Scared - New Member - Verna

[Verna Greenwell]

I live each day in fear of having another SAH

[Tina]

Hi Verna

A very warm welcome to BTG. glad you found us.

 

How you are feeling, is how many of us feel on here, especially in the early stages of our recovery.

It is such a traumatic time mentally, physically and emotionally.

When i had my SAH it turned my whole world upside down.

I was so scared i did not want to be on my own.

 

To help me cope with my feelings, my Doctor suggested counselling to me.

This really helped talking to someone away from family and friends.

When did you have your SAH? Do you have family and friends around to help support you ?

You have come to the right place for lots of helpful information and friendly support.

 

Look forward to hearing more from you.

Take care

Tina xx 

[momo]

Hi Verna I also had a lot of fear early in my recovery but with each day, as you get better, the fear will subside.

 

Try to replace the fear with positive thoughts and definitely talk to someone about this if you can.

 

You'll get through this, you have come to the right place, tell us a little bit more when you feel up to it..

[Daffodil]

Hi Verna 

 

its a natural fear shared by many of us. I'm not sure how long ago you had your SAH but the anxiety and fear is heightened during the early times and any twinge or pain that is new, and there are many, make your fears scamper straight to the possibility of another SAH. But it really is unlikely and the feelings are in fact your brain healing. That's what I told myself anyway, 

 

Counselling is important, not trying to cope on your own or bottle this up. Ask your GP and come here also if that helps you to get some reassurance too. 

 

Basically in seconds our lives transformed and we are left getting to know the impact of our bleeds, each of our deficits as unique to us as our individual brains. It's a lot to accept. We have to grieve what we have lost and then accept the new normal of our adjusted state and that takes time and helping hands. 

 

My most practical tip tip for you is to keep a small notebook by your bed and when you wake write the small things you want to do that day, at the end of the day tick them off if you can but then add what was good about that day, what made you smile  track Your fear level as well  if you like but just give it a rating out of 10 and then pat yourself on the back for the day. Baby steps Verna. It gets better. 

[Winb143]

Hi Verna,

I was sure I was going to die lol when told what happened to me.  SAH, Ventriculitis and then to top it all Sepsis !!

 

My Daughter found this site and it helped her. She put me onto it and I have never looked back.

 

It is a long haul and slowly but surely you will get the old you back and be needing your own space but it is natural to be scared at first.

 

Keep coming on here and you will get reassurance as I did and any worries just type away, they are a helpful lot xx and can be funny at times.

 

Remember we are survivors so onwards and upwards xxxx and get singing xx

Love

Winb143  xxxx

 

 

 

[Karen]

Hi Verna and welcome.

 

We've all had the feeling of being scared that it's going to happen again. I can only say, that time is a great healer and your confidence does return.

 

However, if your anxiety is severe and it sounds as though it is, go and visit your GP. Be honest with them as to how you're feeling, you don't have to cope with this alone and without help. You're not a failure to ask for help and the aftermath of a SAH is hard to deal with. Anxiety and depression are common post brain injury.

 

Unfortunately, I wish I'd had the BTG info and hindsight and the knowledge that I now do about anxiety and if the brain has been injured it can also affect all parts of our emotional well being too ... chemical/hormonal imbalance which can lead to anxiety and depression. 

 

I struggled with everything and wouldn't give in to it .... However, I did eventually speak to my GP and I was put on a beta blocker to help calm things down.  It really wasn't enough and I still struggled.  I also had family problems and the menopause was giving me a severe kicking too.

 

The menopause can give symptoms that mirror the fallout from the SAH, so if there are any ladies of a certain age who are finding life more difficult, please speak to your GP. HRT didn't work for me and it increased my headaches, so I tackled it alone for quite some time.

 

I decided to go back to the GP this year and I've been put on an anti depressant called Sertraline. It took a while for it to kick in and you have to be patient with it, but I haven't looked back .... it's given me a better quality of life overall and I wish that I'd taken this route sooner, rather than being stubborn and thinking that I had to cope with it all .... 

 

I've learnt that taking medication isn't the sign of failure and to stop struggling with my faulty brain ... I also know of men on this site who struggled with anxiety and depression after a SAH who thought that because they were a man, that it was weak to admit that they were struggling. However, they did eventually see their GP as for some, they were the major wage earner and it was affecting their work and their personal life. For most of these members the medication helped to get their life back on track and to actually be able to enjoy life again. xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Chelle C]

Hi Verna, welcome to BTG, you have come to the right place for help and support,

 

I was like you at first really scared that it would happen again, scared of everything really,

then I joined BTG and discovered that everything I was feeling was normal,

Your body and your brain have suffered a huge trauma and that really does shake you up,

they also need time to heal, try not to do to much,

 

You didn't say when you had your SAH, so it could still be very early in your recovery, what I would say is try and make sure you drink plenty of water as this really does help with headaches, rest is the other thing, give yourself as much rest as you can, listen to your body and your brain, they will let you know when they have had enough.

 

Like Karen said, try and speak to your GP, I did and I had some talking therapy which really

did help, We are all here for you when you are ready to share your story, you will find lots of helpful

info here and you will make a lot of new friends while getting a lot of support from people

who have been through what you are going through now.

 

I wish you all the very best on your recovery journey,

look forward to hearing more from you,

 

Love

Michelle xx 

[Sharlua]

Hi Verna, I can mirror what others have said - I was very scared and at times felt quite alone with my worry as my hubby always brushed it off as always looks at positive.  I got quite depressed, but GP felt it was Post traumatic stress and I had counselling and it did help to talk through my fears, anger and anxiety.

 

My fear has lessened I don't think it will ever leave totally, but only happens when have real bad heads and feeling ill.  I do hope you have support, everyone will help on this site even if just to help you share those feelings.  I guess fear is an emotion which comes after trauma, so we have to be kind to ourselves and seek whatever support suits us best.

 

Take care xx

[Gill C]

I agree with Karen on this one. Trying to cope on your own really doesn't help. I was scared for a long time after my op. I had a lot of help from headway in the early days but I had refused their help initially as I thought I could manage. I was 6 months post op before I could accept help. From there I had some cbt which wasn't wholly helpful and was offered anti depressants but again I refused them several times.

 

It was only when I was still tearful and anxious I decided to give them a go (about 18months post op) and yes it works slowly but I remembered how to laugh and be happy again.I lost my temper less and began to realise how low I'd actually become over time. Like Karen I wish I'd tried them sooner.

 

Sharing on here really helps and going to a support group if you have one near you is also great. There are times though you have to accept any help that's offered by your gp or Neuro x

[Louise]

Hi there

 

Warm welcome to the site, so glad that you found us....

 

As always great replies, its a horrible feeling but it does get better as time passes honestly I used to feel just like that, next Tuesday I think it is, is 17yrs so it does ease...

 

Yes think a trip to the GP good idea and coucelling a great idea.

 

Hope to hear more from you soon...

[Gemma B-B]

Hi Verna,

 

Like others have said on here I think some fear os a re-bleed is quite normal post-SAH. I had mine during heart surgery so most of the time I do not have that much anxiety about it, as it happened in quite unique circumstances. However sometimes that anxiety is still there.

 

I went into hospital yesterday for an angiogram under general anaesthetic and I found that an odd and anxiety inducing experience. Although I have had a number of surgeries since the heart surgery where I had my bleed (to have an EVD and then shunt fitted) I do not remember any of these. This was the first procedure I had consented to since the one where I had my bleed. Many of the circumstances around it were similar to just before I had my bleed - going down to London and staying there before the procedure. Both my husband and I found it quite stressful. Luckily it all went ok and this has made me feel a bit better.

 

As others have said on here - if the anxiety is becoming debilitating then seek help from your GP. Hopefully they will be able to suggest some things to help. Although I have not actually had counselling since my bleed I was in rehab for a year and part of that was group and individual sessions discussing the bleed and coming to terms with the long term effects, which I found a useful experience.   

 

Take care,

Gemma x

[Chris G]

I wish you a speedy recovery and some peace. 

[Verna Greenwell]

  Thanks to everyone. It has been 8 months since my SAH.  I just miss my old self if that makes sense.

[ClareM]

Hi Verna

 

Its normal to miss your old self. Things do get better ,  and you will learn to embrace the 'new normal'.  I am 20 months down the line and can say I think I have forgotten my old self now. I know my memory is not perfect and I have learnt how to deal with that. I still get tired and grumpy but it is better than last year. 

 

You are still fairly early down the line so have hope, things do get better. 

 

Clare xx

[Winb143]

 You will only get good advice on here Verna.

 

I came on and saw people happy and joking and I thought there is a life after SAH,  and I can honestly say I have left here with tears in my eyes.

Tears of laughter only!!

 

I have put a song in someone else's post, changed the topics of someones post and they all stuck with me even though I was a pain lol.

 

You will get better and you will get there eventually, so sing up with happy songs and think of good times only.  We have been through it.

 

The other side is much brighter xx So be of good heart and lets see a smile break across your face ..come on one smile xxxx when ready !

Love

Win  xxxx 

[Chelle C]

Hi Verna,

 

You are still in early stages of recovery, it does get better and as Clare said you will learn to like the new you,

it can be very frustrating at first, as time goes on you will find things easier, just give yourself time to heal a bit.

 

Keep coming here when you feel up to it, it`s a great place to get some peace of mind from people who have

been through what you are going through now,

We are a very friendly bunch as you will find out as time goes on.

 

Keep in touch and we can help you through your recovery journey,

Love

Michelle xx

[Topsy]

Hi ,  I am also a new member and still getting my head around this wonderful site.     I had my first SAH in 2005 after a Head Injury when i fell and hit my head.   That injury left me with Balance issues and 24/7 Tinnitus  etc etc.  It took years for me to start getting a bit of confidence and a bit of life back....  Then 8 wks ago out of the blue i suffered  another SAH     That resulted in a Ventricular drain being fitted and then a Coil Embolisation of Intracranial Aneurysm.   (  This is how it is written on my Hospital Discharge paper )

 

 I am also absolutely Terrified of the same thing happening again and i am writing this feeling so Depressed and Tearful .  I have next to me a Prescription for the Antidepressant Sertraline 50 mg  which i am scared stiff to take because someone has told me it can cause Brain Bleeds.     I am in such a state at the moment with Anxiety i just dont know what to do for the best .

[paul99]

Hi Topsy

 

First thing you can try and do is relax and enjoy your second chance of a good life due to you.  I'm sorry that you have suffered twice but in all honesty its going to very unlikely that you will ever have another bleed. The first was due to a traumatic injury, the second, well that's anybody's guess. The surgeon would have scanned you before surgery as such and if anything was obvious they would have told you about it. So please try and settle, I know its hard but you have come through two episodes  and the vp shunt will keep your brain in a healthy state for the future.

 

Good luck to you.  

[Tina]

Hi Topsy,

 

So sorry you are feeling so depressed and tearful at the moment. Sending hugs and positive vibes your way. 

Bless you, with all that has happened to you again so recently, its not surprising you feel this way.

If you are worrying about taking the antidepressants make an appointment and speak to your Neurologist or GP for peace of mind.

 

Take care & let us know how you are doing.

Tina xx 

[kempse]

Hi Topsy, I've only just seen your post and am sorry you have suffered a second sah and all the ensuing anxiety that it is causing you.

 

I'm not sure whether, since you posted on Monday, you have decided to take the antidepressants or not, but I was wondering if this person  you mention who told you about the medication possibly causing brain bleeds does in fact have any concrete medical knowledge or is just scaremongering.  

 

Two weeks ago I was also prescribed sertraline 50mg and would be very surprised if my gp would put me on something that could possibly cause brain bleeds knowing my history of having had one and the fact I still have annual check ups for the ruptured aneursym and an unruptured one over 8 years later.  I do recall her saying she chose sertraline because it was the safest and was non addictive.  It took me 3 days of hesitation to start taking them, but I'm glad I did.

 

Let us know how you get on, take care,

Sarah

 

 

[Topsy]

Thank You so much for your replies .  I still havent taken my Sertraline but i think i am going to start them this Evening............   I do so admire you all for how you are getting on with your lives after such a traumatic time.   I am so pleased i found this site there is so much on here to learn from and it is written from people who have gone through it and know what you are talking about when you write something thats worrying you  (Thank You)    ..  It is as though once you have left Hospital after a couple of visits from The Physio in your home to see how well you are using The Frame or The Stairs you are just left to get on with it.    

[Winb143]

You are lucky Topsy because of my Hydrocephalus they gave up on me and gave me a balloon to tap !!

 

I was awkward lol.

 

You need happiness around you I say it so much but when I smile I feel so much better.  Now I do not know about your pills but as other have said, for peace of mind ask Doc again.

 

Wishing you well Topsy  and Verna  also xxxx  No stress xxxx  Perhaps we might see you in Green room for a general chit chat or SuperMarios  word games xxxx

 

Both keep your chins up xxxx 

 

Win xxxxxxxxxxx

[Louise]

Hi there

 

yes I felt that too, just get on with 'life' not as easy as it sounds is it!

 

yes if your in doubt ask the GP

 

take care I hope things brighten up for you..