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Transforming still ; 8 yrs


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When I was back in hospital in 2012 I was pretty destroyed if I am honest. I had my grade 4 event, grand mal seizures, acquired  hydrocephalus , EVD surgery, coiling surgery and , endured the weeks of intensive care, of hospital stay. It was  a long 7 weeks before I was allowed home and then when I did get go to home I could do nothing. I had sitters, I couldn't Cook, wash, sleep normally, let alone do any of the grown up things like look after my young girls or cook, work, or drive. I was 39 years old. 


But I tried to start putting the pieces back together but three months afterwards ended up blue lighted back up the M1 to my treating hospital with dangerously high level pressure of hydrocephalus. Numerous lumber punctures followed, some falling out of my hospital bed, the odd bed pan hilarity all led to my then having further surgery on my traumatised brain and a VP Shunt fitted. It was awful. I remember this time vividly. I have never felt such pain tbh, I was so ill, fair few near death moments, but again I was one of the lucky ones, I came home.


That time, that new birthday started 8 years ago today. International women’s day. A time for looking forward and so have always tried to do that since. I started blogging after having my Shunt placed and still in hospital and found BTG not long after I got discharged before that I couldn't  read a screen or at all if I’m honest, I had hidden the effects of the hydro so scared I was of going back in.


So I blogged today about a few learnings.



 I have regained so much my  fellow BTGers from that day but have also adopted a new style of being. No rush, try not to ever worry, about what I can’t change, lean and try and accept the pains in life and hope they will pass and mostly just enjoy this day. Even if all you can do today is wash your hair then  that is an achievement as I know how it was not to be able to. Celebrate and see the good and the possibility and go steady. And reach for Help.


BTG has been here for me along the way, someplace I could ask those question that’s filled me with fear, where I could tell someone else, hey that ‘s ok or me too , and where I allowed myself to adjust to a life’s that changed forever in the instant and go on from that. Privileged to be part of the gang. 


As Win would say  I think, I gave myself permission to sing again...or maybe she did!! 


Go steady everyone


Daff x .


Postscript, my post SAH life continues to unfold, twist and turn, in the years since my girls have passed exams, with one about to start to drive, I have lost my darling mum, two aunties and countless friends through illness,  I am back at work doing a job Im good at but done to my limits and I have got three dogs now, and the latest is a corgi puppy ( cuteness overload)  into the mix so I walk everyday with them and am better for it.


 I struggle with memory but have prompts everywhere and by phone an day have retrained my brain to remember stuff differently, I am kind to myself, if I mess up that’s ok and I struggle daily with fatigue. But on the whole still Improving and a complete transformation from 8 years ago. Keep on keeping on 

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Hi Daff, 


Well done with getting to 8 years and it does get better, whether that's coming to terms with your deficits, understanding and just adapting and finding some peace with it all... I still truly don't have the magic answer, but I know that life's much better for me and hope that it will be the same for you too. x


Congratulations with all that you've achieved and have had to face ... you're pretty inspirational! 


Lots of personal losses with your much loved family and your darling Mum....that would be hard, even without the wonky brain! Keep on keeping on lovely girl!


You're a much respected member of our team ....we love you loads!!! ... xx





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Congratulations on 8 years.


When I was in hospital my hubby came across your blog and I want to thank you for writing it. During that scary time in hospital, your blog was a real comfort.


Not that you glossed over the difficult moments or made light of it all but because of your honesty at the struggle and adaption you were going through.


Like many of us I had no clue how seriously ill I was, what the challenges would be or indeed what recovery (I think you say it better as "adaption") could look like. But your blog helped me know that I wasn't alone, so thanks for that. 


Andrea x 

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Congratulations on your 8 years Daff :)


You have been through so much and still stay so strong xx You really are an inspiration to us all xx


Huge respect to you for all you have and are achieving !


Love & hugs

Tina xx

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Daffodil .... also a huge well done 8 years on.


Your journey has been filled with so much that`s been a help for others. 

Amazing to learn over the years how you have faced the challenges of SAH, work, family life with two fast growing girls and so many emotions along the way.

I too have enjoyed reading your blog ......  and found your responses on BTG most helpful in my role as a carer. 


Great to see that picture of you standing on the surf board having mastered your balance in a great way. A big moment for you personally. :thumbsup:


Best wishes for the 2020 challenges for you and your family.




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Hi Daff..

I am late also but wanted to let you know how much your words touched me...You had such a rough time and yet have found the survivor strength that pushes us forward.

My best wishes as you continue on your path...please know today your words are packed with hope and insight...thank you :)

xx Jean

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Daff - well done on getting to this milestone anniversary!


I've read your blog and there are so many similarities with my own story and I'm sure other peoples' too.


There are a few things that leap off the page to me and they are perhaps things that are between the lines:


1) The suddenness with which the change is thrust upon us.  It is one of the most difficult things to come to terms with and is like a blinding darkness in front of your eyes that you cannot see beyond for a long time. Then you start to adapt to the new you and find a resilience and creativity to do things you did before but perhaps in differing ways;


2) The hope and aspirations that we have, built within our souls, that are maybe hidden until this sudden event brings them to the fore that makes us carry on and appreciate the things we have a little more than we did before;


3) The love and devotion of those around us who helped us through our traumas and gave us the strength to get back up off the floor and battle on - because despite its ups and downs, life is worth it and our abilities to adapt and change are second to none.


Well done Daff, what you have done in your time since the 'event' is truly amazing and I am in awe of you.

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Daff, so sorry I am so late to this.


Congratulations on your 8th anniversary, all I can say is you truly are a very special and inspirational lady, what you have been through and all that you have achieved is amazing,  you give so many of us BTG'ERS hope and encouragement that things do get better, for that I will always be grateful.


Sending you love & Hugs lovely lady 

Keep on keeping on.


Michelle xx 

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Hi Daff,


Sorry,  I'm another late one!


Well done for achieving what you have over the past 8 years, it certainly can't have been easy especially during those early years and yet you have always selflessly managed to help others on here with your excellent posts.


Recovery is all the more difficult when you have to tend to children, so congratulations on doing such a good job with raising your girls. 


Your positive attitude is an inspiration to us all,





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I have utmost respect for you!   thank you for posting and for being an example for all of us!

PS:   The dogs are great to get you going and "in the moment" aren't they!    They don't care if you look a mess or feel like a grump.  They are happy in the moment if you so much as make eye contact and smile at them!   

Mine have taught me a lot!

Congratulations on 8 years.

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21 hours ago, Xamder mom said:

They don't care if you look a mess or feel like a grump.  They are happy in the moment if you so much as make eye contact and smile at them!   

Thanks XMum. You are so right on dogs. When I got the last youngster I was three years in post bleed, still couldn’t walk without a stick and used to fall a lot and the amount of times I used to end of lying in the mud with a couple of dogs peering at me as if to say ,’that’s a bit odd’ but I used to end of laughing and my now very elderly boy used to let me heave myself up on him. Don’t think I’d get far today if it happened as he’d fall over and the corgis is too low to the ground, the whippet not string enough! My odd pack  teach me to stay with what I have and am today! 


One thing I want to add here  is the value I find in sharing experience. I came here and felt less scared because I could ask other people like Louise , Super Mario  and Win about Shunts and mostly because you know what , hey I’ll say it aloud, it made me realise that death wasn’t lurking at every turn. Being part of BTG allowed me to dare to live new if that makes sense. It’s why I enjoy still being a little part of this, my days, like all yours ,  are not always easy but if any of us can make someone else’s dark and confused and scary early days a little bit easier then that’s a special thing and a gift the othe folk who don’t survive their SAH would wish us to offer.  


You all are blooming warriors. We all are. 

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