Karen Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Hi Paul, I can delete the Paul Cumming account and then you can edit your user name. Let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle C Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Hi Paul I suffered my bleed 9 months ago and I still have pain in my head but I am learning to cope with it a bit better than I was when it first happened, I panicked at every little pain I got I am getting used to having the headaches I do think you are right maybe the pain is the new Normal we all have to get used to I think its our brains just letting us know its still not quite over the trauma it has suffered. Stay strong x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I woke up today and feel giddy, but it will pass Paul. We learn to live with it and you will also. Do not panic or stress yourself out when it happens. Remember things do get better honestly and some days you can take on the world but don't. !! Keep Happy and you will get there. Love Win x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Hi Paul, I can delete the Paul Cumming account and then you can edit your user name. Let me know.Hi Karen, yeh that would be an idea, just delete my first account for mePaul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Paul, your first account registered as Paul Cummings has been deleted. If you wish to add your surname to your current log in name, you can do so in your profile, under My Settings. If you have future problems with remembering a password and need to reset it, see below. Forgotten your password If you have forgotten your password, you can click the "I've forgotten my password" link on the sign in page below the password box. This will take you to a page where you can enter your username or email address, and we will then either email you a new password that you can use or a link for you to reset your password.Note that if you locked your account by typing in the wrong password too many times, you will still need to unlock your account before you can use your new password. Please contact an administrator for assistance if you encounter trouble with a locked account. If you're not able to do the above and still encountering problems, feel free to email Admin: There is a "Contact Us" button on the homepage and we will be happy to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rob.com Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 hi paul,i survived massive bleed to the brain last year. consider my self normal,even if my wife doesn't. rob 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Well, still here no more bleeds in the head, 2 was quite enough I think. No word from the docs or the hospital......is that a good thing, they did say they would keep an eye on it, I think not. Anywhhoo still on my meds 600mg Gabapentin, 60mg codine phosphate & 1000mg paracetamol 3 times a day. That only works some days, the pain needs to get let out, which leaves me in bed unable to cope with the day until the pains gone, usually between 6-9 at night. The rest of the time I spend sleeping my life away on the living room chair, I do try to do things but I end up useless at it like I've never done it before. Ie: hanging a curtain pole, stapling a cable or painting a wall. I feel completely useless, and as for any how's yer father the misses now has a bed sharing flat mate.............any advice gratefully accepted. Ta Paul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Hi Paul Sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment. I found it very hard in the early days to do much at all. I could not stand up because of balance, double vision, head pains, weakness and extreme fatigue. I also had a ruptured berry aneurysm base of brain stem like you. My husband told me it took at least a year for me to be able to do little things for a very short while. I then had to rest up for a day maybe two. What I am trying to say is it will get better over time. I have learnt to do one thing at a time and pace myself. I used to get very frustrated I was not the person I was, still do sometimes and I am nearly 8 years on since my SAH. Also felt useless and guilty it had happened. Cant multi task, so don't anymore or I get in a panic and get very stressed. Have to plan everything. Cant cope with surprises. Maybe go back to your GP or Consultant if you have not already and explain how you are feeling and hopefully they can help you with ways of coping. You have a lot to cope with on top of your bleed. I had counselling, it helped to talk to someone away from family & friends. Let us know how you are doing. Wishing you well Paul, concentrate on you and getting well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louise Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Yes councelling is a very good thing, and like Tina I cant multi task anymore was angry and guilty about what happened to me - but then thought why should I be guilty it wasn't my fault it had happened, it had and there was nothing I could do about it... Take care and make the first step see the GP and think about moving forward.. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Hi, so far life has been a nightmare for me, been told initially I had a small to medium bleed. My new doc has seen my files and says I'm lucky to be here after my massive cerebral bleed which is inoperable, I still have lots of pain daily and take Meds 3-4 times a day but the Meds leave me done in, most days I'm not worth a **** I get up take pills and then sleep for like four more hours, most days I can do nothing of any use to my wife or household, even the easiest of tasks can wipe me out. Since my bleed in Jan 14 my wife thinks I'm taking the **** and just being a lazy ######, she now also thinks I no longer find her attractive as its been over 2 years since we had sex, the truth is it does not work anymore SORRY moderators but this is a major issue for me......my doc says not everything is fixable with pills hoping for viagra My marriage may not last much longer as my wife says she needs more than a lodger, she has sent me out the house just the other month, but I'm not entitled to anything ie: housing or money as I do not claim for anything and not in the system, we have been married for 20 years and I'm just not that guy anymore.......Lost with no cluePaul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jess Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Paul sorry you are feeling this way xxx However you need to find out what you are entitled to (and it will be something) housing you need to get on a list put yourself on one NOW just in case (then at least you are on a list) xxx So you need to go to citizens advice and speak to them and I would go today goodluck xxx 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Paul so sorry things are terrible for you right now. Jess is right though - you will be entitled to something. My husband had a near fatal motorbike accident last September and up until then he had never claimed and wasn't "in the system" either. He now receives PIP and income support - its not much cos I work but its something. You need to look into this so you know what you are entitled to. Stupid question, but have you told your wife what you've told us?? It must be hard for her seeing this massive change in you but does she fully understand what has happened to you emotionally not just physically? Have you tried counselling, for you and for both of you? Your erectile problems may also be related to the guilt that you're feeling - and you do you feel guilty whether you realise it or not. Please, look into the counselling thing if you haven't already and look into what you're entitled to should things get worse. Take care and I hope things improve xx 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Mario Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Regarding benefits, other than CAB your local council or county council often have Welfare Rights Officers. You should be entitled to something. Found these http://www.thetimenow.com/united_kingdom/paisley/social_services-1558/welfare_rights-69523 and these http://www.shiftbusiness.co.uk/profile/welfare-rights-paisley.html Google Welfare Rights in your area, there seems to be some apart from those I have listed. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
subzero Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Hi Paul- thanks for sharing. Twenty eight months since your devastating SAH........your journey so far has been very tough on you and your wife. It can be difficult to offer specific advice about how you should both cope with this traumatic situation that neither of you has asked for- so I just want to make some general comments which may or may not prove helpful. It is clear from your posts that you have been left severely debilitated physically- it must also have been so difficult mentally-unable to go back to taxiing-feeling so useless when carrying out simple tasks around the home-and unable to return to providing financially for your family. How has it been these past six months? You sum it up as a `nightmare`. You mentioned earlier that your wife was `due` around the time of your SAH. What family do you have? Does your wife have employment?- or is she looking after you and your family? Sami mentions about the two of you talking about these health and related issues- Are you both able to discuss what is happening? The dramatic life changing SAH has also affected your wife from the outset........... your struggle to recover has also been her struggle, while also looking after you and your family..... how is she really coping? She has seen her partner become so unwell and during these 28 months she has probably been desperately wanting things to improve-while as each month has passed-she also found herself facing the reality that life in all probability, will never be the same again. This realisation is very very hard to deal with...........and you have twenty years together which must be worth hanging on to. It is at times like these that you find out who your friends are- often they do not appreciate the many issues resulting from SAH. How are your close relatives and friends feeling towards your struggles? Paul - only comment on what you feel you want to. Many of your fellow BTG`rs know and understand your call for help. Subs 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted April 12, 2016 Share Posted April 12, 2016 Hello Paul, Do not know what to say to you, but here goes, I think you need to talk to someone who is professional in this matter. Your Wife must need you or she wouldn't say the things she does like you do not find her attractive etc. She has lost her Pal in her life and want's him back. So you need to see Doc and ask what you can take to get back to some sort of normality of your old life back. Are the pills making you sleep ? I know I become used to being waited on lol as I couldn't walk that far and still cannot but I will eventually. Your marriage is worth fighting for, so try to sort things out (easy for me to say) for you and your wife. I wish you well and Wife now give her a hug as us women are easily pleased xx just show her you care. Good Luck Paul and Wife and never stop talking to each other. Been there got the certificate. xx Be Well Both and most of all never give in as we/BTG have a few people on here who need to be checked every so often. Win xx xx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claudette Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Hi Paul Really glad you've been given the all clear! I don't know what the others will think about this, but I'm wondering if co-codomol is the best medication for you since you're having headaches. 8 months on from my SAH, I still get bad headaches (and will be going to a headache clinic later on this week). When I mentioned this to my consultant, he explained that co-codomol (or codeine in any form) can actually ACCENTUATE headaches, so I was told to just take paracetamol. Just thought I'd mention it... Claudette x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claudette Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Sorry... I haven't been reading all of the posts in order; I've just read the last few. I'm so sorry you've been having a rough time since your haemorrhage. As someone previously mentioned, everyone who's close to you, but particularly your partner, is living this with you, and it's hard. It's had a strain on my relationship too, but we're working through it, day at a time. With all this going on, I'm not surprise you've had 'intimacy problems' with your wife. No wonder! You've got a lot going on. My advice to you is to definitely seek counselling - that's helped (helping) me tremendously. Exercise is helping to lift my mood too, and when my salary was reduced to half-pay, I got benefits advice from the Citizen's Advice Bureau. (I'm currently claiming ESA). But the main thing is you need to talk to your wife. It's sometimes easier to talk candidly to complete strangers than it is to talk to the people closest to us, but ... you really need to talk to your wife and try to work on all of this together. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Hi Paul- thanks for sharing. Twenty eight months since your devastating SAH........your journey so far has been very tough on you and your wife. It can be difficult to offer specific advice about how you should both cope with this traumatic situation that neither of you has asked for- so I just want to make some general comments which may or may not prove helpful. It is clear from your posts that you have been left severely debilitated physically- it must also have been so difficult mentally-unable to go back to taxiing-feeling so useless when carrying out simple tasks around the home-and unable to return to providing financially for your family. How has it been these past six months? You sum it up as a `nightmare`. You mentioned earlier that your wife was `due` around the time of your SAH. What family do you have? Does your wife have employment?- or is she looking after you and your family? Sami mentions about the two of you talking about these health and related issues- Are you both able to discuss what is happening? The dramatic life changing SAH has also affected your wife from the outset........... your struggle to recover has also been her struggle, while also looking after you and your family..... how is she really coping? She has seen her partner become so unwell and during these 28 months she has probably been desperately wanting things to improve-while as each month has passed-she also found herself facing the reality that life in all probability, will never be the same again. This realisation is very very hard to deal with...........and you have twenty years together which must be worth hanging on to. It is at times like these that you find out who your friends are- often they do not appreciate the many issues resulting from SAH. How are your close relatives and friends feeling towards your struggles? Paul - only comment on what you feel you want to. Many of your fellow BTG`rs know and understand your call for help. Subs Both my wife and I were self employed, and life was nice/comfortable, we were never well off, but managed by, my wife was pregnant with our son now ( 4 boys & 5 girls ) due in January 2014. I had my hemmorhage on the 02/01/2014 and our son was born 04/04/2014 with trisomy 21 ( Down's syndrome). After my illness I ballooned in weight, don't think the pills help, I joined the regional gym but I've never had the mental or physical energy to go. I Have never returned to work due to memory problems & fatigue, my wife has also given up employment and is now carer to our son and myself. We gave up the house we lived in for many years for something more manageable, so you ask how she is coping, her life is unrecognisable. We had a talk which was strange, she told me that she has needs that I can no longer for fill and doesn't except that itch to go left unscratched......I suggested toys but she needs more, I don't mind now I understand it's just the emotional aspect of it on us. I need to know viagra and my inoperable condition could it kill me or can it help rebuild neurons in the pathways of the brain as well as the other benefits, I've read about both and willing to take the chance with online pharmacies and just try them and see, but she does not want to chance it. We have no family and only a few friends. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winb143 Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 Do you not hold each other Paul, as I myself love a hug and to be cuddled. it doesn't always have to be sex it is just a show of caring and understanding each other, a kiss goodnight even. Mind you I have been married 45 years so !! that says it all x I wish you well now I'll hand you back to Subs who is more knowing than I am xx Good luck and you never know your brain might heal itself and one day !! Caring for each other is important also. Take care. Win xx Early Days yet Paul xx Be Well xxxx 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Paul, I so feel for you and your Wife, but you need to go and have a chat with your GP....perhaps together. Please do not order Viagra online. As far as I know, you can only order Viagra online in the UK, if you have a prescription from your Doctor. Anything else that you order online, probably wouldn't be safe and not tested in the UK. Please go and see your GP and discuss your problems .... Erectile dysfunction is pretty common for many men, irrespective of having a SAH or taking any other medication. I wish you well...x 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
subzero Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 Hello Paul-thanks for responding to my post of 12th April- I just got back from a 10 day holiday yesterday-hence my delay in getting back to you. Like Karen, I feel so much for your situation. You were both working so hard to support yourselves and provide for your family-and your lives have been dramatically changed in an instant. No-one can fully appreciate the sense of helplessness and frustration (and yes anger too) you both feel-and in these circumstances it is so difficult to make rational decisions. Priorities and goals can get very confused in all this emotion. Paul- I did not find BTG until almost four years after my wife`s SAH. I found that the site has a wealth of totally frank postings from survivors and their carers which are so helpful and more to the point-you realise that you are not alone out there. And yes-you will find that there are some whose conditions are so much worse than your own. You start to feel there is something worth fighting for when you realise others are fighting for their progress too. I mention this because I do believe that your partner would benefit so much from taking a browse of the individual cases on BTG. (you do not mention that she has already tried this) There are numerous posts on this site of individual struggles with the `sex` question that would give you both some perspective. Others have found ways of dealing with intimacy which have avoided the `finality` of going their separate ways. In fact they have often described their `new` relationship as having improved ! I agree with Karen in that trying to find pills online is not a route to take. - and do speak to your GP. Your years of working your lives out together surely is worth putting total effort into giving yourself the time you need to get the best chance of some improvement to your condition. So many survivors and their partners can, through no fault of their own, concentrate all their efforts in a `quick fix` to SAH. With hindsight I am sure most would agree that they wish they had been less forceful in trying to get back to where they were before SAH in these early days. Paul just remember we are thinking of you as you both face these difficult challenges to your relationship. Please don`t give up. Subs 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Ok thanks for all the responses to my dribble...... I've decided to come off my Meds as I've read a lot of bad things about them and they could be creating More problems than they solve. Hope to find my old life out there somewhere waiting for me to return to it.....!I'll let you know how I get on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Mario Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Paul, your meds are there for a reason. Do not stop taking them unless you get medical advice besides which it may not be safe just to stop taking them. You may have to be weaned off some of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Done it cold turkey no more meds, less pain ,confusion and tiredness. I understand this is frowned upon but I had to try to take control of my life again, I was losing everything Just trying to build my relationship with my wife now............ Hope it's not too late. I seem to see life in a different light now, nothing seems to matter anymore like worrying about things, If it makes me or others happy then that's good enough. Thanks guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Hi Paul, Wishing you well for the future and hope all works out for you and your family. Take care. Tina. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.