that I'm home all day I'm catching up with friends and family online with email and Facebook and I'm making new friends at BTG.

I have felt like I'm losing touch with work but with counseling, talks with my Occ Health advisor, talking to my boss and members of my team by phone keeps me steady and grounded. I'm still very early days, next week will be 4 months. I don't know what will happen in future but however it looks Im confident Ill be ok. When I feel down (and boy does it hit big) it's hard to remember it's not forever. But that's the truth, it's not forever. It just our brains needing to feel that as part of getting better.

I just said to a friend 'one day at a time'. Really, that's all there is. One day at a time.

Sandi K.

[Lin-lin]

When people ask me whether I’m ‘back to normal,’ this is not possible because of (amongst other things,) environmental factors.

I have lost my career and any future job will not be on the same basis and so this will contribute to me being different.

I have not retained friends and whilst I am in the process of making new friends; this will also contribute to a different life.

Even if I were to recover emotionally to the tune of 100%, there are very different circumstances around me and so I cannot be exactly the same.

In the same way that University changed me, my divorce changed me and changing a job changed me; my SAH will change me. But change is not always bad. It can mean that you’ve developed.

My SAH has brought emotional and psychological problems but even if I recover healthily with regard to this; the experience will change me.

Already I have a greater awareness of mental health issues and I am far more empathic. I strive to carry these traits though life and I use this as an example of how change can be a good thing.

I do feel that my present emotional state is like driving a new car. I may reach for what I think are the indicators, but am surprised to find that the wipers come on. My emotions can be unpredictable. I react differently to situations and often I don’t understand it.

I don’t fight this any more. I am allowing myself to grow into the situation. I don’t force myself to behave as I used to behave. My life experience means I am a different person now; so I cannot always cross reference with the person I was. The old me had life too easy; and often, a person doesn’t acquire nice traits through not experiencing adversity. I think back at how I used to think and shudder. I was ignorant about lots of things.

I am sorry that you are having a bad spell at the moment. I have not had a good week myself and will probably need to take time off work next week to re-charge. It is important to identify the indicators that things are not well; but taking control of the situation helps.

Do you have a local Headway? I have found them brilliant and it’s basically like BTG, but in person.

I hope next week is better for you.

Lynne

Edited March 6, 2011 by Lin-lin

[Skippy]

Lynne

That was wonderfully written - especially the bit about the indicators and wipers . I had my SAH nearly five years ago yet your words have still touched something in me to bring it home even more, thank you.

Donna, remember no matter how low you are feeling, you aren't alone and you do have friends - in fact you have friends all over the world - we're here on BTG. Those that aren't around physically really aren't worth worrying about - it's more their inability to cope with what has happened to you than yours.

You had complications hun and not going to recover at the same rate as others - you have a very small child to look after and a husband who works a lot. When I had my SAH Siobhan was 9 so not as hard to look after, but I had the husband who works a lot and he still does. Do you remember what I used to say to you when I was holding you in the first few months??? "You are a strong, beautiful woman and you have done the hard bit" If you need to rest, then rest, if you feel the need to see the GP then make an appointment - its what they're there for. The swapping of jobs will cause anxiety no matter how easy you think you will cope with it. You'll never be alone hun xx

[donna79]

Thanks guys so much x x :biggrin:

I am going to join a local headway once I have moved and hopefully will make friends with people who understand me x x

I think I am just trying to wish away my life x x I want to come off my meds asap because I would love another baby (but again working myself up, scared I will be ill whilst pregnant) x x

I have to remind myself I am moving I have just changed my job and want to come off my meds x x my doctor says i never do things in halfs x x x but thats just me Dizzy by name dizzy by nature x x x

love to you all x x x and reading your posts have made me realise we are ALL doing fab in our recoverys and we are aloud bad days/weeks x x its our gift x x x

[donna79]

xXxXxXxXx Sami xXxXxXxXx

you guys are helping me so much x x x nice for me to have tears knowing that people my Friend on BTG are there for me x x x x

[myratas]

Hi Donna

My SAH will be 3 years next Sunday so we are hand in hand with this, I no longer keep in touch with friends who won't even try to understand what we all go through but as Sami has said you have us.

My life has changed so much especially since last coiling in July, more frustrations added to the ones I already had but we try to carry on, I read somewhere that the biggest lie people say "I am ok" is something very familier to me, they cannot comprehened the issues we have to go through at times, what can we really say to them, I now just keep all issues to myself unless it is the medicals that need to be told.

Donna, you are unique and a wonderful friend and we are all here for you.

[Louise]

Hey Donna

Nice to see you back but sorry your having a hard time, been there dont see my family at all much now so know what you mean & lost most of my friends who couldnt cope with the fact I had the SAH....those friends arent worth having.....

But it gets easier its the old saying mind over matter if you dont mind it dosnt matter.....

And as I always say work with it dont let it run your life because it will (I know)

[Tina]

Hi Donna 3 years wow and look how far you have come !!!! I think you should be very proud of yourself young lady :) I think there will always be good days and bad days, but we are always here for you. Sending lots of love and hugs to you...love Tina xx

[Super Mario]

Reading this thread I think I have been very lucky in spite of being left physically disabled. All my friends have accepted the new me and are very supportive.

In fact I sometimes look on my SAH as a blessing in disguise, I have made even more friends and can pick and choose what and when I want to do.

It also left me unable to work in my proffession which was also a blessing as big changes were afoot and hearing how things went I don't think I would have been happy and I was too near retiring age to have been able to get another job.

Donna I'm sure thing will look up for you in the future.

[winter]

Hi Donna! I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. I'm just past the 1 yr. mark and understand what you're feeling. I've had many changes since the SAH and I'm trying to deal with them the best I can, which sometimes is not so great! I've found that I isolate myself a lot. I no longer have a job to go to, no people to talk to throughout the day, depression, anxiety, PTSD and in general, don't know where my life is headed. I try to stay positive, it's just not always so easy to do! I'm on meds for the emotional stuff, and it does help. But I no longer have health insurance and can't afford out of pocket costs for dr. appts., couseling, wasn't able to have my MRA done in Jan. (hoping those lovely platinum coils are still doing their job!) and my partner is an alcoholic - so he's really not here, even when he's here

I'm so thankful to have BTG friends who understand. I do get out and have fun - usually with my daughter and 2 different friends who do understand what I'm dealing with. Thank God for them!!! I'm still working on getting through all this. I know that some parts of me will never change, others will and I'm working on those issues.

Hang in there and know that things will get better eventually. PM me anytime, and keep coming here at BTG. It has helped me tremendously and again, I am so thankful for all of you here. We can help each other and do.

Keeping you in my thoughts and sending HUGE HUGS!!!

Carolyn

[paul99]

if you want any of you can put me in your pocket as a friend and when your down you can pull me out and smile at my cheeky face and you can moan at me and i wont answer back just have that cheeky face smiling at you with all the love you need chin up girls

[Skippy]

Paul that sounds like an offer that can't be refused Our very own smiley in our pocket - what a lovely thought;-)

[Louise]

Second that.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry,

show life that you have a

thousand reasons to smile.

Edited March 6, 2011 by bogbrush
Font and colour set back to default

[donna79]

I am going to invent some shrinking powder Paul and then fit you in my pocket x x x hehe that made me smile

Louise what a lovely saying x x x

[JayKay]

Aw Donna, glad Paul brought a smile to your face

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I'm just past the 1 year mark, and I feel very lucky to have great support - although having said that, I struggle most days with fatigue, miscommunication, memory etc.

When I was a teenager my mother was always saying "think positive Jennifer!" and it used to annoy the hell out of me. But then I started reading lots of self help books and especially I had one set of tapes by Jack Canfield "Self Esteem and Peak Performance" that I listened to over and over, and I think it sunk in eventually. There are lots of positive thoughts in there, and although it's not simply a case of "pulling your socks up" like people think, it DOES get better if you keep at it.

I try and look at the good things - such as SAH sufferers have more or less a 50/50 chance of survival. Well, I survived, so that's a start, right? I also tell myself I was spared for a reason. Ok, so I'm a Christian, but it's not necessarily a religious thing, it's just an awareness that I can help my fellow man (and woman!) in this lifetime. So far, I've signed up to start a Different Strokes group in my town, and I'm going to do fundraising for Headway in May. These things serve to remind me that I've got a lot to be thankful for.

I am also on Fluoxetine (= Prozac) and I had counselling for a while with the neuropsychologist. I'm sure these things helped.

I do hope that with the help of us here on BTG, and maybe a local Headway group or Different Strokes group, you'll start to feel happier and more positive. PM me any time if you want to chat. Take care!

ETA: a few years ago the occy health lady at work lent me this book, Being Happy. It really helped!!

Edited March 6, 2011 by JayKay
to add link

[Nessie]

Just wanted to share 2 of my favorite TED-talks

About adversity and vulnerability

http://bit.ly/hOlXbo

( they are both 20 minutes, so make some coffee first!)

maybe there's something in it for you!

Edited March 10, 2011 by Nessie

[Nessie]

hehe I added it in the original post.. that they are looong talks.. thanks for reminding me.

[ninja]

Hi Donna

I'm 5 years post coiling and recently have experienced severe fatigue, depression and anxiety so I can relate to you. I've seen my GP and basically its down to me to battle through it. I am awaiting a further scan in August to ascertain if I need further coiling.

What I have learned is who my true friends are as many do not understand my periods of stress, depression, bad temper etc. Those who do not understand I've allowed to drift away and stick with my true friends and of course my wife Barbara.

However I agree with many on BTG thank God I'm alive and able to cope at least sometimes, when I can't I just scream (silently!!!)

Cheers

John

[karen78]

Hi Donna and everyone else...

I am 2 days past my 1 year anni-versery... And i feel like im "losing it" now i still have not cried and i feel so dwon these last few days !!! Arrgghh.... i want to cry but im so scared too, Does that make sense ? I am on Anti-Depressants (gone from 50g to 100) and sleeping tablets from 1 to 3 !!

I longer want to kill myself so the pills are working but i feel so low , I have also realised i only have 1 true friend.. Gutting

I feel like im using this site just to moan but i so wish we could do a massive group hug... I feel so alone xx

Thanks for listening xx Love ya's

[janevo]

big hug to you karen. Know how you feel and can only send all my love to you. Look at the photo's of your gorgeous little girls - they would cheer anyone up and make you realise that you have a lot to live for and 3 of the best friends you could ever wish for right there with you. x

[Lin-lin]

Karen

I am sorry you are feeling rotten. It really is a horrible feeling and I hope you find some way of dealing with it. I will share with you what worked for me, but we are all different, so my method will not suit everyone.

If like me, you have suffered a reactive depression after SAH, (as opposed to clinical,) then this can mean that changing some environmental factors around you can assist.

I do accept that it is difficult to find motivation when you are depressed. In view of this, try introducing very small changes, because it is easier to cope with this. (We will leave the revolutions to the Tunisians and Egyptians, for now at least!)

For me, I struggled a lot with isolation. My friends’ lives have carried on and I accept that my pace of life is too slow for them now. It is difficult to hear of their nights out, city breaks and holidays. It is difficult not to contrast your own life with others and to feel that life is leaving you behind.

The way I see it; is that my life as it was, has changed, but that does not mean that I don’t have a future. I’ve just got to work out the route.

When I look back at how things were before my SAH, it is not the case that every aspect of my life was brilliant. I had good days and bad days even then. It is tempting to view the past in an ideal way and forget the bad days and the things about our lives that probably needed to change.

My SAH has given me a blank canvass. It is a hell of a shock and it is tempting to view it as an impossible situation, but I am now starting to paint a new landscape.

I joined a local Headway group and I am making friends with people who have suffered more extreme life changing events than mine and I am learning from them.

I have commenced voluntary work at the CAB and Shaw Trust. I am making new friends there too. Through my voluntary work, I help lots of people whose situations are worse than mine and it has given me a perspective on my own life.

I didn’t suddenly start doing all these new things overnight. It is a process which has taken around eight months and the journey is not over yet!

Interacting with people can have a positive effect upon depression, but the difficult thing about depression, is that it can hold you back from being proactive. I found a way around this, which was to introduce very gradual changes.

As a starting point, why not consider joining a local Headway? I have counselling sessions at mine and they are very helpful.

Hope you are better soon.

Lynne

[Sandi K]

Karen, its awful to feel so down. You have had your one year mark and I'm wondering if it's all coming back to you. It's really wonderful that you went into the ward and took the nurses chocolates and I imagine that gives closure in some ways and also celebrates and values the good work that is happening on that ward and that they saved your life. At the same time, all your anxiety, grief, shock, and everything else may have been churned up during the visit. This is a big moment, the 1 year mark. It's a year you may not have had. I can see how along with the pleasures that life brings us it's hard work and a bit overwhelming to get through that year. I'm only at 4 months and I'm dropping stuff everywhere today! I fell down at the doorway coming into the house with a plate of smoked sausages! My head is swirling and the darned boat won't stop rocking today!!!! And I know I've many more months of this to go.

Please give yourself time and go easy on yourself. This 1 year thing is a big deal. You are allowed to moan. It's what helps me understand what to expect coming up. I need you to moan and tell me what happens and then I know it's normal.

Lynne gives such good and sound advice and explains it so well. Karen, cry for your year. And then find something small but positive that makes you feel good. We are all here for you.

Sandi K. Xoxox