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12 years

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12 years

I can’t believe that another year has been etched upalthough I guess I should because this year has just gone SO fast it’sunbelievable.

Like many I am SO not the person I was before the SAH &for me that is a good thing I like who I am now, but coming to terms with herwe’ll it wasn’t easy nor was it over night nope it took a lot of fighting notto lose who I was but in the end when I realized that I was no longer going tobe that person, instead of fighting against it I worked with it, & I thinkit was my road to recovery.

In 12 years I have gained great patients with myself &other people, determination, independence though the independence I think I’mtoo independent for my own good sometimes I find it very hard to ask for help.

I never managed back to work (& applaud those that domanage) but for me having to put energy into that, and look after a house havea life I just couldn’t do it, even part time I know that because for 7years Idid 2 half days at college then upped it to 3 half days then back to 2 butfound that I had no energy at the weekend when Monday came I was a bit better& there it all started again. So tohave any sort of a life I have chosen not to its easier, people say you must beboard Nope no time, I sometimes get fed-up but that’s usually because I’m notfeeling good so that’s ok.

Recently I’ve had my cousin & his wife here from PerthWA to stay we climbed up Arthur Seat which is in the centre of Edinburgh withinthe Queens Park Arthur Seat is 822 feet I only went half way up though, but Icouldn’t have done that 5 or 6 years ago so I think there may still beimprovements even now.

As I may have said my only thing I can’t regain is mymemories, I have no memories of when I had the SAH or before it or after, myshort term memories are just that short term.

Not remembering when I had the SAH is ok who wants toremember all the ugh! Stuff sometimes ignorance is bliss.

But I can’t remember my past & that I wish I could to beable to recall an event, people or places for example I can’t remember my Mum& Dad & that hurts a lot. Andnot remember them or who they were is made worse by the fact that my Dad diedon the 31st Oct my Mum on the 6th November all near to myAni-versary. Because my memories havenot just not returned that for the future scares me a bit to know that thingsjust disappear from my memory.

People say ‘you can make new memories now’ well yes I canbut guess what ‘ I forget them too’

But I still am thank-full every year, for every day forthose years...

There can still be improvements even after a long time, mywalk half way up Arthur Seat proves that I think, If you’re having troublecoming to terms with the ‘new you’ or can’t remember what happened to you, ifyou are lucky enough & can remember the past then that should be enough.

After all we are the lucky ones there are thousands that don’tget that chance. ♥

Edited by Louise
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Hi Louise

Congratulations on reaching 12 years. I remember your 10th anniversary post. I had just found BTG and was 10 months post SAH and had so many questions and anxieties. But on reading that you were 10 years on gave me great inspiration for my road ahead. You have wonderful insight and understanding. I'm so sorry that you have lost your memories of your mum and dad, that must be very difficult. But again you still keep positive. You show that remaining positive in the aftermath of a SAH is so important, it can be very difficult some days, but we should always be trying to look forward and try not to look back too often.

Yes we are the lucky ones. Here's to many many more years Louise.

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Well done Louise in all that you have achieved during the past twelve years. You have not only dealt with your own recovery, but have given much of your time helping others on sites like this - that in itself is something to be proud of.

I would imagine losing so many memories is very difficult at times, particularly those memories of your parents. I appreciate this time of year is not an easy time, but you have shown strength and courage by writing this today.

Well done for climbing half way up Arthur Seat - I have just had a quick look at it on the internet and I think you deserve a medal!

Best wishes for the future,


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Louise – Congratulations on your 12th Annie-versary!!!

That must have felt fan-blooming-tastic for you to have climbed half-way up Arthur Seat! :thumbsup: Recognising and knowing that you could not have done so 5-6 yrs ago proves you are still able to improve and recover many years after such a traumatic event. You are an inspiration for others!

:idea1: Do you keep a diary? Have you ever thought about getting a Polaroid camera to be able to take automatic photos to put straight into a diary to aid your memory? I think Polaroid cameras are quite expensive though, and getting hold of the right quality photo paper can be difficult, but it is an idea…

Here's to many more years of recovery for you! :-P

Take care

Kel x

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Congratulations Louise what an achievement not only for you but it gives all of us something to look forward to.

Its a terrible shame about your memories of your Mum and Dad, fortunately I can remember mine but I have little recollection of my childhood and trying through various means to remedy that but not doing very well.

Well done and keeping on adding the years



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Louise congratulations on reaching 12 years.

That must have taken some writting?

I know your post will help many.

I've said before, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just that sometimes it takes longer for some.

Your journey has had it's ups and downs, very simular to mine.

Just get off the train for a few weeks, then get back on it.

Your positive posts/comments/advise over the past have helped many, myself included.

Onwards & Upwards

Take care

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Many Many Congratulations Louise,

what a brilliant achievement and a great boost to all of us who are still very early down the recovery road.

12 years is a fantastic milestone. It is sad that you have the disadvantage of your memories. I cannot comprehend how that must feel. Although I have no memory of the event and subsequent eight weeks my past memories are pretty much intact.

You are always there to give advice and sound encouragement to all. Have a productive and enjoyable next 12 years.

Take care, best wishes,

John :wink:

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Congratulations Louise!!!

You are a very valuable member of this site and your kindness is really uplifting.

It's always lovely to 'see' you in the Green Room and I have always considered you very thoughtful and helpful.

It's wonderful to be able to congratulate you on your amazing progress.

Lynne xx

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Louise - Congratulations to you, hon!!! 12 years for you and you're still having improvements :biggrin:

Your message was beautifully written and so inspiring to me! You have always had kind words of caring and comfort and been very authentic with all you've been dealt with. Your positive attitude alone, is an attribute to which I aspire.

I am so sorry your long term memories are not there for you, and this time of the year brings bittersweet thoughts with the loss of your mum and dad! I can't imagine what it has been like for you, but know you're a very strong woman who's kept right on going in life and dealing with everything with a spirit unmatched!

Thank you for being here for so many of us as we all recover together :smilewinkgrin:

Huge hugs from across the big pond,


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Congratulations on reaching your 12 year anni-versary :)

Sorry to hear about your memory problems, but glad to hear that you are still improving after all this time

You are a great inspiration to me on this site, you always make the effort to post and give a kind word or a bit of encouragement.

Best Wishes


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