Louise Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 (edited) 12 years I can’t believe that another year has been etched upalthough I guess I should because this year has just gone SO fast it’sunbelievable. Like many I am SO not the person I was before the SAH &for me that is a good thing I like who I am now, but coming to terms with herwe’ll it wasn’t easy nor was it over night nope it took a lot of fighting notto lose who I was but in the end when I realized that I was no longer going tobe that person, instead of fighting against it I worked with it, & I thinkit was my road to recovery. In 12 years I have gained great patients with myself &other people, determination, independence though the independence I think I’mtoo independent for my own good sometimes I find it very hard to ask for help. I never managed back to work (& applaud those that domanage) but for me having to put energy into that, and look after a house havea life I just couldn’t do it, even part time I know that because for 7years Idid 2 half days at college then upped it to 3 half days then back to 2 butfound that I had no energy at the weekend when Monday came I was a bit better& there it all started again. So tohave any sort of a life I have chosen not to its easier, people say you must beboard Nope no time, I sometimes get fed-up but that’s usually because I’m notfeeling good so that’s ok. Recently I’ve had my cousin & his wife here from PerthWA to stay we climbed up Arthur Seat which is in the centre of Edinburgh withinthe Queens Park Arthur Seat is 822 feet I only went half way up though, but Icouldn’t have done that 5 or 6 years ago so I think there may still beimprovements even now. As I may have said my only thing I can’t regain is mymemories, I have no memories of when I had the SAH or before it or after, myshort term memories are just that short term. Not remembering when I had the SAH is ok who wants toremember all the ugh! Stuff sometimes ignorance is bliss. But I can’t remember my past & that I wish I could to beable to recall an event, people or places for example I can’t remember my Mum& Dad & that hurts a lot. Andnot remember them or who they were is made worse by the fact that my Dad diedon the 31st Oct my Mum on the 6th November all near to myAni-versary. Because my memories havenot just not returned that for the future scares me a bit to know that thingsjust disappear from my memory. People say ‘you can make new memories now’ well yes I canbut guess what ‘ I forget them too’ But I still am thank-full every year, for every day forthose years... There can still be improvements even after a long time, mywalk half way up Arthur Seat proves that I think, If you’re having troublecoming to terms with the ‘new you’ or can’t remember what happened to you, ifyou are lucky enough & can remember the past then that should be enough. After all we are the lucky ones there are thousands that don’tget that chance. ♥ Edited November 1, 2011 by Louise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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