Today marks 20 years since my SAH

[Louise]

 

Apologies in advance it’s bit long winded but then it has been 20 years seems a bit surreal really, but thought because it was that long I’d share a bit of how far I have come since that time a long LONG way so many up’s as well as down’s on here I use the phrase ‘swings and roundabouts’ and that is true of my recovery for every few steps forward there was the same and lots more back the way but eventually there were no steps forward and this is it.

 

Keeping a diary is a good way of knowing how much things improved something I didn’t do at the start I kept forgetting to write things down (memory) or I did write them down but in the begin I’d miss pages out it was hard to find what I’d last wrote or I’d turn the notebook upside down and write thankfully that’s not the case now So there’s an improvement in itself.  And I now use the computer so that really helps.

 

Day before my 2nd Ani-versary on of all days Halloween my Dad passed away that was a challenge I have to say and the fact would I cope, well simply I muddled through about all I can say there, waded through some horrific times with his neighbours, all this brings you so low but in the end makes you so strong. 

 

So really since the first Ani-versary I don't really do anything and the reason for that mostly I have my Dad’s aniversary on 31st Oct, my Ani-versary on 1st Nov and my Mum’s anniversary (also the day my Dad was cremated) 6th Nov.  But as the years go it’s gotten a lot easier, although this year has been challenging with the constant mention of 31st October.

 

In 2006 I stumbled on BTG I hadn’t been using to using a computer long and the search would have been limited I think it was something like ‘people recovering from a Brain Haemorrhage, so the basic of the basic and the first thing I saw was Behind the grey had a nose and have never looked back Karen and Sami were so friendly and that was that, I am so grateful to them for just basically being there.

 

When I got here the site hadn’t been running all that long but I was 6 years down the road at that time in recovery bobbing along, but Ronnie’s young cousin Candice had died of a SAH caused by the shrinkage of a Tumour she was one of 6 all girls I first meet her when she was 4 or 5 she was 18 when she passed, we went to Stevenage for the funeral OMG!

 

That was hard and on my return I was I guess suffering from ‘survivors guilt’ I was doing a computer course at college for people like me with challenges so used what I had to find out about this feeling of no one else understanding how I felt and how it was to have a Brain Haemorrhage feeling so alone.  And finding BTG found I wasn't the only one feeling isolated and alone at last there were others who knew just how I felt-they got it.  I am eternally grateful to Karen for this site.

 

There was a support group at the hospital I was in, met once a month first Monday of every month at 7pm – what why can’t it be in the day, I don't do evenings!! I mean I just found this strange having chronic fatigue all the time and having to go to a support group meeting in the evening just seemed daft! Needless to say I never went.

 

In 2007 we decided to move house could I have done that in the early early years No I couldn’t I can honestly say hand on heart I don’t know what I was thinking about, but the thought of not having to climb 3 flights of stairs was alluring I was willing if not actually able to move.  It took a long time to get used to the new place, surroundings, and people.

 

I now live in the village my Dad was born and brought up in and in the early days of living here I was sure this place was my Past, not present nor future, but it’ll be 12 years at the end of November since we moved here so always hang in there give it time, don’t throw the towel in till you’ve tried, that’s me anyway thankfully I have a lot of my Mum’s traits and that was one hers.

 

There have been many challenges since but if there’s one thing having had the SAH you have strength in other ways.  Last year I lost my Uncle after a very long battle cancer and then Dementia took hold.   I took my first flight in well over 20 years, and tried to be as much support to Ronnie as he’d been to me over the years I think I wouldn't be the person I am without his love and support and the massive encouragement he’s given me time and time again..

 

It’s a bit of a surprise really to find that its 20 years since I left work at 5pm on 1st Nov 1999 I barely remember getting home that night then simply life changed.  But I feel very blessed to have what I have and I never take things for granted I have two pictures on the wall in this room;

 

‘When the world says give up, hope whispers try it one more time’. And the other says:

‘We create our tomorrows by what we dream today’.

 

Thank-you to Karen and everyone on the site.  xxx

[Skippy]

I remember you joining Louise - I'd not long had my SAH and was in desperate need of support and advice - to think that you were already 7 years in when you joined is amazing - I hadn't managed 7 days without needing something or someone to understand.  I do remember I was the 9th person to become a member on the wonderful site and it's gone from strength to strength.

 

Louise, I'm so very proud of how you've come on - you may not feel it but you have grown in confidence on here, have given some very insightful and compassionate advice and have become a very integral part of this very special community.

 

All that remains to be said is "Congratulations on your anni-versary" and it is a great privilege to have watched your journey and to count you as a friend xxx

[subzero]

 

Louise, also CONGRATULATIONS twenty years on. Many thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts in greater detail.

 

You have done so well in dealing with your SAH recovery and the highs and lows of your personal life. Losing close family can be so tough and as you say ...remembering about your mum and dad and your SAH within a few days of each other is so emotional.

 

So glad you managed to find BTG and get the extra encouragement you deserved. As Sami says, you have always been willing to give helpful advice to other members and provide words of encouragement along the way.  I remember in an earlier anniversary of yours I looked back over your posts on BTG and I am sure you will agree that what you have composed today shows how much you have improved. You have not given up when the going was tough.  Being a fellow Scot ... Robert the Bruce and spider comes to mind ! 😊

 

It was so great to follow your plans and reservations about travelling abroad to attend the wedding last year .... another big milestone in your confidence building.

 

I also take the opportunity to thank you for the interest you have show in Mrs Sub`s and myself over the years... we have both valued it.

 

Take care and hope that Ronnie`s shifts are geared to a `little` celebration.

 

 

Subs

 

 

[Karen]

Bless you Louise and I really can't believe that it's been 20 years! I also know that it's a difficult time of year for you. ❤️ x

 

Like Sami, I also feel very proud of you and all that you've achieved.

 

It's hard to remember the early days of the website as I was literally just winging it and stumbling in the dark, needing support myself and then, you came along Louise and became part of my BTG family! .... somebody that was 6 years ahead of me .... just having your presence on the website and realising that what I was experiencing, was "normal" in the terms of SAH recovery, was a huge help to me in my recovery, so thank you! 

 

All that we've learnt over the years from each other with our own experiences....the good, the bad, we've been able to share it and pass it on to other survivors and the circle of support continues, knowing that you're not alone. It's good to talk! 

 

Louise, it's a complete pleasure to know you and to still share your journey. Sending love and hugs to you!xxx 

 

 

[Winb143]

Louise when I first come on here I was "who typed first?  ahh GG ahh but who was the one I forgot all of you" 

 

Happy 20 years and many more.  This is a life saver this site as I always say.  Saw so many joking and hold on but they are laughing and happy.

 

I'll have some more of this ...Been a real pleasure to see you all doing well, and me I couldn't walk  at all but I remember doing my 100 yards walk  or 5 steps as it was in early days now 800 to a thousand yards ...

 

You all said well done and Keith in those days had his chefs cartoon pic.  Well done Louise hears to next 20 years xxxx  and many more you have given me hope as always xxxx  All of you are my secret pals who I tell my Family about they go yeah yeah Win lol xxxx

 

Love you All Especially Louise today xxxx Go get em xxxx You have done really well xxxx

 

Loved the last 2 lines especially Louise   xxxx Thanks  and all you Mods and Karen (goes without saying )  XXXX 

 

Song time  ha ha j/k 

[Super Mario]

Louise, many congratulations for your 20 years. You have come so far over that time.

[jess]

Louise congratulations on 20 years hope you have many more xxx

[Colleen]

Congratulations on this milestone Anni-versary Louise. And I also thank you for your thoughts today and for all you have shared over the years. I can appreciate your gratefulness for Ronnie as I too have a supportive husband who has helped me get through when I needed encouragement. May you and Ronnie be blessed with many more years!

 

Love, Colleen

[Tina]

Congratulations on your 20 years Ani-versary Louise  

 

When i first joined you were there for me and helped me so much with all your support and advice. You are an amazing lady that has been through so much. I love the wording in your pictures you have on your wall. 

 

Thank you for sharing your journey. Wishing you and Ronnie all that you wish for and more.

 

Love Tina xx 

[Louise]

Thank-you all for the lovely comments yesterday I really appreciate them.

 

Sami I'm humbled by your reply.

Subs, Ronnie was backshift but he's off today so went to the club last night for a few hours...

Karen, one reason why I posted that yesterday to give others mostly newbies Hope although I knew it was coming it still seems surreal..

 

Just reply to a few was at the club last night Ladies night in the Hall we were in the lounge which I thought might be quieter wrong! but hey-ho it was Ronnie's celebration too.  Got a lovely buquet of flowers & chocolates from him, and in the Raffle he won a bottle of Rose from Valencia where we visit on holiday last year in Spain..

 

 

[ClareM]

Sorry I missed your anni-versary yesterday Louise, a lovely posting from you.

 

So glad you found BTG and are part of the family. Hope you and Ronnie had a lovely evening and you are enjoying the champagne and chocolates. 

 

Clare xx

[Chelle C]

Sorry I missed your 20 year Anni-versary Louise,  you have written a lovely post which will give us all so much hope.

I would also like to say a huge Thank You to you for all the support and encouragement you have given to me over the last 5 years, you are an amazing lady.

 

Wishing both you & Ronnie all the very best, here's to the next 20 years. Sending love and hugs to you both.

 

Love

Michelle xx 

[Daffodil]

Louise, surely our founding Shunt club member...you and all the Shunt gals gave me strength to face my fears and worries when I found BTG after having my Shunt placed and feeling just rotten , you have faced many shifting tides but always kept the wind in your sails. Sail on my lovely, Daff x x